Nintendo, the popular video game company responsible for characters like Mario, consoles like the Wii, and love hotels like you wouldn't believe, has just announced that the Wii U will no longer support video games.
"We decided to reevaluate our priorities," a company spokesperson told us. "And we just saw that video games aren't very high on them. That's just not where the Wii U's strengths lie. So we're moving on and focusing on its strengths."
"The Wii U is a great Netflix machine, for instance, and if you want to watch Youtube videos on your TV, you can always do that. Plus, it's a great paperweight - just ask any early adopter!"
Reggie Fils-Aime, the President of Nintendo's American branch, seemed very enthusiastic about the shift. "At Nintendo, we've always emphasized innovation and creative thinking. For the longest time, people have believed that video game consoles have to have video games. We're challenging that notion."
When asked about Nintendo's development teams and ongoing projects, Mr. Fils-Aime assured us that they were taken to a nice farm in the countryside where they could play with our old puppies.
Expect nothing from here on out.
Not only does Nintendon't - Nintenwon't.
Meanwhile...