The Official Bepisism Thread

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Gentlemen.

For far too long, this site has been plagued with crack religions such as Skiddoism and Anti-Pokemon-ism, peddled by robber barons. For far too long, members have been praying to false Gods and deities, pledging their allegiance to figments of their imagination, swearing loyalty to mere fictions, fantasies.

It is time for the masses to be enlightened, as I was enlightened.

In a moment of weakness, I looked down into myself, questioning the meaning of life, my purpose and place in this world. I was starting to feel hopeless. I was lost, drowning inside myself, with no life vest and no life saver equipped, when suddenly, an agent of the Lord himself approached me, and gave me a set of edicts, apparently from the Lord on High himself. It was then and there, that I found not just my purpose in life, but the destiny of the entire human race. To see the laws of the universe, to hear the explanation for existence itself, to taste the fruits of knowledge, to feel it all sitting right in front of me, was both heartening and enlightening.

It was then decided that I would become the prophet for the Lord on High, his messenger, his noble Mercury, carrying out the will, being the voice to speak for him.

And thus, here I shall lie down the principles and foundations of Bepisism, the noble faith for the enlightened. These are The 20 Decrees of Bepisism, taken word-by-word from the will of our Lord himself.
  1. There is only Lord, and there is only one proper representation of him. Look well upon your Lord:
    All hail our Lord, and his 20 Defense Stat
    Fire-Emblem-Hector.png
  2. Give B_E_P_I_S_M_A_N $20 each day for the rest of your life. Faith has it that he accepts PayPal. The Lord said this, I swear.
  3. The Faithful must perform a ritual each day at noon, where one must take the SD Card of a hacked 3DS, shove it up one's ass, shart, and then utter the words "Thy SD Card hath been blessed with the bytes of enlightenment"
  4. In order to faithfully fulfill the previous ritual, the Faithful can only eat at Chipotle.
  5. Masturbation is considered a sin in Bepisism. Unless you're masturbating to our Lord. Or to traps. Or to me. In that case, it's sanctioned by the Church of Bepisism.
  6. The Faithful can only drive white vans, because white symbolizes purity. Really. I swear I'm not making this up.
  7. This is the only acceptable form of anime the Faithful may watch.
  8. Each 4th year, the Faithful must gather in Wyoming for the Official Bepisism Communal Orgy. This is so our members can grow closer together. Y'know.
  9. The Faithful can't sleep. Sleeping is banned. No sleep 4 u
  10. The 10th Decree has been removed due to the staff's corruption and greed
  11. Rule 34 is acceptable, as long as it's Rule 34 of Eliwood sucking our Lord's Wolf Beil, if y'know what I mean
  12. All members must give B_E_P_I_S a back rub. In addition to $20 extra for having the privilege to touch B_E_P_I_S's back
  13. gay
  14. The 5 Holy Composers, the 5 men responsible for the music central to Bepisism, would be Linkin Park, osu!, The BeeGee's, Morgan Freeman, and the Sega Genesis's sound chip
  15. The faithful must eat ass and get paid, unless their eating B_E_P_I_S's ass, in that case, they need to pay him instead
  16. Fidget Spinners are holy instruments. Anyone who calls them cancer gets excommunicated. And banned. And executed, and sent to Hell. Speaking of which
  17. Hell in Bepisism is essentially Skiddoism
  18. I'm tired why did I spend half an hour on this shitpost
  19. I mean for fuck's sake it's almost 2:30 in the morning I should be going to bed right now
  20. Fuck, Hector dies in Fire Emblem 6? That's unwizard, yo. Bepisism is flawed and you should all feel bad for following it
These principles changed my life, and not a day goes by without me taking into consideration each and every one of them. So, I offer my hand out to you, to join Bepisism, to rise among the ranks of the enlightened.

i need to sleep

Current Members:
@B_E_P_I_S_M_A_N (duh)
@drenal
@rileysrjay
@Byokugen
@GhostLatte
@RattletraPM
 
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Dionicio3

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Gentlemen.

