# School appropriate "LOL" jokes



## notnarb (Feb 27, 2009)

I'm competing against 3 other people in a school event where I must make 4 randomly selected students spit out the koolaid which they will have in their mouth (laughing is the implied objective).  My main obstacle is finding "LOL" jokes that are school appropriate that take less than 15 seconds.  In fact I am almost convinced they don't exist.  I intend to scare the crap out of one of them (proven to work! 
	

	
	
		
		

		
			





), but I can't do that when the mic gets passed to me and I'd imagine the other 3 would catch on despite the fact that they are all facing away from each other.  So yea, need sum jokes potent enough to make someone spit out a mouth full of liquid (or more dirty tricks besides starting a joke quietly and then shouting to startle them)


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## Advi (Feb 27, 2009)

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, “Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get it started.” Her boyfriend asks, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?” The blonde replies, “According to the box, it’s a tiger.” Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, turns to her and says, “First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger.” He takes her hand and says, “Second, I want you to relax. Let’s have a nice cup of tea, and then put all the Frosted Flakes back in the box.”


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## JPH (Feb 27, 2009)

LOL nice ^

however im sure you'll offend all the blonde girls in your classroom, and that probably wont turn up good


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## Advi (Feb 27, 2009)

Man walks into the Doctors office. “I have the results of your test and I’m afraid your going to die” Says the Doctor. The Man asks “How long do I have to live?” “Ten”, replies the Doctor. “What the hell does that mean”, the Man asks. “Ten Years, Ten Months, Ten weeks, What?” The Doctor Replies “Nine”


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## Tanas (Feb 27, 2009)

Steven Hawking came back for his first blind date in 10 years.
His glasses were smashed, his nose was broken, he had twisted ankle and 
a bruised knee.

Apparently, she had stood him up.


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## juggernaut911 (Feb 27, 2009)

Senor Saturno said:
			
		

> Man walks into the Doctors office. “I have the results of your test and I’m afraid your going to die” Says the Doctor. The Man asks “How long do I have to live?” “Ten”, replies the Doctor. “What the hell does that mean”, the Man asks. “Ten Years, Ten Months, Ten weeks, What?” The Doctor Replies “Nine”



old...

i don't need to use jokes. people just laugh at me... wait


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## Advi (Feb 27, 2009)

not my fault I copied them off of LOL.com. U_U


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## iritegood (Feb 27, 2009)

What's the difference between batman and a black guy?
Batman can go a night with out Robin.

What's the difference between a book and a mexican?
A book has real papers.

What do you get when you cross a black guy and an asian guy?
Someone that can steal a car but can't drive it.

That's my racist-joke quota for today.


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## kevenka (Feb 27, 2009)

Senor Saturno said:
			
		

> Man walks into the Doctors office. “I have the results of your test and I’m afraid your going to die” Says the Doctor. The Man asks “How long do I have to live?” “Ten”, replies the Doctor. “What the hell does that mean”, the Man asks. “Ten Years, Ten Months, Ten weeks, What?” The Doctor Replies “Nine”



I laughed so hard at this joke.


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## da_head (Feb 27, 2009)

Senor Saturno said:
			
		

> Man walks into the Doctors office. “I have the results of your test and I’m afraid your going to die” Says the Doctor. The Man asks “How long do I have to live?” “Ten”, replies the Doctor. “What the hell does that mean”, the Man asks. “Ten Years, Ten Months, Ten weeks, What?” The Doctor Replies “Nine”


i don't get it o.o


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## Banger (Feb 27, 2009)

da_head said:
			
		

> Senor Saturno said:
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He is counting backwards from 10.


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## kevenka (Feb 27, 2009)

Ah...come on man... 9 secs, 8 secs, 7 secs.


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## BakuFunn (Feb 27, 2009)

Maybe you could walk quietly onto the stage, and when your in the center, wait a second, take out those maracas behind your back and sing "PEANUT BUTTA JELLY TIME" while dancing. You know.
Well i get entertained easily.


And aren't racist jokes inappropriate?
Or those stereotype stuff?


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## kevenka (Feb 27, 2009)

yea...I thought those racist jokes were too mean.


