# Staples Blog



## jumpman17 (May 21, 2007)

Alright, I'm gonna make this thread a blog like thing where I tell you guys my daily situations of Staples life.

*May 20, 2007*
Old lady on phone: Do you have 2 drawer file cabinets?
Me: Yes.
Lady: How much is it?
Me: Which one? We have multiple ones.
Lady: Which ones do you have?
Me: We have ones made from wood and others from metal. We have some in letter size and others in legal size. We have different depths, some have bars for hanging file folders, some don't.
Lady: I don't know yet, how much is it?
Me: They range from $40 to $160.
Lady: Can you be more specific?
Me: Not unless you narrow down what your looking for.
Lady: Well, I guess I'll just come by to look at them.

Unknown to us, a lady and a man are hunched down on the ground looking at something on the bottom shelf and I'm up front putting together my pull list and out of nowhere, they pop up and yell, like scream yell
Lady: Can we get some help over here!?
Me: Let me get the electronics specialist for you, he's right over there.
*I run over to grab the electronics guy, as I'm getting him, the cashier says to them*
Cashier: We're sorry, we didn't know you were there. We'll get someone over here right away
Lady: Well I'm sorry we're inconvenient to you!
*Then they storm out. The customer who was being checked out burst out laughing when the door closed*


----------



## Infinitus (May 21, 2007)

Wow.

Funny AND awkward.

Wait untill you get _hellish_ calls, my friend.


----------



## R4seller (May 21, 2007)

Funny and thanks for the share


----------



## hanman (May 22, 2007)

i used to work at OfficeMax in electronics, so i know what kind of crap you have to put up with.  i've helped many people who i had to wonder how they managed to get the car cranked, much less make it all the way to the store without hitting something.


----------



## jumpman17 (May 22, 2007)

*May 21, 2007*
I had to run the register today so I don't have many stories for today.

There was a guy who was mad that there was a rebate on an item and thought we should have to fill out the rebate for him because we won't just give him the money. Now, I don't like rebates any more then the next person, but why do we need to fill out his address for him? I told him sorry but I didn't know where he lived and he'd know better then anyone.

Another lady was furious because she could only use 3 of the $3 coupons a day.
Lady: So why can't I use all 6 of my coupons?
Me: Because that's the rule.
Lady: Where does it say that?
Me: On each coupon and on this giant sign right in front of me.
Lady: Well, with gas being so high, I don't appreciate having to come back another day to buy the rest of my stuff.
Me: Then buy it all now.
Lady: But then I can only use 3 coupons.
Me: Correct.
Lady: Can I do two separate purchases and use 3 on each?
Me: No, it's 3 per day, not 3 per purchase.
Lady: What if I use a different credit card.
Me: It's 3 per day.
Lady: What if I came back later tonight, how would you know its me?
Me: Because I would remember you.
Lady: Well what if I came back tomorrow when you aren't working?
Me: Then you can use 3 more coupons because it's a new day.
Lady: Fine, I'll just buy my stuff somewhere else.
Me: Okay, have a nice day.
The lady then leaves not buying anything.


----------



## living-ghost (May 22, 2007)

Another Staples employee on GBATemp!!

Exciting. I only started about a month and a half ago but it's still fun to hear about those "special" customers.

I work at the tech desk so my experiences aren't quite sales oriented.

My favourite so far is finding flash memory in the floppy drive.


----------



## Foolio (May 22, 2007)

I worked at Staples for 5 years while I was going to school for my computer science degree. They were great about working with my school schedule so I actually liked the job a lot. I left about 2 years ago once I graduated college and got a programming job.

I spent most of my time working in the furniture department, which I loved. I usually worked at night and nobody really ever came shopping for a lot of furniture in the evening, so my shifts were usually pretty easy and laid back. It's really hilarious to see how upset some people will get over the stupidest things. Having to send in a rebate, merchandise being "temporarily out of stock" and refusing to let me order them some for delivery, insane requirements for copy center jobs which our equipment was incapable of actually doing, demanding to speak to a manager because I wouldn't give them what they wanted only to be shut down and asked to leave by said manager, the list goes on. One customer actually called our sales manager a "shithead" once, to which the manager replied "get the fuck out of my store." Awesome.

Of course there were other customers who were an absolute joy to help. Some were regulars who you'd see once or twice a week and were always entertaining to talk to for a few minutes in between building chairs. I really enjoyed my time there and made some really good friends that I still have today. I'd never give up my salaried programming position and go back, though.


----------



## jumpman17 (May 22, 2007)

Wow, you mean you actually only worked as a furniture employee? We don't have that. The office supplies guy is also responsible for furniture. And we never have more then 1 guy in office supplies at a time. So I'm always responsible for freaking 3/4ths of the store


----------



## Sinkhead (May 22, 2007)

Sounds fun 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




- Sam


----------



## sirAnger (May 22, 2007)

QUOTE(jumpman17 @ May 21 2007 said:


> *May 21, 2007*
> 
> ...
> 
> ...



Brilliant.


----------



## Psyfira (May 22, 2007)

QUOTE(living-ghost @ May 22 2007 said:


> My favourite so far is finding flash memory in the floppy drive.


Love it


----------



## nileyg (May 23, 2007)

"What if i come back later tonight, how would you know its me"


----------



## tjas (May 23, 2007)

Same thing at my work.. the mc donalds!

Drive:
Me: Do you have moment please
.....
Guest: Yes! I would like a cheesburger, hamburger.....

I hate it when they do that!

Weirdest order ever:
Guest: Can I have an bigmac without bread, but I want it dressed... huh! He wanted everything on it exept the bread...

