Staples Blog

[thegame07]

keep us posted jumpman. excellent thread

i love your replys to the customers

 

[Mangofett]

Hahaha funny how most of them were talking with a lady.

 

[jumpman17]

June 2, 2007
*Okay, first off, our radio was busted. We have a special 'Staples radio station' that we have to play over the speakers. It plays 2 ads all narrated by the same girl, then it plays 2 songs, then 2 ads, then 2 songs, and so on and so on. We only about 4 or 5 ads to play. The problem was that the place this is being broadcast from was having problems and was looping ONLY the ads. So I had to listen to the girl say her same 4 or 5 horrible ads with unfunny humor for 4 HOURS straight...over and over and over and over...the broadcast finally cut out and switched to some oldies muzak station with no ads.

*Second, we had a guy trying to haggle the price of a clearance chair. I kept saying no, but he insisted on speaking to a manager so I went and got the manager on duty and she said no and that it was already $100 (50%) off what the normal price was. He eventually stopped trying to haggle and bought the chair anyway.

Lady: I need ink for my printer.
Me: Okay, do you know which ink you need?
Lady: Huh?
Me: Do you know what ink you need?
Lady: It's for a Lexmark printer.
Me: Do you know the model of the printer?
Lady: Oh, I don't know that. I just need ink for my Lexmark printer.
Me: Ma'am, I need to know what printer model you have before I can tell you which ink you need.
Lady: I told you, I have a Lexmark.
Me: Yes, but there are dozens of Lexmarks. They all use different ink.
Lady: I just need to buy ink for my printer.
Me: I realize that, but I can't help you unless you can tell me what printer you have.
Lady: Is there someone else I can speak to?
Me: Sure.
*I go and get one of the guys from electronics.
Electronics guy: Can I help you?
Lady: I need ink for my Lexmark printer.
Electronics guy: Which printer do you have?
*The lady then turns around and walks out of the store, leaving the electronics guy baffled.

 

[sirAnger]

More!

 

[FAST6191]

@sirAnger to tide you over for a while:
http://www.actsofgord.com/

 

[sirAnger]

OOH sweet retail stupidity!

 

[sirAnger]

Touching. I shed a tear at the end.

 

[jumpman17]

June 6, 2007
Man: How many sheets will this printer print?
Me: What?
Man: How long will the ink cartridge last?
Me: It varies depending on what your printing, what quality you print at, and how often you print.
Man: But how many does it print?
Me: There is no set number. It varies.
Man: Well I need to know if this printer is economical.
Me: I don't know sir. It varies.

Lady: Excuse me!
Me: Yes?
Lady: The copier is saying jam paper.
Me: A paper jam?
Lady: No, it says jam paper.
* I look at the screen, it says paper jam.
Me: It says paper jam, let me fix that.

Lady: Wal-Mart has paper cheaper.
Me: Okay.
Lady: I just wanted to let you know.
Me: We don't set our prices, it's all done by corporate.
Lady: Well, I just wanted to let you know.
Me: Okay.
Lady: You should tell your manager.
Me: He can't do anything about it ma'am. All the prices are set by corporate.
Lady: Just tell your manager the prices are high for paper.
Me: Yeah, sure.

 

[pikachucrackpipe]

haha this reminds me of my days at kinkos

Person: I need this done now.
Me: Well hello how are you today?
Person: Did you hear me? I said I need this done right away
-throws papers at me-
Me: What do you need done?
Person: I need 200 color bonded copies within the next 20 minutes. chop chop.
Me: Well that's impossible. You can have it tomorrow afternoon.
Person: That's unacceptable! Stop being lazy and get to work.
Me: Sir, the machines can not produce that amount of output in 20 minutes considering you will need a total of 4200 color copies and 20 bonded books.
Person: Are you calling me lazy and stupid? Get your manager!
Me: I am the manager.
Person: Well give me a card, I'll go do it myself!!
Me: Just put in your credit card into the machines out there.
Person: FINE ASSHOLE

-Waddles over to the machines and can't figure it out-
Person: It's not working! I NEED THIS DONE NOW!
Me: You can place an order and have it tomorrow afternoon.
Person: Asshole! I am never coming here again.

-Waddles out the store-
CoWorker: Has he been here before?
Me: I've never seen him.


I still can't believe I remember that.

 

[Samutz]

@sirAnger to tide you over for a while:
http://www.actsofgord.com/

 

[_Mazza_]

I know what you mean I work at an electrical store too.

