I offer my sincere condolences to you, DeadlyFoez. Indeed, a loved one's unexpected passing is certainly a heavy burden to bear, and it's certainly understandable to be left reeling.
I really can't imagine the pain and confusion that you're going through, but you're most certainly not alone in this. I can't stress enough the importance of keeping your feelings out in the open at a time like this. You've got a loving circle of family and friends that are willing to give you all of their support, and to listen to everything you have to say. As such, there's no need to hold back your emotions that so desperately want to be expressed. And there's certainly no need to hold them back from folks that are more than willing to listen.
As someone who has struggled with suicidal thoughts in the past, I had often found myself bottling up my emotions because I thought people would be burdened or scared if I talked to them about it. I convinced myself that no good could come from telling people about what was causing me so much pain, and that keeping it to myself would make things easier for everyone. Honestly, there were times where I wanted to just let my emotions sit there inside me and fester, just because it seemed easier than talking to someone about it. But the moment I found someone to unload my feelings onto, my internal struggle, while still definitely there, was much easier to bear on a day-to-day basis.
Just like injuries, emotions can be treated now, and heal over time. Expressing your emotions will help day-to-day, while time will help long-term. And through it all, you'll come out stronger than ever! Strong enough to help your family and friends when they find themselves in a situation similar to yours.
Essentially, the most important thing to do now is to put your doubts, reluctance and worries behind you and take that first step: Talk to someone, and let nothing stop you.
I do hope I seem sincere by saying all of this. The last thing I want to do is insult you in any way. I'm truly there for you, as is the rest of the forum.
I'd say your decision to share your experience with GBAtemp is a splendid one. There's folks of all kinds and sorts here, and we're all there for you, and we all mean well, even if some don't quite put it elegantly! If there's anything else you'd like to get off your chest, please don't hold back! we'll certainly be willing to listen!
Suicide is cowardly. It's escapism. There has never been an incident where anybody could say "That person was brave for taking their own life out of their own will."
I don't care about your rationalizations or euphemisms that would justify abetting suicide. You're wrong. Your struggle is real, but your point of view is not. Become conscious of your life. Conscious of what can be changed, and what cannot be controlled. Now WATCH THIS.
It does apply to your situation. Your depression, aspergers, or mental illnesses don't need to be problems. Doctors and diagnoses are constantly wrong. You can change things, but that depends on how BADLY YOU WANT IT. How badly you want change. You want it, but you don't want it more than you wanna sleep tonight. More than you want to waste hours of your life on video games. More than you want to confine yourself to the comforts of luxury and avarice, instead of suffer for change.
Change your life.
I understand your point of view, but newfound aspiration and ambition doesn't simply come out of thin air. I know you mean well, but the last thing someone needs in a time like this, a time when their emotions are
unpredictable, inexplicable, and ultimately volatile...
...The
LAST thing they need is a bit of "tough-truth". By saying things like "JUST DON'T FUCKING DO IT", you're
oversimplifying things to the point where it can't be interpreted as anything other than cold, unfeeling, and just downright insulting. I know you want to help, but you just aren't helping.