For far too long, this site has been plagued with crack religions such as Skiddoism and Anti-Pokemon-ism, peddled by robber barons. For far too long, members have been praying to false Gods and deities, pledging their allegiance to figments of their imagination, swearing loyalty to mere fictions, fantasies.

It is time for the masses to be enlightened, as I was enlightened.

In a moment of weakness, I looked down into myself, questioning the meaning of life, my purpose and place in this world. I was starting to feel hopeless. I was lost, drowning inside myself, with no life vest and no life saver equipped, when suddenly, an agent of the Lord himself approached me, and gave me a set of edicts, apparently from the Lord on High himself. It was then and there, that I found not just my purpose in life, but the destiny of the entire human race. To see the laws of the universe, to hear the explanation for existence itself, to taste the fruits of knowledge, to feel it all sitting right in front of me, was both heartening and enlightening.

It was then decided that I would become the prophet for the Lord on High, his messenger, his noble Mercury, carrying out the will, being the voice to speak for him.

And thus, here I shall lie down the principles and foundations of Bepisism, the noble faith for the enlightened. These are The 20 Decrees of Bepisism, taken word-by-word from the will of our Lord himself.
  1. There is only Lord, and there is only one proper representation of him. Look well upon your Lord:
    All hail our Lord, and his 20 Defense Stat
    Fire-Emblem-Hector.png
  2. Give B_E_P_I_S_M_A_N $20 each day for the rest of your life. Faith has it that he accepts PayPal. The Lord said this, I swear.
  3. The Faithful must perform a ritual each day at noon, where one must take the SD Card of a hacked 3DS, shove it up one's ass, shart, and then utter the words "Thy SD Card hath been blessed with the bytes of enlightenment"
  4. In order to faithfully fulfill the previous ritual, the Faithful can only eat at Chipotle.
  5. Masturbation is considered a sin in Bepisism. Unless you're masturbating to our Lord. Or to traps. Or to me. In that case, it's sanctioned by the Church of Bepisism.
  6. The Faithful can only drive white vans, because white symbolizes purity. Really. I swear I'm not making this up.
  7. This is the only acceptable form of anime the Faithful may watch.
  8. Each 4th year, the Faithful must gather in Wyoming for the Official Bepisism Communal Orgy. This is so our members can grow closer together. Y'know.
  9. The Faithful can't sleep. Sleeping is banned. No sleep 4 u
  10. The 10th Decree has been removed due to the staff's corruption and greed
  11. Rule 34 is acceptable, as long as it's Rule 34 of Eliwood sucking our Lord's Wolf Beil, if y'know what I mean
  12. All members must give B_E_P_I_S a back rub. In addition to $20 extra for having the privilege to touch B_E_P_I_S's back
  13. gay
  14. The 5 Holy Composers, the 5 men responsible for the music central to Bepisism, would be Linkin Park, osu!, The BeeGee's, Morgan Freeman, and the Sega Genesis's sound chip
  15. The faithful must eat ass and get paid, unless their eating B_E_P_I_S's ass, in that case, they need to pay him instead
  16. Fidget Spinners are holy instruments. Anyone who calls them cancer gets excommunicated. And banned. And executed, and sent to Hell. Speaking of which
  17. Hell in Bepisism is essentially Skiddoism
  18. I'm tired why did I spend half an hour on this shitpost
  19. I mean for fuck's sake it's almost 2:30 in the morning I should be going to bed right now
  20. Fuck, Hector dies in Fire Emblem 6? That's unwizard, yo. Bepisism is flawed and you should all feel bad for following it
These principles changed my life, and not a day goes by without me taking into consideration each and every one of them. So, I offer my hand out to you, to join Bepisism, to rise among the ranks of the enlightened.

i need to sleep
This thread is gay
 
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