Also we have coupons 2 big mac's or 2 mc chicken's for 4 euro's then they ask:

Guest: I would like 1 chicken and 1 bigmac i have a coupon
Me: That's not possible 2 chickens or 2 big macs
Guest: Why not?
Me: that are the rules..
Guest: Where does it say that?
Me: on the back of the coupon
Guestw.. no exepetions?
Me: no sorry
Guest: I want to speak to the manager
Me: sure
Manager: whats the problem
Guest: I would like 1 chicken and 1 bigmac i have a coupon
Manager: That's not possible 2 chickens or 2 big macs
Guest: Why not?
Manager: that are the rules..
Guest: Where does it say that?
Manager: on the back of the coupon
Guestw.. no exepetions?
Manager: no sorry
Guest: I want to speak to the big boss
Manager Sure
Big boss: Can I help you?
Guest: I would like 1 chicken and 1 bigmac i have a coupon
Big boss: That's not possible 2 chickens or 2 big macs
Guest: Why not?
Big boss: that are the rules..
Guest: Where does it say that?
Big boss: on the back of the coupon
Guestw.. no exepetions?
Big boss: no sorry
Guest: Screw you all *walks away angry* On his way out he throws all the tray's of the trashcans.....

A week later we get a complaint from the mc donalds headoffice; A letter about how a guest felt mistreated in our restaurant...

Morrons!


----------



## Veho (May 23, 2007)

QUOTE said:
			
		

> Weirdest order ever:
> Guest: Can I have an bigmac without bread, but I want it dressed... huh! He wanted everything on it exept the bread...


The guy was probably on an Atkins diet, in which case a "How about not having a burger at all, it'll do more for your weight than avoiding bread will" would be the perfect reply.   
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




Does a bun count as "bread"? Because the loose connection of the two foodstufs is based only on the fact that they are both made from dough    
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




So you should have given him a regular burger, while very obviously _not_ adding a slice of bread to it. "There you go, sir, a burger completely devoid of bread, as per your request, and should you think of complaining, our policy is that a bun is no more bread than a donut is."


----------



## tjas (May 23, 2007)

QUOTE(veho @ May 23 2007 said:


> QUOTE said:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


thats what we did! we got a bigmac package put 2 pieces of meat in it, put al the ingredients on the meat closed the bigmac foam and gave it 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




 Because there is bread on the top in the middle and on the bottom


----------



## Veho (May 23, 2007)

No, I meant you should have given him a regular burger _in a hamburger bun_, and say: "It has no bread. This is a bun. It's not bread. It's a bun. Be more specific next time."


----------



## jumpman17 (May 24, 2007)

*May 22, 2007*
It was a normal calm day! Woah!

*May 23, 2007*
Our phone system lets callers self direct themselves to our different departments or if they aren't sure, they can choose customer service. And it even gives descriptions of the departments like "press 1 for electronics for questions on ink, toner, and electronic machines". I get this genius:

*Phone system announces that office supplies has a call
Me: Office supplies, ******** speaking.
Guy: Yes, do you carry the HP 3540 printer?
Me: I don't know, let me put you through to electronics.
Guy: Well why can't you tell me?
Me: Because I don't know and it's not my department.
Guy: Well I don't want to hold again.
Me: I'm sorry, but you picked office supplies. You want electronics.
Guy: You should answer my question.
Me: I would gladly answer your question if it concerned paper or pens. But it doesn't.
Guy: Well, you should know what you carry at least.
Me: I'm going to put you on hold for electronics.
Guy: I'm not holding again!
*I put him on hold for electronics. Later the electronics guy comes over to me and asked what I said to the man because he was furious and was even more so when he asked if we had any instock and he told him he was going to put him on hold to check if there was and he was mad because he didn't want to hold again. And kept yelling about how I wasn't even fit to clean the parking lot.


----------



## Linkiboy (Jun 2, 2007)

QUOTE(tjas @ May 23 2007 said:


> Morrons!Â


----------



## jumpman17 (Jun 2, 2007)

Sorry for the lack of updates, I haven't been feeling very good for a few days now.

*June 1, 2007*
*We've got 8 minutes left until we close and the phone rings for customer service.
Me: How can I help you?
Lady: I'm at the Super Walmart in (another city). If I drive straight there, will I make it before you close?
Me: We close in 8 minutes, no.
Lady: Can you guys hold the doors for me?
Me: No, we close in 8 minutes.
Lady: Well, I really need some ink.
Me: I'm sorry, but you'll have to get it tomorrow then because we close in 8 minutes.
Lady: But I'll be right over.
Me: You're at least a 35 minute drive from here ma'am.
Lady: But I'll be right there.
Me: I'm sorry but unless you get here in the next 6 minutes, you'll have to wait until tomorrow.
Lady: Fine!

Lady: I'm looking for a piece of vinyl to go under a desk.
Me: A chair mat?
Lady: No, it's vinyl and goes under the desk.
Me: Is it to protect your carpet from your chair?
Lady: Yes.
Me: A chair mat.
Lady: No, it's not that.
Me: Ok, I think I know what you're looking for.
*I then walk her over to the chair mats.
Me: Is this what you're looking for?
Lady: Yes! That's exactly it. What are they called?
Me: Chair mats.
Lady: Oh...


----------



## lagman (Jun 2, 2007)

Oh...


----------



## thegame07 (Jun 2, 2007)

keep us posted jumpman. excellent thread 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




 i love your replys to the customers


----------



## Linkiboy (Jun 2, 2007)

Hahaha funny how most of them were talking with a lady.


