FWB....

[Koumori_Knight]

Ok so here is a new round of questions and discussion.
This time the subject is less than platonic relationships that do not extend into romantic feelings and responsibility-- A.K.A friends with benefits.

My questions are:
Is it a healthy kind of relationship to have in your opinion?
Are there situations in which you might be inclined to make an exception to your answer?
And.
Would such a relationship place the existing friendship at risk?
Have you ever had such a relationship before?

Looking forward to your opinions!

 

[ProtoKun7]

No, no, and probably.

 

[Guild McCommunist]

There's a difference between having sex and making love.

It's a fucking stupid idea to have "friends with benefits".

 

[VashTS]

if you want to bang the bitch, you better not be seeing her everyday, otherwise, its a relationship. if its a bang, see ya when i see ya, then yeah its cool.

i believe oral fwb can work out ok. you blow me, i eat that, i could see that working.

 

[Koumori_Knight]

There's a difference between having sex and making love.

It's a fucking stupid idea to have "friends with benefits".
Agreed, to a point.
IMHO, if I actually feel that this hypothetical woman is a good match in the ways that count--sweet, smart, caring, intelligent, has a sense of humor and so forth-- but the timing is bad, like she has school responsibilities or anything else like that, I would seriously consider doing the FWB thing.
I do agree that it is a stupid thing to do with just anyone...


QUOTE(VashTS @ Oct 24 2010, 02:40 PM) if you want to bang the bitch, you better not be seeing her everyday, otherwise, its a relationship. if its a bang, see ya when i see ya, then yeah its cool.

i believe oral fwb can work out ok. you blow me, i eat that, i could see that working.

Dude...."bang the bitch"? Really? That is such a mature way to express an opinion about women....
Sex can be just sex imo, but it's soul killing if there is no respect...

 

[Uncle FEFL]

They're OK in my opinion.

I'll probably never have one, and I'll probably be uncomfortable with it if I even got close to having a FWB. However, having a FWB isn't a bad thing. Having a sex buddy isn't very bad either, unless the girl gets pregnant. The two involved would be seen as unethical and slutty (the latter I agree with).

 

[Wabsta]

Depends, would you get jealous if she has sex with someone else, or is even seeing someone else?
And you do know that, unless she is a total slut, that when she starts dating someone else, it's probably over, and you will be left all alone.

 

[Veho]

IMHO, if I actually feel that this hypothetical woman is a good match in the ways that count--sweet, smart, caring, intelligent, has a sense of humor and so forth-- but the timing is bad, like she has school responsibilities or anything else like that, I would seriously consider doing the FWB thing.

That would still be a regular relationship between two busy people. What would it be like? You like each other, you get along well, you're a good match, so presumably you meet each other socially here and there, and occasionally you get together and bump uglies. That's a perfectly ordinary boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. Nothing "FWB" about it.

FWB is a tricky tightrope act that very few people have the maturity or the personality to walk, and the odds of finding another such person are seriously slim to none. In most such relationships, one party is in it for sex and nothing else, and the other would like something more but doesn't admit it, and silently agrees to such an arrangement because it's a way (maybe the only way) to be with the other person, and it's better than nothing. All too often it means more to one party than the other and it can only end in misery.

 

[Koumori_Knight]

IMHO, if I actually feel that this hypothetical woman is a good match in the ways that count--sweet, smart, caring, intelligent, has a sense of humor and so forth-- but the timing is bad, like she has school responsibilities or anything else like that, I would seriously consider doing the FWB thing.

That would still be a regular relationship between two busy people. What would it be like? You like each other, you get along well, you're a good match, so presumably you meet each other socially here and there, and occasionally you get together and bump uglies. That's a perfectly ordinary boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. Nothing "FWB" about it.

FWB is a tricky tightrope act that very few people have the maturity or the personality to walk, and the odds of finding another such person are seriously slim to none. In most such relationships, one party is in it for sex and nothing else, and the other would like something more but doesn't admit it, and silently agrees to such an arrangement because it's a way (maybe the only way) to be with the other person, and it's better than nothing. All too often it means more to one party than the other and it can only end in misery.

