# Is it hard to find (the one) (someone) you love???



## Luz Noceda (Aug 8, 2021)

Hello Temperings 

I got a question for ya all 

Is it hard to find (the one) (someone) you love??? in my case finding a girlfriend, somebody that likes the most things you like and respects you how you are and not how you look???
I know it is weird to ask it here and not on somekind of dating site... but i lost my sight a little bit on this topic, for me its hard to step into somebody, i find it really hard to even look my mom right it her eyes idk why that is, but i know it is one of the many things that keeps me from getting a girlfriend. people think im angry and weird looking, but thats not what im all about, im just like the most of us, Wanted to have kids, having a job, building a family and just overall enjoying life, You know, Right now i think i never able to get a girlfriend (People think i want to be on my own, winch is kinda true, but partly, i want someone that gives me the life i deserve whenever thats a girlfriend or a pet) <3


----------



## EmanueleBGN (Aug 8, 2021)

It's harder to find someone who loves you back


----------



## Luz Noceda (Aug 8, 2021)

EmanueleBGN said:


> It's harder to find someone who loves you back


Thats True


----------



## FAST6191 (Aug 8, 2021)

Statistically speaking. Yes. It is for a lot of people, indeed probably most and even those with a lot of perks towards it.
https://worldpopulationreview.com/state-rankings/divorce-rate-by-state


> About 90% of people in Western cultures marry by age 50. In the United States, about 50% of married couples divorce, the sixth-highest divorce rate in the world. Subsequent marriages have an even higher divorce rate: 60% of second marriages end in divorce, and 73% of all third marriages end in divorce.


Though it is also noted marriage rates are falling off a cliff so I might question something there.

To that end you can ask the question. If it is a fantasy along the lines of owning an aircraft carrier would be cool but hardly realistic then does pursuing it with much zeal make sense?

Couple of interesting analysis type things as well, possibly skewing a bit political for some and somewhat America centric (I have been all over, including the Netherlands, and it is not massively different) but you can ignore those aspects if you like



Equally if you are indeed 19 then it is a brutal time for such things; women older than you consider you a toy, women your own age have you and everything up to around 40 to look at and the chances of those higher in age being able to do nice material things for them does rather increase which makes life somewhat hard there even if you are merely aiming for the proverbial girl next door.


----------



## Deleted member 560282 (Aug 8, 2021)

Unrelated but you got a funny nickname there bud-


----------



## Luz Noceda (Aug 9, 2021)

Arekkusuda said:


> Unrelated but you got a funny nickname there bud-


Yeah! you really think so?? Aww thank you

--------------------- MERGED ---------------------------



FAST6191 said:


> Statistically speaking. Yes. It is for a lot of people, indeed probably most and even those with a lot of perks towards it.
> https://worldpopulationreview.com/state-rankings/divorce-rate-by-state
> 
> Though it is also noted marriage rates are falling off a cliff so I might question something there.
> ...




Sadly Yes indeed im 19 Nothing there is lied over Everything what is there is true Im Indeed 19 and from the netherlands


----------



## Deleted member 560282 (Aug 9, 2021)

Animewaifu7 said:


> Yeah! you really think so?? Aww thank you


You... welcome?


----------



## Wolfy (Aug 9, 2021)

Spoiler: My ramblings...



The only advice that I think will help, doesn't matter if it's on a dating app( it's gonna suck ), or in real life( which is also gonna suck ), is to just GO for it. Reason being, if you want someone, you're going to have to be in a situation where you'll be able to interact and meet new people.

Will the first person you talk to be the one? No.
Will the second through the next tens to hundred? Probably not.

But you'll at least have the chance to see new people, and maybe there's a few friends, and maybe there are some interests in those attempts. Just always be open to different types of people and what they are into. You never know what's gonna happen so just go with the flow, you don't need to change your interests or behaviors, just take things slow and maneuver as needed, however difficult it will be at the beginning.



TL: DR I still don't know how I got my girlfriend, was on Tinder for awhile and someone I was just having a good time with as friends, turned into something more later on, and we've been good for the last three years. So explore your options of where to meet people( dating apps, school, etc... ). And hope things go well for you


----------



## Sonic Angel Knight (Aug 9, 2021)

Well, fast said some things about marriage rates which are some sad news. Though I think the problem maybe from indoctrination practice that some people have. Living in hook up culture where people just do what they want, go with the flow, get into "situation-ships" and stuff like "Palimony" exist. It doesn't really seem conducive to a good relationship, which could lead to good lasting marriage.

