Breaking News: China to install new Moon to cut costs on streetlights.

Discussion in 'The Edge of the Forum' started by Meteor7, Oct 20, 2018.

?
  1. Yes

    2 vote(s)
    11.8%
  2. Absolutely

    2 vote(s)
    11.8%
  3. Oh christ, we will all perish in a neon laser of doom and despair

    13 vote(s)
    76.5%
  1. Meteor7
    OP

    Meteor7 Guess where this thumb goes.

    pip Contributor
    10
    Jun 9, 2014
    United States
    a fit of spasms and accidental black magic
    chinese moon.
    Everything is already made in China, so why not the Moon, too? Yes, Chinese mad scientists are planning to install a brand new artificial moon in the sky, all in an effort to more cheaply illuminate the streets of Chengdu, capital of the Sichuan province (known for their tasty sauce). Yes, this is all meant to be done for just one city, though in China, one city would account for approximately 500 trillion people, so it works out. The way they intend to accomplish this is by launching a large, highly reflective satellite into presumably geosynchronous orbit, which will reflect the sun's rays and illuminate the city's streets after dark. This surreal and deeply frightening plan is meant to go into action sometime around 2020, though if this is successful, they intend to launch up to three more such satellites by the year 2022.

    This artificial moon, which totally probably won't house spying equipment we swear, will orbit the Earth at around 500km, or 760 times closer than our current Moon, and is predicted to be around 8 times brighter as a result. Leading ecologists predict a massive uptick in werewolf transformations, and advise all citizens to be careful when travelling at night. Despite this lycanthropic threat and the increase in luminosity, the chief of the Tian Fu New Area Science Society, Wu Chunfeng, said that “its expected brightness, in the eyes of humans, is around one-fifth of normal streetlights.” This conspicuously fails to mention the eyes of werewolves, so we must wait until further experiments have been conducted. He then goes on to state that "the location and brightness of the light beam can be changed, and its coverage accuracy can fall within a few dozen meters", thus revealing the true purpose of this installation: a solar death-ray. Invest now in sunscreen stocks.

    When asked about this new threat to public health and national security, the Chinese public had little to say, speaking in what sounded to this reporter as some sort of secret code. The only reasonable conclusion, of course, is that this is a conspiracy on a national level, with sleeper agents in roughly 110% of the population.

    This isn't the first time that an airborne installation intent on solar diversion has been attempted, as in the 1990's, Russia attempted to create a 25-meter space-mirror (of death) in order to distribute sunlight to areas of the country which needed it, effectively playing God. Luckily for all God-fearing citizens of Earth, the affront to Jesus failed to unfurl in the sky, and proceeded to burn up in the atmosphere, like the souls of its creators will do in Hell. Russia and now China; isn't this just like communism, trying to redistribute even the sunlight above? EARN YOUR OWN SUNLIGHT, YOU BUMS!

    Wu estimated that Chengdu could save around 1.2 billion yuan, or 174 million America Moneys, in electricity annually with this project, though whether that's due to more efficient lighting or a drastic reduction in the living populace of their city due to unforeseen, solar-ray-related accidents, is not stated.

    :arrow:Source
     
    DarthDub, Ricken, smileyhead and 4 others like this.
  2. Chary

    Chary Never sleeps.

    pip Senior Editor
    39
    GBAtemp Patron
    Chary is a Patron of GBAtemp and is helping us stay independent!

    Our Patreon
    Oct 2, 2012
    United States
    First the sauces, now a fake moon. Truly, we are living in the future. All hail the new, superior spy moon.
     
  3. Meteor7
    OP

    Meteor7 Guess where this thumb goes.

    pip Contributor
    10
    Jun 9, 2014
    United States
    a fit of spasms and accidental black magic
    I mean, any who don't pay due homage to this new deity in the sky will likely be eliminated by its vengeful wrath. I'm certainly not taking any chances. ;o;
     
    Chary likes this.
  4. WiiU

    WiiU Lurking in the Shadows

    Member
    6
    May 7, 2014
    Between worlds of Hyrule & Lorule
    Its secretly a Death Star as well.
     
    B_E_P_I_S_M_A_N likes this.
  5. Alkéryn

    Alkéryn Moon Dweller ~

    Member
    8
    Mar 15, 2015
    France
    Albategnius, Moon
    This would be so dumb, you would increase the amount of energy the earth is absorbing compared to radiating even more
    which would futher increase global warming
     
    JSMastah and jimmyj like this.
  6. TerribleTy27

    TerribleTy27 GBAtemp Regular

    Member
    3
    Dec 22, 2017
    United States
    Up Yours
    Well, we might as well give up now. All hail our supreme Chinese overlords.

