thaddius' Console Roast 2014 Edition - Round 1

Discussion in 'General Gaming Discussion' started by thaddius, Feb 13, 2014.

  1. The Magnavox Odyssey

    2 vote(s)
  2. The Atari/Sears Pong

    0 vote(s)
  3. The Coleco Telstar Series

    4 vote(s)
  4. The Nintendo Color TV Game

    8 vote(s)
  5. Random Pong Clones

    7 vote(s)
  1. thaddius

    thaddius Charmander is not pleased.

    May 5, 2008
    Woo! Early fist round!

    The first generation of consoles! A lot of chances to make horrible mistakes. But who made the biggest one? You decide!

    I have a feeling most GBATempers were not around when these consoles were released (your humble OP definitely wasn’t). All the more reason to find out some more about these systems.


    There can only be one!

    Each week I pit each console generation against itself to determine what the worst console of that generation was. Updates will hopefully be up every Thursday from now till the end.

    We’re going to work our way up through consoles and handhelds until we reach the current generation. Once that’s all done, we’ll determine the worst console and the worst handheld. From there we choose the definitive GBATemp-approved WORST CONSOLE EVER.

    Your only job, Mr. or Miss GBATemper, is to cast your vote for what you think the worst of the generation is. Please try to do some research, watch some videos, maybe play a few of these games on a (completely legitimate) emulator, and you just might learn a little about the weird amorphous blob that is video game history. But I can't (and won't) keep you from just shooting from the uninformed hip. You're also encouraged to explain your choice in the form of a response to this topic. :)

    In the event of a tie, I (Sir thaddius prigg) will cast the deciding vote. It is my Roast after all...

    Aggressive discussion is allowed, but please try to keep within the rules of the forums. Just try to have fun and don’t be a jerk, k?

    Enough of that crap, time to get started!

    This week’s challengers:

    The Magnavox Odyssey
    This first console did a few things right, but in it’s naiveté did a number of things not-so-right.

    The manufacturers didn’t really know how to treat this sort of technology. They ended up throwing in some Monopoly-style fake money, poker chips, and other odd little board and card game odds and ends to round out the package. To make up for the almost absolute lack of graphics it even included plastic overlays that could be taped onto the TV screen so the white on-screen cube would have some context. Sketchy to say the least.

    Problem was that little cube could go flying off the screen and you wouldn’t always be able to make it line back up where it was supposed to go…

    The Atari/Sears Pong
    The arcade classic on your very own TV! Imagine tens of minutes of fun in your own home. Magical…

    It didn’t take cartridges so you were only buying the one game. But they threw in sone variations on the theme to flesh it out in a way no one really cared about.

    One of my favourite features was that the dial controls were attached to the machine. So if you wanted to play with someone, you’d have to get very cozy. I guess that would make it easier to deck your sibling if they beat you.

    The Coleco Telstar Series
    When the Connecticut Leather Company decided to enter the video game market they shortened their name to Coleco to avoid confusion. What didn’t help alleviate the confusion was the array of consoles they put on the market that touted the name ‘Coleco Telstar’.

    Above you’ll see the final version where they rolled all the different types and peripherals into one monstrosity. While it seemed to have a bit of value over, say, the one trick pony that is the Atari Pong, it definitely was one strange looking console. Oh, and that triangular thing in the middle of the machine? That's the game cartridge...

    The Nintendo Color TV Game
    Yes, Nintendo was just as good at naming systems way back when as they are now. How could you go wrong with a name like that? They get points for accuracy though. It was definitely a colour game for televisions made by Nintendo.

    And what kinds of wonderfully varied games chock full of whimsy and imagination could you play on this wonderful device? Pong. Nintendo’s first console was just another dumb Pong clone. In fact, if it weren’t for the rabid success of the NES and it’s successors, this console would have been relegated to a footnote in video game history, and would probably have been rolled into our next challenger…

    Random Pong Clones
    Nintendo wasn’t exactly original with their first foray into the industry, but then again it doesn’t seem like too many other people were either. You might even notice a Telstar model in the above picture too. And Tele-Games, what the hell! You completely ripped off the Atari Pong's housing design!? For shame!

    Everyone and their Grandma made a Pong clone around this time and attempted to cash in on this wacky fad. They put dumb ‘versions’ of Pong on their systems trying make them seem more marketable than the others, but in the end these companies faded back into the obscurity of general electronics manufacturing and were probably bought up by Texas Instruments (and yes, even they had a clone too).


