Too much stuff happening, So stressed...

NeSchn

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I finally feel about getting this out in words. I have been worried and stressful over the past few weeks ever since my band posted that we are going on tour. I have been trying to make them shorten the tour or stopping the tour altogether because I feel as a person that I am not ready to go on tour. It is only 2 weeks but I still don't feel ready as a person, I know that as a band we have everything together and are good to go. But, It's just that Kyle (Guitarist and singer) has been asking me all the time if I am ready because he I think he knows what I feel.

Now, I love my band mates and all but they are all excited about going on tour but I just have a feeling that I don't want to go and that I shouldn't go, and I don't know what to do. I certainly don't want to leave but if I don't feel 100% into doing the tour and they all really want to I guess that is what is going to happen. I have built up a great friendship with all of them but I just don't feel like hiding my true emotions from them.

As a lot of you know, Music is my life and I want to make it big someday, but they have been playing in this band for a long time and they have already been through some of these things. Me, I am still learning and I think I going into it too fast and as a person am not ready to go on a tour. I know that in the next couple years I will be ready when I play more shows but not right now. I know I won't feel comfortable and I don't know why, Its not because I am pee-shy by the way, its just a different feeling. Over the past couple weeks I have been fighting with myself a little bit over the whole thing and its starting to take a toll on me. I don't make it obvious to people and I don't even make it obvious to myself, I actually try to hide the feeling but when ever they bring up the topic about tour the same dread just comes over me.

So, I really need some advice on what to do. I certainly don't want to just buck it up and go feeling the way that I do but I really don't want to hold the band back. This is a big decision for me, I know its my first band and all and like my brother said when I first joined "You know down deep that you won't be with them forever, so just try it out". I think I am just more worried about losing a friendship more then a band.

It's just really hard so please, just send me over some advice.

Thanks.
 

DarkLG

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I say go on the tour.if I had a chance to go on tour i'd do it.ya i would feel worried or unsure but just go for it.
 

Golfman560

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Would you go skydiving? Have you gone skydiving?

I think you're going through what people normally do when skydiving. Some want to do and just do it (Your band mates) and then some are scared, wondering what could go worng, but just go ahead and get it over with and then realize it was fun. Then there's you, the person that debates about whether to go until the alst minute and still hasn't made up their mind. And the skydivers need enough peopel to jump and they've had to bail out because of you.

What I'm trying to say is: Make up your mind and stick with it. Either go or you don't. Do what you think is best, and screw what other people have to say.

Now if you don't know whats best then... I'm not sure.

Edit: That came out like crap.
 

NeSchn

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Yeah, I hear what both of you are saying.

It would be a really great experience to go on tour like DarkLG said and that he would totally do it, but I guess you just have to know me. I am a real homebody too, I hate when I am away from home for a long period of time.

I get what you are saying too Golfman, I should just make up my mind but I need more advice and such, Like I said though Its only my first band though and I am only 16 years old, I am sure there will be other times to do this too, I am a really experience drummer and I could get into a band in a snap almost.

I guess like I said above I am just more afraid of losing great friendships with them. Thats what hurts me the most, because friends mean a lot to me.
 

Golfman560

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Woah 16? I'd say you're too young, I mean 2 weeks? The bands that were at my high school just played within about a 20 mile radius of where they lived. And if they're your friends then they shouldn't be bothered with you not going.
 

DarkLG

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I'm 16 and I'm also in a band but we haven't gone on any tours yet but if we ever could I would love to go by the way what do you play NeSchn?
 

Toni Plutonij

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To be honest, I'd kill for the chance of touring at that age (of course if your parents agree)..
I know it could be a big step for you, but look at it like this..
You worked really hard with this band, you worked really hard on bonding with your band-mates, and now, you have a chance to do a mini-tour, yes you're young, yes you're scared and you should be, I mean it's really a big thing to do, but it will be a step forward for you, it will be an experience that not many people can get at that age..
And if you back down, it'll be a step backward for you..You won't loose much (because you didn't have an experience of touring in a first place), but you might mess it up with the band..