----------



## jumpman17 (Jun 3, 2007)

*June 2, 2007*
*Okay, first off, our radio was busted. We have a special 'Staples radio station' that we have to play over the speakers. It plays 2 ads all narrated by the same girl, then it plays 2 songs, then 2 ads, then 2 songs, and so on and so on. We only about 4 or 5 ads to play. The problem was that the place this is being broadcast from was having problems and was looping ONLY the ads. So I had to listen to the girl say her same 4 or 5 horrible ads with unfunny humor for 4 HOURS straight...over and over and over and over...the broadcast finally cut out and switched to some oldies muzak station with no ads.

*Second, we had a guy trying to haggle the price of a clearance chair. I kept saying no, but he insisted on speaking to a manager so I went and got the manager on duty and she said no and that it was already $100 (50%) off what the normal price was. He eventually stopped trying to haggle and bought the chair anyway.

Lady: I need ink for my printer.
Me: Okay, do you know which ink you need?
Lady: Huh?
Me: Do you know what ink you need?
Lady: It's for a Lexmark printer.
Me: Do you know the model of the printer?
Lady: Oh, I don't know that. I just need ink for my Lexmark printer.
Me: Ma'am, I need to know what printer model you have before I can tell you which ink you need.
Lady: I told you, I have a Lexmark.
Me: Yes, but there are dozens of Lexmarks. They all use different ink.
Lady: I just need to buy ink for my printer.
Me: I realize that, but I can't help you unless you can tell me what printer you have.
Lady: Is there someone else I can speak to?
Me: Sure.
*I go and get one of the guys from electronics.
Electronics guy: Can I help you?
Lady: I need ink for my Lexmark printer.
Electronics guy: Which printer do you have?
*The lady then turns around and walks out of the store, leaving the electronics guy baffled.


----------



## sirAnger (Jun 5, 2007)

More!


----------



## FAST6191 (Jun 5, 2007)

@sirAnger to tide you over for a while:
http://www.actsofgord.com/


----------



## sirAnger (Jun 6, 2007)

OOH sweet retail stupidity!


----------



## sirAnger (Jun 7, 2007)

Touching. I shed a tear at the end.


----------



## jumpman17 (Jun 7, 2007)

*June 6, 2007*
Man: How many sheets will this printer print?
Me: What?
Man: How long will the ink cartridge last?
Me: It varies depending on what your printing, what quality you print at, and how often you print.
Man: But how many does it print?
Me: There is no set number. It varies.
Man: Well I need to know if this printer is economical.
Me: I don't know sir. It varies.

Lady: Excuse me!
Me: Yes?
Lady: The copier is saying jam paper.
Me: A paper jam?
Lady: No, it says jam paper.
* I look at the screen, it says paper jam.
Me: It says paper jam, let me fix that.

Lady: Wal-Mart has paper cheaper.
Me: Okay.
Lady: I just wanted to let you know.
Me: We don't set our prices, it's all done by corporate.
Lady: Well, I just wanted to let you know.
Me: Okay.
Lady: You should tell your manager.
Me: He can't do anything about it ma'am. All the prices are set by corporate.
Lady: Just tell your manager the prices are high for paper.
Me: Yeah, sure.


----------



## pikachucrackpipe (Jun 7, 2007)

haha this reminds me of my days at kinkos

Person: I need this done now.
Me: Well hello how are you today?
Person: Did you hear me? I said I need this done right away 
-throws papers at me-
Me: What do you need done?
Person: I need 200 color bonded copies within the next 20 minutes. chop chop.
Me: Well that's impossible. You can have it tomorrow afternoon.
Person: That's unacceptable! Stop being lazy and get to work.
Me: Sir, the machines can not produce that amount of output in 20 minutes considering you will need a total of 4200 color copies and 20 bonded books. 
Person: Are you calling me lazy and stupid? Get your manager!
Me: I am the manager.
Person: Well give me a card, I'll go do it myself!!
Me: Just put in your credit card into the machines out there.
Person: FINE ASSHOLE

-Waddles over to the machines and can't figure it out-
Person: It's not working! I NEED THIS DONE NOW!
Me: You can place an order and have it tomorrow afternoon.
Person: Asshole! I am never coming here again.

-Waddles out the store-
CoWorker: Has he been here before?
Me: I've never seen him.


I still can't believe I remember that.


----------



## Samutz (Jun 7, 2007)

QUOTE(FAST6191 @ Jun 5 2007 said:


> @sirAnger to tide you over for a while:
> http://www.actsofgord.com/


----------



## _Mazza_ (Jun 7, 2007)

I know what you mean I work at an electrical store too.

Customer Hi, What's this XBOX 360 attachment for?
Me That is the HD-DVD player addon it allows you to play HD-DVDs on your 360
Customer So I need this to play DVDs?
Me Only if you want to play HD DVDs
Customer Aren't DVDs HD?
Me Not regular DVDs they run at standard resolution
Customer So I need this for HD Games
Me No Games are still HD you just can't play HD-DVDs
Customer The PS3 can play HD-DVDs
Me It plays Blu-Ray, similar to HD-DVDs
customer walks over to a friend
Customer Yeah I think I'll get the PS3, with the Xbox 360 I need an attachment to play DVDs and the games aren't even HD

customer tells me he's going to go next door and have a look around.

or a kid about 10

Kid This PS3 is smaller than the one I bought
Me I can guarantee they're all the same size
Kid I want this smaller one, DADDDD!
The Dad Yes?
Kid This PS3 is smaller than mine
Dad looks at me
Me They're the same size I assure you.
The Dad If we bring it in tomorrow can we compare and if it's smaller swap it?
Me Yes but I assure you they will be exactly the same size
The Dad Okay, I'll bring it in tomorrow then


----------



## pikachucrackpipe (Jun 7, 2007)

hahaha awesome!
stupid people make me laugh


----------



## jumpman17 (Jun 9, 2007)

*June 8, 2007*
Well, my day started off by finding out that office supplies is now maintained by a whole 2 people. Me and another guy. The third guy we had no-called/no-showed on Tuesday and Wednesday and then one of the managers ran into him at the supermarket and apparently he got another job and they wanted him to start right away. Thanks for calling and informing us jerk. Man, that guy hardly did anything anyway and would often no-call/no-show saying he was on his deathbed and was too weak to pick up the phone. Office supplies used to have 4-5 guys at any one time, but in the last 3 months, 8 people have quit (not all from office supplies).

