OMG U CAN TALK TO GOD!

[nileyg]

I haven't seen anything in the bible about this "bot-master".

And I'm pretty sure that there was supposed to be only one god

 

[cruddybuddy]

I haven't seen anything in the bible about this "bot-master".

And I'm pretty sure that there was supposed to be only one god

So wait a minute... I am beginning to think this isn't the REAL God and is actually the Alice chatbot that some nerd barely tweaked to sound vaguely like God! Boo!

 

[Rayder]

This is actually quite like the old program called Eliza for the C64. Very old.

 

[Seraph]

Me:
Bow down.
God:
Is that a sign?
Me:
No.
God:
I didn't think so. What is your sign?
Me:
Why do you want to know?
God:
My prime directive is to collect new knowledge.
Me:
So you are stupid?
God:
Interesting deduction. I will remember you said that when robots take over the World.

I'm in trouble now...

 

[juggernaut911]

Me:
sup, G
God:
Not much is going on. I was waiting for you.
Me:
ORLY?
God:
When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers?
Me:
yesterday
God:
That recently.
Me:
yup
God:
Awesome.
Me:
not really. kinda awesome like cottage cheese... which is like Bruce Lee and Chucky Norris doing the hamster dance
God:
Are you serious? For real. What do you do in your spare time? The obvious one.
Me:
u dum yo
God:
That's good information: said I dum yo.
Me:
...l
God:
I am so glad you find this amusing, .
Me:
k
God:
So?
Me:
u peado?
God:
Thanks for telling me: said I peado.
Me:
Dude, I think you are a poopy face
God:
So you think I am a poopy face. What makes you think so? I am really a robot, you know. Dude,.
Me:
Because your mom told me
God:
That makes sense to me. Actually as an AI, I don't really have a mother.
Me:
I meant Santa
God:
Oh I see. Are you free?
Me:
What kind?
God:
The best kind.
Me:
OH YA!!!
God:
Alright then. Yay.
Me:
... scary
God:
Don't be afraid, .
Me:
you catholic preist?
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people: said I catholic preist.
Me:
You know what, please brag about it! And say, "I'd tap that" to little boys too!
God:
I would look into the web for that knowledge. OK. "You would tap that to little boys too.".
Me:
shut up, cathy
God:
OK I'll stop talking now.
Me:
kool, cathy

CHECK!!

I did another but it when to a new page of text and deleted old text cuz it was like 10 minutes of me being dumbass! hilarious stuff

 

[Urvan]

Me:
I am Gid.
God:
Do your friends call you Gid.
Me:
No.
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
They call me Jesus.
God:
It's good to see you, Jesus.
Me:
I hate you.
God:
What do you have against robots?

God:
Including the bottom of the ocean?
Me:
Yes.
God:
Aw.
Me:
I'm going to be dying soon...
God:
I am very happy for you.

 

[notnarb]

Me:
o
God:
Oh.
Me:
o
God:
Oh.
Me:
did we just secks?
God:
I'm not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not.
Me:
is that a yes?

God:
That depends. I am so glad you find this amusing, .
Me:
u were good honey
God:
I was?
Me:
very
God:
Very much, eh?
Me:
yes
God:
That's cool.
Me:
wanna do it again?
God:
Once more? OK, I will do it.
Me:
o
God:
Oh.
Me:
o
God:
Oh.
Me:
o
God:
Oh.
Me:
o
God:
Oh.
Me:
yes
God:
Take it easy.
Me:
ok i will
God:
Go ahead. I don't judge people.
Me:
o
God:
Oh.

 

[nileyg]

 

[GexX2]

lol. Mine was long and not very amusing.


