[Suggestion] Carrier Pigeons → GBAtemp should implement IPoAC

[KleinesSinchen]

Spoiler: Serious comments for this thread

Sadly the “Suggestion” tag is not available for EOF threads. It would have looked better having that tag, but a joke thread doesn’t belong into Site Discussions.
No ill intentions posting this. I know I’m not good at humor. Probably going to regret posting such a thread, but somehow I couldn’t resist.
Until yesterday I did not even know somebody actually specified Internet distribution using partially non-electronic transfer.

Having been told twice¹ to get rid of common communication technology, I’ll use this thread to ask for the implementation of IPoAC (IP over Avian Carriers) on the forum.

More reasons: The global Internet uses huge amounts of electric energy. This is an ecological alternative to having millions of energy hungry systems active 24/7 just to transport our data. To work against energy shortage and to protect our environment the slight increase in latency should be tolerable. Might be a bit hard for online gaming, but for a forum it is perfect (and chess will still work great this way).

A nice opportunity outside GBAtemp in the same direction would be replacing that antiquated, wasteful streaming video distribution method, with a more modern variant: This will not even require to implement the internet protocol. Pigeons will carry small data storage media containing a movie, which can be played offline(!) – and as often as you want without permanent subscription fees.


As said, latency isn’t great, but the overall data transfer rate can be convincing: A single pigeon can easily carry multiple 512GB micro-SD cards transferring enormous amounts of data in one shot.





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¹ @Nikokaro wanted me to cancel my internet subscription [Profile Posts] (to get rid of me) when I moved to another house and @DinohScene suggested my mum should replace her smartphone with pigeons.

 

[DinohScene]

Pigeon protocol has less packet loss then regular internet connections!
It's a vastly superior tech!

 

[Nikokaro]

@Nikokaro wanted me to cancel my internet subscription [Profile Posts] (to get rid of me) when I moved to another house

Hmm.. You're a bit of a liar. It's true that I said to try to do without the internet, but I also asked for your address to communicate epistolary, like the good old days, that is, with pen and paper. Never said I wanted to get rid of you! That note is misleading and purposely deceptive. Nah, it takes more than that to make me angry.

 

[Veho]

Pigeon protocol has less packet loss then regular internet connections!
It's a vastly superior tech!

But it's more vulnerable to man-in-the-middle attacks.

 

[KleinesSinchen]

That note is misleading and purposely deceptive.

No, it's not. It is mildly malicious. You know, this figure:
I'm just trying to adapt to EOF standards: Talking nonsense on purpose and it is supposed to be interpreted as funny. Alas, these attempts are bound to fail. Just like an elephant trying to fly.

But it's more vulnerable to man-in-the-middle attacks.

View attachment 393003

I thought of that cartoon while typing the text (haven't seen it in ages). But… no, this is not vulnerable at all – at least considering those incompetent attackers.

 

[DinohScene]

But it's more vulnerable to man-in-the-middle attacks.


View attachment 393003

incompetent attackers.

This.

Pigeon protocol remains superior!

 

[rvtr]

More reasons: The global Internet uses huge amounts of electric energy. This is an ecological alternative to having millions of energy hungry systems active 24/7 just to transport our data. To work against energy shortage and to protect our environment the slight increase in latency should be tolerable. Might be a bit hard for online gaming, but for a forum it is perfect (and chess will still work great this way).

Do we have numbers on the impact of pigeons vs electricity? Like how much does it take to grow the food (and pigeons I suppose), clean up after them, etc. And how long do pigeons last before we need to create more?

The comparison with existing systems needs to be looked into more before implementing. Without in depth research I feel it may be viable for countries that obtain energy solely from coal or similar things, but more advanced areas which can use solar or wind may be better off continuing with what we use right now.

A model like that may even encourage countries with heavy pollution from energy to upgrade to a more sustainable technology as pigeons are very limiting in speed. This still needs more research first.

Your idea is nice but is denied until you provide a better outline of how this will be accomplished.

 

[Veho]

We should switch to pneumatic tubes.

They could double as a delivery service.

 

[hippy dave]

You know birds are just gubbermint drones, right? That's gonna use even more electricity than cables.

We should switch to pneumatic tubes.

View attachment 393011


They could double as a delivery service.

And transport (see: Futurama)

 

[Noctosphere]

Pigeon protocol has less packet loss then regular internet connections!
It's a vastly superior tech!

The packet loss you get instead

 

[Ryccardo]

Piccione Maledetto
Sempre alla ricerca delle briciole
Io te ne stacco il becco
Se ti rivedo ancora sulle tegole
Non sei un alimento
Come la quaglia e il pollo alla diavola
Duro come il cemento
Non ho mai visto due piccioni in una tavola
Le rondini se ne vanno
E tu rompi le balle per tutto l'anno
Me l'ha detto mia nonna
Che da cinquant'anni fai la cacca sui panni
Brutto bastardo di un piccione
Ti butto giù dal cornicione
Con un colpo di ballettone
Ti spezzo le ali e poi le tiro al cane
Brutto bastardo di un piccione
Appollaiato sul balcone
Se ti vedo sullo stradone
Io ti metto sotto con il mio furgone

Verfluchte Taube
Immer auf der Suche nach Krümeln
Ich werde dir den Schnabel abreißen
Wenn ich dich wieder auf den Fliesen sehe
Du bist kein Essen
Wie Wachteln und teuflische Hühner
Hart wie Zement
Ich hab noch nie zwei Tauben auf einem Tisch gesehen
Die Schwalben gehen weg
Und du gehst mir das ganze Jahr über auf die Nerven
Meine Großmutter sagte mir
Dass du seit fünfzig Jahren auf Kleider kackst
Du Taubenbastard
Ich schmeiß dich vom Sims
Mit einem Ruck aus dem Handgelenk
Ich breche dir die Flügel und werfe sie dem Hund vor
Du Taubenmischling
Du hockst auf dem Balkon
Wenn ich dich auf der Straße sehe
überfahre ich dich mit meinem Van

Cursed pigeon
Always looking for crumbs
I'll rip your beak off
If I see you on the tiles again
You're no food
Like quails and devilish chickens
Hard as cement
I've never seen two pigeons on a table before
The swallows are going away
And you get on my nerves all year long
My grandmother told me
That you've been shitting on clothes for fifty years
You pigeon bastard
I'll throw you off the ledge
With a flick of my wrist
I'll break your wings and throw them to the dog
You pigeon mongrel
You squat on the balcony
If I see you on the street
I'll run you over with my van