# Nintendo Sex Education Tape



## rscarrab (Aug 12, 2008)

"_Welcome to Nintendo Land my little Garbanzo Bean_!"
Grab your "_condom boots_" in the fight against AIDS!           Nintendo + Sex Ed =  
	

	
	
		
		

		
			





It seems _Nintendo Power_ magazine made a sex education tape entitled "_Safe Sex Is The Best_". It looks to me like it was made in the early 90's. By the cut of the teenager in it i doubt he's getting any action anyway... "_uhh... whats that?_" 


[NOTE: _Since this video is marked as offensive on youtube i will add the link *and* embed it, since im not sure whether embedding an offensive video causes problems or not_]



[Link]:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=relat...p;v=Pr1ju6GoCsY



Im not sure where to start with this one...

-Isn't Luigi meant to be Italian, not American?
-Must we sodomise a banana before sex?
-If you were Mario, _*why*_ would you interrupt my game while im on the end of level boss? Surely *you*                would understand?

_And_

-Why do Mario & Luigi think that pubes are multiple mario moustaches copied and pasted onto your crotch?


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## Gore (Aug 12, 2008)

LOL
Mario is barely understandable, and then Luigi pops up, completely American
HAHAHA CONDOM BOOTS
enlarging peach's breasts
penis diagrams

the kid sees a penis
he's like "what's that?"
mario didn't know either.

'heres my brother luigi to to tell you a whole heapin'a spaghetti pile of informashionay!!!

this is the ebst video ever


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## CorruptJon (Aug 12, 2008)

Dayum, Toad's hung for a lil' guy.


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## rscarrab (Aug 12, 2008)

Ye, i always figured toad was good with the ladies... Always hanging off the princess' arm...


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## Gore (Aug 12, 2008)

wait... why the hell is this in wii?
this is testing area material.


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## NeSchn (Aug 12, 2008)

I smell fakeage.


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## rscarrab (Aug 12, 2008)

PaperPlane said:
			
		

> wait... why the hell is this in wii?
> this is testing area material.



As the Mods obviously chose, General off-topic chat is where it belongs.
"Testing area material" is a bit low dont you think?

Anyway, the only reason i dont call fake on it is because of the actors, the dodgy effects etc.
If it was a fake, they emulated the 90's very well.


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## juggernaut911 (Aug 12, 2008)

old but funny


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## Ferrariman (Aug 12, 2008)

I heard this is a fan video.


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## JPH (Aug 12, 2008)

fake obviously.

belongs in testing area...gimme a sec yo


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## Twiffles (Aug 12, 2008)

LOL @ Toad's testicles.


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## rscarrab (Aug 12, 2008)

It didnt strike _me_ as _obviously_ fake.

The fact of the matter is it was intended as a bit of fun, i didnt intend to enter a debate on whether it was authentic or not.
Mostly just to mock how corny it looks and the nintendo-esque euphamisms they use when describing things.

It didnt occur to me that it was so off topic and benign that it belonged in the testing area, the general discussions seemed appropriate. _Isnt the testing area intended for "testing" or getting to grips with use of the forum?
_
At the end of the day its your decision where this topic goes and not mine and i respect your decision, i just disagree.


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## Mewgia (Aug 12, 2008)

Old, fake, but funny nonetheless.


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## rscarrab (Aug 12, 2008)

Contrary to what the video might say, Safe sex is _not_ the best, unless she's riddled. 
Princess is riddled, Bowser gave her crabs/koopas.

As Mario tries to battle un-safe sex while habouring feelings of jealousy for Toad's over-sized fungus wand, Princess develops an acute case of Stockholm Syndrome and gives in to Bowsers many brute sexual advances. But alas! her tits only grow for Mario...

...By the time Mario gets his chance with Princess he blows it (literally) and she gets whisked off again by Bowser for another late night _pixel jam_.

This is all behind the scenes of course, information which i have privileged access to.


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## zidane_genome (Aug 12, 2008)

Gotta love Capt. N the GameMaster... and wow... I didn't know pubic hair looked like Mario's mustache!!


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## shadow1w2 (Aug 12, 2008)

Remember kids, STDs and teen pregnency = BABY MARIO AND YOSHI!
KICK ASS!
Do it today!