    So there you have it folks! The first generation of video game consoles (more like worst generation, am I right?) prepared for your consideration.

    Feel free to post your reasons for your choice, and maybe some musings about your (or your parents’?) experiences with the consoles in question.

    In the meantime this poll will run for the week and next Thursday I’ll tally the votes and declare the winner (loser?) and post the next poll. Until then, happy voting!

    EDIT: Poll is closed, although somehow I can't actually close the poll. I'm just taking a snapshot of the results and those will be the 'final' results for this competition. Hopefully some handsome mod will come around and close it for me...

    Anyway, results and new thread incoming!
  2. Gahars

    Gahars Bakayaro Banzai

    Aug 5, 2011
    United States
    New Jersey
    Hey, you're supposed to be posting consoles, not UFOs! :angry:
  3. Xexyz

    Xexyz GBATemp's™ Official Xexyz

    Jul 29, 2013
    United States
    I chose random pong clones. Why? Because, there is so much of them!
  4. DinohScene

    DinohScene Feed Dino to the Sharks

    GBAtemp Patron
    DinohScene is a Patron of GBAtemp and is helping us stay independent!

    Our Patreon
    Oct 11, 2011
    В небо
    How ugly and clunky the Oddysee might be, The Telstar deffo wins this.

    I could see a cuboid console (GCN) and even a VHS looking one (Xbone)
    But a UFO/half pyramid with a steering wheel attached?

    My god, I think the designer of that console was either incredibly drunk or nearly died in a car crash which led his prototypes to be fused together.
  5. Taleweaver

    Taleweaver Storywriter

    Dec 23, 2009
    Random pong clones...definitely. Pong may have been the game of that generation and "console" pretty much meant "here's a game to play on your TV", the fact that every company makes the same thing kind of shows that the industry wasn't off on a flying start.

    And seeing how that "UFO" is from the seventies, I wouldn't call it fair for blaming the designer (try watching a movie from that's how everything was designed back then). Also...I've got to admit that if that thing was brought back with a USB-cord on it and some decent drivers, I'd probably buy it for kitsch reasons alone. :)
  6. Nah3DS

    Nah3DS Madre de Dios! Es El POLLO DIABLO!!!

    Feb 9, 2010
    What are you talking about? the Telstar is the coolest thing ever!!! :lol: You have a gun, a steering wheel, and not 1 but 2 knobs! you can't ask for more.
    About the Odyssey, as shitty as it is... it's the first home console ever, so I can't vote it as the worst. I'll go with those random pong clones.

    Funny how everything is made out of wood... so classy B-)
    I recommend to watch these
    Sakitoshi likes this.
  7. Tom Bombadildo

    Tom Bombadildo Tom BombaDadlo

    pip Contributor
    GBAtemp Patron
    Tom Bombadildo is a Patron of GBAtemp and is helping us stay independent!

    Our Patreon
    Jul 11, 2009
    United States
    I forgot
    I had to go with the Magnavox Odyssey...

    Despite being the first home console, it wasn't exact a good one.
  8. YoshiInAVoid

    YoshiInAVoid GBAtemp Advanced Fan

    Jan 10, 2011
  9. Foxi4

    Foxi4 On the hunt...

    pip Reporter
    Sep 13, 2009
    Gaming Grotto
    Just a sidenote, Tele-Games Pong didn't rip off Atari Pong's case design - Tele-Games Pong and Atari Pong are actually the same machine. Tele-Games is simply the name under which Sears sold Atari consoles. It's the same with the Tele-Games 2600 - other than a few minor stylistic differenes, it's an Atari 2600.
  10. thaddius

    thaddius Charmander is not pleased.

    May 5, 2008
    Inexplicably, the rare, Japan-only Nintendo Color TV Game is 'winning' the round, with no one even taking the time to explain why it garners their vote for worst console ever. Sounds a bit fishy if y'ask me.

    I'd be interested to hear from someone who's actually played a member of the family.

    One day to go! Vote!
  11. Taleweaver

    Taleweaver Storywriter

    Dec 23, 2009
    My bet would be that tempers just vote for nintendo "just 'cuz".
    Man...that sure came out wrong... :wtf:
  12. BORTZ

    BORTZ Tired of being the good guy

    GBAtemp Patron
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    Our Patreon
    Dec 2, 2007
    United States
    I dont actually have an opinion for this generation really. I wasnt really around for these ones anyways, but my guess is that its between the Odyssey or the Pong clones.
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