Breaking News: China to install new Moon to cut costs on streetlights.

[Meteor7]

Everything is already made in China, so why not the Moon, too? Yes, Chinese mad scientists are planning to install a brand new artificial moon in the sky, all in an effort to more cheaply illuminate the streets of Chengdu, capital of the Sichuan province (known for their tasty sauce). Yes, this is all meant to be done for just one city, though in China, one city would account for approximately 500 trillion people, so it works out. The way they intend to accomplish this is by launching a large, highly reflective satellite into presumably geosynchronous orbit, which will reflect the sun's rays and illuminate the city's streets after dark. This surreal and deeply frightening plan is meant to go into action sometime around 2020, though if this is successful, they intend to launch up to three more such satellites by the year 2022.

This artificial moon, which totally probably won't house spying equipment we swear, will orbit the Earth at around 500km, or 760 times closer than our current Moon, and is predicted to be around 8 times brighter as a result. Leading ecologists predict a massive uptick in werewolf transformations, and advise all citizens to be careful when travelling at night. Despite this lycanthropic threat and the increase in luminosity, the chief of the Tian Fu New Area Science Society, Wu Chunfeng, said that “its expected brightness, in the eyes of humans, is around one-fifth of normal streetlights.” This conspicuously fails to mention the eyes of werewolves, so we must wait until further experiments have been conducted. He then goes on to state that "the location and brightness of the light beam can be changed, and its coverage accuracy can fall within a few dozen meters", thus revealing the true purpose of this installation: a solar death-ray. Invest now in sunscreen stocks.

When asked about this new threat to public health and national security, the Chinese public had little to say, speaking in what sounded to this reporter as some sort of secret code. The only reasonable conclusion, of course, is that this is a conspiracy on a national level, with sleeper agents in roughly 110% of the population.

This isn't the first time that an airborne installation intent on solar diversion has been attempted, as in the 1990's, Russia attempted to create a 25-meter space-mirror (of death) in order to distribute sunlight to areas of the country which needed it, effectively playing God. Luckily for all God-fearing citizens of Earth, the affront to Jesus failed to unfurl in the sky, and proceeded to burn up in the atmosphere, like the souls of its creators will do in Hell. Russia and now China; isn't this just like communism, trying to redistribute even the sunlight above? EARN YOUR OWN SUNLIGHT, YOU BUMS!

Wu estimated that Chengdu could save around 1.2 billion yuan, or 174 million America Moneys, in electricity annually with this project, though whether that's due to more efficient lighting or a drastic reduction in the living populace of their city due to unforeseen, solar-ray-related accidents, is not stated.

Source

 

[Chary]

First the sauces, now a fake moon. Truly, we are living in the future. All hail the new, superior spy moon.

 

[Meteor7]

First the sauces, now a fake moon. Truly, we are living in the future. All hail the new, superior spy moon.

I mean, any who don't pay due homage to this new deity in the sky will likely be eliminated by its vengeful wrath. I'm certainly not taking any chances. ;o;

 

[Deleted User]

Its secretly a Death Star as well.

 

[Alkéryn]

This would be so dumb, you would increase the amount of energy the earth is absorbing compared to radiating even more
which would futher increase global warming

 

[Deleted User]

Well, we might as well give up now. All hail our supreme Chinese overlords.

I propose we start automatically giving people with Chinese nationality global moderator position. It'll keep them from bombing the gbatemp servers with their moonlazerbeams.

 

[Brigand]

K, but is it gonna have visible, artificial craters? Aesthetics, people.

 

[SG854]

Isn’t the Earth a hologram projected from the moon

 

[Deleted User]

Egads, I bet the man-made tidal locking, as well as the built-in disco party mode shown in the picture is going to be the end of us all. Time to become a Christian, I suppose.

 

[x65943]

The Saiyans figured this one out a long time ago

 

[Noctosphere]

That's exactly how the end of the fourth great ninja war ended
With Naruto and Sasuke creating a new moon

 

[MrLucariox]

Plot twist: It will probably cost much more than putting street lights everywhere and it if doesn't work, they will have a death ray (which I think is the end-goal )

 

[Pleng]

Misleading topic title. That's clearly a full moon, not a new moon

 

[Mazamin]

Dawn of the first day, here we go again

 

[Veho]

This would be so dumb, you would increase the amount of energy the earth is absorbing compared to radiating even more which would further increase global warming

Would the amount of energy outweigh the energy emitted by the street lamps?

 

[grey72]

In the small chance this isn't an early April fool's joke, this plan is whack on multiple levels. The moon's bright because it's fucking massive, not because its shiny, heck it's reflecting 5~15% of the sunlight it gets. This death mirror dealeo would probably barely be visible. The logistics of putting something that massive in orbit aren't something we have right now, and most probably won't in 2022 either. It could be a a film of something, like shiny space-plastic, but getting it flat enough on this large a scale to reflect sunlight would be reeeeeealy hard. And in case this is a joke, at least you now know I'm a space nut.



Something something communism is supreme

 

[Veho]

In the small chance this isn't an early April fool's joke, this plan is whack on multiple levels. The moon's bright because it's fucking massive, not because its shiny, heck it's reflecting 5~15% of the sunlight it gets. This death mirror dealeo would probably barely be visible. The logistics of putting something that massive in orbit aren't something we have right now, and most probably won't in 2022 either. It could be a a film of something, like shiny space-plastic, but getting it flat enough on this large a scale to reflect sunlight would be reeeeeealy hard. And in case this is a joke, at least you now know I'm a space nut.



Something something communism is supreme

Eh, it's been done before. Also by communists.

https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/how-russian-space-mirror-briefly-lit-night-180957894/
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Znamya_(satellite)

The Znamya 2 was a 20-metre wide space solar mirror. [...] The mirror deployed successfully, and, when illuminated, produced a 5 km wide bright spot [...] The bright spot had a luminosity equivalent to approximately that of a full moon.

Communism is supreme ;O;

 

[DarthDub]

Kakakarrot cake

 

[NoNAND]

First the sauces, now a fake moon. Truly, we are living in the future. All hail the new, superior spy moon.

Heheh what this if the work of bowser and the bunnies from SM odyssey

 

[Deleted User]

Eh, it's been done before. Also by communists.

https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/how-russian-space-mirror-briefly-lit-night-180957894/
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Znamya_(satellite)





Communism is supreme ;O;

I don't know if I should be impressed by their ingenuity or shocked that they wasted tax money on this.