# Best and worst biscuits.



## FAST6191 (May 16, 2013)

Furthering the GBAchef agenda we have a discussion of biscuits, specifically your most liked and your most disliked. Anecdotes and things like "I like boxes of broken biscuits" (by the way if you are ever in the UK buy a box of them or the chocolate equivalent if you want the general UK biscuit experience) are very welcome.

We do also take the position that Jaffa Cakes are indeed cakes as the makers claim ( http://www.jaffa-cakes.com/jaffa-cakes-biscuits-name for a somewhat interesting legal case on the matter) and thus are also excluded from this. It physically pains us but we might also have to exclude godliness that is Tunnocks from this. Depending upon the final ruling of the GBAchef council this may see my membership being revoked for going there.
Marshmallow driven biscuits are a tough call -- standard pink and whites count (though I can not see them taking top or bottom place) but Jam Mallows less so.
Finally if it was not already obvious we are using the English definition of biscuit and as such American style cookies are excluded, there are some fine ones (I recently had some very nice bunch of oatmeal and white chocolate ones made by a visiting USian relative) but that is not what this is about.

*Best.*... seen as I removed tunnocks I have a few options.
Ginger crinkle crunch -- I really like normal ginger biscuits but tried these on a whim one day and it turns out small chunks of dried ginger in your biscuit is an awesome thing.
Hob nobs. With there always being a danger of eating two packs in a single sitting it means they have to be on there. Chocolate or not means nothing here.
Malted milk. Second only to chocolate cake in the list of things I like to soak in milk and then eat. I can take or leave chocolate covered/sided ones though primarily as they interfere with soaking up milk and the chocolate is too thin to lend enough structural support to them if you allow them a long enough soak to become saturated*.

*the advanced technique of chocolate side outwards to create a cantilever* beam** but have the newly soft biscuit exist within the low/zero displacement zone or the cretin class of "use a spoon" are not enough to dismiss this fault.

*treating instead as a singly fixed point item with self weight providing the tensile force just ends up with milk everywhere. The chocolate usually does OK here as well but the turning makes it a cantilever beam thus this part of the physics can be ignored.

**why yes I consider the physics of biscuit eating at this level. If this concerns/offends/perplexes you be advised to never take me to an all you can eat restaurant.

*Worst*
Party rings.... I hate them and always have; I find the taste, consistency and feel on your fingers to be horrible. Sadly most parties (birthday, general, new year's eve) I ever went to featured them and as such are what I will blame for my general apathy concerning parties to this day. That they also do not dunk well in milk is just fuel to the fire.
Rich tea. I do not hate them, I just do not see why they still make them/place them in such a vaunted position.

*Middle of the road*
Arrowroot biscuits. Invariably something I get to bring across in my luggage and have to explain to US customs but though they are perfectly edible I am not sure what the big deal is.

Pink wafers. Only mentioned as I tried several in the US and they were less than stellar where the European versions seem to be quite nice. I fear this may be similar to arrowroot biscuits above though.


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## Kouen Hasuki (May 16, 2013)

Digestives and there is a ring sorta one I get thats buttery and sweet oh and jaffa cakes if that counts 

there the tri force of biscuits for me


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## Deleted member 318366 (May 16, 2013)

I'm a fan of the honey biscuits.


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## Isaac (May 16, 2013)

*american and confused*


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## Lanlan (May 16, 2013)

Pillsbury biscuits are good I guess...


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## Depravo (May 16, 2013)

You hit the nail on the head with Hob-Nobs. The milk chocolate variety have a moreishness rivalled only by heroin.

Worst? Rich Tea. They're crap.


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## gifi4 (May 16, 2013)

These things:





Ever since the first I had, I've loved 'em.
Also known as butter scotch fingers.


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## ShadowSoldier (May 16, 2013)

Isaac said:


> *american and confused*


 
Biscuits to EU is sort of like cookies here in North America, but they're not full of sugar, and they're to have as a side snack for say drinking tea or something. You can actually find them at house partys and such.

Biscuits here in North America are normally the dough type things.


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## pwsincd (May 16, 2013)

rich tea are a bit lame , but dunked in tea 'til just before they fall is always good.
Choccie Digestives ... only the mcvities ones again dunkin in yer brew till the chocolate melts ..
Custard creams are what my kids go nuts for..