    I propose we start automatically giving people with Chinese nationality global moderator position. It'll keep them from bombing the gbatemp servers with their moonlazerbeams.
     
    JSMastah and CallmeBerto like this.
  7. Brigand

    Brigand Advanced Member

    Newcomer
    3
    Mar 3, 2018
    Australia
    Downunda
    K, but is it gonna have visible, artificial craters? Aesthetics, people.
     
    JSMastah likes this.
  8. SG854

    SG854 Hell Spawn

    Member
    10
    Feb 17, 2017
    Kenya
    Kenya
    Isn’t the Earth a hologram projected from the moon
     
    CallmeBerto likes this.
  9. B_E_P_I_S_M_A_N

    B_E_P_I_S_M_A_N I'm better than you I think

    Member
    9
    Jun 7, 2016
    Antarctica
    Hell
    Egads, I bet the man-made tidal locking, as well as the built-in disco party mode shown in the picture is going to be the end of us all. Time to become a Christian, I suppose.
     
    TerribleTy27, JSMastah and Meteor7 like this.
  10. x65943

    x65943 Dr. Rabbi Prince X, Sr., Ed. D.

    Moderator
    14
    GBAtemp Patron
    x65943 is a Patron of GBAtemp and is helping us stay independent!

    Our Patreon
    Jun 23, 2014
    United States
    Midwest
    The Saiyans figured this one out a long time ago

    [​IMG]
     
    Meteor7 likes this.
  11. Noctosphere

    Noctosphere Adoptive father of my kitty named Zelda

    Banned
    13
    GBAtemp Patron
    Noctosphere is a Patron of GBAtemp and is helping us stay independent!

    Our Patreon
    Dec 30, 2013
    Canada
    Back with kitty Zelda forever :D
    That's exactly how the end of the fourth great ninja war ended
    With Naruto and Sasuke creating a new moon
     
  12. MrLucariox

    MrLucariox GBAtemp Regular

    Member
    3
    Apr 13, 2018
    Turkey
    Plot twist: It will probably cost much more than putting street lights everywhere and it if doesn't work, they will have a death ray (which I think is the end-goal :) )
     
    Last edited by MrLucariox, Oct 25, 2018
  13. Pleng

    Pleng Custom Title

    Member
    8
    Sep 14, 2011
    Thailand
    Misleading topic title. That's clearly a full moon, not a new moon :teach:
     
  14. Mazamin

    Mazamin GBAtemp Advanced Maniac

    Member
    7
    Sep 4, 2014
    Italy
    Dawn of the first day, here we go again
     
  15. Veho

    Veho The man who cried "Ni".

    Former Staff
    17
    Apr 4, 2006
    Croatia
    Zagreb
    Would the amount of energy outweigh the energy emitted by the street lamps?
     
  16. grey72

    grey72 Advanced Member

    Newcomer
    4
    Jul 5, 2018
    Antarctica
    About Here-ish
    In the small chance this isn't an early April fool's joke, this plan is whack on multiple levels. The moon's bright because it's fucking massive, not because its shiny, heck it's reflecting 5~15% of the sunlight it gets. This death mirror dealeo would probably barely be visible. The logistics of putting something that massive in orbit aren't something we have right now, and most probably won't in 2022 either. It could be a a film of something, like shiny space-plastic, but getting it flat enough on this large a scale to reflect sunlight would be reeeeeealy hard. And in case this is a joke, at least you now know I'm a space nut.



    Something something communism is supreme
     
  17. Veho

    Veho The man who cried "Ni".

    Former Staff
    17
    Apr 4, 2006
    Croatia
    Zagreb

    Eh, it's been done before. Also by communists.

    https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/how-russian-space-mirror-briefly-lit-night-180957894/
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Znamya_(satellite)



    Communism is supreme ;O;
     
  18. DarthDub

    DarthDub Amateur Hacker

    Member
    11
    Jan 26, 2016
    United States
    Your mom's basement.
    Kakakarrot cake
     
  19. NoNAND

    NoNAND No NAND allowed here!

    Member
    7
    Aug 22, 2015
    Ireland
    The Void
    Heheh what this if the work of bowser and the bunnies from SM odyssey
     
  20. TerribleTy27

    TerribleTy27 GBAtemp Regular

    Member
    3
    Dec 22, 2017
    United States
    Up Yours
Loading...