Man: I'm looking for soft-gloss matte photo paper.
Me: Um...both of those or is that one thing?
Man: It's one thing.
Me: That doesn't exist.
Man: Yeah it does, it's what I bought last time.
Me: Soft gloss is a light gloss and matte means no gloss, it can't be both.
Man: Well then what did I buy?
Me: I don't know.
Man: Fine, I guess I need semi-gloss then.
Me: Do you know which brand your looking for?
Man: I think it was HP.
Me: HP doesn't have a soft-gloss, they call theirs semi-gloss.
Man: No, it was soft-gloss.
Me: Okay, so it wasn't HP then.
Man: Maybe it was your brand.
Me: We also don't have soft-gloss. Ours is called satin.
Man: Well who has soft-gloss then.
Me: Kodak does.
Man: No, it wasn't Kodak.
Me: Then we don't have what you want.
Man: But I bought it here before.
Me: Well, the only soft-gloss we carry is Kodak brand. All the other brands have different names for it.
Man: Fine, I'll look elsewhere then.
Me: Have a good day.


----------



## jumpman17 (Jun 14, 2007)

*June 13, 2007*
*A woman buys a leather chair and takes it home. She then returns with the chair.
Lady: This chair smells.
Me: That's the smell of real leather.
Lady: Do you have any chairs that don't smell?
Me: Only the fake leather and fabric chairs.
Lady: But I want real leather.
Me: Then it will smell like real leather.
Lady: But I don't want it to smell.
Me: Then you have to get fake leather or fabric.
*The lady then spends 30 minutes smelling our display chairs to find the one that smells the least.

*I love how people don't understand what a FedEx drop box is. I saw that 4 large boxes (each half the size of the dropbox) had been left next to our drop box. I don't know how the person on the register didn't see this person drop these boxes off but still. What part of drop box do they not understand? The problem is that FedEx won't take them. They sometimes take small packages that just barely don't fit in the drop box, but these giants are going to sit there until the person comes back to complain that the packages haven't shipped yet.

Man on phone: Do you carry the Sanford No Blot Pen .7 something something?
Me: No.
Man: Well, I'm on the Sanford website and they list you as a seller of Sanford products.
Me: Yes, we carry some Sanford products but we can't carry everything of each company we carry because our store would be huge.
Man: But it says you carry this product.
Me: No, it says we carry Sanford products.
Man: Why not this item?
Me: Because we only have so much space alloted for Sanford products and we carry the items with the most call.
Man: But if you get those items, surely you can order me this pen.
Me: No, we have no control on what we carry or are sent at this store. It's all done by corporate.
Man: Fine, I'll go somewhere else then.
Me: Have a nice day.


----------



## yus786 (Jun 14, 2007)

hehe keep em coming mate theve made my day!

regards


----------



## jaxxster (Jun 14, 2007)

Haha quality!


----------



## Sinkhead (Jun 14, 2007)

I've been reading these, they're too funny!

- Sam


----------



## Linkiboy (Jun 14, 2007)

moar


----------



## jumpman17 (Jun 16, 2007)

*June 14, 2007*
Well, with only 2 people running office supplies, we are getting very behind on everything. We've had boxes sitting on the floor for days, freight piling up in the back, etc. So while I'm frantically trying to get stuff done in the 4 hours I'm there for the day, the store manager has me run register for an hour and a half and then mop the entire upstairs (the employee area) because the district manager was coming in the next day. So instead of cleaning up the store, getting boxes off the floor, getting the back room into a condition where you could walk through it instead of having to climb over things...he has me mop the freaking employee area and run register.

*June 15, 2007*
Thank goodness I didn't work when the district manager was here today. He was mad because the store looked horrible. The head of office supplies told me this was the conversation he had with the district manager:
District Manager: Why do you think office supplies is so messy?
Head Of Office Supplies: Because we only have TWO EMPLOYEES!
DM: And what were you doing when I came in today?
OS: Freight.
DM: That's not what I want you doing. Your the lead, you should be helping customers and delegating the work to your associates.
OS: What associates, I only have ONE GUY!
DM: I'm thinking of having you guys come in at 5 AM the day after freight comes and work on freight. You should be able to be done by 10 AM.
OS: And who would work in office supplies during the day when we are open then because we are already at 40 hours a week and you don't let us work overtime.
And it just went on from there. This is just ridiculous, we better get more people soon or the store is gonna become a real pig sty.

Guy: I need thermal cash register paper.
Me: Okay, what size?
Guy: I don't know.
Me: I can't help you if you don't know what size you need.
Guy: Umm...this one.
*Guy points to 2.25 inch paper.
Me: Okay, then this one here is the thermal version of that.
*Guy buys about 12 rolls of it and leaves. He then returns a few minutes later.
Guy: I got the wrong size, I need this.
*Guy hands me a roll of paper.
Me: Okay, this is 3 inch paper but it's not thermal.
Guy: But I need thermal.
Me: So you need this size, but in thermal then.
Guy: No, I need more of that roll I brought.
Me: What is this roll from?
Guy: It's what we use in the register.
Me: But it's not thermal. Thermal won't work in your register if this is what you use.
Guy: But I need more of this.
Me: We don't carry 3 inch thermal sir, just the normal kind.
Guy: Fine, I'll goto Office Max then.


