Have I gone off the deepend?

[Zetta_x]

I used to find joy in this world, when I was 19 I received my first major heart break. I always had motivation to figure things out, however, this lead me to have motivation to study logical thought processes of people. For example, if I had said do 16*25 in your head. Someone can do 4 * 25 * 4 = 100 * 4 = 400. Someone else can do 16 * 5 * 5 = 80 * 5 = 400. This lead me to believe we all think about things differently and react in different ways.

I enjoyed arithmetic before I started elementary school. It carried through which is the majority of the reason why I choose a path of statistics. While to most of you, the idea of what Statistics is may be unknown, but to sum it up, it's a study of patterns.

I always had strong will, after my first break up (which completely shattered me to pieces), I had rebuilt to a monster, a particularly very strong monster. I became a human lie detector. I can very quickly pick up patterns that people have and I see when they deviate away from it. Whether it's some type of movement, some type of action, volume and pitch of their voice, thought processes: all of these things are forced into my mind when I begin a conversation with someone.

In the last 4 years, I have zoomed in and found a number of factors (an amazing number of factors) that asses someone's decision making. I know how to set up "perfect scenarios" to tackle those factors I know to make people happy/sad/whatever.

However, I have lost the emotional side to myself. The only things I seem to carry an emotional connection to are things I have had when I was a kid. My 18 year old cat had to be put down, that was very emotional for me. I received full funding to get through the next 4-5 years for a Ph.D, I could put on a fake smile. My entire mindset has been overrun with logic. I just watched a video of an older man that was so happy he went into tears.

Here I am, 23, and I feel that I can no longer find joy in this world. Have I gone off the deepend, can anyone relate?

Note: I have never contemplated suicide, this is in no way depression or any of that form even if it sounds like it.

 

[retKHAAAN]

You say "I feel that I can no longer find joy in this world" but it doesn't appear to me that you're looking for joy but rather expecting other things/people to make you happy...

You also seem to be treating life more as a problem to solve than something to experience.

 

[Zetta_x]

I meant to put that in there, life is more like something to solve rather than something to experience! The only Joy I remotely receive is from helping others.

 

[retKHAAAN]

I meant to put that in there, life is more like something to solve rather than something to experience! The only Joy I remotely receive is from helping others.

Then that is what you should do.

 

[Zetta_x]

But it works as a double edge sword, I like helping people but I do not like helping the same people over and over. For example, the girlfriend I have now (and have had for 3 years) I refuse to do nice things all the time because it would eventually normalize and raise the standards of what a nice thing is. I learned this from my first girlfriend who I absolutely did everything to make happy and eventually she was not happy anymore. Of course, she regrets so much now but I no longer have anything for her. I also refuse to help complete random strangers. A lot of members of GBAtemp would not count as complete random strangers so to give boundary of what I'm talking about.

 

[air2004]

The fact that you have to ask , should be answer enough. I am like you , not in the mathematical sense , but , in knowing how to read people and manipulating situations. ( Manipulation is the reason why I hate Statisticians )

 

[Zetta_x]

Air2004, I enjoy you can relate, but you have a bad view of what statistics is really about. While Statisticians can manipulate an inference by making incorrect assumptions, the majority of the manipulation are done by the people who would benefit from it.

In most cases, statisticians do not benefit, it would be most likely the CEO of a company the statistician worked for.

 

[retKHAAAN]

But it works as a double edge sword, I like helping people but I do not like helping the same people over and over. For example, the girlfriend I have now (and have had for 3 years) I refuse to do nice things all the time because it would eventually normalize and raise the standards of what a nice thing is. I learned this from my first girlfriend who I absolutely did everything to make happy and eventually she was not happy anymore. Of course, she regrets so much now but I no longer have anything for her. I also refuse to help complete random strangers. A lot of members of GBAtemp would not count as complete random strangers so to give boundary of what I'm talking about.

You should probably start by not paying so much attention to who it is you're helping and focus more on being helpful. If you're with the right person then you needn't worry about "normalizing" the nice things you do, but you should be attentive to the notion that the things you give to someone and/or the places you take them mean less than the knowledge that you were thinking of them or sharing your time...

As far as refusing to help complete strangers, that's silly. Completele strangers are the easiest to help. There is no commitment. There are no expectations. And, consider how people are affected on an emotional level when a complete stranger gives them a hand. Your car stalls in the middle of nowhere. You call a friend to come give you a hand. Friend shows up, just like they're supposed to and helps you out. Or. Your car stalls in the middle of nowhere. Someone sees you're having trouble, stops, and helps you get it running. Which one leaves the more lasting impression?

