How do you mentally prepare yourself?

[Deleted member 473940]

Once in a while I start a weird thread like this. I know the demography on 'temp arent really all that serious but oh well


So a while ago, I made a thread about my weakness.. DIY. Yap. I am a complete retard when it comes to DIY and when it comes to creating things and putting things together.

But I am gifted in many other ways . When it comes to interviews(jobs, education, whatever it may be), I have never failed one. I always tend to impress people in interviews.
In fact I just had one. Its for a teaching position. BUT! I dont feel ready.

Let me explain.
I currently work in retail. I have been promised progression a while ago and nothing has changed. I am still on basic salary and I am only getting older. I feel the need to progress and move up in life. I wanted to do something about it and I did.
I started applying for jobs(through different agencies). Several job interviews later.. I got accepted in various roles.
Got accepted for retail Branch Manager at a different company, financial adviser in foreign language(since I speak a lot of different languages), university tutor...

this hit me. Over the past couple of years, I have been complaining that my life is not moving forward. I have made no progress.
But suddenly, when I am hit with all these opportunities, I feel a mental block. I am not ready. I dont feel ready. Its a big step forward. If I give up my current silly job and move on to something big.. what if I mess up and lose everything? Why do I feel this pressure?
How do I get around this?

I am speaking to professional people about how I currently feel.. but just wanted to know how 'tempers get around with situations like this.

 

[SG854]

@ShawnTRods Your speaking to a therapist?
Its probably because theres a big change and your not use to the pressure.

So basic salary is a big concern?

Things you have to know about higher pay is that sacrifices come with it. Generally, the less satisfying a job the more it pays. Its a matter of supply and demand. The more a job is in demand, usually easier likable jobs like working with people in air-conditioned rooms, like a secretarial position, then the less employers can pay employees because they are easily replaceable. The less likable jobs that not as many people apply to, employers offer higher pay to try to encourage more people to pick jobs people would've otherwise not have picked.

Also jobs that lead to higher pay are night shifts, working outdoors in less desirable conditions, commuting for longer distances, working more overtime, relocation to less desirable locations, working in a profession with a high risk of death, taking bigger responsibilities like managerial positions, working in less fulfilling jobs, working in horrible shift and horrible hours, taking less vacation days being absent less from work, having a degree in the hard sciences and not in liberal arts, and working a job with less security.

Its a matter of work life balance. Having a less balanced work focused life leads to higher salary but a toll on your emotional well being. Having a more balanced work life leads to less pay but a more satisfying life. Just think about CEO's. Their jobs is more than 80 hours a week. And even when they are home they still can't mentally check out of work. They are basically a 7-11. They barely get to see their family and friends. Barley have time to for themselves to play video games or to do yoga, sacrificing leisure time. (These choices are the cause of the Wage Gap people complain about between men and women, and usually more often men make more of these sacrifices to earn higher pay to support their family)

To understand what leads to higher pay then you have to understand what sacrifices come with it. And whether or not you want to make them to earn higher pay. Do you want more work life balance or higher pay?

Do you feel you made less progress because your not in higher power position, is power the culprit here? So consider this, imagine if we tell a woman the more kids you have the more power you have, usually the typical a women had in the past was around 8 kids. People would think your crazy because more kids means more responsibility and more to watch over. But for some reason we tell men in higher positions, like ceo or high managerial positions, the more people they manage, the more people that work for them, the more power the have. What people have to understand is the bigger stressful responsibilities you have to take when working in a higher position, and your well being you sacrifice to earn higher pay.

So to you what would be a better position? What would be considered a position where you have more control of your life. A job that pays more but you get to see the people you care about in life less, like your family. Or a job that pays less but you get to see your family more. These are things to think about when choosing a career and thinking about a higher position.

 

[Cyan]

I don't prepare myself, I tend to act in a way that will not need me to be prepared.
I don't do anything which will or could put me in a situation where I know I'll feel bad.

I don't face difficulty and just try to avoid them as long as possible.
when I can't do it anymore, it's usually too late to prepare mentally and it's done quickly, possibly dirty and not something done well. I don't care to impress others, I do things for myself.

 

[Deleted member 473940]

@ShawnTRods Your speaking to a therapist?
Its probably because theres a big change and your not use to the pressure.

So basic salary is a big concern?