Most of the point of marriage was for fostering a family. Now and days, people divorce just cause of not being happy, someone did this or day, or maybe other personal reasons not being satisfied. Then you end up with either single mom or dad, where one parent lose custody of their children making things even more difficult. The traits both parents have should help raise better children. People are better together than apart. 

There just lots of things that people do that perhaps they aren't even aware of that sometimes contributes to lowering their success rate of "Finding love" which can be bad if they don't realize it. I'm not part of the culture where they had arranged marriages, but I been told that exist cause the parents made sure the children getting married will be good fit for their spouses. More like a screening process to see if they are compatible. 

But the children in the arranged marriage assuming they been taught the proper things for making it work. Guys with taking care of his woman's needs and their emotions, getting a well paying job with stable and good income, leadership with handling problems and other things that they could be unprepared for. Lady supporting the husband with cooking food for healthy diet, making sure he is at peace and other things that helps him stay in good mood. So he is able to go out into the problematic world to bring home the resources which he must compete against others doing the same thing every day in his place of work or others.

To try and not drag this on much longer, basically, some places have a culture that constitute to some bad outlook on things and maybe predicators on the troubles or difficulty of finding love. Here in the Good old U-S of A (That's sarcasm) we have clear problems of "Love." like Fast said with the divorce rates increasing (most of which is initiated by women, due to spouse income levels being not good enough) It is tough. Things could be a lot better but as they are now, is not and is headed down.


----------



## CoolMe (Aug 9, 2021)

Animewaifu7 said:


> Hello Temperings
> 
> I got a question for ya all
> 
> ...


I would say focus on building your character, traits, moral, be open-minded to ideas, how you behave by yourself and how you treat people. On the course of life, these endeavors will become habits and these habits becomes part your personality (the same goes for you flaws, as one should work on them), you will feel complete by then when you reach mid twenties. You don't to make hasty decisions now when it comes to marriage, it might be a good idea now and could have a lasting effect. Work on the foundation that is YOU, and every aspect of you should be whole and not fragmented. You might have an idea of what you want of a woman to be/possess either by beauty and /or traits (waifu material, wink wink) , and that's natural, and when you see/someone that not necessarily ticks all the boxes, it's your choice if you want to know them better without rushing things, if things fall apart and it's not your fault you have nothing to be ashamed of, you were simply incompatible.. I could go on...


----------



## Goku1992A (Aug 9, 2021)

@Sonic Angel Knight 
I had this convo with my buddies the other day... In the golden ages like late 1800-1930 nobody divorced people worked out their marriages.... But once alimony and child support exisited divorce came on the rise. Many people marry for $$$ than love.  

Sex is easy to get but love is hard to find.


----------



## BlazeMasterBM (Aug 9, 2021)

for some of us it is near impossible. I had a gf once.


----------



## Luz Noceda (Aug 9, 2021)

BlazeMasterBM said:


> for some of us it is near impossible. I had a gf once.


Same dude thats why im seeking of one gf again I miss that feeling you know that someone is there for you, that feeling that someone loves you for once.


----------



## BlazeMasterBM (Aug 9, 2021)

Animewaifu7 said:


> Same dude thats why im seeking of one gf again I miss that feeling you know that someone is there for you, that feeling that someone loves you for once.


I know what you mean!!!! I really miss it, it almost felt unreal. And now I don't know if I can get that again..


----------



## Luz Noceda (Aug 9, 2021)

Goku1992A said:


> @Sonic Angel Knight
> I had this convo with my buddies the other day... In the golden ages like late 1800-1930 nobody divorced people worked out their marriages.... But once alimony and child support exisited divorce came on the rise. Many people marry for $$$ than love.
> 
> Sex is easy to get but love is hard to find.


Idk why but this is acutlly a good point Thank you guys for the support i really love it

--------------------- MERGED ---------------------------



BlazeMasterBM said:


> I know what you mean!!!! I really miss it, it almost felt unreal. And now I don't know if I can get that again..


That is exactly the thing i got now


----------



## Goku1992A (Aug 9, 2021)

Animewaifu7 said:


> Idk why but this is acutlly a good point Thank you guys for the support i really love it



Well you'll find love I'm sure of it... I'm 30 and a single dad me and my ex broke up last year (in a crazy custody battle) but at the end of the day it's life. Let's just say you do have a gf it isn't guaranteed that your time will be forever but just some advice get out more and get with girls who share the same intrests you have. If you like to game and etc..etc.. find a girl who like to do that too... 