Customer Hi, What's this XBOX 360 attachment for?
Me That is the HD-DVD player addon it allows you to play HD-DVDs on your 360
Customer So I need this to play DVDs?
Me Only if you want to play HD DVDs
Customer Aren't DVDs HD?
Me Not regular DVDs they run at standard resolution
Customer So I need this for HD Games
Me No Games are still HD you just can't play HD-DVDs
Customer The PS3 can play HD-DVDs
Me It plays Blu-Ray, similar to HD-DVDs
customer walks over to a friend
Customer Yeah I think I'll get the PS3, with the Xbox 360 I need an attachment to play DVDs and the games aren't even HD

customer tells me he's going to go next door and have a look around.

or a kid about 10

Kid This PS3 is smaller than the one I bought
Me I can guarantee they're all the same size
Kid I want this smaller one, DADDDD!
The Dad Yes?
Kid This PS3 is smaller than mine
Dad looks at me
Me They're the same size I assure you.
The Dad If we bring it in tomorrow can we compare and if it's smaller swap it?
Me Yes but I assure you they will be exactly the same size
The Dad Okay, I'll bring it in tomorrow then

 

[pikachucrackpipe]

hahaha awesome!
stupid people make me laugh

 

[jumpman17]

June 8, 2007
Well, my day started off by finding out that office supplies is now maintained by a whole 2 people. Me and another guy. The third guy we had no-called/no-showed on Tuesday and Wednesday and then one of the managers ran into him at the supermarket and apparently he got another job and they wanted him to start right away. Thanks for calling and informing us jerk. Man, that guy hardly did anything anyway and would often no-call/no-show saying he was on his deathbed and was too weak to pick up the phone. Office supplies used to have 4-5 guys at any one time, but in the last 3 months, 8 people have quit (not all from office supplies).

Man: I'm looking for soft-gloss matte photo paper.
Me: Um...both of those or is that one thing?
Man: It's one thing.
Me: That doesn't exist.
Man: Yeah it does, it's what I bought last time.
Me: Soft gloss is a light gloss and matte means no gloss, it can't be both.
Man: Well then what did I buy?
Me: I don't know.
Man: Fine, I guess I need semi-gloss then.
Me: Do you know which brand your looking for?
Man: I think it was HP.
Me: HP doesn't have a soft-gloss, they call theirs semi-gloss.
Man: No, it was soft-gloss.
Me: Okay, so it wasn't HP then.
Man: Maybe it was your brand.
Me: We also don't have soft-gloss. Ours is called satin.
Man: Well who has soft-gloss then.
Me: Kodak does.
Man: No, it wasn't Kodak.
Me: Then we don't have what you want.
Man: But I bought it here before.
Me: Well, the only soft-gloss we carry is Kodak brand. All the other brands have different names for it.
Man: Fine, I'll look elsewhere then.
Me: Have a good day.

 

[jumpman17]

June 13, 2007
*A woman buys a leather chair and takes it home. She then returns with the chair.
Lady: This chair smells.
Me: That's the smell of real leather.
Lady: Do you have any chairs that don't smell?
Me: Only the fake leather and fabric chairs.
Lady: But I want real leather.
Me: Then it will smell like real leather.
Lady: But I don't want it to smell.
Me: Then you have to get fake leather or fabric.
*The lady then spends 30 minutes smelling our display chairs to find the one that smells the least.

*I love how people don't understand what a FedEx drop box is. I saw that 4 large boxes (each half the size of the dropbox) had been left next to our drop box. I don't know how the person on the register didn't see this person drop these boxes off but still. What part of drop box do they not understand? The problem is that FedEx won't take them. They sometimes take small packages that just barely don't fit in the drop box, but these giants are going to sit there until the person comes back to complain that the packages haven't shipped yet.

Man on phone: Do you carry the Sanford No Blot Pen .7 something something?
Me: No.
Man: Well, I'm on the Sanford website and they list you as a seller of Sanford products.
Me: Yes, we carry some Sanford products but we can't carry everything of each company we carry because our store would be huge.
Man: But it says you carry this product.
Me: No, it says we carry Sanford products.
Man: Why not this item?
Me: Because we only have so much space alloted for Sanford products and we carry the items with the most call.
Man: But if you get those items, surely you can order me this pen.
Me: No, we have no control on what we carry or are sent at this store. It's all done by corporate.
Man: Fine, I'll go somewhere else then.
Me: Have a nice day.

 

[yus786]

hehe keep em coming mate theve made my day!

regards

 

[jaxxster]

Haha quality!

 

[Sinkhead]

I've been reading these, they're too funny!

