# What did I die of?



## Hadrian (Sep 21, 2007)

Ok for those who don't read the shout box the following:

Ex-girlfriend, keeps finding me somehow on various sites/forums/whatnot. Keeps ringing me, I block her number she gets a new one! I've told her not to bother me, saying "we don't really have anything in common to even be friends let alone anything else etc etc stop bothering me we were only going out for 2 weeks, maybe saw you 6 days BACK IN 2004! I faked cumming (yes, each time!), you made me watch Beaches even though I told you every other chick makes me watch it and hate it blah blah blah".

Anyway I've decided to get my god damn sexy girlfrien who never fails to please me and so on to email her telling her that I've died recently...but what of?

Thoughts? Ways to make it sound real? Any ways to present proof?

Thank you.


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## Seccom Masada (Sep 21, 2007)

Car accident. Better than some strange-ass illness, IMO.


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## MC DUI (Sep 21, 2007)

Car Accident?

Crazed gunman at your workplace?

RSI from too much DS?

Fake photos of your mangled body and send em to her!


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## kellyan95 (Sep 21, 2007)

Tragic car accident is good

But suicide would really fuck with her


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## Urza (Sep 21, 2007)

If you've slept with her, tell her you died of AIDs.


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## kellyan95 (Sep 21, 2007)

Ooh, thats a good one


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## MC DUI (Sep 21, 2007)

Everyone needs AIDS, AIDS! lol

You don't exactly die of aids/HIV in a couple of months.


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## Hadrian (Sep 21, 2007)

QUOTE(Urza @ Sep 21 2007 said:


> If you've slept with her, tell her you died of AIDs.


Won't work, she had a baby last year (not mine, as I said she never made me do a sex wee) you get tested for everything.


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## Urza (Sep 21, 2007)

QUOTE(MC DUI @ Sep 20 2007 said:


> You don't exactly die of aids/HIV in a couple of months.


Imaginary AIDs is much faster than regular AIDs.


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## FAST6191 (Sep 21, 2007)

The fake your own death approach. I assume some form of legal recourse is not on the cards.

For someone as crazy as you say it could be hard as it could well be investigated to some degree.
The old staple of car accident would be hard to pull off as it would likely gain some paper coverage.
"Natural causes" may be a bit hard to swallow as you are not that old.
Drugs are a good one but I would not.
Anything that would require hospital treatment (serious household accident for example) may also garner some attention so I would not go that.

You need a way that is plausible and hard to investigate, sports accident in Greece (or somewhere that uses a character set that is not roman). If you want to go a step further babelfish your own "local" rag for Greece and attach it to the mail.

Get a fake obit as well in your local rag (or your hometowns or hers whichever you reckon is best). 
Possibly an email from "those you left behind" detailed a closed service but ashes being scattered a wherever you deem appropriate.

Good luck.


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## bobrules (Sep 21, 2007)

Spontaneous human combustion


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## Taras (Sep 21, 2007)

Bollocks cancer?


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## mcbey (Sep 21, 2007)

Tell her you died of super AIDS (aka Clown AIDS).

that or sudden infant death syndrome

id believe it


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## kellyan95 (Sep 21, 2007)

Then go for suicide, and have it implied that she had something to do with it


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## Hadrian (Sep 21, 2007)

Mmm I'm warming to suicide, she did claim that the music I listen to could give me depression.


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## Linkiboy (Sep 21, 2007)

omg hadrian how could you do this to me i love you but lets just be friends i wont make you watch beatles anymore


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## BakuFunn (Sep 21, 2007)

Canine internal cancer of the right ear drum
(huge tumor above your right ear)


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## kellyan95 (Sep 21, 2007)

Jumped, poison, or hung?


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## BakuFunn (Sep 21, 2007)

i was kidding


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## CannonBallZ (Sep 21, 2007)

that's abit drastic, what if that makes her wanna suicide? how about saying you moved to the urals or some remote area


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## Hadrian (Sep 21, 2007)

QUOTE(Linkiboy @ Sep 21 2007 said:


> omg hadrian how could you do this to me i love you but lets just be friends i wont make you watch beatles anymore


Beatles would've been fine, but seriously...move on! Sure I was amazing but you said Doctor Who was stupid and that The US version of Ring 2 was brilliant, YOU SAID MARIO KART SNES WAS OLD AND BORING you really expect me to want to know you? Huh?


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## sasuke_kun12 (Sep 21, 2007)

you died of elephantitus (a disease where you get MASSIVE testicles), you got soo freaked out that you stabbed your ball sack coz you thought it was full of pus. Then you die of shock and loss of blood


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## Icarus (Sep 21, 2007)

Have sex with her. Isn't that what she wants ?


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## BakuFunn (Sep 21, 2007)

wtf?