Me and my ex had nothing in common that was one of the reasons we didn't work out but trust me 7billion people in the world you will find a gf but focus more on yourself and improve your life.


----------



## Sonic Angel Knight (Aug 9, 2021)

Goku1992A said:


> @Sonic Angel Knight
> Sex is easy to get but love is hard to find.


I would argue it's easy for women to get sex. Is still a challenge for most men even the very good ones.



Goku1992A said:


> I had this convo with my buddies the other day... In the golden ages like late 1800-1930 nobody divorced people worked out their marriages.... But once alimony and child support existed divorce came on the rise. Many people marry for $$$ than love.


Well I did want to mention stuff like Child support and Alimony, but I didn't want to go too deep into the topic cause I didn't want to sound uppity or righteous. Mostly wanted to point out observations. There is some... let's say low incentive for men to want to marry women. The child support and Alimony is one of the bigger reasons. But another is the hook up culture of guys being able to get sex from some women without marriage. 

The nuclear family was the way that had people stick together for the sake of the children, not put themself and their personal feelings first. They didn't complain or divorce as soon as they was feeling the need to. They stick together to raise the children. Single parent houses aren't the worst thing ever, but it helps to stick together to ensure your children has the best chance of successful evolution into adulthood.


----------



## Luz Noceda (Aug 9, 2021)

Goku1992A said:


> Well you'll find love I'm sure of it... I'm 30 and a single dad me and my ex broke up last year (in a crazy custody battle) but at the end of the day it's life. Let's just say you do have a gf it isn't guaranteed that your time will be forever but just some advice get out more and get with girls who share the same intrests you have. If you like to game and etc..etc.. find a girl who like to do that too...
> 
> Me and my ex had nothing in common that was one of the reasons we didn't work out but trust me 7billion people in the world you will find a gf but focus more on yourself and improve your life.


I totally understand your point and i know where you talking about But.... How do i gonna go out, from my pov thats awkward you know im not the type that walks to a girl to ask her out (Im shy, i got autism, and im already gonna sweat if a girl is sitting next to me)


----------



## Goku1992A (Aug 9, 2021)

Sonic Angel Knight said:


> I would argue it's easy for women to get sex. Is still a challenge for most men even the very good ones.
> 
> 
> Well I did want to mention stuff like Child support and Alimony, but I didn't want to go too deep into the topic cause I didn't want to sound uppity or righteous. Mostly wanted to point out observations. There is some... let's say low incentive for men to want to marry women. The child support and Alimony is one of the bigger reasons. But another is the hook up culture of guys being able to get sex from some women without marriage.
> ...



No point of getting married in America right now there is no reason to do so it is a liabiliy.  People don't even stay together anymore I was engaged to my ex but she kept on having issues and problems so I broke it off with her and she became bitter and etc..etc..  but then again I got my ex pregant 2 months after knowing her. 

It's very rare nowadays for people to stay together because social media and technology is breaking people apart and also humanity.

@Animewaifu7 
Don't let your autism/shyness get in yourway but your best chances (idk if you are in college) is finding a girl in your college or university that has the same intrests in you... 

I used to be shy when i was younger but I grew out of it.


----------



## Stealphie (Aug 9, 2021)

This may sound rude but god based on OP's username and pfp and "respects you how you are and not how you look" I am trying really hard not to laugh


----------



## Sonic Angel Knight (Aug 9, 2021)

Goku1992A said:


> It's very rare nowadays for people to stay together because social media and technology is breaking people apart and also humanity.


Yeah social media. It is a problem. The whole point of using it to date where if no one had that, they would have to limit themself to people just in their immediate area. On social media, the hook up culture is multiplied. Being able to get a rich guy from another state or even country, immediately disqualifies guys around the current living area.



Goku1992A said:


> No point of getting married in America right now there is no reason to do so it is a liability.


Think the best thing to do is self improve to the point where you attract the kind of person you want to be with rather than fin and chase after them. On the plus side, you'll be the one girls will want to fight over you for instead of fighting other men for. (It sounds bad either way but that happened once, was in the news) Self improve, not to get someone, but to not have to tolerate the problems that can come from having someone be a liability to you.