Things you have to know about higher pay is that sacrifices come with it. Generally, the less satisfying a job the more it pays. Its a matter of supply and demand. The more a job is in demand, usually easier likable jobs like working with people in air-conditioned rooms, like a secretarial position, then the less employers can pay employees because they are easily replaceable. The less likable jobs that not as many people apply to, employers offer higher pay to try to encourage more people to pick jobs people would've otherwise not have picked.

Also jobs that lead to higher pay are night shifts, working outdoors in less desirable conditions, commuting for longer distances, working more overtime, relocation to less desirable locations, working in a profession with a high risk of death, taking bigger responsibilities like managerial positions, working in less fulfilling jobs, working in horrible shift and horrible hours, taking less vacation days being absent less from work, having a degree in the hard sciences and not in liberal arts, and working a job with less security.

Its a matter of work life balance. Having a less balanced work focused life leads to higher salary but a toll on your emotional well being. Having a more balanced work life leads to less pay but a more satisfying life. Just think about CEO's. Their jobs is more than 80 hours a week. And even when they are home they still can't mentally check out of work. They are basically a 7-11. They barely get to see their family and friends. Barley have time to for themselves to play video games or to do yoga, sacrificing leisure time. (These choices are the cause of the Wage Gap people complain about between men and women, and usually more often men make more of these sacrifices to earn higher pay to support their family)

To understand what leads to higher pay then you have to understand what sacrifices come with it. And whether or not you want to make them to earn higher pay. Do you want more work life balance or higher pay?

Do you feel you made less progress because your not in higher power position, is power the culprit here? So consider this, imagine if we tell a woman the more kids you have the more power you have, usually the typical a women had in the past was around 8 kids. People would think your crazy because more kids means more responsibility and more to watch over. But for some reason we tell men in higher positions, like ceo or high managerial positions, the more people they manage, the more people that work for them, the more power the have. What people have to understand is the bigger stressful responsibilities you have to take when working in a higher position, and your well being you sacrifice to earn higher pay.

So to you what would be a better position? What would be considered a position where you have more control of your life. A job that pays more but you get to see the people you care about in life less, like your family. Or a job that pays less but you get to see your family more. These are things to think about when choosing a career and thinking about a higher position.

I am speaking to career advisers at OU(open university), where I have most recently done a postgraduate diploma. I am also in touch with a lot of my teachers/lecturers.

Basic salary is a huge concern. I live in london. From what I earn, with my travel costs to work, rent and food.. I cant even afford to have a car. Its extremely tight. Planning the future, planning on having kids etc is IMPOSSIBLE.
With the same earning I could "somewhat" get by, if I lived outside of london. Thing is, the same job would pay significantly less in other locations.

At the moment, my travel time to work(to and back) is about 3 hours and my shift time with my lunch break is 10 hours. Which means, 13 hours of my day is taken up by work. My start time varies throughout the week and days off also varies from week to week. So seeing friends and family is already kind of difficult to arrange.

I think I am too comfortable at my current job. I know I wont lose my job and I have no reasons to be afraid. However, yes, back to your question.. pay is a concern. I am prepared to spend less time outside of work for more money. But the mental block, I cant seem to get around it.

Do you feel you made less progress because your not in higher power position

Definitely.
As I have mentioned, I work in retail. I am more capable, knowledgeable and more in control then the managers. I am a modest person, but stating a fact.
My colleagues have more trust in me than the managers.. I am usually the first point of contact.
But just because I dont have the "manager" title, I earn less and I have less opportunities to progress any further.

 

[SG854]

I am speaking to career advisers at OU(open university), where I have most recently done a postgraduate diploma. I am also in touch with a lot of my teachers/lecturers.

Basic salary is a huge concern. I live in london. From what I earn, with my travel costs to work, rent and food.. I cant even afford to have a car. Its extremely tight. Planning the future, planning on having kids etc is IMPOSSIBLE.
With the same earning I could "somewhat" get by, if I lived outside of london. Thing is, the same job would pay significantly less in other locations.

At the moment, my travel time to work(to and back) is about 3 hours and my shift time with my lunch break is 10 hours. Which means, 13 hours of my day is taken up by work. My start time varies throughout the week and days off also varies from week to week. So seeing friends and family is already kind of difficult to arrange.

I think I am too comfortable at my current job. I know I wont lose my job and I have no reasons to be afraid. However, yes, back to your question.. pay is a concern. I am prepared to spend less time outside of work for more money. But the mental block, I cant seem to get around it.


Definitely.
As I have mentioned, I work in retail. I am more capable, knowledgeable and more in control then the managers. I am a modest person, but stating a fact.
My colleagues have more trust in me than the managers.. I am usually the first point of contact.
But just because I dont have the "manager" title, I earn less and I have less opportunities to progress any further.