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## Hadrian (Sep 21, 2007)

QUOTE(filozof @ Sep 21 2007 said:


> Have sex with her. Isn't that what she wants ?


I wouldn't, lagman would forever lag my wfc..even worse than what Nintendo does.


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## Lee79 (Sep 21, 2007)

A beginners guide to faking your death on the internet video


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## BlueStar (Sep 21, 2007)

Bad AIDS.


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## BakuFunn (Sep 21, 2007)

LoL


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## jimmy j (Sep 21, 2007)

Why pretend you died? Grow some balls, man! ;D

Tell her you're in a good relationship and you really care for this girl. Also tell her not to try messing you around or you'll end up telling her to fuck off for good! It worked for me. My ex hasn't tried any shit for 4 years


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## BakuFunn (Sep 21, 2007)

or you can get a restraining order.
Or go the hard way and murder her o.O


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## cubin' (Sep 21, 2007)

just get a restraining and no contact order dude. she sounds like the kind of bitch that would go crazy if she found out you faked your own death


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## pkprostudio (Sep 21, 2007)

Do it the Edgeworth style.


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## Rayder (Sep 21, 2007)

Yeah, I was about to suggest a restraining order too.  At least with one of those, you aren't creating a bunch of lies to get caught up in, and it forces the psycho-biatch to stay away.


Besides, if you're dead, who would keep us updated on upcoming releases?


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## phoood (Sep 21, 2007)

AND there were no red, blaring alarms going off the whole time you were dating?!?


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## Szyslak (Sep 21, 2007)

QUOTE(FAST6191 @ Sep 20 2007 said:


> The fake your own death approach. I assume some form of legal recourse is not on the cards.
> 
> For someone as crazy as you say it could be hard as it could well be investigated to some degree.
> The old staple of car accident would be hard to pull off as it would likely gain some paper coverage.
> ...








   I love how well thought out that is.  It's almost like you've had that answer ready for this question for quite some time.    

/jots down "remember to PM FAST6191 for advice before your next crime"


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## Hiratai (Sep 21, 2007)

It wont work when she gets  a new number and calls you, Unless you become paranoid and don't pick up for anyone.


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## Gilrad (Sep 21, 2007)

Just be a dick to her.

Some simple rules:

1) Never forget to mention she's fat and/or unattractive at least once every encounter.

2) Never forget to tell her to get lost and leave you alone at least five times every encounter.

3) Whenever applicable, be sure to act incredibly interested in any female except for her.

4) Whenever applicable, completely ignore anything she tells you.


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## juggernaut911 (Sep 21, 2007)

heart attack, stroke, artery bursted/bleed to death, I like the car accident one though


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## BakuFunn (Sep 21, 2007)

say you're gay


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## Hadrian (Sep 21, 2007)

QUOTE(jimmy j @ Sep 21 2007 said:


> Why pretend you died? Grow some balls, man! ;D
> 
> Tell her you're in a good relationship and you really care for this girl. Also tell her not to try messing you around or you'll end up telling her to fuck off for good! It worked for me. My ex hasn't tried any shit for 4 years


Told her that a while back. My girlfriend told her too. 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




Anyway I've got a new sim card for free so I've changed my number, my phone is ex directory and she doesn't even know where I moved to so I'm good I reckon and if she finds me on any sites then I'll just carry on ignoring her.

Nice hearing some recommendations of fake deathery.


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## Jdbye (Sep 21, 2007)

Lol, your ex-girlfriend is weird 
	

	
	
		
		

		
			




Anyway... If you've changed your number and moved, and she hasn't been able to contact you since, why are you posting here?


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## 4urentertainment (Sep 21, 2007)

wait, your gonna send her an E-mail: I died so i can't see you right now??


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## Hadrian (Sep 21, 2007)

QUOTE(jdbye @ Sep 21 2007 said:


> Lol, your ex-girlfriend is weird
> 
> 
> 
> ...


No just changed it today, she just seems to find me on various sites!


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## CannonBallZ (Sep 21, 2007)

what about this site?  is hadrian your real name ? are you really from southend ? am I her ?..ok scratch the last question...be careful of them eyes on the walls,


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## Linkiboy (Sep 21, 2007)

QUOTE(hadrian @ Sep 21 2007 said:


> QUOTE(jdbye @ Sep 21 2007 said:
> 
> 
> > Lol, your ex-girlfriend is weird
> ...


Then just say two words next time she bothers you:

"Fuck off"

Then block/ignore her


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## Hadrian (Sep 21, 2007)

QUOTE(CannonBallZ @ Sep 21 2007 said:


> what about this site?Â is hadrian your real name ? are you really from southend ? am I her ?..ok scratch the last question...be careful of them eyes on the walls,


Yes yes and hope not, though she doesn't know I live in Southend, I told her I moved to Bangor. 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




Its usually the mainstream sites like myspace/Facebook (only on them because the misuss tells me to I'M A KEPT MAN!) that she finds me on, and anyway I'm sure the mods will ban her IP if she gives me shit.