----------



## Goku1992A (Aug 9, 2021)

@Sonic Angel Knight
Totally understand... right now I'm just focusing on my carrer and my son. I do want to date again and etc..etc.. but not now maybe next year once you have children it is hard to date... I'm self improving in my carrer but right now my son is more of a higher priority if i meet ms right that would be perfect. 

Evreyone dream is to find the love of their life and live happlily ever after but the world doesn't operate that way.. Some people will get it and some will not get it or some will only have it for a short period of time. Technology definately played a huge roll because the entire world is on their cell phone rather than interacting or being outside.


----------



## Seliph (Aug 9, 2021)

Yep!


----------



## Luz Noceda (Aug 9, 2021)

Stealphie said:


> This may sound rude but god based on OP's username and pfp and "respects you how you are and not how you look" I am trying really hard not to laugh


Goddamnit You right Thats why i never will get a girlfriend


----------



## Sonic Angel Knight (Aug 9, 2021)

Goku1992A said:


> Technology definately played a huge roll because the entire world is on their cell phone rather than interacting or being outside.


Is more of the fact that social media can disqualify people near by because the access to people in other states or countries. If they are rich or have certain jobs that allows them to move around the world more freely and easily, meeting them wouldn't be a problem. 

That's what most women seek from men which makes average or even above average men less appealing as they only will be satisfied with the top tier guys which is a very low percent of men. Compare that to the abundance of women wanting them or the guys able to get the girl they want who aren't the average or below average girl who satisfy them more than the ones feeling entitled to them. Though I didn't want to say entitled cause it sounds a bit mean. But it's already a problem that women with high standards placed on men targeted at top tier guys feel entitled and won't accept anything less. Those top tier guys won't have to tolerate the entitlement because so many want them and he has options if that makes sense.


----------



## cvskid (Aug 9, 2021)

People don't take wedding vows seriously these days.


----------



## Luz Noceda (Aug 9, 2021)

cvskid said:


> People don't take wedding vows seriously these days.


sadly its true


----------



## Deleted member 560282 (Aug 9, 2021)

Animewaifu7 said:


> Goddamnit You right Thats why i never will get a girlfriend



Sing this to any girl and they will fall for you in an instant-


----------



## Kwyjor (Aug 9, 2021)

Goku1992A said:


> In the golden ages like late 1800-1930 nobody divorced people worked out their marriages....


Ah yes, the "golden ages" when women couldn't vote and "people worked out their marriages" because even living with someone you absolutely detested was better than some of the alternatives.
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news...omen-couldnt-do-1971-mostly-right/3677101001/

Relationships might be great, but there's no shortage of people out there who have met with some pretty terrible fates just because it looked better than being alone.


----------



## EmanueleBGN (Aug 9, 2021)

BlazeMasterBM said:


> And now I don't know if I can get that again..


It took to me 10 years to feel again the 'true love' I had once, some months ago.
And I miss her too.


----------



## Goku1992A (Aug 9, 2021)

Kwyjor said:


> Ah yes, the "golden ages" when women couldn't vote and "people worked out their marriages" because even living with someone you absolutely detested was better than some of the alternatives.
> https://www.usatoday.com/story/news...omen-couldnt-do-1971-mostly-right/3677101001/
> 
> Relationships might be great, but there's no shortage of people out there who have met with some pretty terrible fates just because it looked better than being alone.



But you have to agree marriage rate was really low. During those times you just couldn't up and leave your husband you had to actually work out your relationship and if you did leave you left with nothing...

I think by 2100 marriage will probably no longer exist


----------



## Kwyjor (Aug 9, 2021)

Goku1992A said:


> But you have to agree marriage rate was really low. During those times you just couldn't up and leave your husband you had to actually work out your relationship and if you did leave you left with nothing...


I assume you mean "divorce rate".  And yes, maybe the divorce rate was low because women in particular would be "left with nothing" if it came to that; I can hardly say that area of history is my field of expertise. But there were certainly women who, faced with that kind of choice, decided to continue with an exquisitely painful marriage that brought them nothing but misery for the rest of their lives.  They did not "work out their relationship" and make everything all smiles; they were _trapped_ and they _suffered_.  There is _still_ almost certainly no shortage of women in that situation today.

(ETA: And probably some men too. But it's fair to say there is probably some substantial disparity.)



> I think by 2100 marriage will probably no longer exist


If nothing else, some people still like weddings too much, and if it means they have to get married in order to have a wedding, there will still be marriages.  It is truly terrifying what some people will do in order to have a wedding.