Yes usually people are forced into higher positions to make a living, especially when you have kids. This is something people have to understand with the male and female wage gap argument and the pressure your feeling right now. Often the man spending more time at work to earn more to support a family and the women making sacrifices for less pay to spend more time with the kids to take care of familial responsibilities. And working a job is not necessarily power that the feminist movement fought for, its actually very stressful.

With your current situation it seems then you need a different job. Pay and hours seems horrible. Your basically getting poor mans pay with rich mans stressful hours and sacrifices. So think of it as not moving up but moving to a better paying position for the same hours. Your going to have to choose wisely for this. Look around for careers that can offer this. Do you want to continue this horrible pay for horrible hours? Or do you want to move to one that pays better for the hours you're already putting in.

 

[Deleted member 473940]

Yes usually people are forced into higher positions to make a living, especially when you have kids. This is something people have to understand with the male and female wage gap argument and the pressure your feeling right now. Often the man spending more time at work to earn more to support a family and the women making sacrifices for less pay to spend more time with the kids to take care of familial responsibilities. And working a job is not necessarily power that the feminist movement fought for, its actually very stressful.

With your current situation it seems then you need a different job. Pay and hours seems horrible. Your basically getting poor mans pay with rich mans stressful hours and sacrifices. So think of it as not moving up but moving to a better paying position for the same hours. Your going to have to choose wisely for this. Look around for careers that can offer this. Do you want to continue this horrible pay for horrible hours? Or do you want to move to one that pays better for the hours you're already putting in.

Of course I want to move to a job that pays better for the hours that I am putting in.

But I am trying to understand why I dont feel ready.

1 - I am scared. Currently I have a great deal of job security. I am not a manager, yet I do the management work and I am highly valued at work. Thing is, progression in retail is hugely flawed. I apply elsewhere for a managerial role and get accepted straight away. Where as progressing here seems impossible. External applicants seems to have a much higher value in retail.

2 - I feel as though that I am not sophisticated enough to have a job role that high(the ones that I am getting). Maybe that comes from being in the same role for far too long. But if I was not good enough, I would have not aced my qualifications, interview, etc.

3 - I dont feel ready to take up THAT amount of responsibility(the jobs that I am getting). But I know for the fact that I will be given sufficient training and preparations before I actually start the job.


I understand what I am worried about and I understand the solutions to it. Yet, I feel like I am not moving an inch. Maybe I should take the opportunity and move on with life. Worry later? But if something goes wrong, the consequences are severe.

 

[SG854]

Of course I want to move to a job that pays better for the hours that I am putting in.

But I am trying to understand why I dont feel ready.

1 - I am scared. Currently I have a great deal of job security. I am not a manager, yet I do the management work and I am highly valued at work. Thing is, progression in retail is hugely flawed. I apply elsewhere for a managerial role and get accepted straight away. Where as progressing here seems impossible. External applicants seems to have a much higher value in retail.

2 - I feel as though that I am not sophisticated enough to have a job role that high(the ones that I am getting). Maybe that comes from being in the same role for far too long. But if I was not good enough, I would have not aced my qualifications, interview, etc.

3 - I dont feel ready to take up THAT amount of responsibility(the jobs that I am getting). But I know for the fact that I will be given sufficient training and preparations before I actually start the job.


I understand what I am worried about and I understand the solutions to it. Yet, I feel like I am not moving an inch. Maybe I should take the opportunity and move on with life. Worry later? But if something goes wrong, the consequences are severe.

You said your already doing managerial work, and your colleagues already have a trust in you, that means your doing a good job, so you are sophisticated enough for a higher position since your already doing that type of work. Im thinking your probably feeling that way because the people that work with you already know you and admire you, so if you getting a new managerial job then your going to have to start fresh and regain trust.

Have you tried talking to your employer mentioning your colleagues value your work ethic. If you want to keep your current job but move up then mention your commute hours and the sacrifices your already making for your job. Mention that your colleagues highly value you and you are already doing managerial work but without the title.

People often times feel they deserve a higher position and higher pay but feel cheated. So this maybe a perception. Your employer might have reasons why you haven't moved up yet. Have you talked to them about why you haven't moved up yet. You have been promised progression. Was it just a one time mention and you gave up to quick?

 

[DinohScene]

I never prepare for anything really.
I either fail or succeed.
No point in disappointing meself.

