Chimps, you see, have a tendency to suddenly grab a baby chimp from its mother's arms and chow down, sharing the meal with the entire group. Well, except for the mom, who presumably prefers to stay in a corner screaming: "Holy shit! Holy shit!"
It's even freakier when you find out that chimps normally are not all that much into eating meat. Chimpologists have a few theories as to why (it almost has a ceremonial quality, some have said), but frankly they all sound like they're making half assed guesses.
Are you baby or food? I kinda forgot.
Besides also being among the smartest things on Earth, dolphins share another characteristic with humans: they're the only other animal that will kill for fun.
Back in the late nineties, marine biologists began to find lots of porpoise carcasses that had seemingly been punched in the gut until they died. After rounding up the suspects, putting them in the line up, the porpoise widow pointed at the guilty party: asshole bottle-nose dolphins.
Porpoises don't attack dolphins. They don't even eat the same food, so they can't be fighting because they hog all the good fish. And the fight is not for territory, since porpoises are't just chased away but actually stalked and then killed.
There are only two explanations left: either "Because dolphins think killing is freaking hilarious" or because "Dolphins kill porpoises as training for when they have to kill baby dolphins."
STOP. We can practically feel you trying to reach out a hand to give the Dingo a scratch behind the ear so he knows what a good boy he's being but seriously and for fuck's sake STOP.
That adorable little guy with the silly name and the gleam in his eye is, in fact, absolutely nothing like your blessed yellow Labrador-mix that was the only friendly face you saw all day in your childhood.
No. That is a wild, as in untamed, as in feral, meaning thoroughly and completely--this is important--a dangerous and unpredictable animal.
Wild dogs--also called fucking wolves--are inquisitive, intelligent predators that travel in packs. Which means there are several of them and they all think "fair fight" means "we outnumber the hell out of you". Do a Google search on "Dingo," and look over all of those pages. Notice a theme? Every single one of them manages to repeat the exact same sentiment ad nauseum:
Do not attempt to pet the dingos. Do not attempt to play with the dingos. Do not throw squeaky toys to the fucking dingos or attempt to sneak scraps of food to the fucking dingos from the dinner table. If a fucking dingo follows you home, you should not keep it. DO NOT LET A DINGO PLAY WITH YOUR INFANT.
It took 7,000 years of breeding and training to make your pet dog. This is not your pet dog. This is a fucking dingo.
As you can see from the package, these are supposed to be lighthouses but may in fact be the most unfortunately shaped product of all time.
...
This mile-high tennis match looks like some cheesy special effect from a Nike commercial. But no, it's just Dubai, whose entire economy seems to be based on building enormous things that exist only for the purpose of not making any goddamn sense. In that spirit they hosted this tennis match between Andre Agassi and Roger Federer on a helipad located on top of the Burj Al Arab skyscraper.
Parasites that turn victims into mindless, zombie-like slaves are fairly common in nature. There's one called toxoplasmosa gondii that seems to devote its entire existence to being terrifying.
This bug infects rats, but can only breed inside the intestines of a cat. The parasite knows it needs to get the rat inside the cat (yes, we realize this sounds like the beginning of the most fucked-up Dr. Seuss poem ever) so the parasite takes over the rat's freaking brain, and intentionally makes it scurry toward where the cats hang out. The rat is being programmed to get itself eaten, and it doesn't even know.
Of course, those are just rats, right?
There are certain kinds of poisons that slow your bodily functions to the point that you'll be considered dead, even to a doctor (okay, maybe not to a good doctor). The poison from fugu (Japanese blowfish) can do this.
The victims can then be brought back under the effects of a drug like datura stramonium (or other chemicals called alkaloids) that leave them in a trance-like state with no memory, but still able to perform simple tasks like eating, sleeping, moaning and shambling around with their arms outstretched.
Nanobots are a technology that science apparently engineered to make you terrified of the future. We're talking about microscopic, self-replicating robots that can invisbily build--or destroy--anything. Vast sums of money are being poured into nanotechnology. Sure, at some level scientists know nanobots will destroy mankind. They just can't resist seeing how it happens.
How it can result in zombies:
Scientists have already created a nano-cyborg, by fusing a tiny silicone chip to a virus. The first thing they found out is these cyborgs can still operate for up to a month after the death of the host. Notice how nano scientists went right for zombification, even at this early stage. They know where the horror is.