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## phuzzz (Sep 21, 2007)

"Congratulations.  Through your complete ineptitude for leaving me alone, I have come to the conclusion that men are much easier to deal with than women.  Yes, that's right.  You have turned me gay.  I hope you're satisfied."

One of my friends always told me, "Women will turn me gay."


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## .TakaM (Sep 21, 2007)

from the fake deaths I've seen.. you really have to have something either insanely intricate or very simple, but believable.

Make a blog specifically for her to find, one day say you finally managed to get your GF pregnant, how much better it's made your life, restored your faith etc.
then after so many weeks of your happiness building up, say that she had a miscarriage.
from there on it's one big depressing downwards spiral to inevitable suicide

it would take a while to pull it off, but it could work


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## Deleted User (Sep 21, 2007)

You should watch "My Name Is Earl - Season 1 - Episode 4 - Faked His Own Death" so you're prepared just incase something happens. 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




I never really thought of this before I watched that episode and even then I didn't think anyone would do it IRL, but .TakaM's method looks as if it could work.

Good luck getting rid of her!


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## ediblebird (Sep 21, 2007)

what if shes reading this thread?


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## Opium (Sep 21, 2007)

You died in a freak yachting accident. So sad :'(


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## Rapid Dr3am (Sep 21, 2007)

Tell her you got hit by a truck.

/me walks away listening the The Vandals.


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## phuzzz (Sep 21, 2007)

QUOTE(ediblebird @ Sep 21 2007 said:


> what if shes reading this thread?


Then maybe she'll get the hint.


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## lagman (Sep 21, 2007)

QUOTE(hadrian @ Sep 20 2007 said:


> QUOTE(filozof @ Sep 21 2007 said:
> 
> 
> > Have sex with her. Isn't that what she wants ?
> ...












I tried something similar to a fake death once,it didn't work, my ex went to the place where I used to work and somehow she got my address, she knocked my door every morning.. for a week, thankfully karma was good with me, all my family was on vacation that week.
Haven't seen her since that time


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## Spikey (Sep 21, 2007)

QUOTE(lagman @ Sep 21 2007 said:


> QUOTE(hadrian @ Sep 20 2007 said:
> 
> 
> > QUOTE(filozof @ Sep 21 2007 said:
> ...


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## jimmy j (Sep 21, 2007)

You were in the bath, got your big toe stuck in tha tap and died of starvation.


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## [M]artin (Sep 21, 2007)

Isn't she gonna wanna come to the "funeral"?


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## lagman (Sep 21, 2007)

QUOTE(SpikeyNDS @ Sep 21 2007 said:


> QUOTE(lagman @ Sep 21 2007 said:
> 
> 
> > CRAZY STORY



Yup, as I said on the shoutbox; crazy ex's is something I know about


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## Taras (Sep 21, 2007)

QUOTE(phuzzz @ Sep 21 2007 said:


> One of my friends always told me, "Women will turn me gay."



The trouble with that is that women still own the vag-matic. Why they gotta be crazy and whatnot?


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## TsukoyomiMoon (Sep 21, 2007)

You died in a desert.
No evidence, no one would notice. They couldn't find your body, because it got stuck in the sand. Perfect plan


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## Szyslak (Sep 21, 2007)

QUOTE(TsukoyomiMoon @ Sep 21 2007 said:


> You died in a desert.
> No evidence, no one would notice. They couldn't find your body, because it got stuck in the sand. Perfect plan



How would they know you're dead?


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## VVoltz (Sep 21, 2007)

Mmm... R U sure about this idea?
Seems a little "teenager" to my taste. 

Being honest is IMHO is the best way always.


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## Hadrian (Sep 21, 2007)

Just joking really with this, I've got a new number and apart from this one I can't think of any other sites that she hasn't tried to bug me one. I should be slag free now.


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## TsukoyomiMoon (Sep 22, 2007)

QUOTE(Szyslak @ Sep 21 2007 said:


> QUOTE(TsukoyomiMoon @ Sep 21 2007 said:
> 
> 
> > You died in a desert.
> ...


Faaaaaaaaack


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## Smwbigboss (Sep 22, 2007)

If she's some crazy stalker bitch, chances are she's going to find out you're still alive. Your best option is to get a restraining order. They work for internet boards too since she's not allowed contact of any type.


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## RayorDragonFall (Sep 22, 2007)

Mhhh... I know what it's like, the ex wife of my late uncle is still bothering the whole family, even on the internet. Like my aunt would be sitting by his grave and she would laugh at her and stuff. And we can't really do anything about it. Time in court = Wasted money.


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