----------



## subcon959 (Aug 9, 2021)

I'm not sure how but it sort of just happens. Usually when you least expect it. The best thing to do is just live your life and don't get fixated on it.


----------



## Deleted member 514389 (Aug 9, 2021)

This is about:
a) Probability
  b) Compromise-ability.


----------



## DinohScene (Aug 9, 2021)

I found @AtsuNii on a gay dating app...


----------



## chrisrlink (Aug 9, 2021)

maybe it's me but I'm slightly over love because A) the women i dated turned out to be batshit and B my parents seem to not want me to succeed in life (the type you wished dropped dead so they stop babying you cause they won't listen to reason) on another note my younger brother is very sucessful maybe it's because of my disability they act that way


----------



## Undi (Aug 9, 2021)

Yes. Because I'm a weirdo.
And I need another weirdoe in my life.
I have all the time life as to offer me for that kind of shit


----------



## MohammedQ8 (Aug 9, 2021)

I used to care about people liking me now I don't care and only love myself.

Now I want people to treat me nicely not their love.

no matter who you think you are ... they can replace you very easily.

instead I want them to try to please me not the other way.

those days are over for me.

their is something powerful than love ... called respect.


----------



## AncientBoi (Aug 9, 2021)

As OLD as I am now, You Betcha.


----------



## Magsor (Aug 9, 2021)

Here is my take on the subject guys I thinks it's not hard to use dating apps.
Few rules to respect tough.

1.Polish your pictures. Polish polish polish phots.. polish. It's gotta be fun it's gotta be you and original. No catfish but show only your strengh. If it take you  3 month to make them it does not matter; It's gotta be super for you next soulmate...

2. No text needed. If you want to write something fit it in a picture its more original and more work so they see you put effort and that all they want to see. 

3. Be patient. Everyone on dating apps been there for only 2 weeks so everyone is just coming in. So there is ALWAYS new people.There is better seasons perhaps too, wait for that especially good weather season like spring in my case to strike.

4.Remind yourself that a relationship is 2 people that agree to the same thing, If you guys don't agree it is not a relationship so don't waste your time. Just be polite, say goodbye, follow your guts and LOVE YOURSELF.


----------



## T-hug (Aug 9, 2021)

Not to sound patronising, but you are 19 years old! All the time in the world yet to find love.

I met my wife when I was 22 and she was 19. I'm now 39 and we are still together.
She's not a gamer and never has been, in fact, we are complete opposites of each other. Maybe that's why it works..?
She is posh/middle class whereas I am working class. I smoke, she doesn't, I game she doesn't, she drinks and I don't, I'm tall she's not etc. - I could go on all day.

Best advice I can give you is to put yourself out there, like just go out more, even if just walking around your neighbourhood. Get to know people. The more you are out and about in a routine, the more likely you are to find that special someone.

It'll happen eventually, try not to dwell on it just because you want to find someone.

Things like this just have a way of happening when you least expect it! 

Good luck and all the best!


----------



## eyeliner (Aug 9, 2021)

Go get her, son!
Grab her towards you, plant a big one smack right on her lips. Grab her behind and feel her up. They love that.

In movies.

In reality, you'd be liable to a lawsuit.
Human relationships are complicated. Ask her out one day and see if she says "yes". Then go from there. Use your best man cologne.

Pay for the meal, you cheap bastard!


----------



## BlazeMasterBM (Aug 9, 2021)

eyeliner said:


> Go get her, son!
> Grab her towards you, plant a big one smack right on her lips. Grab her behind and feel her up. They love that.
> 
> In movies.
> ...


you're going to have to pay for a lot of meals. My ex always "forgot" her wallet when we went to Waffle House, when we both knew she just didn't want to pay XD I didn't mind paying tho


----------



## Julie_Pilgrim (Aug 12, 2021)

i had a girl once jokingly say "we r lesbains"

does that count?


----------



## SG854 (Aug 12, 2021)

Girls want me. They want me bad. But im plain hard to get and they like that.


----------



## The Catboy (Aug 15, 2021)

Honest opinion, I think too many people just go straight to "love" in relationships and that's the biggest problem. People start out dating someone they vaguely know and start trying to form a romantic relationship from there. My best relationships started growing together as friends learning to understand each other before deciding to try a relationship. Even my last one ended because we valued each other's friendship more than we wanted to continue a less than ideal relationship. Last year I married my best friend and she's still my best friend. We had a close friendship long before getting together and we kind of knew what to expect in a relationship before getting together. I think too many people don't try to have a friendship with their romantic relationship. Maybe that's just me but it seems to have resulted in some of the best relationships that I've had.