Does this mean that Baby Mario is mentaly retarded along with yoshi being his deformed twin brother?
Cuase it does answer the whole "Is baby mario a paradox time shifting ghost thing of mario's past childhood or Mario's forgotten child?"
Now Im educated, now I know.
It was STDs.

Funny stuff.
Its a good thing Nintendo never tried this sorta thing.
Very ninties but I see alot of modern shortcuts being used in the animations.

Now we just need Rockstar to make one of these. You know, with Niiko and cousin Vinni or whatever their names are.
Would also be a good laugh.

Still, you'd think they would make less obvious refrences and call STDs cheat codes or something like that. Plus less genetailia drawings.

Also whats the deal Birdo and Yoshi?
I find that would be more important than real life crap.
Really, what the crap is with those things?
Male female demon monster? Really, no one knows.


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## rscarrab (Aug 12, 2008)

shadow1w2 said:
			
		

> Also whats the deal Birdo and Yoshi?
> I find that would be more important than real life crap.
> Really, what the crap is with those things?
> Male female demon monster? Really, no one knows.



Birdo is yoshi's brother, who got a sex change and became his sister. They transplanted her arse to her face and her face to her arse by mistake and now she shits eggs at onlookers. Mario kept fucking the eggs back at her cause it pissed him off as he was already suffering from blue balls since he cant get laid and he wanted to get in to the "Hawk Mouth" club to chase some tail.

After a brief addiction to "stars" as their called, which are the Mario Land equivalent to ecstasy tablets, Mario is back on a healthy diet of flowers only with the hope he can one day regain his once flourishing sperm count.
Birdo on the other hand is still hooked on stars and sells, not just stars, but herself as well outside the "Hawk Mouth" club in Mario 2.


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## shadow1w2 (Aug 12, 2008)

rscarrab said:
			
		

> shadow1w2 said:
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Hmm, make sense, but what about the mushrooms?
....
On second thought, lets not go there.


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## FAST6191 (Aug 12, 2008)

Maybe I am reading too much into it but the sound effect as Peach's breasts enlarge I could swear comes from sonic (the you gained a continue sound if I am not mistaken). Given the vintage I call fake although the buzzwords seem correct(ish) and the general reliance on AIDS (a big early 90s scare it seems). The egg seemed remarkably 3d as well.

Also I have seen a lot of disturbing ads like this at various points (if they start singing at some point something may happen) but this one is up there with the "best" of them.

Also I am going to call it on the scientific merit, it mentions contraception or a condom and stuff like the pill does not protect.
Also I was always told to pinch the end of the condom when putting it on.

Enough analysis of pointless things though.


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## Bamboo (Aug 12, 2008)

hello


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## Frederica Bernkastel (Aug 12, 2008)

LOL!
Mario has no gender and luigi is american!
Actually all of mario is a bad idea, Fat plumber taking magic mushrooms, soon lesson 2: Drugs and why you should take them


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## Tigerstar (Aug 12, 2008)

shadow1w2 said:
			
		

> Its a good thing Nintendo never tried this sorta thing.



Are we forgetting the "love hotel" business Nintendo used to run?


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## rscarrab (Aug 12, 2008)

"_Hmm, make sense, but what about the mushrooms?
....
On second thought, lets not go there._"

All the "normal" levels show us the real Mario. Like level 1. The first thing he does at the start of the game, is eat a mushroom and whenever he enters into a pipe or goes swimming under water we get to see, first hand, Mario's mushroom trip. For the most part; the rest of the game is a trip through Mario's psyche. The reason Mario gets bigger when he takes a mushroom is to provide a comparison to the body buzz you would experience during a grueling 6 hour trip; dodgy depth perception and feelings of grandeur are common traits. Possibly even things appearing bigger than they actually are (that level where everything is BIG for instance).

I dont think we fully understand the harsh realities that plague Mario Land. And even if we did, it would be as usefull to us as Timothy McSweeney's take on "_The Implausability of The Death Star's Trash Compactor_";

"_I maintain that the trash compactor onboard the Death Star in "Star Wars" is implausible, unworkable, and moreover, inefficient._"

[http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2002/01/10deathstar.html]

All we need now is a star wars sex education tape. The apprentice Jedi learning how to use his "force", the Death Star as the uterus and that string of piss Luke Hamill as the urethra.


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