According to studies, within a decade they'll have nanobots that can crawl inside your brain and set up neural connections to replace damaged ones. That's right; the nanobots will be able to rewire your thoughts. What could possibly go wrong?
It's even freakier when you find out that chimps normally are not all that much into eating meat. Chimpologists have a few theories as to why (it almost has a ceremonial quality, some have said), but frankly they all sound like they're making half assed guesses.
Are you baby or food? I kinda forgot.
Besides also being among the smartest things on Earth, dolphins share another characteristic with humans: they're the only other animal that will kill for fun.
Back in the late nineties, marine biologists began to find lots of porpoise carcasses that had seemingly been punched in the gut until they died. After rounding up the suspects, putting them in the line up, the porpoise widow pointed at the guilty party: asshole bottle-nose dolphins.
Porpoises don't attack dolphins. They don't even eat the same food, so they can't be fighting because they hog all the good fish. And the fight is not for territory, since porpoises are't just chased away but actually stalked and then killed.
There are only two explanations left: either "Because dolphins think killing is freaking hilarious" or because "Dolphins kill porpoises as training for when they have to kill baby dolphins."
STOP. We can practically feel you trying to reach out a hand to give the Dingo a scratch behind the ear so he knows what a good boy he's being but seriously and for fuck's sake STOP.
That adorable little guy with the silly name and the gleam in his eye is, in fact, absolutely nothing like your blessed yellow Labrador-mix that was the only friendly face you saw all day in your childhood.
No. That is a wild, as in untamed, as in feral, meaning thoroughly and completely--this is important--a dangerous and unpredictable animal.
Wild dogs--also called fucking wolves--are inquisitive, intelligent predators that travel in packs. Which means there are several of them and they all think "fair fight" means "we outnumber the hell out of you". Do a Google search on "Dingo," and look over all of those pages. Notice a theme? Every single one of them manages to repeat the exact same sentiment ad nauseum:
Do not attempt to pet the dingos. Do not attempt to play with the dingos. Do not throw squeaky toys to the fucking dingos or attempt to sneak scraps of food to the fucking dingos from the dinner table. If a fucking dingo follows you home, you should not keep it. DO NOT LET A DINGO PLAY WITH YOUR INFANT.
It took 7,000 years of breeding and training to make your pet dog. This is not your pet dog. This is a fucking dingo.
As you can see from the package, these are supposed to be lighthouses but may in fact be the most unfortunately shaped product of all time.
...
This mile-high tennis match looks like some cheesy special effect from a Nike commercial. But no, it's just Dubai, whose entire economy seems to be based on building enormous things that exist only for the purpose of not making any goddamn sense. In that spirit they hosted this tennis match between Andre Agassi and Roger Federer on a helipad located on top of the Burj Al Arab skyscraper.
Parasites that turn victims into mindless, zombie-like slaves are fairly common in nature. There's one called toxoplasmosa gondii that seems to devote its entire existence to being terrifying.
This bug infects rats, but can only breed inside the intestines of a cat. The parasite knows it needs to get the rat inside the cat (yes, we realize this sounds like the beginning of the most fucked-up Dr. Seuss poem ever) so the parasite takes over the rat's freaking brain, and intentionally makes it scurry toward where the cats hang out. The rat is being programmed to get itself eaten, and it doesn't even know.
Of course, those are just rats, right?
There are certain kinds of poisons that slow your bodily functions to the point that you'll be considered dead, even to a doctor (okay, maybe not to a good doctor). The poison from fugu (Japanese blowfish) can do this.
The victims can then be brought back under the effects of a drug like datura stramonium (or other chemicals called alkaloids) that leave them in a trance-like state with no memory, but still able to perform simple tasks like eating, sleeping, moaning and shambling around with their arms outstretched.
Nanobots are a technology that science apparently engineered to make you terrified of the future. We're talking about microscopic, self-replicating robots that can invisbily build--or destroy--anything. Vast sums of money are being poured into nanotechnology. Sure, at some level scientists know nanobots will destroy mankind. They just can't resist seeing how it happens.
How it can result in zombies:
Scientists have already created a nano-cyborg, by fusing a tiny silicone chip to a virus. The first thing they found out is these cyborgs can still operate for up to a month after the death of the host. Notice how nano scientists went right for zombification, even at this early stage. They know where the horror is.
According to studies, within a decade they'll have nanobots that can crawl inside your brain and set up neural connections to replace damaged ones. That's right; the nanobots will be able to rewire your thoughts. What could possibly go wrong?