----------



## CoolMe (Aug 15, 2021)

No expectations = no disappointments. Like @Lilith said, try to understand each other (needs/wants/habits..) first, and if it goes well and it  develops into a loving relationship, that's cool. Or if it doesn't, you shouldn't take it personally.


----------



## AceyBwoi (Aug 15, 2021)

What is love?

Baby dont hurt me

Dont hurt me 

No more


----------



## D34DL1N3R (Aug 15, 2021)

Meh. When you're almost 50 and have been through so many long term relationships only to have your entire world come crashing down again and again... you start to not care so much anymore. Wish I had not cared as much a lot sooner. Like over 30 years ago.


----------



## SAIYAN48 (Aug 15, 2021)

Hard for me, my standards are super high.


----------



## altorn (Aug 15, 2021)

i say fuck it and focus on yourself.

you can find someone to love and someone to love you back, but it depends on your circumstances and who you are WHEN.
don't wait or try to find it. work on developing yourself instead, live your life, improve your skills/talents and love yourself. by the time you've become the best you can be, you'll probably have someone. that relationship could also fail as well, but at least you have YOURSELF to rely on to stand back up and you won't be afraid to fall in love again.

also, finding someone to love and loves you back is one thing, but having those same feelings after many years, that's the better outcome.


----------



## BobCh (Sep 9, 2021)

There is nothing wrong with you. You just lack confidence in yourself a little. You can try dating apps, for example. My friend met her gf on one of the sites reviewed by datehookup. Some people find it easier to communicate when they are on the other side of the screen. That is the reason why dating apps are so popular nowadays imho.


----------



## Vila_ (Sep 9, 2021)

lol how did he get banned? I'm curious...


----------



## Kirby6417 (Sep 10, 2021)

Vilagamer999 said:


> lol how did he get banned? I'm curious...



I was wondering this as well.

All I know is, I caution against gamer GF's. Had one once, turned out to be very mentally unstable. I think true gamer girls are incredibly rare -- so rare that I must conclude they don't arise naturally. My gamer gf was a product of introversion caused by parents who blamed her and mistreated her. A very mistrusting individual. At the real depths of a relationship, you gotta believe the other person has your best intentions at heart, and she just couldn't feel that way about me. That led to many arguments and there was tension all the time.

But then, we're all gamers here, aren't we? So shouldn't we get gamer GF's? It seems like traditionally social girls will want traditionally social guys, they won't want me. Isn't that what we think -- especially those of us who grew up as outcasts and as antisocial people? But I also caution against that line of thinking. Instead, you should think of gaming as a hobby, not a personality. You have a full, robust personality and you have very meaningful passions. If you really want traditional love and monogamy, you should start seeing yourself as a person who wants those things. See yourself as a future good father, a husband, a leader, etc. That will help you feel confident, like you deserve to be with those types of girls. Changing my way of thinking certainly helped me... No more gamer GF's lol. I can get a real job, I can pursue passions that make me truly attractive to people, I can be a good father someday. So why shouldn't I be able to find a girl who wants a guy like that?

But then, if you want to find a girl who wants that -- traditional stuff -- you gotta look in places where they are. And use the dating apps very astutely. You can spot a girl with modern values -- it's not hard -- and she'll give you modern love, and you'll be dissatisfied with that.


----------



## Kwyjor (Sep 10, 2021)

Kirby6417 said:


> But then, we're all gamers here, aren't we? So shouldn't we get gamer GF's? It seems like traditionally social girls will want traditionally social guys, they won't want me. Isn't that what we think -- especially those of us who grew up as outcasts and as antisocial people? But I also caution against that line of thinking. Instead, you should think of gaming as a hobby, not a personality.


So you think everyone here is a "gamer" who is an "outcast" and "antisocial"..?

I think trying to arbitrarily stuff people into convenient mental boxes is a poor long-term strategy.


----------



## Hells Malice (Sep 10, 2021)

Kirby6417 said:


> I was wondering this as well.
> 
> All I know is, I caution against gamer GF's. Had one once, turned out to be very mentally unstable. I think true gamer girls are incredibly rare -- so rare that I must conclude they don't arise naturally. My gamer gf was a product of introversion caused by parents who blamed her and mistreated her. A very mistrusting individual. At the real depths of a relationship, you gotta believe the other person has your best intentions at heart, and she just couldn't feel that way about me. That led to many arguments and there was tension all the time.
> 
> ...



