Dirty jokes and beer...

Discussion in 'The Edge of the Forum' started by Westside, Nov 9, 2009.

  1. Westside

    Westside Sogdiana

    Dec 18, 2004
    Guantanamo bay
    What's the difference between a wife and a job?

    After 20 years, the job still sucks.
  2. FAST6191

    FAST6191 Techromancer

    pip Reporter
    Nov 21, 2005
    United Kingdom
    Well it takes place in a bar.

    An old cowboy wanders into a bar and as is standard practice for such occasions orders a drink.
    He sat at the bar drinking for a while and then a young lady sat down next to him. She orders a drink and then her eye catches his hat and boots, turning to face him she asks the cowboy "Are you a real cowboy?"

    Looking up the old cowboy replied, "Well I've spent my whole life breaking in horses, going to rodeos, rearing cows, fixing fences, doctoring calves, pulling calves, bailing hay, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors and feeding my dogs so I guess I am a cowboy."

    As is the way of things he asked her what she is, her reply; "I am a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. When I wake up in the morning I think about women. When I shower I think about women. When I watch TV I think about women. As I work I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It would seem that everything makes me think of women."
    The cowboy nodded and then the two set about drinking.

    A short while later a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and upon seeing the hat and boots the question of "Are you a real cowboy?" appeared once more.
    He replied, "You know I always thought I was but I just found out I'm a lesbian."
  3. raulpica

    raulpica With your drill, thrust to the sky!

    Former Staff
    Oct 23, 2007
    PowerLevel: 9001
    Hahaha. Nice one FAST [​IMG]
  4. Veho

    Veho The man who cried "Ni".

    Former Staff
    Apr 4, 2006
    Three cowboys walk into a bar.

    You'd think at least one of them would have seen it.

  5. TrolleyDave

    TrolleyDave Philosolosophising

    Former Staff
    Jan 1, 2007
    Wales, UK
    A fella walks into a bar with a crocodile on a lead.
    Barman says ' wots that? '
    fella says ' it's a crocodile! '
    Barman says ' I can see its a crocodile, get it out! '
    fella says ' It does tricks! '
    Barman says ' Does tricks? Get it out you daft cunt! ,
    Fella says 'yeah.....watch this! '
    The fella gets his cock out and puts it in the crocodiles mouth.....gets a piece of three be two out of his pocket and cracks the crocodile over the head with it!.
    The crocodile winces but doesn't bite the fellas cock!
    Barman says ' fuckin ell....you got some balls you have!'
    Fella shouts round the pub ' anyone want to have a go of that for a fiver?'
    This little old dear stands up and says ' I'll have a go.... but dont hit me on the head as hard as you hit that fuckin crocodile!'
  6. Hatsu

    Hatsu Someone's been killing, eh?

    Oct 19, 2009
    __________________ Warn: 50%

    OMG!! So original!
  7. Cermage

    Cermage GBAtemp Advanced Maniac

    Dec 2, 2007
    whats to say the wife wouldn't [​IMG]
  8. Vulpes Abnocto

    Vulpes Abnocto Drinks, Knows Things

    Former Staff
    Jun 24, 2008
    United States

    Apparently you've never been married.
  9. Westside

    Westside Sogdiana

    Dec 18, 2004
    Guantanamo bay
  10. Hadrian

    Hadrian Better than Craigslist

    Former Staff
    Oct 12, 2004
    Please keep posting here Westside.

    Hadrian requires it.

    EoF requires it.

    That is all.

    I hope Mrsdrian sucks after 20 years...saying that she hasn't sucked for 6 days, the start of something perhaps?

    Posts merged

    Oh yeah...jokes.

    Two eggs boiling in a pan, one male and one female.
    The female egg says "Look, I've got a crack"
    "No good telling me" replies the male egg "I'm not hard yet"

    Posts merged

    Ok more:

    Q. What do a gynocologist and a pizza boy have in common?
    A. They can smell it but they cant eat it.
  11. Westside

    Westside Sogdiana

    Dec 18, 2004
    Guantanamo bay
    Sorry to be off topic OP, butt, this shit is disturbing yo. [​IMG]


  12. Edgedancer

    Edgedancer Director of Moon based operations

    Oct 2, 2006
    Here is a dirty one.

    A man and a woman were dating. She being of a religious nature had held back the worldly pleasure that he wanted from her so bad. In fact, he had never even seen her naked.
    One day, as they drove down the freeway, she remarked about his slow driving habits. "I can't stand it anymore," she told him. "Let's play a game. For every 5 miles per hour over the speed limit you drive, I"ll remove one piece of clothing.
    He enthusiastically agreed and sped up the car.
    He reached the 55 MPH mark, so she took off her blouse.
    At 60 off came the pants. At 65 it was her bra and at 70 her panties. Now seeing her naked for the first time and traveling faster than he ever had before, he became very excited and lost control of the car. He veered off the road, went over an embankment and hit a tree. His girlfriend was not hurt but he was trapped. She tried to pull him free but alas he was stuck.
    "Go to the road and get hlep," he said. "I don't have anything to cover myself with!" she replied.
    The man felt around, but could only reach one of his shoes.
    "You'll have to put this between your legs to cover it up," he told her.
    So she did as he said and went up to the road for help. Along came a truck driver. Seeing a naked, crying woman along the road, he pulled over to hear her story. "My boyfriend! My boyfriend!" she sobs, "He's stuck and I can't pull him out!" The truck driver looking down at the shoe between her legs replies:
    "Ma'am, if he's in that far, I'm afraid he's a goner!"