----------



## jumpman17 (Jun 24, 2007)

*Week of June 17, 2007*
Guy: I want to exchange this memory card for a different one.
Me: Okay, what is wrong with this one?
Guy: It's too big.
Me: Too big physically or too big memory wise?
Guy: It's too big.
Me: Okay, but does it not fit in the camera or does it not work because the camera is to old to support 1 GB?
Guy: Yeah, it's too big.
Me: Does it not fit in the camera?
Guy: Yes.
Me: Alright. You have a CF card, do you need an SD card then?
Guy: I don't know. This one is too big.
Me: What camera do you have?
Guy: I don't know.
Me: Well, I'm going to assume you need an SD card then as most cameras use that.
Guy: Alright.

Lady: Are these bags going to go on clearance soon?
Me: I have no idea.
Lady: You just don't want to tell me.
Me: No, I really don't know. We don't know when things go clearance until the day the tags are sent to our computer.
Lady: These are going on clearance next week or something aren't they.
Me: Ma'am, I really don't know. We've carried those bags now for a year, and they sell regularly. I don't think they will be going on clearance.
Lady: I'll just come back next week to make sure they don't go clearance.

Lady: I was just at Wal-Mart and bought all of these magazine holders that they had. But they were $5 and yours are $10.
Me: Do you have the receipt with you? We will price match it if it's the same thing.
Lady: Yeah, right here.
Me: They aren't the same ma'am. They have different UPCs.
Lady: No, they look the same.
Me: Do you have the product in your car? Sometimes products have different UPCs for the same item.
Lady: Yeah, let me go get it.
*She comes back with it and I scan it and our computer doesn't recognize it.
Me: This isn't the same thing.
Lady: But it looks the same.
Me: No, yours is a little bit taller and has different shape holes.
Lady: Fine, whatever. I'm also looking for more of these.
*She hands me a mesh organizer that she also brought in with her.
Me: Yes, we carry something like this.
Lady: But this is $26. I only paid $9 at Wal-Mart.
*I scan her item and once again, the computer doesn't recognize it.
Me: It's not the same thing.
Lady: But it looks identical.
Me: Yes it does, but this is a different brand.
Lady: But why is it so expensive?
Me: Because that is the price corporate set it at.
Lady: But it's identical.
Me: I understand that ma'am. Unfortunately, for me to be able to price match it, it has to be the exact same item.
Lady: Fine, I'll just wait until Wal-Mart gets some more. 
Me: Okay.


----------



## Sinkhead (Jun 24, 2007)

QUOTE(jumpman17 @ Jun 24 2007 said:


> *Week of June 17, 2007*
> Guy: I want to exchange this memory card for a different one.
> Me: Okay, what is wrong with this one?
> Guy: It's too big.
> ...









- Sam


----------



## jumpman17 (Jun 25, 2007)

*June 24, 2007*
Guy: I need a refill like this.
*He hands me a Cross gel ink tube. I look at what we have.
Me: Sorry, we only carry ballpoint Cross refills. Nothing gel.
Guy: Well, I've been here 2 times already looking for this refill and you never have it.
Me: We aren't able to carry every kind of refill because of the huge amount of different kinds.
Guy: But I bought this f***ing pen here. You telling me you don't carry the f***ing refills for it?
Me: The only ones we carry are ballpoint. They will fit your pen, they just won't be gel.
Guy: I've been here 3 times already before looking for this refill.
*By this point, another employee has come over to see what the fuss was about.
Other employee: We can see if we can order you the refill online.
Guy: Well, that won't do me any f***ing good today will it?
Me: I'm sorry, but we don't have the gel refill.
*By now, the guy is about 2 inches from my face screaming at me.
Guy: This is just f***ing stupid that you don't carry refills for the pens you carry!
*I just stand there starring him in the eyes. After about 10 seconds of starring, he starts to stomp down the aisle.
Me: Have a nice day!
Guy: Shut the f*** up!
*He then goes up to the manager and complains about how we don't carry the refill and how he was gonna call corporate. The manager gave him the number to call to complain. He then stomps out the door and across the street without looking and almost gets hit by a car which honks at him and he yells something at the driver and continues on. The manager actually knew his name because he's called and complained about just about everything to corporate who at this point ignores his complaints.

It was a good day.


----------



## JPH (Jun 25, 2007)

QUOTE(jumpman17 @ Jun 24 2007 said:


> *June 24, 2007*
> Guy: I need a refill like this.
> *He hands me a Cross gel ink tube. I look at what we have.
> Me: Sorry, we only carry ballpoint Cross refills. Nothing gel.
> ...



Best one yet! 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




 That guy sure got pissed about his little pen.

Have a Nice Day.
STFU!


----------



## rice151 (Jun 25, 2007)

lmfao when you said the card was "too big" i also assumed it was memory wise and not physical...America is sad...


----------



## ediblebird (Jun 25, 2007)

QUOTE(tjas @ May 24 2007 said:


> Weirdest order ever:
> Guest: Can I have an bigmac without bread, but I want it dressed... huh! He wanted everything on it exept the bread...


Its not that weird he probably had Coeliac disease
My mum has it, and thats what she has to do if she want to get a hamburger.


----------



## [M]artin (Jun 30, 2007)

QUOTE(rice151 @ Jun 24 2007 said:


> America is sad...


Shhh! Don't remind us!

And, damn, I loves me a good staring contest.