This thread is reminding me of the peter kaye standup .. with hobnobs being the marines of buscuits .. can be dunked for ever...


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## spinal_cord (May 16, 2013)

Can beat  chocolate orange hobnobs.


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## KingBlank (May 16, 2013)

I live in NewZealand.
I find Gingernuts the best for dipping  and I love these orange+chocolate biscuits but I cant remember their name...


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## FAST6191 (May 16, 2013)

spinal_cord said:


> Can't beat chocolate orange hobnobs.



Well if my potentially dissing tunnocks did not seal it I think that I had never heard of those completes the case against me as far as my GBAchef membership goes.


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## DaggerV (May 16, 2013)

You British people have my interest piqued.


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## xist (May 16, 2013)

What do Snowballs count as? They're not really biscuits or cakes...at least they don't seem like cakes. And man, Party Rings are embedded into my childhood...don't diss the Ring!


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## pyromaniac123 (May 16, 2013)

xist said:


> *What do Snowballs count as?* They're not really biscuits or cakes...at least they don't seem like cakes. And man, Party Rings are embedded into my childhood...don't diss the Ring!


 
Confectionery.

Favourite biscuit has to be a garibaldi.


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## xist (May 16, 2013)

pyromaniac123 said:


> Confectionery.
> 
> Favourite biscuit has to be a garibaldi.


 
I don't see that at all....Snowballs in a sweetshop? 

But you're dead on about the dead-fly biscuits.


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## Foxi4 (May 16, 2013)

...no spongecake biscuits or jaffa cakes?

I find this article lacking and hardly digestable.


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## FAST6191 (May 16, 2013)

Foxi4 said:


> ...no spongecake biscuits or jaffa cakes?
> 
> I find this article lacking and hardly digestable.



Jaffa cakes are cakes -- the company even went to court to defend that stance and I even linked the case in the OP- http://www.jaffa-cakes.com/jaffa-cakes-biscuits-name .

Also how I overlooked squashed fly biscuits I will never know, doubly so as I usually get them at the same time as I get fig rolls (about the only time I care for figs).

On party rings -- this would usually be a matter of "challenge accepted sir" but I am not sure how to set about it in this case. Bake off?


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## Black-Ice (May 16, 2013)

Chocolate Bourbons are beautiful.
White chocolate chip and strawberry cookies are also amazing.


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## xist (May 16, 2013)

FAST6191 said:


> On party rings -- this would usually be a matter of "challenge accepted sir" but I am not sure how to set about it in this case. Bake off?


 
I believe standard practice for any Party Ring related disputes is miniature hoopla with Cadbury's Fingers as the targets (another more-ish snack!)

Although i do concede Party Rings are not a biscuit that should be eaten with any regularity, but stand as something different once in a while.


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## pwsincd (May 16, 2013)

The mother off all biscuits though ,, Highland Shortbread  utterly buttery


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## tbgtbg (May 16, 2013)

Biscuits & gravy make me a man.


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## pyromaniac123 (May 16, 2013)

xist said:


> I don't see that at all....Snowballs in a sweetshop?
> 
> But you're dead on about the dead-fly biscuits.


 
Well they're just marshmallows covered in chocolate so it would make sense that they're classed as confectionery.


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## FAST6191 (May 16, 2013)

pwsincd said:


> Highland Shortbread



I usually eat enough of it around Christmas (stuck for something to buy for me? shortbread usually works) to be sick of it until about the next Christmas. Never had that problem with my top three (and tunnocks), or if I have it has passed in about 20 minutes/by the time I feel partially hungry again.


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## Arras (May 16, 2013)

Spoiler











<3
I dunno what they're called in English though.


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## The Real Jdbye (Jul 16, 2013)

I can't really tell the difference between cookies and biscuits, so I just count them as the same thing  I'm not sure there even is any real difference.
That said, american cookies are god-tier. They're the perfect texture and they're so tasty.
Thumbs down to popeyes biscuits though. They are bland, sweet and buttery cake-things that don't even taste good enough to be worth all the butter they put in it.