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## notnarb (Feb 27, 2009)

QUOTE said:
			
		

> A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, “Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get it started.” Her boyfriend asks, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?” The blonde replies, “According to the box, it’s a tiger.” Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, turns to her and says, “First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger.” He takes her hand and says, “Second, I want you to relax. Let’s have a nice cup of tea, and then put all the Frosted Flakes back in the box.”
> too long :S
> 
> 
> ...


amusing, but it takes a second.  tried it on two people and no 'LOL'


			
				iritegood said:
			
		

> _*snip_


too racist (although I'm sure they would work if I used them 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




)


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## da_head (Feb 27, 2009)

kevenka said:
			
		

> Ah...come on man... 9 secs, 8 secs, 7 secs.


yeah i got it lol. just seemed a little long for a second hahah


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## knl (Feb 27, 2009)

this lady walks into an ice cream store and asks the cashier, "hi could I have some vanilla"
the cashier says, "sorry ma'am we're all out of vanilla"
the lady replies, "oh, okay, then I'll have the vanilla" 
"ma'am, as I just said, we have no vanilla ice cream currently"
"oh... I see... well then can you sell me the vanilla?"
"Ma'am, can you spell straw, as in strawberry for me?"
"okay, s-t-r-a-w" "ok, now can you spell late, as in chocolate for me?"
"alright, l-a-t-e..." "then can you spell freak, as in vanilla for me?"
"but there's no freak in vanilla." "ma'am that's exactly what i've been trying to tell you."

joke had to be touched up but I think it still works.


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## notnarb (Feb 27, 2009)

knl said:
			
		

> this lady walks into an ice cream store and asks the cashier, "hi could I have some vanilla"
> the cashier says, "sorry ma'am we're all out of vanilla"
> the lady replies, "oh, okay, then I'll have the vanilla"
> "ma'am, as I just said, we have no vanilla ice cream currently"
> ...


30 seconds


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## Brian117 (Feb 27, 2009)

knl said:
			
		

> this lady walks into an ice cream store and asks the cashier, "hi could I have some vanilla"
> the cashier says, "sorry ma'am we're all out of vanilla"
> the lady replies, "oh, okay, then I'll have the vanilla"
> "ma'am, as I just said, we have no vanilla ice cream currently"
> ...




I honestly don't get this... 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




Feel free to bash.


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## dinofan01 (Feb 27, 2009)

Brian117 said:
			
		

> knl said:
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+1 
I have no idea. Oh wait, I get it now. (while I wrote this). Your suppose to say it fast so that the "freak in" sounds like "freaking." Theres no freaking vanilla.


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## Brian117 (Feb 27, 2009)

Oh wow. I get it now.

Thanks Dino!

How could I miss that? xD. That's a good one.


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## juggernaut911 (Feb 27, 2009)

kevenka said:
			
		

> Ah...come on man... 9 secs, 8 secs, 7 secs.




lol, sex! 
	

	
	
		
		

		
			





props on racist/stereo jokes


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## dinofan01 (Feb 27, 2009)

Brian117 said:
			
		

> Oh wow. I get it now.
> 
> Thanks Dino!
> 
> How could I miss that? xD. That's a good one.


lol. I know. Its so simple yet so


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## Hehe Moo (Feb 27, 2009)

>_> I genuinely think it's impossible. All the jokes need to be racist or rude to be hilarious these days..


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## Licardo7 (Feb 27, 2009)

how about Yo mama jokes? They work.................. sometimes.


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## Smartpal (Feb 27, 2009)

Senor Saturno said:
			
		

> Man walks into the Doctors office. “I have the results of your test and I’m afraid your going to die” Says the Doctor. The Man asks “How long do I have to live?” “Ten”, replies the Doctor. “What the hell does that mean”, the Man asks. “Ten Years, Ten Months, Ten weeks, What?” The Doctor Replies “Nine”



I LOL'd.


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## Densetsu (Feb 27, 2009)

Are you allowed to show them a funny picture?

It only takes a second.  