That is many words to express

"I had a girlfriend once and now I apply her personality to all women and overgeneralize them for basically no reason other than I guess a coping mechanism for loneliness"

This just reeks of mega cringe "women are goddesses and unlike filthy human males".
Women are just guys except with bobs and vagene. You can find women who act like and enjoy things literally identically to men. Your gender has no bearing on your lifestyle or hobby other than inherent social norms that are rapidly lessening anyway. What a stupid over-analysis of a simple subject. Gaming is a hobby it has nothing to do with fatherhood or attractiveness.

Your fundamental lack of understanding people and relationships is staggering, I could go on and on but there's probably no point.


----------



## stanleyopar2000 (Sep 10, 2021)

altorn said:


> i say fuck it and focus on yourself.
> 
> you can find someone to love and someone to love you back, but it depends on your circumstances and who you are WHEN.
> don't wait or try to find it. work on developing yourself instead, live your life, improve your skills/talents and love yourself. by the time you've become the best you can be, you'll probably have someone. that relationship could also fail as well, but at least you have YOURSELF to rely on to stand back up and you won't be afraid to fall in love again.
> ...



This. Love YOURSELF first!


----------



## Kirby6417 (Sep 10, 2021)

Kwyjor said:


> So you think everyone here is a "gamer" who is an "outcast" and "antisocial"..?
> 
> I think trying to arbitrarily stuff people into convenient mental boxes is a poor long-term strategy.



I think you’re not understanding me. I’m talking about people like myself who have self-identified with those labels. I assume there are others here like that. I’m not labeling other people.




Hells Malice said:


> That is many words to express
> 
> "I had a girlfriend once and now I apply her personality to all women and overgeneralize them for basically no reason other than I guess a coping mechanism for loneliness"
> 
> ...



What a negative way of talking to people  Read your own last sentence. You don’t even know me and you’d say something so grievous about my fundamental human understanding? You should probably ease up on how you judge people.

Anyway, I don’t know how you got that out of my post. You seem very uncomfortable observing (a) which social traits tend to come with a heavy interest in gaming (and anime for that matter), and (b) that girls are fairly extreme minority among serious gaming enthusiasts.

I was just sharing my observations on the topic and reflecting on which people I would keep my mind open to meeting, because I realize I did a disservice to myself in the past by trying to meet only girls of a specific niche who didn’t necessarily want what I wanted. It was a pretty personal post.

Anyway, I’m sorry my post got you so upset, but your hostility kind of bummed me out. Maybe you should try to interpret people more charitably. Your words do affect people.


----------



## Kwyjor (Sep 10, 2021)

Kirby6417 said:


> I think you’re not understanding me. I’m talking about people like myself who have self-identified with those labels. I assume there are others here like that. I’m not labeling other people.


You made a post that is wide open to some very unfortunate interpretations, sir, and you can expect to be "bummed out" a lot more often in the future with talk like that.



Kirby6417 said:


> You can spot a girl with modern values -- it's not hard -- and she'll give you modern love, and you'll be dissatisfied with that.


How the blazes can you say you are "not labeling other people"!?

Also, typically "pretty personal posts" are not written in the second person.


----------



## Kirby6417 (Sep 10, 2021)

Kwyjor said:


> You made a post that is wide open to some very unfortunate interpretations, sir, and you can expect to be "bummed out" a lot more often in the future with talk like that.
> 
> How the blazes can you say you are "not labeling other people"!?
> 
> Also, typically "pretty personal posts" are not written in the second person.



What’s this fixation on labeling? Mine was a pretty benign statement — people with certain values create certain relationships. It’s frankly not even an analytical statement, but it’s worth keeping in mind if you (like myself) have picked the wrong type of person in the past. I guess you can call it labeling or putting people in boxes, but literally everybody does it —we have to make character judgments somehow. Might as well be honest with ourselves that we do it so we can do it more honestly.

Anyway, you didn’t like my post because it rubbed you the wrong way, that’s fine.


----------



## Kwyjor (Sep 10, 2021)

Kirby6417 said:


> we have to make character judgments somehow.