I think a lot of cookies/biscuits in general are rather lacking in flavor, especially store bought ones. It's not that they don't taste good, they just don't taste as good as they should considering how much butter and sugar is probably inside them and I'd rather eat something that tastes great.

I would count jaffa cakes as biscuits, because according to a quick google, a biscuit is a "small flat sweet cake" which means even if jaffa cakes are indeed cakes they still count. And they are awesome.


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## mightymuffy (Jul 16, 2013)

God almighty, pink wafer biscuits! I'm the manager of pink wafers at my place, and we own 98% of the worlds pink wafer market, so you're probably talking about the stuff I make.... Shite stuff by the way lads! (I spit in 'em!) (...not really!)
Otherwise the factory is predominantly wafer based, with individually wrapped choc wafers (Montana, various supermarket brands...) which don't count here. We have started making actual biscuits, but the market is tough to walk into with your own brand - so aye, it's supermarket branded stuff again! Mainly dry, or half coated - we do a mini HC digestive which are nice, but not exactly McVities! (Christ I hope my boss isn't a member on here hehe!)

As a result of my job, personally I try to avoid biccies like the plague , however, out of the OPs list, you can't beat a bit of hob nob (especially chocolate!)


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## Paarish (Jul 16, 2013)

Black-Ice said:


> Chocolate Bourbons are beautiful.


Oh my god yes! And those Cocoa cream thingies that they sell in Asda <3
And I love those rich tea finger biscuits as well.


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## Deleted User (Jul 16, 2013)

Paarish said:


> Oh my god yes! And those Cocoa cream thingies that they sell in Asda <3
> And I love those rich tea finger biscuits as well.


 
I developed this weird coping mechanism to our hot weather spell- dunk the rich tea fingers into iced tea or water :3
Also, I hate those pink wafers. Could you get less taste into a biscuit?


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## DinohScene (Jul 16, 2013)

Depravo said:


> You hit the nail on the head with Hob-Nobs. The milk chocolate variety have a moreishness rivalled only by heroin.
> 
> Worst? Rich Tea. They're crap.


 
I fully agree with you.

Second to Hob-Nobs are Jaffas.
Rich Tea biscuits are dry as fuck.


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## Paarish (Jul 18, 2013)

tigris said:


> I developed this weird coping mechanism to our hot weather spell- dunk the rich tea fingers into iced tea or water :3
> Also, I hate those pink wafers. Could you get less taste into a biscuit?


 
I'll have to try that some day


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## Danny600kill (Jul 18, 2013)

There are too many to choose from ....

Custard Creams ( and all variations such as strawberry creams ect ) have got to be one of my all  time favourites , and as Fast said shortbreads but only at Christmas 

But sometimes you just can't beat a good ole digestive with a brew


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## FAST6191 (Jul 18, 2013)

Danny600kill said:


> But sometimes you just can't beat a good ole digestive with a brew



That would require me to not consider tea to be a vile liquid though.

Still digestives and milk have a place for me.



mightymuffy said:


> God almighty, pink wafer biscuits! I'm the manager of pink wafers at my place, and we own 98% of the worlds pink wafer market, so you're probably talking about the stuff I make.... Shite stuff by the way lads! (I spit in 'em!) (...not really!)



We discovered in the tuna thread that the tuna made for in country sales in the US was of a lesser quality than that made for export/foreign markets. Is there anything like this for pink wafers? I normally do OK with them (going back to my dislike of party rings they are usually flanked by pink wafers so that is all good) but tried several different ones in the US and they were not half as nice.


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## EyeZ (Jul 18, 2013)

I like the Custard Creams, but Fruit Shorties are me fave.

Nothing can beat a dunk of a Fruit Shortie, for me anyway.


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## mightymuffy (Jul 18, 2013)

FAST6191 said:


> We discovered in the tuna thread that the tuna made for in country sales in the US was of a lesser quality than that made for export/foreign markets. Is there anything like this for pink wafers? I normally do OK with them (going back to my dislike of party rings they are usually flanked by pink wafers so that is all good) but tried several different ones in the US and they were not half as nice.


 
Very good question!  Yeah we export to the US (limited market for our biscuits mind, as can be seen in this topic!), and yes as a result extra preservatives are clod in to make up for the extra shipping time.... I wouldn't say they taste that much 'worse' (hah!) straight off the line though, but after transporting it.... it's like Guinness really - you can ship a few barrels from Dublin overnight to us in the UK for us to try the day after, and it'll still taste like shite compared to the same stuff in a Dublin pub...