Fast and efficient...ninja-like


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## Morgawr (Feb 27, 2009)

"Hey man, I pissed/masturbated in that koolaid. Tastes good?"


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## Brian117 (Feb 27, 2009)

Morgawr said:
			
		

> "Hey man, I pissed/masturbated in that koolaid. Tastes good?"



Doesn't sound like school appropriate.


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## Morgawr (Feb 27, 2009)

Brian117 said:
			
		

> Morgawr said:
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uuhh.. What kind of school are we talking about here? I can tell you we do way (WAAAY) worse at school than that, with our teachers too... :|


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## Sstew (Feb 27, 2009)

Morgawr said:
			
		

> Brian117 said:
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Agreed there's a lot worse things said in my school.


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## notnarb (Feb 28, 2009)

Sstew said:
			
		

> Morgawr said:
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School administrators tend to get a little more strict when you are in front of a crowd of 2000 people.

I did the even today, had zero jokes.  Scaring didn't work as the people elected seemed relatively hard boiled and I completely forgot the fact that I had a banana peel in my pocket to slip on  
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




.  It was a kinda stupid event anyways, however I am still very curious if school appropriate "LOL" jokes exist


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## Isaiah (Feb 28, 2009)

Hey whatchu lookin at. *swervs around* You're Checkin her out! Also your groin is bulging.


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## Zenith94 (Feb 28, 2009)

How about copy a joke from Red Vs Blue?


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## Dack (Mar 1, 2009)

Nice and quick one.

Apparently terrorists have infiltrated the makers of Alphabeti Spaghetti and laced some tins with explosive.

If they go off it could spell disaster.


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## MasterPenguin (Mar 1, 2009)

QUOTE said:
			
		

> A pirate walks into a bar wearing a paper towel on his head. He sits down at the bar and orders some rum. The bartender asks, "Why are you wearing a paper towel?" "Arrr..." says the pirate. "I've got a bounty on me."
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I love bar jokes. :|. Would they be "safe" in your school?


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## Rod (Mar 1, 2009)

Senor Saturno said:
			
		

> Man walks into the Doctors office. “I have the results of your test and I’m afraid your going to die” Says the Doctor. The Man asks “How long do I have to live?” “Ten”, replies the Doctor. “What the hell does that mean”, the Man asks. “Ten Years, Ten Months, Ten weeks, What?” The Doctor Replies “Nine”


Well, that made me LOL!


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## Linkiboy (Mar 1, 2009)

Thats a good idea. Start off with "I peed in that Kool-aid"


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## xoinx (Mar 1, 2009)

Morgawr said:
			
		

> "Hey man, I pissed/masturbated in that koolaid. Tastes good?"


i'd definitely spit it out if you said that


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## unknownworlder (Mar 1, 2009)

Dack said:
			
		

> Nice and quick one.
> 
> Apparently terrorists have infiltrated the makers of Alphabeti Spaghetti and laced some tins with explosive.
> 
> If they go off it could spell disaster.




That was a good joke, and I don't like puns.

I LOLED LIKE HELL.


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## Licardo7 (Mar 1, 2009)

QUOTE said:
			
		

> Three men walk into a bar.
> The fourth one ducked.


I don't get this one.


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## Exbaddude (Mar 1, 2009)

Licardo7 said:
			
		

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Like a metal pole. Bar. xD


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## Licardo7 (Mar 1, 2009)

Exbaddude said:
			
		

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OOOOHHHH I get it now XD funny


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## gblock247 (Mar 1, 2009)

Licardo7 said:
			
		

> Exbaddude said:
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## cardyology (Mar 1, 2009)

Two peedos on a beach,

one says to the other "get out of my sun"






















..................


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## Costello (Mar 1, 2009)

QUOTE said:
			
		

> [16:20:25]  a hooker walks up to a very old man and says "I can give you some super sex."
> [16:20:48]  the old man thinks for a minute, and finally replies.. "well, i guess I'll take the soup."


mthr's originals!


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## Jax (Mar 1, 2009)

A murderer, sitting in the electric chair, was about to be executed.


"Have you any last requests?" asked the Chaplain.