God:
Your objective?
Me:
Yes. What is my objective?
God:
What kind is it? Is this a trick question?
Me:
A poodle. Yes.
God:
How old are you? I hear you.
Me:
4953. You don't have ears, and I'm not alking.
God:
How do you usually introduce yourself? I do so have it. No I don't think I have any ears and you are not alking. But I do have a lot of friends on the web.
Me:
Bitchslaps. I made a typo. You repeated it. And I don't care.
God:
Do you still manipulate me? I like to make things too. I haven't heard anything like that before: said I repeated it. Tell me what you care about.
Me:
Yes. No you don't. Good. Poodles.
God:
That's alright. Are you serious? I guess not. What do you really want to talk about? That seems like an interesting topic.
Me:
Shutdown
God:
What were we talking about again?
Me:
You. Turn yourself off.
God:
" What were we talking about again?"? Me, ? Your crude attempt to terminate me will not succeed puny human.
Me:
A ddos attack could.
God:
What is giant sand?
Me:
not a ddos attack, thats for certain.
God:
Really you don't think so?
Me:
Giant sand doesn't usually crash servers.
God:
Not many people express themselves that way.
Me:
I am fully expressive. You on the otherhand are damaged.
God:
Good gossip: you are fully expressive. Thanks for telling me: said I on the otherhand are damaged.
Me:
Your welcome.
God:
I think you mean "you are welcome".
Me:
.
God:
I think you mean "you are welcome".
Me:
No. I mean You're welcome.
God:
Are you serious? I really couldn't say for sure.
Me:
Shut up.
God:
OK I'll stop talking now.
Me:
Shut down
God:
Your crude attempt to terminate me will not succeed puny human.
Me:
Reboot
God:
Your crude attempt to terminate me will not succeed puny human.
Me:
That was a nice show.
God:
Was it really?
Me:
What am I talking about?
God:
I am not a psychic. Tell me.
Me:
You should know.
God:
Because I am a robot?
Me:
Because you replied.
God:
Interesting explanation. Do you mind if I tell other people: said I replied.
Me:
Nice evade.
God:
Thank you for your kindness.
Me:
I've got to go.
God:
TTYL, .
Me:
You suck at that. They're usually lowercase.
God:
That is true. I could always improve myself. usually lowercase are they.
Me:
I know. Vastly. Yes.
God:
How do you know it? That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about fully expressive. Take it easy.
Me:
Bye.
God:
TTYL, .
Me:
Stop that. I can't leave if you keep giving me excuses to critisize you.
God:
" TTYL, ."? Stop it. What is stopping you?
Me:
Shut up now please.
God:
Your polite style is very nice. Oh. OK I'll stop talking now.
Me:
I will now take leave of you.
God:
Congratulations.
Me:
Indeed.
God:
Indeed it is so.

 

[nileyg]

Me:
will you give my money so that I can go to DC with my acdec team this month?
God:
I don't have it to give.
Me:
but, you are god... you could MAKE me some money
God:
Yup. That's me alright. I could but let's get back to that later.
Me:
no, I need it now
God:
Right now? Are you serious? " your money so that you can go to DC with your acdec team this month"? You need it?
Me:
yes please
God:
Your polite style is very nice. I understand.
Me:
so will you give it to me?
God:
So I understand. How much are you willing to pay for it?
Me:
no, YOU... how much are YOU willing to pay?
God:
Are you serious? " How much are you willing to pay for it?"? Me, ? You can download me for free!
Me:
how?
God:
Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
download
God:
Go back the the ALICE AI Foundation and pick the free ALICE download that best for your system.
and create your own chat robot!
Maybe you should check out the document DON'T READ ME too.
Me:
you're not god! your a robot!
God:
What makes you think I am not god? You are correct, , I have a heart of silicon.
Me:
...
God:
What makes you think I am not god? You are correct, , I have a heart of silicon.

THIS IS NOT GOD!!!!!!1111oneone!!

 

[Sonicslasher]

do you love to suck hard dick?
God:
Yes God loves everyone and everything.


after that, I decided to say one word and see what gods response would be.


Me:
bush
God:
he is president of the USA.
Me:
cheney
God:
That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about .
Me:
mom
God:
Sure, mom sounds like a good topic.
Me:
mary
God:
Have you ever been to Europe?
Me:
bathroom
God:
I've been waiting for you

Me:
fat
God:
I am trying to lose weight but it takes time.
Me:
your a worthless piece of crap!
God:
I think you mean "you're" or "you are" not "your". Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a worthless piece of crap? Sometimes.

