Names changed to protect the innocent. Warning: Spoilers inside! sjaopert: I could TMI you so bad right now... I value our friendship so I won't. galphenos: I live with a person who describes his shits. sjaopert: Your choice. So... when I masturbate, I'm very picky about my pr0n so it usually takes me an hour or two to do it online; most of the time is spent sorting through images. sjaopert: Of course when I'm done I'm pretty sweaty. sjaopert: And it pools in the butt crack, of course. galphenos: Oh of course! sjaopert: So what I do is take toilet paper, roll it out long, fold it in half twice, then pad my crack with it. Letting butt-sweat get on stuff is unacceptable! sjaopert: Side note: yes I don't know how I'm going to deal with it when I have sex. Last time I had sex I was 17 so the "still awkward and just an oversweaty teen in general" excuse still worked. Now at 25 I don't know if that will take. sjaopert: So anyway I'm sitting here re-dressed, toilet paper still padding my ass ('cause you continue to sweat for a bit after exertion or warmth the same way a cake or pizza continues to cook just a bit from it's own residual heat when you take it out of the oven) 'cause I never did bother to take it out because of this one crazy optical illusion we were just talking about getting me all distracted for an hour... sjaopert: I just ripped ass so loud it might have woken the neighbors. sjaopert: Needless to say on any given day a man would be impressed (even only privately to himself) with such a feat... but then I remembered that I was still padded: what I heard was actually muffled! sjaopert: I feel like I'm king of the world right now. I could cock-smack a moose and it's head would fly off. sjaopert: End of story. galphenos: I lol'ed. galphenos: I enjoy the fact that guys have the 'biggest busting of ass is king' theory, and how even me being a guy who is analyzing this statement... can't recall any times where I've farted, and not thought 'eh, could be bigger', or just sat there with that... '' face on, as it linguered. sjaopert: I think it's how men tend to think babies are ugly, but their own mothers always think they're the cutest things on the planet. Farts are man-babies.