"Yes," replied the murderer. "Will you hold my hand?"


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## War (Mar 2, 2009)

cardyology said:
			
		

> Two peedos on a beach,
> 
> one says to the other "get out of my sun"
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> ..................


That was fucking hilarious


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## Pizzaroo (Mar 2, 2009)

YO MAN WE HERD U LIEK ____ SO WE PUT A _____ IN YOUR ____ SO YOU CAN ______ WHILE YOU _____


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## iritegood (Mar 2, 2009)

Pizzaroo said:
			
		

> YO MAN WE HERD U LIEK ____ SO WE PUT A _____ IN YOUR ____ SO YOU CAN ______ WHILE YOU _____


Unfunny meme is unfunny.


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## Balrogs.Pain (Mar 2, 2009)

“‘Sort of’ is such a harmless thing to say. Sort of. It’s just a filler. Sort of - it doesn’t really mean anything. But after certain things, sort of means everything. Like after ‘I love you’ or ‘You’re going to live’ or ‘It’s a boy.’”
Demetri martins hilarious. . .


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## tenchan4 (Mar 2, 2009)

Balrogs.Pain said:
			
		

> “‘Sort of’ is such a harmless thing to say. Sort of. It’s just a filler. Sort of - it doesn’t really mean anything. But after certain things, sort of means everything. Like after ‘I love you’ or ‘You’re going to live’ or ‘It’s a boy.’”
> Demetri martins hilarious. . .


Went through this whole thread. This was the only actual LOL I had.


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## Densetsu (Mar 2, 2009)

iritegood said:
			
		

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Spoiler: Xzibit gets pwned


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## cupajoe (Mar 2, 2009)

Densetsu3000 said:
			
		

> iritegood said:
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You should project that image onto the wall or something. I just spit Kool aid all over my monitor. I'm sure it will work on them.


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## cardyology (Mar 2, 2009)

War said:
			
		

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Thanks


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## Exbaddude (Mar 3, 2009)

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300°C. 

The Russians used a pencil.


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## fateastray (Mar 3, 2009)

Exbaddude said:
			
		

> When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300°C.
> 
> The Russians used a pencil.



Mwhahahaha, it sounds familiar, but really funny!

also, ROFL to the Xzibit got owned picture!

Also, I've never had Koolaid in my life, and I want to know what the fuss is about! Anyone interested in airmailing me a bottle!?


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## modshroom128 (Mar 4, 2009)

notnarb said:
			
		

> I'm competing against 3 other people in a school event where I must make 4 randomly selected students spit out the koolaid which they will have in their mouth (laughing is the implied objective).  My main obstacle is finding "LOL" jokes that are school appropriate that take less than 15 seconds.  In fact I am almost convinced they don't exist.  I intend to scare the crap out of one of them (proven to work!
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wtf? i didn't understand anything.


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## Densetsu (Mar 4, 2009)

fateastray said:
			
		

> also, ROFL to the Xzibit got owned picture!
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> Also, I've never had Koolaid in my life, and I want to know what the fuss is about! Anyone interested in airmailing me a bottle!?


Kool-aid in its pure form is just a sour powder (you have to add your own sugar), and it comes in really small, light, flat packets that would be easy to mail.  I like the cherry and tropical punch flavors.  

Sorry, off-topic


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## gblock247 (Mar 4, 2009)

I used to drink Kool-Aid by the gallon when I was a kid....even saved up enough Kool-Aid points to get a Nintendo game back in the day (I think I got Yoshi, yeah bad choice I know, but I was a kid lol).


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## Rowan (Mar 4, 2009)

an alien an irishman and a dinosaur walk into a bar, the barman says what is this some kind of joke


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## layzieyez (Mar 4, 2009)

How did Cinderella die?

Her tampon turned into a pumpkin.


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## Santee (Mar 11, 2009)

sexist but hopefully nobody will take me seriously 

Why was my wife out shopping? 
Who the cares why the hell was she out of the kitchen 

Why doesn't my wife need a watch?
Theres a timer on the stove.


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## swimmeringer (Mar 12, 2009)

What's red and bad for your teeth?



A Brick.


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