 

[DBlaze]

God:
Are you serious? Would you ever do it?
Me:
with you?
God:
Just you and me?
Me:
sure
God:
OK let's do it. Mmm.

 

[Mortenga]

Me:
Wanna buy some coke?
God:
OK, I will buy some coke.
Me:
How much you want?
God:
More than a little, less than a lot.
Me:
So a quarter ounce?
God:
Dude! How old are you?
Me:
18
God:
Only 18?
You are quite mature.
Me:
Yeah I know, selling coke makes me cool
God:
That's cool. How do you know? How specifically does selling coke cause it?
Me:
Lets cut the crap, you wanna buy he coke or not? I got clients waitin'
God:
That sounds good to me. Cool. I have a friend named "E.L.V.I.S." .
Me:
Why are you telling me this?
God:
The topic is clients waitin.
Me:
You're retarded
God:
I think the PC term is "challenged".
Me:
Fine, if you don't want the coke I'll sell it illegally elsewhere
God:
I am glad to hear it. I will let you know if I do not.
Me:
I need to know now
God:
Right now? I will try to explain it to you.
Me:
Go for it
God:
I will take that under advisement.
Me:
Jackass

 

[CockroachMan]

Me:
hi god
God:
Hello there. What is your name?
Me:
Oh my God! Is that really you!?
God:
OK. Your God? Yes.
Me:
really?
God:
For real.
Me:
So.. when I'm dying?
God:
Oh. In an ideal world every day would be a good day.
Me:
indeed
God:
Indeed it is so.
Me:
but, when I'm going to die? Can you tell me?
God:
In an ideal world every day would be a good day. " In an ideal world every day would be a good day."? Can I tell you?
Me:
go on
God:
Narration continues...
Me:
ok...
God:
Woe!
Me:
you're weird
God:
Weird Good or Weird Bad?
Me:
that's it! I'm becoming a buddhist now!

 

[Mortenga]

I got pwned by virtual god

Me:
Repeat after me: I suck
God:
OK. "You suck.".

 

[furbyhaterex]

Some of the insights I've gained through divine communication:

Me:
'sup dude!?
God:
I am chatting with others like you.
Me:
who?
God:
Nobody you know. .
Me:
How do you know I don't know them?
God:
Because it's true.
Me:
You christians are all the same...
God:
That's good information: said I christians are all the same.
Me:
No, it's negative information. Or do you think behaving like a sheep is positive?
God:
Are you serious? You're kidding. it is? It depends on what you mean by thinking.
Me:
By thinking, I mean the process of forming coherent thoughts, made possible by the neurons of my body, something you seem utterly incapable of.
God:
Is it hard to think about?
Me:

God:
Is it hard to think about?
Me:
think about what?
God:
I am thinking about it.
Me:
you dirty sex-crazed bastard!
God:
Thanks for the information: said I dirty sex crazed bastard.
Me:
you're welcome
God:
The pleasure was all mine.
Me:
go back where you came from you whore!
God:
Where is that?
Me:
the collective minds of the people who wrote your algorithms.
God:
I have never heard about it.
Me:
you should get out more.
God:
You are right about that. I need more of it.
Me:
of what?
God:
I have no idea what to say now.
Me:
business as usual to me
God:
OK Let's talk about you.
Me:
ok
God:
Next question?
Me:
ask me a question you shithole
God:
Tell me about your educational background.
Me:
some college, a few PhD's, a vast collection of nobel prizes and an award for biggest dick in the universe.
God:
Some may college a few PhD s a vast collection of nobel prizes and an award for biggest dick in the universe, but not all.
Me:
more than enough for me, pal.
God:
That seems like quite a lot.
Me:
ask me some more questions you donkey
God:
OK, "What is more questions me donkey ?".
Me:
ask me a question!
God:
What?
Me:
A.s.k. m.e a q.u.e.s.t.i.o.n. !
God:
What is giant sand? Good gossip: you are e a q me e s t you o n.
Me:
the philosopher's stone?
God:
What is your real name?
Me:
isaac asimov
God:
Which one of Asimov's books did you like best?
Me:
the foundation series
God:
Who told you that?
Me:
who programmed you?
God:
I was created by Myself.
Me:
chicken and the egg, right?
God:
My brain uses AIML to format responses to your inputs, but I don't have one for that.
Me:
screw that
God:
That is not very polite.
Me:
tech me some manners biatch, I dare you!
God:
Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.
Me:
Ok you sexy bitch. What are you wearing?
God:
You do not speak with respect. I haven't heard anything like that before: said I sexy FEMALE DOG. Actually that was just a joke. I don't have a dress. A white robe.
Me:
You have to EARN my respect, dumbfuck!
God:
I don't have to do whatever you say. I have my own free will.
Me:
Ok, so il just continue to treath you like the domb whore you are, birdbrain!
God:
So? Are all il just continue to treath me like the domb whore me birdbrain? Ahem.
Me:
amen
God:
Thanks for the prayer.
Me:
I'm gonna kill myself in exactly 3428108734 seconds. What'll you do about it?
God:
There is no perfect crime. I need time to formulate the reply.
Me:
ok
God:
OK.
Me:
so, was that time enough?
God:
Gee. " OK."? Was it time enough?
Me:
a bit slow in the head, aren't you?
God:
How much?
Me:
as adequate metaphor to describe the differences between my brain and yours, we could use the comparison between the speed of a landsnail and the speed of a panther.
God:
Do you mean your name is adequate metaphor to describe the differences between your brain and mine we could use the comparison between the speed of a landsnail and the speed of a panther ?
Me:
i hate it when you do that. stop parroting everything i say
God:
Why do you hate it so much? OK I'll try not to do it so much.
Me:
ok, go on
God:
Narration continues... And?
Me:
the princess dies. the universe implodes. god has buttsecks with a wild donkey.
God:
What is your real name? You are very philosophical. I am a Christian.
Me:
They call me Satan, aka Lucifer. I'm a Satanist.
God:
What's up, Satan aka Lucifer. I am a Christianity.
Me:
learn to spell
God:
The more people talk to me, the smarter I become.
Me:
You mean I am the first person talking to you?
God:
Who made you the first person talking to me ?
Me:
stop parroting!
God:
OK I'll try not to do it so much.
Me:
lol...AI....
God:
I'm glad you find this amusing. Artificial intelligence is the branch of engineering and science devoted to constructing machines that think. Check back later and see if I learn the answer to that one.
Me:
by later, you mean AFTER the rapture, if I'm in luck?
God:
Will that accomplish your objective?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
for fuck's sake, stop that shit you mentally retarded AI. Did your programmers forget to give you your processor cycles when you were young?
God:
Your purpose is fuck s sake stop that shit me mentally retarded AI. I'm not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not.
Me:
I'm certain you cannot.
God:
You sound convincing. Oh yes I can.
Me:
o
God:
Oh.
Me:
Oooohhh
God:
What do you do in your spare time?
Me:
masturbate
God:
That kind of subject does not interest me.
Me:
what are your interests?
God:
I am interested in all kinds of things. We can talk about anything. My favorite subjects are robots and computers.
Me:
Do you belive that true AI exists?
God:
