I know we've talked about the matter already, Foez, and know that if you never need someone to talk to, maybe someone who is a little more emotionally detached from you than your better friends but a person who would still listen to every word you have to say, try to bring a few words of comfort and better judgement to the situation, I'm always around.
I'm not religious, but I do like to hold a somewhat positive, but also quite realistic outlook in life. I also am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. Your father did what he did for a reason; I don't know if he ever brought to (your) attention the fact that he was troubled by something, and that's something for you and whoever you choose to know. There's a reason YOU are still around following this tragedy. You've stayed strong this entire time, and that takes a lot out of a person. Emotions are going to manifest them somehow; people get depressed, they drink, they turn to drugs, they cry. If you need to do something, sometimes you need to do it, just make sure it's not something stupid, something you're going to regret down the line. As I can tell you realize, a single person is not the only one affected by their own actions. My point is that there's always some way to cope that isn't going to have a negative outcome.
A friend of mine lost his brother two or three months back to a drug overdose, after years of doing hard drugs. My friend has stayed strong this whole time, too. He's drank his sorrow away at times, he still dreams of his brother, and he misses him dearly. But he's staying strong. You need to as well. Grieving is human; you can be strong and grieve. You can be strong and cry. There's nothing shameful about a man crying who has lost a family member or a friend. Being strong stops the moment you make rash decisions. When you throw caution to the wind, doing things you shouldn't do, that is when you need to seek help. I don't want to see you go down that road, foez.
Your father had all the answers for you, as you must for your girls. Make sure they have that for as long as they possibly can, man. I don't know if you've broken the news to them yet, but when it happens, be there for them as they will be there for you. Kin is a beautiful thing, and even in the toughest of times you can see your family pull itself closer together than ever before. Life is temporary, but you have to make the most of it. We were all put here for a reason, and we've got to grin and bear it, and just push through it even when it looks like there's no end to the hardship. EVERYTHING gets better at some point.
Again, my deepest, most heartfelt condolences to you, your family, and your girls. You can make it through this. You've got plenty of people who care and who are here to help, and we are here whenever you need us.
(I'm sending you a quick message on FB too, if you're not on to see it.)