- Sam

 

[Mangofett]

moar

 

[jumpman17]

June 14, 2007
Well, with only 2 people running office supplies, we are getting very behind on everything. We've had boxes sitting on the floor for days, freight piling up in the back, etc. So while I'm frantically trying to get stuff done in the 4 hours I'm there for the day, the store manager has me run register for an hour and a half and then mop the entire upstairs (the employee area) because the district manager was coming in the next day. So instead of cleaning up the store, getting boxes off the floor, getting the back room into a condition where you could walk through it instead of having to climb over things...he has me mop the freaking employee area and run register.

June 15, 2007
Thank goodness I didn't work when the district manager was here today. He was mad because the store looked horrible. The head of office supplies told me this was the conversation he had with the district manager:
District Manager: Why do you think office supplies is so messy?
Head Of Office Supplies: Because we only have TWO EMPLOYEES!
DM: And what were you doing when I came in today?
OS: Freight.
DM: That's not what I want you doing. Your the lead, you should be helping customers and delegating the work to your associates.
OS: What associates, I only have ONE GUY!
DM: I'm thinking of having you guys come in at 5 AM the day after freight comes and work on freight. You should be able to be done by 10 AM.
OS: And who would work in office supplies during the day when we are open then because we are already at 40 hours a week and you don't let us work overtime.
And it just went on from there. This is just ridiculous, we better get more people soon or the store is gonna become a real pig sty.

Guy: I need thermal cash register paper.
Me: Okay, what size?
Guy: I don't know.
Me: I can't help you if you don't know what size you need.
Guy: Umm...this one.
*Guy points to 2.25 inch paper.
Me: Okay, then this one here is the thermal version of that.
*Guy buys about 12 rolls of it and leaves. He then returns a few minutes later.
Guy: I got the wrong size, I need this.
*Guy hands me a roll of paper.
Me: Okay, this is 3 inch paper but it's not thermal.
Guy: But I need thermal.
Me: So you need this size, but in thermal then.
Guy: No, I need more of that roll I brought.
Me: What is this roll from?
Guy: It's what we use in the register.
Me: But it's not thermal. Thermal won't work in your register if this is what you use.
Guy: But I need more of this.
Me: We don't carry 3 inch thermal sir, just the normal kind.
Guy: Fine, I'll goto Office Max then.

 

[jumpman17]

Week of June 17, 2007
Guy: I want to exchange this memory card for a different one.
Me: Okay, what is wrong with this one?
Guy: It's too big.
Me: Too big physically or too big memory wise?
Guy: It's too big.
Me: Okay, but does it not fit in the camera or does it not work because the camera is to old to support 1 GB?
Guy: Yeah, it's too big.
Me: Does it not fit in the camera?
Guy: Yes.
Me: Alright. You have a CF card, do you need an SD card then?
Guy: I don't know. This one is too big.
Me: What camera do you have?
Guy: I don't know.
Me: Well, I'm going to assume you need an SD card then as most cameras use that.
Guy: Alright.

Lady: Are these bags going to go on clearance soon?
Me: I have no idea.
Lady: You just don't want to tell me.
Me: No, I really don't know. We don't know when things go clearance until the day the tags are sent to our computer.
Lady: These are going on clearance next week or something aren't they.
Me: Ma'am, I really don't know. We've carried those bags now for a year, and they sell regularly. I don't think they will be going on clearance.
Lady: I'll just come back next week to make sure they don't go clearance.

Lady: I was just at Wal-Mart and bought all of these magazine holders that they had. But they were $5 and yours are $10.
Me: Do you have the receipt with you? We will price match it if it's the same thing.
Lady: Yeah, right here.
Me: They aren't the same ma'am. They have different UPCs.
Lady: No, they look the same.
Me: Do you have the product in your car? Sometimes products have different UPCs for the same item.
Lady: Yeah, let me go get it.
*She comes back with it and I scan it and our computer doesn't recognize it.
Me: This isn't the same thing.
Lady: But it looks the same.
Me: No, yours is a little bit taller and has different shape holes.
Lady: Fine, whatever. I'm also looking for more of these.
*She hands me a mesh organizer that she also brought in with her.
Me: Yes, we carry something like this.
Lady: But this is $26. I only paid $9 at Wal-Mart.
*I scan her item and once again, the computer doesn't recognize it.
Me: It's not the same thing.
Lady: But it looks identical.
Me: Yes it does, but this is a different brand.
Lady: But why is it so expensive?
Me: Because that is the price corporate set it at.
Lady: But it's identical.
Me: I understand that ma'am. Unfortunately, for me to be able to price match it, it has to be the exact same item.
Lady: Fine, I'll just wait until Wal-Mart gets some more.
Me: Okay.