Today was my girlfriend and I's... hmm, I kind of lost track. We went to see RED. For anyone who wants to see it, it is a fucking awesome movie. On our way home we started discussing her Halloween costume. She was going to be a Zombie Bride. Then we started talking about what she would wear for her wedding. She didn't really want to talk to me about it on the grounds of that it would scare me. I told her that I wouldn't care what she wanted to wear because it made no difference to me. She then proceeded to tell me she wanted to wear a leather outfit. Cue awkward silence. She was like I told you it would scare you. I told her way to drop my mind into the gutter. Then we had a good laugh. Then we started talking about how scared we were of commitment. Then we started talking about how we would act if we ever broke up. Honestly we told each other that we were still getting started with our lives. That commitment at this level is dangerous. Talking about this made me think, and it was one of the most gut-wrenching things I have ever thought about. I was gonna tell her how much I loved her tonight, but now I am not sure if I should at all. I don't want her to think that she has to commit. I want her to be as happy as possible, and if she can be that happy with someone else, then I don't want her to feel she has to stay with me. I draw power from others being happy. In fact I can't live just for myself. I have to give and make others happy. Sure at times I have to live for myself, but I could never only satisfy myself. I feel as if my faith is what is guiding me to feel this way. I feel empty inside if someone is hurting. I feel their pain, and I suffer as well. I want nothing more than others around me to feel like they have a friend in me. That they can trust me. It might hurt if someone I love leaves me, but if they are unhappy, they can always find their way back to me.