I was not clear with my response.... mostly because of my irritation at vashts' characterization of his perfectly valid opinion and I apologize.

I should have added that I personally define fwb as a sexual relationship that lacks the emotional responsibility and monogamy of a conventional bf/gf relationship. So in my example, if my friend decides to put all of her time on school or family or anything else, then she would be free to do so, where in a bf/gf type relationship there would be an emotional obligation on both sides to at least try to put in some time together...

Definitions aside, I agree with you, most do not have the maturity it hold up such a relationship, myself included.

 

[Ossot]

You're asking a bunch of adolescent boys if you could have a fuck buddy? That's like asking a bunch of nuns if jesus is real. C'mon.

Go for it. But i'm telling you, someone WILL catch feelings. It will all be fine for a while, then one of you WILL get very emotionally attached. Both will say it wont happen. Both will try not to, but one of you will. And if the other isn't willing to turn it into a real relationship - there will end up being NO relationship.

 

[Koumori_Knight]

They're OK in my opinion.

I'll probably never have one, and I'll probably be uncomfortable with it if I even got close to having a FWB. However, having a FWB isn't a bad thing. Having a sex buddy isn't very bad either, unless the girl gets pregnant. The two involved would be seen as unethical and slutty (the latter I agree with).

Depends, would you get jealous if she has sex with someone else, or is even seeing someone else?
And you do know that, unless she is a total slut, that when she starts dating someone else, it's probably over, and you will be left all alone.

IMHO, if I actually feel that this hypothetical woman is a good match in the ways that count--sweet, smart, caring, intelligent, has a sense of humor and so forth-- but the timing is bad, like she has school responsibilities or anything else like that, I would seriously consider doing the FWB thing.

That would still be a regular relationship between two busy people. What would it be like? You like each other, you get along well, you're a good match, so presumably you meet each other socially here and there, and occasionally you get together and bump uglies. That's a perfectly ordinary boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. Nothing "FWB" about it.

FWB is a tricky tightrope act that very few people have the maturity or the personality to walk, and the odds of finding another such person are seriously slim to none. In most such relationships, one party is in it for sex and nothing else, and the other would like something more but doesn't admit it, and silently agrees to such an arrangement because it's a way (maybe the only way) to be with the other person, and it's better than nothing. All too often it means more to one party than the other and it can only end in misery.

Let me say thank you, for the mature and thoughtful responses!

QUOTE(Ossot @ Oct 25 2010, 08:07 AM)

You're asking a bunch of adolescent boys if you could have a fuck buddy? That's like asking a bunch of nuns if jesus is real. C'mon.

Go for it. But i'm telling you, someone WILL catch feelings. It will all be fine for a while, then one of you WILL get very emotionally attached. Both will say it wont happen. Both will try not to, but one of you will. And if the other isn't willing to turn it into a real relationship - there will end up being NO relationship.

Two things,first: I'm not actually asking for advice, just opinions, romantic opportunities are rather few for me, so I wouldn't ask for advice here if I actually had one-- no offence intended.
Second: my reason for asking is curiosity, as I said in another thread I have spoken with many other people(mostly males) about stuff like this, and received some very different answers...so I am just interested to see what other kinds of people have to say.

 

[Ossot]

You should really start out with "have you ever actually tried it." I think a lot of your advice is hypothetical.

The last time I tried I was knee deep in the girl when she started laughing. Only it turned out she wasn't laughing, she was crying. Next thing I know I'm trying to play beat the clock with my hard-on while explaining to her that I'm sorry she loves me, but we got a good thing going here, i get drunk, you come over.

 

[Koumori_Knight]

Granted, you have a good point there...
I'll be editing my post to reflect your advice.

As for your story.....wow, damn that must have been fun, dealing with an emotionally confused woman in the middle of a "booty call".

 

[Blood Fetish]

Sex is sex. As long as both people are mature adults who are able to understand the implications of it, I see no reason against sex outside of a "committed relationship".