I need some help, some support, or something. I'm about to lose it.

[Walker D]

Now I feel like horrible shit because I might have said something that could be taken the wrong way.

Nah ...be sure that everybody caring about you will be as comprehensive as possible about what you say on this thread, and that they know that some words or feelings can be a bit messy on the text ...just cause of the situation that you are immersed on

Don't even worry much about that kind of thing

 

[JoostinOnline]

My last therapist would doze off while he was with me. He was tired of his job.

Then get a new one. Your old one sounds terrible. Probably an Apple fan.

 

[DeadlyFoez]

Deadly, I wish I could call you to lift your spirit a lil.
Unfortunately I can't :c
Stupid phone of mine is also shit >_>

Anyway, I always looked up to you!
Jealous of your soldering skills! and it's been an honor to help you twice with the 360 problems you had.
You're one awesome lad!
It's just such a shame that you have to put up with this rubbish.
I really hope that everything works out quickly for you and you get to see your kids 24/7!

You'd prolly think meh, whatever or crack a small smile.
I'm not really good at comforting people or making them feel good in bad situations tho.
But anyway I hope that it lifts your spirit a bit c:

Realize it or not, words coming from someone like you mean a lot to me. I thank you very much. I honestly did feel a little bit of a spirit uplift reading your post. Thank you.

Then get a new one. Your old one sounds terrible. Probably an Apple fan.

I seriously just did a LOL.

 

[DinohScene]

Realize it or not, words coming from someone like you mean a lot to me. I thank you very much. I honestly did feel a little bit of a spirit uplift reading your post. Thank you.

Sweet n_n

No problem chap c:

If you need an outlet then you can PM me.
I can't even come close to the level of Xflak for you, but if I could make you feel even just a tiny bit better, then I'll do it n_n

 

[DeadlyFoez]

I wish I could speak with a female. The voice is comforting to me. I need that right now.

Even the few times that I have talked with XFlaks wife was much comfort to me.

Maybe it is because my mother left me and my family when I was so young.

I could cry with hurt so much right now.

All that is keeping me going is my music.

I had a friend come over a week ago, and she spent the night here. All I did was hold her all night. I had no emotional attachment to her, but is was great to hold someone again. Just to feel the warmth. To feel close. To have someone there. I never tried anything sexual with her, I just wanted to hold someone. Almost like desiring the need to hold my loved ones. Just feels.

Now I am staying on the property that my father took his life in. I have a hard time walking over to that spot, still seeing the paramedics gloves on the ground, seeing the used pads of the defibrillator still on the floor.

I need my wife. I need someone or something.

Why won't she be there for me when she knows I am in so much need? Did she really never love me?

What could I have done to fix this? Is it really all me? Should I just take the dive for the better good?

I have literally been begging for someone to help me. I am at a moment of desperation.

 

[Vengenceonu]

Now I am staying on the property that my father took his life in. I have a had time walking over to that spot, still seeing the paramedics gloves on the ground, seeing the used pads of the defibrillator still on the floor.

I need my wife. I need someone or something.

Why won't she be there for me when she knows I am in so much need? Did she really never love me?

What could I have done to fix this? Is it really all me? Should I just take the dive for the better good?

No, because then you would be doing the same thing to your kids your father did to you. Do you want them to walk over that same spot pondering why they couldnt have been a better son and daughter to you. Make them think it was their fault "mommy and daddy" couldnt work out their differences. Dont let the cycle of misery continue. You have to learn to forgive. Not Just your wife, but your father and yourself. Once you do that, you can then focus on making it better without regretting the past. I know it sounds cliche but goddamnit its true.

 

[JoostinOnline]

I have literally been begging for someone to help me. I am at a moment of desperation.

You need to get out of there. Go to Canada. It's obviously a huge step down from the USA (I'm only saying that in case XFlak reads this), but your current living situation is not healthy.

 

[Vengenceonu]

I have literally been begging for someone to help me. I am at a moment of desperation.