 

[FAST6191]

"what if I mess up and lose everything"
You live in the UK. If in the unlikely event it all goes pear shaped then you get to start again. You are not going to starve, you are not going to freeze and you are going to be able to carry on. if the consequences are that bad you will have some variation on the theme of professional indemnity insurance too.

Have a look at something called imposter syndrome. You are seemingly not there yet but it may enlighten you on a few matters. At the same time I tend to suggest people look up Dunning–Kruger too.

"External applicants seems to have a much higher value in retail."
The idea of internal promotion for almost any field, never mind retail, went with the idea of a job for life about 20 years ago. To move up you move on.
Would be nicer for companies and the people working for them were there still something resembling progression but oh well.

"I am not a manager, yet I do the management work and I am highly valued at work"
No.
To go a bit further that is something called management on the cheap, don't let yourself be fooled into doing that.

Sounds like the only reason to stay is because you like the idea of an easier life with maybe less hours. I can respect that

 

[330]

I take the worst case scenario and keep it in my head until I'm no longer nervous about it. Once I don't fear it anymore, I can do anything.

 

[Deleted-355425]

Sounds like you need a girl friend/wife to split living costs with.

 

[Deleted member 473940]

You said your already doing managerial work, and your colleagues already have a trust in you, that means your doing a good job, so you are sophisticated enough for a higher position since your already doing that type of work. Im thinking your probably feeling that way because the people that work with you already know you and admire you, so if you getting a new managerial job then your going to have to start fresh and regain trust.

Have you tried talking to your employer mentioning your colleagues value your work ethic. If you want to keep your current job but move up then mention your commute hours and the sacrifices your already making for your job. Mention that your colleagues highly value you and you are already doing managerial work but without the title.

People often times feel they deserve a higher position and higher pay but feel cheated. So this maybe a perception. Your employer might have reasons why you haven't moved up yet. Have you talked to them about why you haven't moved up yet. You have been promised progression. Was it just a one time mention and you gave up to quick?

I suppose so. I pretty much do everything that any managers do and more. Its just the perception. Its not my job and I still do it. There is no pressure on me.
But I think taking up the responsibility scares me. Since I am doing it already, it shoudnt be a problem.

I have spoken to my employer, managers, higher ups. Since I started in this company, I have personally known ONLY 1 person who has moved up. The reason why he moved up... because of pity. He got the job through a charity origination, and to make the company look good, out of pity, he advanced quite fast. Its one of those things...

My employer hasnt given me any reasons as to why I should not move up. It has not happened.
I am applying to "competitors", and getting higher job roles. But ideally I would like the opportunity here at this place.

Its been mentioned many times that I should get promoted, not just once. They have even offered me apprenticeship. BUT THAT still doesn't guarantee me a managerial role...

"what if I mess up and lose everything"
You live in the UK. If in the unlikely event it all goes pear shaped then you get to start again. You are not going to starve, you are not going to freeze and you are going to be able to carry on. if the consequences are that bad you will have some variation on the theme of professional indemnity insurance too.

Have a look at something called imposter syndrome. You are seemingly not there yet but it may enlighten you on a few matters. At the same time I tend to suggest people look up Dunning–Kruger too.

"External applicants seems to have a much higher value in retail."
The idea of internal promotion for almost any field, never mind retail, went with the idea of a job for life about 20 years ago. To move up you move on.
Would be nicer for companies and the people working for them were there still something resembling progression but oh well.

"I am not a manager, yet I do the management work and I am highly valued at work"
No.
To go a bit further that is something called management on the cheap, don't let yourself be fooled into doing that.

Sounds like the only reason to stay is because you like the idea of an easier life with maybe less hours. I can respect that

I get where you are coming from about the easier life part. But I think I am very comfortable and confident at my current job. I know everything there is to know.. I can find solutions to every problem we come across.
I can confidently do everything here. Which is why I feel so secure at this place.

But I am on the edge of my patience. I am in need of more money, and I need to move on in life.

 

[FAST6191]

To me that sounds boring. If I did not have to learn things, often in a very short space of time, and otherwise fly by the seat of my pants to solve problems I might not have anticipated or just decided to get involved in then I might as well have done something which pays silly money and do everything out of http://www.davidpbrown.co.uk/poetry/john-hodge.html .

I imagine you would have led with "I have kids/dependents, I have a mortgage" (the main two things society kind of expects you to keep on top of). To that end what is stopping you?

Will screwing up in a big boy role prevent you from going back to what you are doing now?