----------



## jumpman17 (Jul 8, 2007)

*July 7, 2007*
*To start off, we have a rule with chairs. You can buy the chair and get it in a box. Or for $5 more we will assemble it for you which will take about 15-25 minutes. Or if you're in a hurry, we'll give you the display that we built earlier for that same $5. I see a man rolling a chair up to the register. I head up to make sure the cashier charges him for the assembly.
Me: Sir, did you want that in a box?
Guy: No, this is fine.
Me: There is a $5 assembly fee if you want the display.
Guy: Are you kidding me?
Me: No, that's the rule. It's even on the tag on that chair.
Guy: That's ridiculous.
Me: If you want it assembled, be it the display or one fresh from the box, it's $5.
Guy: Why?
Me: Because we have to take the time to assemble the chair instead of helping customers or stocking the store.
Guy: I was just at your store in another city and bought the 3 they had there and they didn't charge me $5.
Me: I don't know why they didn't, but they were supposed to.
Guy: This is ridiculous. I just bought $1000 in chairs from you guys and you want me to pay $5 for assembly?
Me: Yes. You can speak to my manager if you'd like.
Guy: Yeah, I'd like to speak to your manager.
*The manager (the one that will not haggle any price ever unless it's a price match) was standing a few feet away and walks up.
Manager: It's a $5 assembly fee if you want the display.
Guy: But I just bought...
Me: $5 assembly fee.
Guy: Even though...
Me: $5 assembly fee.
Guy: Can I get 10% off since it's the display?
Me: No, you want the display, it's a $5 assembly fee.
Guy: Fine, I need the chair. But this is stupid.


----------



## jumpman17 (Jul 9, 2007)

*July 8, 2007*
I hate back to school time. It's that special time of year when all the parents decide to turn into ravenous monsters looking for the best deals on school supplies. Staples doesn't help by putting things on sale for a freaking penny. 12 pack of pencils (limit 3), a penny. Handheld pencil sharpener (limit 3), a penny. Pencil cases (limit 3), a penny. 2 pocket folders (limit 10), a penny. Elmer's glue (limit 3), 9 cents. 3 poly-binders (limit 6), 99 cents. 5 pack assorted or black Pentel RSVP pens (limit 1), free after rebate.

We spent the whole day doing nothing but constantly stocking the shelves of these items. We'd bring some boxes out, stuff the shelves, go back for and bring them out and poof! Everything we just put out was gone. These people were foaming at the mouth to get to these things. I'm afraid of when we run out. We almost sold through all of the pencil boxes today, the first day of the sale. It'll be just like last year where I get to explain to people that the sale clearly states, WHILE SUPPLIES LAST. They don't seem to understand that part.

At least this year we are only doing the sales Sunday through Wednesday instead of the whole week. Gives us a chance to breath this way. Although now come Thursday people will be mad because "the weekly ad lists them as a penny!" No...the weekly ad lists these items as Sunday through Wednesday.

Then next week we get to start all over again. Oh, and while all this is happening, we are supposed to somehow prepare the store for inventory. Yeah.


----------



## Legend (Jul 9, 2007)

Eh, I know what it's like, jumpman. I used to work at bestbuy - they had their back to school rush for computer crap.
I should have made a blog like this for the shit I went through, it sounds like yours has been worse though.
Hope that your inventory goes well. I know that mine never fucking did


----------



## Sinkhead (Aug 14, 2007)

Are you still doing these? They're great!

- Sam


----------



## jumpman17 (Aug 14, 2007)

Ah, forgot all about this. My last day was Sunday as I'm moving to campus for my third year of college.


----------



## James B. (Dec 14, 2007)

just read all these, FABULOUS!

I think that these stories are the best out there, there should be a whole SECTION in the GBATemp forums for these xD.


----------



## jumpman17 (Dec 28, 2007)

*December 24, 2007*
A guy tried to steal some cameras today. We say him using a crowbar to bend the metal shelf so he could reach down into the locked cage to grab some cameras. Someone noticed him when he already had two in his hands and the two managers on duty at the time went towards him and when he saw them, he dropped the cameras and ran. They chased him out the door and down the road. It was hilarious, the way he was scrambling out the door looked like he was being chased by rabid dogs.

*December 28, 2007*
*I'm at the register on cashier duty. The phone rings for customer service which is the cashier's duty to answer.
Me: Thank you for calling Staples in [city], this is [name] speaking. How can I help you? (Required greeting)
Guy on phone: Yes, I need to know if this file I have can be printed.
Me: Alright, let me put you through to copy center.
Copy center: How can I help you?
Copy center: If you want me to look at the file before you come in, you'll need to go to our website and submit the file to our FTP and we will be able to download it here.
*She hangs up and a little later the phone rings for customer service.
Me: Thank you for calling Staples in [city], this is [name] speaking. How can I help you?
Guy: I was told I needed to submit my file online but it says I need to login.
Me: Okay, let me put your through to copy center.
Copy center: How can I help you?
Copy center: You need to register an account so we know who uploaded it. It's a button right below the login area.
*She hangs up and a little later the phone rings for customer service.
Me: Thank you for calling Staples in [city], this is [name] speaking. How can I help you?
Guy: I was told I need to register but there isn't a register button on this entire site!
Me: Okay, I can put you through to copy center again.
Guy: No! All I want to do is buy stuff from you and the girl in copy center won't let me do that! Can you tell me what to do?
Me: No, I have no idea.
Guy: Well why not? You should know how your own website works.
Me: Yes, you need to click the register button.
Guy: There is no register button! Where is it?
Me: I don't know. Right now I'm cashier and I don't have access to the website.
Guy: Is there someone else I can talk to?
Me: Sure, I'll put you through to the manager.
*That's the last I heard from him or about him. So I don't know what happened next.


----------



## Linkiboy (Dec 28, 2007)

You work at staples again? yay more funnies


----------



## JPH (Dec 28, 2007)

It's good to see more entries 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




And did they ever catch the guy?


