Well Nintendo won't send me a new console or give me my money back. So I'm going to hack the $h!+ out of this console.
Ought to prove quite a challenge when the console isn't hacked yet, at least not to the extent you need it to be.
Did you speak with a supervisor? I recently had my cell phone replaced by my insurance company, and the replacement was defective after about a month. I got a warranty replacement on it, but I was given the 16GB model as opposed to the 32GB (what I originally had) model without any prior notice, which I was not happy about. It took five calls back to them to get it sorted out and have them send me the correct phone. On the fifth time I called, I said to the gentleman who picked up the phone, after asking what I needed help with, "To hopefully spare you a long story, I'm very dissatisfied with the response I was given to an outstanding issue that currently remains unresolved, and I was hoping you could put me through to a supervisor that is available". After a two or three minute hold while he transferred me to his supervisor (or departmental equivalent, for that matter), I was
literally off of the phone in less than FIVE minutes with the kind woman who picked up, with promise of a new, correct-model phone being delivered to my house next-day.
I stayed exceptionally polite through the entire ordeal, and I have for each call I made to them. After a few calls and talking to the right person, it got me exactly what I needed.
Try back a few times over the next few days. If a few more calls don't get you anywhere, call back a day or two later, and tell the employee that picks up more or less what I outlined in quotes above. Spare the desk-jockey the frustration of dealing with something he likely can't change, and just have it put through to his supervisor who you have a better chance of getting your issue resolved, because most companies will bend over backwards in order to keep a customer, and to keep that customer happy.