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Sterling

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Today was my girlfriend and I's... hmm, I kind of lost track. We went to see RED. For anyone who wants to see it, it is a fucking awesome movie. On our way home we started discussing her Halloween costume. She was going to be a Zombie Bride. Then we started talking about what she would wear for her wedding. She didn't really want to talk to me about it on the grounds of that it would scare me. I told her that I wouldn't care what she wanted to wear because it made no difference to me. She then proceeded to tell me she wanted to wear a leather outfit. Cue awkward silence. She was like I told you it would scare you. I told her way to drop my mind into the gutter. Then we had a good laugh. Then we started talking about how scared we were of commitment. Then we started talking about how we would act if we ever broke up. Honestly we told each other that we were still getting started with our lives. That commitment at this level is dangerous. Talking about this made me think, and it was one of the most gut-wrenching things I have ever thought about. I was gonna tell her how much I loved her tonight, but now I am not sure if I should at all. I don't want her to think that she has to commit. I want her to be as happy as possible, and if she can be that happy with someone else, then I don't want her to feel she has to stay with me. I draw power from others being happy. In fact I can't live just for myself. I have to give and make others happy. Sure at times I have to live for myself, but I could never only satisfy myself. I feel as if my faith is what is guiding me to feel this way. I feel empty inside if someone is hurting. I feel their pain, and I suffer as well. I want nothing more than others around me to feel like they have a friend in me. That they can trust me. It might hurt if someone I love leaves me, but if they are unhappy, they can always find their way back to me.
 

Forstride

The rudder moves when I turn the wheel
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*pulls joint away from mouth* Maaaaaaaaaaan....That was deeeeeeep.

But seriously though, this blog just brightening my day...Err...Night. Either way, it was very joyful, despite being sad almost. You're 19 according to your profile, and I know a lot of relationships at that age are usually either ones of abuse, or just screwing around. You seem to really love your girlfriend though, and I have to give major props to you for that, as silly as it sounds.

Commitment to marriage is something very serious, seeing as it's a big long term thing, or, at least should be, seeing with all the divorces nowadays. I think you should definitely talk to her, and share with her what you shared with us. I mean, you two seem to know that marriage is a big commitment, and definitely know it can be hard, which is better than going at it and not really loving each other (A lot of marriages today seem to be of lust, not true love).

Wow...After reading this, it seems weird that I've never had a girlfriend, ever, yet I can give good advice (Or at least good IMO).
 

exangel

executioner angel
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Sterl500 said:
I want her to be as happy as possible, and if she can be that happy with someone else, then I don't want her to feel she has to stay with me. I draw power from others being happy. In fact I can't live just for myself. I have to give and make others happy. Sure at times I have to live for myself, but I could never only satisfy myself. I feel as if my faith is what is guiding me to feel this way. I feel empty inside if someone is hurting. I feel their pain, and I suffer as well. I want nothing more than others around me to feel like they have a friend in me. That they can trust me. It might hurt if someone I love leaves me, but if they are unhappy, they can always find their way back to me.

If you really do love her, don't hide that from her. There's no reason to. It will ultimately protect neither of you.
You are a good person if you are one of those few who feel that the purpose of their life is to give to others. But you should know that living that lifestyle of selflessness will always have a cost. Allowing your relationship to grow while providing for her happiness but "protecting her from commitment" is creating a situation where she is entitled to walk all over you if she chooses to.
You don't have to tell her that you want or expect the relationship to be permanent (but definitely do not tell her such a thing in those words). Telling a person that you love them for the first time in a relationship can be a serious thing if either of you, much less both of you, are afraid of "commitment".
I don't know anything about you or her though (in the context of how you are with her), so there's a big limit to how specific my womanly advice can be while still being helpful. What I've said so far is based more on my own experiences.
 

Inunah

The Female Mistaken for a Male.
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This may be because I've never been in a relationship (long story short, nobody's ever asked me out unless they were joking.. So I've just said 'fuck relationships' since that.)... But seriously, why be in that relationship if it's so complicated? I mean, really... That's way too complicated.

Sorry if this has nothing to do with your post, but I'm half asleep and I think this is relevant at this time.
 

Sterling

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GBAtempers can give good advice (especially you TDWP). Exangel if I recall isn't more than 6 8 years older than me. Atleast from what I have read from some of your posts. I really appreciate the advice, and we have set some things in black in white. We have both agreed that there would be no cheating. We have the understanding that cheating causes more detriment than the actual break-up. All one has to do is tell the other that one or the other wants to experiment with someone else. The funny thing is she won't let me pay for every one of our dates. She'll pay from time to time. Which I really appreciate. I also have had the experience of someone walking over me. I can usually tell when someone is taking advantage of me. I also call people on stuff that I cannot do for them. I did tell her that last line of the OP. She seemed really happy about it too.

@Inunah: When you're in a relationship you don't care if it's complicated. The reason most people get into one is because of the pure exhilaration of making someone close to you happy. Atleast that is the way I feel. The human mind is way too complicated, but that doesn't stop their masters from trying to understand them. So why should you reject trying to find one because you don't understand it?
 

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