----------



## jumpman17 (Dec 28, 2007)

QUOTE(Linkiboy @ Dec 28 2007 said:


> You work at staples again? yay more funnies
> 
> 
> Yeah, I've been back for a week now. Just there during Christmas break until I have to move back to college for the second half of the school year.
> ...



No, we have nothing to catch him with...like tigers...or cameras....


----------



## Linkiboy (Dec 28, 2007)

Staples has no surveillance cameras? hmmmmmmm

brb staples


----------



## Veho (Dec 28, 2007)

QUOTE(jumpman17 @ Dec 28 2007 said:


> Me: I don't know. Right now I'm cashier and I don't have access to the website.
> Guy: Is there someone else I can talk to?
> Me: Sure, I'll put you through to the manager.


You should have put him through to the copy center again


----------



## laminaatplaat (Dec 28, 2007)

sooo funny XD


----------



## Veho (Dec 28, 2007)

Ow ow ow, my head... I hate effects like that, my eyes try to focus the image but can't... ugh...


----------



## jumpman17 (Dec 31, 2007)

*December 29, 2007*
Some lady is mad over at the copy center. The girl in the copy center says the lady was mad because she brought in 60 sheets on paper that she wanted copies made on and then cut. She thought she was going to get free copies because she brought in her own paper apparently. We don't charge by paper though. What we pay for each sheet of paper is fractions of a penny. We charge because of the ink and toner we use. She didn't understand this though and was mad. She then put the copies in a plastic bag and said she would go get money from her car. The copy center girl said that she would have to leave the copies here until she payed for them though. Once again, the lady was mad and left and came back with her checkbook and grumpily wrote a check.

Me: Can I help you?
Lady: Yes, what's the difference between this photo paper (points to one on shelf) and this photo paper (one in hand)?
Me: That one is semi-gloss. It's going to be less glossy than the gloss.
Lady: No, what's the difference between this one (points to a different one this time) and this one (one in hand)?
Me: That one is high gloss. It's going to be more glossy than the gloss.
Lady: No, what's the difference between this one (points to a different yet another one this time) and this one (one in hand)?
Me: They are both gloss, but this one is thicker paper.
Lady: Oh. What about this one (points to another kind)?
Me: That's just a 60 pack.
Lady: Is that one on sale too? The other ones have sale tags.
Me: Let me check.
*I go check and come back.
Me: Yes, it's on sale for $9.99.
Lady: Okay.
*I leave and about a minute later I get paged to the front.
Cashier: She says you said this was on sale for $9.99. It's ringing up at $19.99.
Me: That's not the one you asked me about ma'am. That's a different one.
Lady: Oh...


----------



## Linkiboy (Dec 31, 2007)

Great, funny stuff 
	

	
	
		
		

		
			





*kitchen jokes*


----------



## amptor (Dec 31, 2007)

Ross to to the cash registers, ross to the cash registers.

Well ye guys get paid by the hour I wouldn't worry about the customers so much.  doesn't appear to be a commission job, just be as pleasant as you can and it doesn't matter if some dumb customer doesn't want to buy anything, people are free to browse stores and leave.  The ones that act dumb know they are dumb and they'll be shopping there again within about 3 months when they need some ball points.


----------



## jumpman17 (Jan 1, 2008)

*December 31, 2007*
There are only 2 ways to enter a rewards check at the register. One is to run it as a coupon. This way removes the amount from your purchase as well as any tax from that amount. But if you have a $20 reward check and you only spend $12, the other $8 disappears. So in the case of someone spending less than the check amount, we run it as a gift certificate and give the remaining money to them on a cash card. This way though only removes the amount and not the tax. So in this lady's case, she had a $6.10 check and her total came to $6.14 after tax. In these cases, the system is bad. Option one makes the final cost $0, but the remaining 30 some cents go into limbo, but usually people don't care about those few pennies. Option 2 makes her owe us 4 cents. So I ring it up as option 1 and she owes nothing. She then comes back saying how the check was for $6.10, but the receipt shows that the check rang up at what the price was before tax. I try to explain the concept to her, but she insists I ring it up the second way. So I call a manager down to void her previous transaction, and then re-ring it up with option 2. I tell her she owes 4 cents and she pays and leaves. I guess 4 cents is a better deal than free?

*January 1, 2008*
Guy: I'm looking for the Dome accounting books.
Me: We don't have those.
Guy: You used to.
Me: Yes, a year and a half ago. All we have now is the Adams equivalent.
*I take him to them.
Guy: Monthly?
Me: We have weekly too.
Guy: I need daily.
Me: We don't have daily.
Guy: This place is a joke. Stop carrying the things I need.
Me: We never carried daily Dome. Only weekly and monthly.
Guy: Wasting my time coming down here, what a joke. This is stupid. Wasting my gas.
*At this point I just walk off. I don't think he even realized I left as he was still rambling on.


----------



## amptor (Jan 3, 2008)

man... i only shop at staples when either something is free, cheap, or I need stationary.  seems like you guys get some knuckleheads in there.  at least I go in for legit offers and don't hassle the folks running the place.  after all, they don't make much money so no need to bother them


----------



## Skye07 (Jan 3, 2008)

God this is so hilarious, I work in a Carrefour (about the largest warehouse company thing in Europe) but people in Belgium aren't that stupid, sadly, I'd love to have some of those funny conversations 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




Only funny thing I had was this:

Old Guy: Excuse me, do you sell dictaphones?
Me: No, we don't, but these days such a function is built-in in some MP3 players.
Old Guy: Oh I see
*he leaves and comes back 2 days later with a paper containing a printscreen of google's search results for "dictaphone" 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	



Old Guy: Excuse me, I'm looking for this *points at the paper*
Me: We don't sell dictaphones anymore, some MP3 players have a dictaphone/record function though
*At this point I take him to where the MP3 players are and show him some models, I guess he has no idea what an MP3 is as he mumbles something and walks on. I then hear him asking the EXACT same question to a collegue which says the exact same thing I told him. He probably didn't understand my collegue either and then he just left.