I mean its a big decision, and I understand you, but talking from personal experience (and I do have it), you might regret it in the future if you decide not to go!

Be wise
wink.gif
 

NeSchn

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Golfman560 said:
Woah 16? I'd say you're too young, I mean 2 weeks? The bands that were at my high school just played within about a 20 mile radius of where they lived. And if they're your friends then they shouldn't be bothered with you not going.
Yeah I know, I know I am too young, but they are completely serious. I joined this band for fun and to get to know bands and stuff, I have been playing drums since I was 8 and this has been my first serious band, but I don't feel old enough or ready to tour. I know when I am out of highschool and when I have a job (Which none of us have in fact, which brings up another issue about money), I will be ready but not right now. It's too much, too soon. I am going to talk to some friends about it and stuff, I already did talk to one of my good friends today and he said basically the same thing, he said that its too early yet to tour. It's way to serious, I mean we are all still in highschool.
 

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Toni Plutonij said:
You worked really hard with this band, you worked really hard on boning with your band-mates

rofl2.gif


Anyway, I say go for it, nothing bad can come if it, and you'll get loads of experience from it.
 

NeSchn

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Damn Toni, I know its a huge decision and no the parents don't agree much. I know its loads of experience and all, and probably a great experience but like they always say. Follow your heart and my heart is feeling differently then the way that I am feeling.

My mind is saying: Go on the tour.

But, My heart is saying: Don't go.

I usually trust what the heart says but now I am stuck in between both of them and its taking a toll on me.
 

DarkLG

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that's cool that your drummer I'm sure your lead singer should feel the same way since well he's going to be the one singing.I play guitar,keyboard,and somewhat drums and sometimes sing.
 

Toni Plutonij

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There isn't much to thing about this then NeSchn.....I'm all for experience, but don't go against yourself man
wink.gif


Really, follow your heart! If you continue playing, there will be lots of opportunities for touring, but one forced/bad experience in the early age might also mess the whole feeling of touring in the future!

Just talk to your band, and let them know how you feel..
 

DarkLG

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Just think about the goods an the bads of going touring/not going and then make your decision basd of that. Off Topic:What type of band are you guys rock?
 

Toni Plutonij

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If he would do that, I see much more pros for touring, but the thing is that he just doesn't feel like it! And in that case, he shouldn't force it..Music is supposed to be joy, and happiness, not work!
 

NeSchn

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Toni Plutonij said:
There isn't much to thing about this then NeSchn.....I'm all for experience, but don't go against yourself man
wink.gif


Really, follow your heart! If you continue playing, there will be lots of opportunities for touring, but one forced/bad experience in the early age might also mess the whole feeling of touring in the future!

Just talk to your band, and let them know how you feel..
Yeah, Kind of like why everyone thinks I am weird because I don't smoke pot or drink, its because I had bad experiences with it at an early age don't feel like doing it again. That is like the same thing with this tour, I am not ready for it and I want to wait until I am and don't want to have a bad experience.

You just totally made my mind so much clearer Toni and I thank you for that!

I can think of so many bad experiences that I have had that have ruined things for me, even down to why I don't really eat fried dough anymore lol.

I just need to think what to say for a couple days, We have a show on Friday so after this show I guess I am just going to have to break the news. I am going to talk to my close friends and probably my mom for this next week.

Thanks for all the advice everyone, Keep it coming and help me out.

Thanks.
 

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You don't want to spend every moment wondering what could've been. This may be your only chance: go for it man, just be sure that you can come back the better.
 

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Let me ask you what is it that makes you not want to go on tour? Is it being away from home for such a long period, or is it a fear that maybe you wont be able to perform properly in front of all those people on tour?

Two weeks sounds like a really long time, but when your out there doing your thing, all that time will slip away really quickly. And maybe, when the two weeks are up, and the tour is over, you will wish the tour was a month.