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## the_randomizer (Jul 18, 2013)

Loved these when I was living in Japan 





Weird name, but boy howdy are they good


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## FAST6191 (Jul 18, 2013)

mightymuffy said:


> it's like Guinness really - you can ship a few barrels from Dublin overnight to us in the UK for us to try the day after, and it'll still taste like shite compared to the same stuff in a Dublin pub...



Though there is undoubtedly lesser stuff outside the countries in question wherever I have been in the world someone has been able to find a Guinness done properly. Granted most of this is places like liverpool (though it is usually regarded as east belfast) and places with a large collection of ex pats/an Irish bar that means it but not exclusively.

Back on the pink wafers though the same brands also seemed to have chocolate and vanilla varieties and something else I think they called raspberry and the vanilla one was actually quite nice. That said sub par pink wafers on top of sub par Ritz crackers did not make for the most enjoyable time.


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## mightymuffy (Jul 18, 2013)

Oooo, being half Irish, and living 20 miles or so away from Liverpool (East Belfast - good un by the way! We call Liverpudlians something VERY different here though hehe!) I might disgree a little bit with you there! You make a fair point though, but even after doing the rounds in Lpool I still say there's nowt like a Guinness in Dublin! I was being a bit harsh calling it shite from anywhere else though, search round here in the North West for instance and you can easily find a decent pint of it just about anywhere!

Most of the pink we make does now have vanilla flavour, it's definitely the most popular. Flirted around with raspberry & strawberry (ugh! They were to be avoided like the plague!). The chocolate ones we make are 'apparently' (again, hope the boss doesn't read this!!) chocolate milkshake flavour and are quite popular too now (right bastard to make, but that's my problem I suppose!)


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## koimayeul (Jul 18, 2013)

Common cookies, chocolate & nougatine, +1


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## FAST6191 (Jul 18, 2013)

mightymuffy said:


> Oooo, being half Irish, and living 20 miles or so away from Liverpool (East Belfast - good un by the way! We call Liverpudlians something VERY different here though hehe!) I might disgree a little bit with you there! You make a fair point though, but even after doing the rounds in Lpool I still say there's nowt like a Guinness in Dublin! I was being a bit harsh calling it shite from anywhere else though, search round here in the North West for instance and you can easily find a decent pint of it just about anywhere!



Depending upon which 20 miles that is (and if I am allowed to countrify those miles up a bit) it either makes you a manc, a woollyback or something else equally disliked so I am sure the feeling is mutual. If I am floating around up there again I might have to sample things in short order/make it a bit more scientific, trouble is if we end up doing a little boat ride some fool invariable says pochine and it is downhill from there. All I can really say is Guinness from Pogue Mohone (rather nicely always within staggering distance from 90% of the nice restaurants in Liverpool) always slid down a bit too easily and usually got those that partook to break from their "Guinness is a winter drink" concept and I have found similar things in a lot of places.

On the flip side I will also have to concede that compared to actually being there it is rarely whatever the equivalent of pitch perfect is for booze and usually sits at "ever so slightly off night".


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## mightymuffy (Jul 18, 2013)

Woollyback! The Wigan one anyway - they call both us and the Welsh it... thankfully the Baa Bar in Wigan has recently changed name, we never lived that one down...

Can't beat a couple of Guinness after a bit of grub you're right! Have to say it's not the perfect beverage for a night out, or in a recent-ish case a day sesh in Blackpool... Started in Wigan on it at half eleven in the morning, had a can of it on the train (God almighty never again) and kept on it all day & night up in sunny Blackpool! Not only was I treated to some of the worst pints of it ever, but that hangover the morning after was the stuff of nightmares.... since then (on nights out) I've turned into a lager lout!


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## FAST6191 (Jul 18, 2013)

mightymuffy said:


> had a can of it on the train



Provided you are not actually dying or at risk of serious injury it is the general policy to laugh at self inflicted pains. If you also decided necking a can (in your defence it was not the bottled muck) was a good idea then any cause for sympathy vanishes immediately.


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