I haven't heard from him ever since, too bad, it was the closest to funny thing that happened while I worked there..


----------



## Extreme Coder (Jan 3, 2008)

Hilarious! Keep'em coming!

I know how stupid people can act, as I worked in a game shop before for a short while..


----------



## betawind (Jan 4, 2008)

I love this thread.  Too bad I can't get up to the minute updates!  For those that keep checking this to see if theres something new, check out hxxp://notalwaysright.com/ in the mean time.


----------



## Mewgia (Jan 5, 2008)

QUOTE(betawind @ Jan 4 2008 said:


> I love this thread.Â Too bad I can't get up to the minute updates!Â For those that keep checking this to see if theres something new, check out hxxp://notalwaysright.com/ in the mean time.


I just checked out that site and I'm a tad confused about one of them...the attendant tells a guy that he can't let his son into a move because it is rated R. I (obviously not over 17) have gotten into many R moves because I had my dad with me. afaik the law is that you must be seventeen unless with a parent/guardian...so it seems that the attendant was a bit off here.


----------



## kellyan95 (Jan 5, 2008)

5 pages, might have missed it...


Make a real blog? It's super easy. Have an Office Space/ The Office/ Chuck theme, it will be sweet


----------



## jumpman17 (Jan 5, 2008)

*January 2, 2008*
Lady: Do you have any file folders that aren't pieces of s***?
Me: Excuse me?
Lady: Do you have...any file folders...that aren't...pieces of s***?
Me: I'm...not sure what you mean.
Lady: I've ordered three different ones online from you and they all suck.
Me: What's wrong with them?
Lady: They suck.
Me: OK, but I can't tell you if we have anything different unless you tell me what was wrong with them.
Lady: They were pieces of s***.
Me: Oh, okay. No, we don't carry any file folders that aren't pieces of s***.
Lady: Hmph! I'll shop elsewhere then, this is ridiculous.

*January 4, 2008*
Lady: What's the difference between these two chairs?
Me: The color. One is black, the other is burgundy.
Lady: But this one is so much cheaper.
Me: That's because it's on clearance.
Lady: What's wrong with it?
Me: Nothing.
Lady: Then why is it cheaper?
Me: Because we are getting rid of that color.
Lady: But what's wrong with it?
Me: Nothing. We weren't selling very many of that color so we are going to stop carrying the burgundy.
Lady: Can I get the black one for that price?
Me: No.
Lady: Why not?
Me: Because only the burgundy one is on clearance.
Lady: But I want it in black.
Me: Then you pay full price.
Lady: Are you sure there is nothing wrong with the burgundy ones?
Me: Would you have bought the burgundy color if it was the same price as the black?
Lady: No.
Me: That's why we are getting rid of them.


----------



## JPH (Jan 5, 2008)

You pwned both of those ladies!
Gosh, I didn't know that there were so many stupid people in the world.


----------



## notnarb (Jan 5, 2008)

Which chair did she buy?


----------



## Icarus (Jan 5, 2008)

Is gas really that expensive in where you live that people complain about wasting it so often? Cuz, I've never heard of anyone saying that before xD And the gas is supposed to be the most expensive in this city.

Btw, can you actually diss the customers like that? I didn't know big corporations allow you to do that.


----------



## jumpman17 (Jan 5, 2008)

QUOTE(notnarb @ Jan 5 2008 said:


> Which chair did she buy?
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Where did I diss the customer? All I did was answer questions.


----------



## Icarus (Jan 5, 2008)

QUOTE(jumpman17 @ Jan 5 2008 said:


> Where did I diss the customer? All I did was answer questions.


Like here:

"Me: Oh, okay. No, we don't carry any file folders that aren't pieces of s***."

I'm pretty sure you can't say that  
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




  It's really funny though


----------



## jumpman17 (Jan 5, 2008)

QUOTE(Icarus @ Jan 5 2008 said:


> QUOTE(jumpman17 @ Jan 5 2008 said:
> 
> 
> > Where did I diss the customer? All I did was answer questions.
> ...



I was just answering her question. All our file folders are the same except for how many tabs they have and such. So whatever was wrong with the ones she had, would be wrong with the rest of them. And since the only info I had to go off of was they were pieces of s***, I answered the question to the best of my abilities.


----------



## laminaatplaat (Jan 5, 2008)

QUOTE(Icarus @ Jan 5 2008 said:


> Is gas really that expensive in where you live that people complain about wasting it so often? Cuz, I've never heard of anyone saying that before xD And the gas is supposed to be the most expensive in this city.




It wont be as expensive as in the Netherlands you pay $ 8 a gallon  
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	





I love the series!


----------



## jumpman17 (Jan 5, 2008)

QUOTE(laminaatplaat @ Jan 5 2008 said:


> QUOTE(Icarus @ Jan 5 2008 said:
> 
> 
> > Is gas really that expensive in where you live that people complain about wasting it so often? Cuz, I've never heard of anyone saying that before xD And the gas is supposed to be the most expensive in this city.
> ...



Gas is $3.10 here. The highest it's ever been here.

*EDIT:* Also, there won't be anymore updates. That was my last day of work as Christmas vacation is over and I head back to college on Sunday.


----------



## Salamantis (Jan 5, 2008)

QUOTE(jumpman17 @ Jan 5 2008 said:


> QUOTE(laminaatplaat @ Jan 5 2008 said:
> 
> 
> > QUOTE(Icarus @ Jan 5 2008 said:
> ...



No moar updates? noes! These were hilarious! Thanks for bringing them to us!


----------

