Bortz's Free Advice Thread

[Castiel]

Thanks Bortz

 

[chavosaur]

My 3DS lacks your friend code...
How do we fix this?

 

[Clarky]

My 3DS lacks your friend code...
How do we fix this?

pull out a hammer and enter in your shoe size on the "add friends code", that should fix that

 

[emigre]

Bortz, can you suggest some PSP RPGs to play?

 

[Deleted_171835]

I love how no one knows emigre's ethnicity. It's quite enthralling to watch you make poor guesses.

He's from Bangladesh.


How do I know? Psychic powers and stuff like that.

 

[emigre]

I love how no one knows emigre's ethnicity. It's quite enthralling to watch you make poor guesses.

He's from Bangladesh.


How do I know? Psychic powers and stuff like that.

South Wales actually.

 

[Deleted_171835]

I love how no one knows emigre's ethnicity. It's quite enthralling to watch you make poor guesses.

He's from Bangladesh.


How do I know? Psychic powers and stuff like that.

South Wales actually.

Oh you know what I meant.

 

[Hyro-Sama]

I love how no one knows emigre's ethnicity. It's quite enthralling to watch you make poor guesses.

He's from Bangladesh.


How do I know? Psychic powers and stuff like that.

Without any solid proof, emigre's ethnicity shall forever remain a mystery.

 

[Gahars]

I have come to understand that more money equals more problems. Does it work the other way around? Do I just need to add problems to boost my cash flow?

 

[BORTZ]

Dear Dr. Bortz,

It seems I have a clone of myself trying to grow out of my left shoulder. What should I do?

Sincerely, Daniel "Beside Himself" Smith.

Well Danny. This is actually more common than you think. This usually happens when people are so upset, grieved or depressed (actual drepression, like the kind that lasts for months on end). The last one is where we see this the most and its also where Gahars came up with the term "Beside myself with X. X can be sadness, greif, depression, like mentioned above.
I have a few solutions. The first it drastic. You can simply cut off the second clone of you and have a surgeon cauderize the wound with a blow torch. While its dangerous, it also takes care of the problem, literally "nipping it in the bud"... or shoulder.
The second option is to just live with it. It is possible to make friends with your second self. If you get to be good enough friends, its possible to be beside yourself with happyness, but this is difficult to do. Its the even higher level on Mazlo's Pyramid, right above self actualization.
The third is also difficult. In rare cases, its possible to clone your clone and have a second clone on your other shoulder. Then you can star in movies like "me, myself, and I".

My 3DS lacks your friend code...
How do we fix this?

THAT is easy. Send me a PM

Bortz, can you suggest some PSP RPGs to play?

The only RPG the PSP has isnt even in its native library. You have to jailhack your PSP and get a PS1 emulator to play it. Its a PS1 title called Final Fantasy 8. Why there is only one, and its called "Final Fantasy" is beyond me. Rumor has it that the other 7 were released in Japan, but never anywhere else. The 8th was by a new company, who only released the game in NTSC-U and PAL regions of the world. And on top of that, legend has it that its the worst of the series.

I have come to understand that more money equals more problems. Does it work the other way around? Do I just need to add problems to boost my cash flow?

*wipes tears of laugher from his eyes* Ok ok, Mr. Gahars. Please have a seat here in my office. *sits down behind an imported mahogany desk* You have a very serious question that i think about of poeple in America and around the world need to be aware of.

In an idea world, this is what money and problems should look like.

See that? Look at the even slope of the graph. Almost perfect. Its easy to see the the number or problems is equally proportionate the number of money. But its impossible to tell by looking that the graph which is influencing the other. In fact, it looks like that doesnt matter. By your estimate, adding money adds problems, equally. So adding problems should add money, right?

Lets look at what happens when you add more problems to the system only.

Huh. Looks like your problems stack up and dont get you alot more money at all.

In fact, if you look towards the top of the graph youll see a circle.

This is the point of no return. This is where bankruptcy, homelessness, accepting K-pop as an acceptable genre of music, suicide, and other terrible life decisions occur. Once done, the chances of getting your normal life back on track is impossible, indicated by the graph actually going backwards.

Now lets add more money to the mix, without actively adding problems.

This is also odd. There are two things imprortant we can learn from this.
1. It appears that you can actually plateau off your problems or even start to see them decline with enough money. Interesting.
2. See those red spots? These are complacently zones. These are where people actually lose control of their money and stuff because they think they can just throw money at ALL of their problems, and end up directly in the point of no return zone, almost immediately.
This is most commonly illustrated by a person with a solid fiscal background and history who is presented a large sum of money cant handle it. Such as winning the lottery, large settlement from a frivolous law suit, or inheriting a large amount from a passing family member.

I hope that clears some stuff up for you all.

 

[Gundam Eclipse]

BORTZANATOR
YOUR INPUT IS REQUIRED ASAP
I have a angel, a slime, some kind of imp, and a badass fusion thing between what I think is a transformer and samurai.
I have the option to fuse all of these(2 at a time, resulting in 2) to get more powerful beings.
How do you suggest I progress my good sir?

 

[BORTZ]

Ok i would suggest breeding the slime with the imp. Im guessing that will produce a decent devil family monster. Then breed the angel with the transformer samurai, and then the results of those two, breed them together. or synthesize. Whatever.

 

[BORTZ]

No one else needs advice?

 

[mucus]

advise me!

 

[Brian117]

advise me!

no

 

[BORTZ]

advise me!

 

[nukeboy95]

 

[Maxternal]

TaeWong is getting boring. How do we fix him?

 

[BORTZ]

TaeWong is getting boring. How do we fix him?

Ban his ass.

OK so id like to reopen this thread if anyone needs advice?

 

[Tom Bombadildo]

BORTZ BORTZ I HAVEN'T WATCHED PORN IN LIKE 3 WEEKS HELP