What is this "we" business, sir? Maybe _you_ feel that _you_ have to make character judgements somehow.  Maybe "literally everybody does it" but a whole lot of people also get it wrong a whole lot of the time.  It's not a matter of "doing it more honestly"; it's a matter of recognizing when it's happening and taking precautions.


----------



## Deleted member 568468 (Sep 10, 2021)

being a trans gay man who surely can't start transition yet is definitely a huge obstacle in finding that special someone - I either fall for straight guys or transphobes  which way, western man?


----------



## Kirby6417 (Sep 10, 2021)

Kwyjor said:


> What is this "we" business, sir? Maybe _you_ feel that _you_ have to make character judgements somehow.  Maybe "literally everybody does it" but a whole lot of people also get it wrong a whole lot of the time.  It's not a matter of "doing it more honestly"; it's a matter of recognizing when it's happening and taking precautions.



Well I can see this is where we reach our impasse. I’m surprised you genuinely don’t think character judgments are an intrinsic and necessary part of interaction. How do you choose your friends? How do you choose trustworthy partners? How would you hire somebody? So many facets of social interaction are about determining where to place your faith, it’s plainly what people do and are supposed to do. So that’s where this “we” business comes from.

To be clear, these types of character judgments aren’t condemnations. It’s not “All people who dress like that are bad people.” I really dislike people who make condemnation judgments. I’m talking about pragmatic prediction stuff. E.g., “Sure he _might_ be a great employee and a very honest person, but he came to the interview late and was impolite, so I will hire somebody else instead.” To relate that to the topic, it’s an important part of picking romantic partners too. So yeah, we all do it and we all have to do it, and it typically happens subconsciously; so we should try to do it carefully and honestly.

But more interestingly than my post hoc arguments about my position is just this: Some people seem to really recoil at the word “labels” and the concept of generalizations. I would argue that those people typically still generalize and label with the same all the same fervor and sweeping-ness as anybody else, but the sentiment just sits poorly with them, and to me it does not sit poorly. So that’s our impasse and I’m cool with that, but then there’s probably not any further interesting discussion for us to have so good day sir.


----------



## Kwyjor (Sep 10, 2021)

Kirby6417 said:


> I really dislike people who make condemnation judgments. I’m talking about pragmatic prediction stuff. E.g., “Sure he _might_ be a great employee and a very honest person, but he came to the interview late and was impolite, so I will hire somebody else instead.”


How is that not a "condemnation"? A great employee and very honest person may have an excellent reason for being late and what seems like impoliteness might be misinterpreted. Maybe job interviews call for that sort of thing; I for one do not aim to ever be in that position.



> I would argue that those people typically still generalize and label with the same all the same fervor and sweeping-ness as anybody else, but the sentiment just sits poorly with them, and to me it does not sit poorly.


You're the one who was feeling "bummed out" because someone didn't "interpret you more charitably". I guess when confronted with such hostility you can take refuge in your obvious superiority, since your ability to judge people has clearly served you so very well in the past.


----------



## ashton_the_cabbit (Sep 30, 2021)

im gay so uuuhhh.. very


----------



## aoikurayami (Jul 22, 2022)

Lifehack:

Find s.o. that "luvz" u.*
Then go from there

* That' how my brain works.


Spoiler



I'll only luv u, if you luv me first.
I'll eat your affection and snuggles and convert themto hormones.
It's a feedback loop.

And I'll trap you.
(Now that I think about i.. Maybe I should change my name to "AoiStockholm-yami"
Huh.





ashton_the_cabbit said:


> im gay so uuuhhh.. very


Fun fact:
Gay people, when actually finding s.o. have a higher chance of making it (imo)
as there is no stupid "social script".


----------



## Stwert (Jul 25, 2022)

I don’t think so, if you’re socially active, you’ll eventually find someone who just clicks with you. I met my (now wife) on a night out, despite me always saying I’d never get serious with someone I met when I was clubbing. But what can I say, we were chatting, she had to pop off for a couple minutes, but she said stay, and because of her cheek, I did and the rest is history.

It turned out we had so much in common, and she’s been an utterly amazing partner over these past, emmmmm, I think 13 years. Though what would have happened if not for a child running head first into a concrete pillar at the cinema on our first real date (he was fine) but we pissed ourselves laughing, and that was the ice breaker.


----------



## ashton_the_cabbit (Aug 5, 2022)

aoikurayami said:


> Lifehack:
> 
> Find s.o. that "luvz" u.*
> Then go from there
> ...


its almost a year later, i still get no bitches


----------