And if its a fear or doubt about being able to perform in front of all those people. Well, its strange how the human body reacts to this sort of stress and pressure. You could be backstage, feeling sick, shaking, nervous, wondering what the hell you are doing there. But once you step in front of everyone, within a few minutes, your doing what you have been doing for half your life, something that you enjoy. Suddenly the nerves and fear just disappear. Not that you would notice that, you would be in the moment, not thinking, just playing, the same as you have done for years. And then its over, and it was never as bad as you had feared, and also you had a great time.

Maybe not doing this now at 16 is a bad idea, when your older, with responsibilities and whatever else you have to do in life, maybe then you just wont be able to do this sort of thing. You wont have the time or freedom.

Its a hard decision either way for you, sometimes you have to just take the gamble, and not follow your heart, just steam ahead.

At the end of the day, whats the worst that could happen? And ask yourself what is the best thing that could happen? Is it worth taking a risk?


Good luck on your decision, whatever you chose.
yaypsp.gif
 

NeSchn

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p1ngpong said:
Let me ask you what is it that makes you not want to go on tour? Is it being away from home for such a long period, or is it a fear that maybe you wont be able to perform properly in front of all those people on tour?

Two weeks sounds like a really long time, but when your out there doing your thing, all that time will slip away really quickly. And maybe, when the two weeks are up, and the tour is over, you will wish the tour was a month.

And if its a fear or doubt about being able to perform in front of all those people. Well, its strange how the human body reacts to this sort of stress and pressure. You could be backstage, feeling sick, shaking, nervous, wondering what the hell you are doing there. But once you step in front of everyone, within a few minutes, your doing what you have been doing for half your life, something that you enjoy. Suddenly the nerves and fear just disappear. Not that you would notice that, you would be in the moment, not thinking, just playing, the same as you have done for years. And then its over, and it was never as bad as you had feared, and also you had a great time.

Maybe not doing this now at 16 is a bad idea, when your older, with responsibilities and whatever else you have to do in life, maybe then you just wont be able to do this sort of thing. You wont have the time or freedom.

Its a hard decision either way for you, sometimes you have to just take the gamble, and not follow your heart, just steam ahead.

At the end of the day, whats the worst that could happen? And ask yourself what is the best thing that could happen? Is it worth taking a risk?


Good luck on your decision, whatever you chose.
yaypsp.gif
Wow, Another really good one.

For some reason though which I don't know everytime I see or hear about the tour from you guys or anyone an enormous burden just falls upon me. I honestly couldn't tell you why I don't want to go on tour. I just don't know, I just don't feel ready. I know it would be a great experience but I just don't know why my body is feeling this.

Whenever I think about not going on the tour, the burden lifts off of me and I feel great. Kind of like I just did until I read what you said. I think it is just the best thing for me to leave, I hate to see them loose another drummer but I want to feel happy myself.

I honestly don't know why I feel like this, Like I said when I am talking about going on the tour there is just an enormous feeling that comes over me that makes me feel sad, and when I think about not being on it I feel happy. Like my mind is clear of everything that is sad...

I know this should be the other way and its really screwing with my head, I think its just best for me to think of the right thing to say and after the show on Friday just send Kyle a message.

I think its for the best of my well being...

I feel horrible though because I really like this band and all the guys but I guess all good things come to end, eh?
 

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Slow down bro, dont go quitting the band just yet.

Honestly reading your last response got me thinking, do you feel the same way say, before an exam? Or on the eve of having to hand in a piece of work at school, while your rushing through the night trying to finish it? Do you see what Im hinting at here? If you think to yourself "I dont need to sit this exam, its been cancelled" dont you get the same feeling of relief?

It sounds to me like maybe your experiencing the type of anxiety that everybody feels before a big event in their life. Of course you would feel better knowing you dont have to do it. Think carefully about the real reasons your thinking of quitting now, just be honest with yourself.

In your heart do you really want to quit the band? Or are you just too stressed thinking about the tour you feel quitting is the best option to end the anxiety?

Its called the fight or flight response, thats what your going through right now, dont be too hasty making any decisions you will regret.
 

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