I love ya man, but I do think that statement is a little... i don't want to say 'ignorant', maybe 'unexperienced'.
With the situation of my daughter kicking and spitting on her bus driver, my daughter already had 2 therapy sessions a week, plus sessions inside school, had tried medications, even hospitalizations because she was so out of control at times. I did everything I possibly could to teach this child to act more appropriately, including having dozens of professionals involved in with her ever since she was 2. Definitely, when it came down to something that was a true safety concern, there was no 'lets work on those behaviors in therapy over the next few months and lets pump up her dosage" crap. No, that was something that needed to be addressed sternly at that moment to make sure it was not going to happen then next day and possible cause an accident. And like I said, that spanking did cure that behavior.
Was my child mad at me? Of course, she was being a little shit. Does she still love me? Damn straight because I have done so much more in her life to show her love and being a father to her that her feelings about getting spanked did not get in the way of her knowing that I unconditionally love her.
And there lies where spanking can cause emotional scaring. If the child has no relationship with the parent at all and the only time the child see the parent is when they are getting punished, well then of course the child will will have resentment. There needs to be far more of a show of love in the relationship than punishment.
I used to FEAR my dad. He worked so much that I only saw him when I misbehaved too much that my mom couldn't handle me anymore and my dad would come and whoop my ass. I do think my dad was an asshole, but for other reasons. He was perfectly justified for dishing to me what I deserved and I am glad that he did.
when you respond to to violence with violence, how ever small it seems to you it makes her brain see it like it's the standard, you are pushing her to using more violence each time.
so in wordt you'll teach her the opposite of what you think you're doing, she'll use more and more of it.
more so, she'll grow up to be lying to you since you're not that good for her and she'll knows it.
so if you can't when talking and punishing isn't working maybe the problem isn't on her side, maybe it's your side.
i mean if she's disobedient to you or anyone it means she goit a bad example, she doesn't respect you.
respect is not given it's given, so if you don't have it, go talk and see what part of you isn't clearly working proper.
not once i've seen a kid that turned good by slapping.
that being said, not talking and showing to the full extend you disagree with certain behavior sure that's not working.
don't force her to talk, but show interest in what's moving her to be disobedient.
maybe it's because you're listening to the wrong person too much, maybe it's because someone gave her a bad vibe by doing something unexpected.
maybe she thought she should trust someone she shouldn't.
you can repair this without using your wrist.
instead of talking, start listening, listen further then when she stops, give it time...
when i was you spanking was still legal here, and i see still the harm it costs...
still people can't really talk all free about feelings of thier past...
still people can't express themselves as they feel they are...
still those are frustrated...
still they can't really trust...
you really want your daughter to be alike?