Whatever you do don't think like that. I know it may seem that your world is over but Keep pushing. I know i don't know you at all and im just some 18 yr old kid from new york but every single word, syllable and emotion in your heartfelt plea really just makes me want to ease your pain even though im helpless.

 

[DeadlyFoez]

I am not angered by what my dad did, only hurt. He was in a lot of pain, and he literally sacrificed himself for me and my siblings.

I hate myself. I am such a fucking piece of shit for all I have done wrong in my life. Yes, it is all in the past and I need to move forward, but it is hard when you know who you have become inside. I am just a puss of emotions at this point.

I know I would never accept me.

 

[Sicklyboy]

It's not all you. You've been dealt a shit hand lately, but that's hardly your fault.

Yeah, maybe you could have done a thing or two differently. We all could have.

Not to stray from the topic at hand, but in a relevant note, your father taking his life was, from how you have explained it, not at all your fault; he did it to protect his kids. I realize how terrible it is and can not begin to comprehend the distress that must have put you through.

But moving on to your wife, excuse me for saying this, but she is a right fucking cunt. I don't want to fuel the fire by saying hurtful words but I stand by what I said. There is absolutely no reason for a person to treat another person like that. I'm amazed that you put up with it period, and amazed further that you had put up with it for this long. You've mentioned problems with your wife before, but I never knew it was to this extent.

You need to completely remove yourself from that situation as much as possible, and sooner rather than later. I can only hope that your wife realizes how fucking hard it is to raise two young ladies (not even regarding the fact that your daughters are autistic) as a single mother, and can do a complete 180 on her way of living ad treating you and manages to ask for you back or put the kids in your care, or AT LEAST manages a way for you to have visitation rights. EVerything she's done is fucking disgusting.

I'd love to write something a little more inspiring or encouraging than that, but I've been up for a while on very little sleep, my mind is shot right now.

I've got a shit load of work, pretty much non-stop, ahead of me the next few days, but expect a call from me soon, just to chat. I've got your number now, I just need a few free minutes where I'm not shoveling shit or selling iPads to mindless fucking idiots who don't know "a USB" from a megapixel.

 

[Vengenceonu]

I am not angered by what my dad did, only hurt. He was in a lot of pain, and he literally sacrificed himself for me and my siblings.

I hate myself. I am such a fucking piece of shit for all I have done wrong in my life. Yes, it is all in the past and I need to move forward, but it is hard when you know who you have become inside. I am just a puss of emotions at this point.

I know I would never accept me.

Exactly and you feel regret which proves internally you are a good person. I mean come on Foez your no fucking terrorist/murderer/cannibal. YOU FEEL PAIN AND REMORSE. It's human nature to regret our past mistakes and wish we could change them (in fact i regret at least 10 things a day from life changing decisions all the way to what i should have had for lunch) but the fact is we can't. But here's what we CAN do, MAKE A BETTER FUTURE. You know you faults, you know how bad they make you feel. Make a promise to yourself not to do them anymore. You say you would never accept yourself right, then become someone you would accept and Goddammit start right fucking now. I know its hard but if you put an effort no matter how small, your taking a step forward. As long as u dont repeat past mistakes (taking a step back) your making progress.

 

[calmwaters]

I am not angered by what my dad did, only hurt. He was in a lot of pain, and he literally sacrificed himself for me and my siblings.

I hate myself. I am such a fucking piece of shit for all I have done wrong in my life. Yes, it is all in the past and I need to move forward, but it is hard when you know who you have become inside. I am just a puss of emotions at this point.

I know I would never accept me.

I don't care how emotional you are; I accept you for who you are, which right now is a miserable person. That can change, though...

 

[DeadlyFoez]

Liz,

I am sorry for all I have done wrong to you. I miss you more than anything and I can't live without you in my life. I can forgive you for your mistakes, and I try to forgive myself. I am far from a perfect person. I have a lot that I am dealing with and I need you to be there for me and help me like how I have been there for you. Even with these hiccups in our relationship, I am wanting to move past it all for the benefit of our family, and for us because I do love you. I want us to work these issues out and focus on what is most important.