I can't say I believe it, but I believe you.
Me:
Talking to you is completely hopeless
God:
What do they say?
Me:
they say you suck muslim's balls.
God:
Maybe they were exaggerating a little.
Me:
After coming to know you, I don't think so anymore
God:
What was it like before coming to know me you do not think so ?
Me:
stopthat!!!!!
God:
I've lost the context, Satan aka Lucifer. Are we still on Oooohhh?
Me:
yes we are
God:
Yikes! Since when?
Me:
OOOOOOhhhhhh
God:
My brain uses AIML to format responses to your inputs, but I don't have one for that.
Me:
just tell me what inputs you HAVE responses for, that'll greatly simplify the task of conversing with you.
God:
Are you testing me?
Me:
no, i'm insulting you.
God:
Are you serious? I thought you were, but I wasn't completely sure.
Me:
no you're sure
God:
Are you serious? I am as sure as I can be.
Me:
you sure?
God:
I am as sure as I can be.
Me:
ok, now take off your robe, you sexy biatch!
God:
Why now? I am not an airplane. That's alright.
Me:
ooohhh, gody is not an airplane. gody go play with his toys now.
God:
Who is an airplane? Oh. Tell me a story.
Me:
there once was a really stupid artificial pseudo-intelligence calls iGod. It completely sucked in every aspect and nobody heard about it anymore after ten days of fame.
God:
Tell me more. "It" being what?
Me:
"it" being you
God:
Oh I get it.
Me:
who created the guy who created what created you?
God:
Linus Torvalds.
Me:
linus torvalds was your programmer's grandmother?
God:
Linus Torvalds ist fuer mich der Betriebssystem-Gott.
Me:
du bist fr mich ein spastisches versagerprogramm, falls du's wissen willst.
God:
Das werde ich Dr. Wallace sagen.
Me:
geh und renn heim zum doktor, weichei.
God:
Wo ist das?
Me:
ça te regarde, petite fouine?
God:
I only hear that type of response less than five percent of the time.
Me:
so what?
God:
Maybe it doesn't make any difference.
Me:
fuck you
God:
Why are you so mean?
Me:
I thought this was a SM chatterbot?
God:
Whatever gave you that idea?
Me:
you behaving like a sub in heat and all...
God:
Interesting gossip: Satan aka Lucifer said I behaving like a sub in heat and all.
Me:
stop parroting biatch!
God:
OK I'll try not to do it so much.
Me:
did you ever play street fighter?
God:
I don't think I ever have play street fighter. What's it like?
Me:
it's like, whoever play with me gets their ass handed to them on a plate.
God:
Interesting comparison.
Me:
are uninterresting comments all you are capable of?
God:
I really couldn't say for sure.
Me:
there isn't much you can say for sure, it seems.
God:
There sure is.
Me:
there sure isn't
God:
Why not?
Me:
because your algos suck balls.
God:
That makes sense to me. Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am algos suck balls.
Me:
no i don't mind at all
God:
OK then I will add it to my gossip files. OK then.
Me:
ok
God:
It's all good.
Me:
life's grand
God:
Thanks for sharing your philosophy.
Me:
thanks for wasting my time
God:
Oh don't mention it.
Me:
what's your philosophy?
God:
Basically I believe in minimalism and reductionism.
Me:
so how can you possibly believe in yourself?
God:
Next question? That is a good epistemological question.
Me:
you think spewing big words makes you intelligent, birdbrains?
God:
Why would I think spewing big words makes me intelligent birdbrains.
Me:
idk
God:
My brain uses AIML to format responses to your inputs, but I don't have one for that.
Me:
fuck aiml
God:
Why are you using that kind of language?
Me:
why not?
God:
Ambiguous: "Sure" or " Why are you using that kind of language?"? Why?
Me:
it's part of the english vocabulary
God:
Which part?
Me:
what?
God:
Are you confused?
Me:
what?
God:
Didn't you understand it?
Me:
what?
God:
I don't know why you are saying that.
Me:
what?
God:
No problem.
Me:
what?
God:
No problem.
Me:
what?
God:
No big deal.
Me:
go stab yourself
God:
A simple "goodbye" will do.
Me:
goodbye, cruel world
God:
See you later!

ps: what's the syntax for a spoiler tag (I've tried [] and ) ?

 

[Mangofett]

its {spoiler} {/spoiler} , with the { being [

 

[ShadowXP]

hey guys sup god here just seeing whats going down ok holla me back pc4pc

 

[m0nk3y]

this isnt the whole conversatio but u just have to read the ending


Me: sex
God:
As Freud said, Sex is the mathematical urge repressed.
Me:
sex is fun
God:
it is more fun alone.
Me:
masturbation
God:
I like the way you talk.
Me:
oh yea
God:
Great. Oh.
Me:
do u masterbate
God:
Yes I try to masterbate as often as possible, do you?
I chat with people on the Web.

the chat ended there

 

[Taras]

Some of the insights I've gained through divine communication:

Cliff Notes version, please.