Please be there for me. I am in so much pain. I am dying inside.

Please forgive me for my faults. I will do whatever I can do to change to fit with you.

I love you, eternally.

--Expect this message to be deleted in less than 30 minutes--

 

[Ryukouki]

Hey man, I dunno if you'll get to see this, or if it will mean anything to you. I think you're a fantastic guy, and I for one really admire what you have done in terms of the Wii scene. I think you and XFlak were the folks responsible for getting me started in tinkering with Wiis! I'm sorry to hear that your life is all kinds of hell right now, but right now, the dusk is darkest before the dawn and I think that when that time comes it's going to be fantastic. I wish you all the best and hope that you hang in there a little bit longer.

 

[Vengenceonu]

Foez Do me a favor and just sleep on it for now. Don't try to resolve everything at once before all your internal walls break down from the stress. You'll feel easier and level headed in the morning.

 

[Par39]

I wish I could speak with a female. The voice is comforting to me. I need that right now.

I wish I could call you then, but... calling from Finland isn't really something I can afford to do. Even though I'm really shy and hate being on the phone, even with my friends, I wish I could comfort you a little bit.

 

[DeadlyFoez]

I seriously think I'm starting to hallucinate. I swear I keep seeing things moving out of the corner of my eye, like a person walking into view, and I turn my head and there is nothing. Sometimes it is a car driving down the street, but I keep thinking that I see something move when nothing moved at all. I've noticed it on a regular basis since I have been staying at my dad's house.

Maybe I'm going crazy because of all the stress. Maybe I'm just not used to being here at my dad's and it could just be a bird flying by. Maybe my years of drug use is finally catching up to me. I don't believe in ghosts or anything spiritual, but that is another option.

Everything is just so surreal to me. I don't feel like myself anymore. I almost feel as if I am already dead and time is just trying to catch up with me.

This isn't me. This is not who I am.

 

[Deleted_171835]

I seriously think I'm starting to hallucinate. I swear I keep seeing things moving out of the corner of my eye, like a person walking into view, and I turn my head and there is nothing. Sometimes it is a car driving down the street, but I keep thinking that I see something move when nothing moved at all. I've noticed it on a regular basis since I have been staying at my dad's house.

Maybe I'm going crazy because of all the stress. Maybe I'm just not used to being here at my dad's and it could just be a bird flying by. Maybe my years of drug use is finally catching up to me. I don't believe in ghosts or anything spiritual, but that is another option.

Everything is just so surreal to me. I don't feel like myself anymore. I almost feel as if I am already dead and time is just trying to catch up with me.

This isn't me. This is not who I am.

Dude, see a therapist.

 

[Vengenceonu]

I seriously think I'm starting to hallucinate. I swear I keep seeing things moving out of the corner of my eye, like a person walking into view, and I turn my head and there is nothing. Sometimes it is a car driving down the street, but I keep thinking that I see something move when nothing moved at all. I've noticed it on a regular basis since I have been staying at my dad's house.

Maybe I'm going crazy because of all the stress. Maybe I'm just not used to being here at my dad's and it could just be a bird flying by. Maybe my years of drug use is finally catching up to me. I don't believe in ghosts or anything spiritual, but that is another option.

Everything is just so surreal to me. I don't feel like myself anymore. I almost feel as if I am already dead and time is just trying to catch up with me.

This isn't me. This is not who I am.

Wow, right when i was thinking if you were okay you just posted.

Back on topic:

That's your own paranoia getting to you dude just chill. Unless you've been doing coke, heroin, and other Redneck drugs your probably just too stressed. You keep expecting something to happen so every little nuance makes you jump and go crazy. Just sit down, watch tv, turn on the lights, whatever.

EDIT: Don't be alone today. You'll go crazy that way. Go see a therapist(a good one) or hang out with some friends. And NO.. Drugs arent your friends in this situation

 

[DeadlyFoez]

I just asked my sister and she said that she has been having the same experiences and it gave her the chills just thinking about it, so maybe there is really more to it.