 

[Zetta_x]

I get where you are coming with that but the average person scares me... not like physically scary but mentally scary. There is a huge corrupt chain of thought plaguing human kind and the average person carries it. It makes me so unwilling to support it, it's like helping a mass murderer.

 

[Snailface]

Emotional detachment can be a byproduct of depression or more likely Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. You might want to give this link a read, the interesting part it focuses on is that detachment can be a learned defense mechanism to blunt the drama of extreme loss -- which you mentioned. And it can be persistent even after the grieving and healing process.

http://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-emotional-numbness.htm

 

[Castiel]

There is a huge corrupt chain of thought plaguing human kind and the average person carries it. It makes me so unwilling to support it, it's like helping a mass murderer.

This doesn't apply to all of the average person, though. There are many, many people who have a corrupt train of thought, yes, but there are also others mixed in with them that don't have a corrupt train of thought. How are you going to know who is who unless you actually go out there?

I have to agree that it is a scary thing to just go up to the average person and try to help them. But many a times we have to try and overcome those fears. They are what hold us back. Think of it like this, maybe someone you go up to has a corrupt chain of thought but because you helped them they start to see things differently, and such their chain of thought starts to morph even if just slightly. You have now helped someone in an even bigger way than you intended to.

It's not easy, but how are we going to help change people's chains of thought unless we show them other ways of thinking?

 

[air2004]

You can lead a horse to water , but you cant make him drink , or so it is with the human psyche .

 

[jimmyemunoz]

I did 8X25X2, am I depressed? Or just psychotic?

*assess*

 

[Sicklyboy]

I've found that people always have another side that they show out of nowhere once you really figure them out.

I used to be like you, in my teen years. Around 16 is when I'm talking. 20 now, I'm completely different.

I used to try to figure people out, see if I could get what makes them tick, what they like, how they react to types of situations, all without ever directly confronting them about any of it. You could say that I'd be the person who knew what people were going to say before they said it, especially when concerning me. Most of the time, that held true. I'd end up using it to my advantage, knowing what to say and what not to do to avoid confrontations, try to get closer to some people and befriend them better, and honestly, it could turn into a very useful tool for manipulation, though I hardly ever took it that far.

But people always, always have another side that comes out to bite you in the ass once you've analysed and reanalysed everything you can about them. And I never could figure out what to do when that came up.

I don't bother now. I still watch, I still analyse, but I don't make much use out of it other than to just know what they're up to. When things come around, I deal with them. Otherwise, I just do my own thing.

I let life happen as it will now. I don't do too much planning ahead, which has proven to be problematic at times but overall a very much more enjoyable outlook. I realised I don't have much enjoyment in things if I don't have any of the surprised.

 

[Zetta_x]

It's not easy, but how are we going to help change people's chains of thought unless we show them other ways of thinking?

This chain of thought is pretty much a pre-step to hitler, believing that the world should be a certain way and anyone who doesn't follow it that way is evil.

 

[retKHAAAN]

This chain of thought is pretty much a pre-step to hitler, believing that the world should be a certain way and anyone who doesn't follow it that way is evil.

So rather than demonstrate through your own actions how helpful one could be...you choose to fear and avoid everyone because you don't want to be Hitler... I think you're seeing this from both ends of the spectrum and not so much from the middle.

In order to get a chain of "pay it forwards" going, at least one person has to take that first step.

 

[Zetta_x]

Not quite what I said, I think people are the hitler to a lesser degree. My girlfriends family won't associate to anyone who does not have the same religion (and they must pray demons out of my girlfriends daughter). People who run red lights (even when it's completely logical to do so) are evil and should be going to jail. These are only small examples. Of course, we all have opinions that would negatively be seen, but there is a very distinct difference of those who act upon them.

As you can understand, this is a belief system that we continue to develop people to follow. There's too many people, too strong beliefs. If I help these random people for nothing, they will think God chose them or something ridiculous.

 

[Castiel]

There's too many people, too strong beliefs.

Of course people are going to have strong beliefs. Beliefs are what define who we are and the way we act. But those beliefs can change. People are going to defend their beliefs as much as they can but if they can be proven wrong, then eventually they are (hopefully) going to look into what they believe and see where they may be going wrong.

If I help these random people for nothing, they will think God chose them or something ridiculous.

Never once have I heard of someone only thanking God and not the person who helped them. You were willing to take time out of your day just to show that you care about people. I'm going to thank you for that, and I'm betting most other people would as well.

 

[Psionic Roshambo]

But it works as a double edge sword, I like helping people but I do not like helping the same people over and over. For example, the girlfriend I have now (and have had for 3 years) I refuse to do nice things all the time because it would eventually normalize and raise the standards of what a nice thing is. I learned this from my first girlfriend who I absolutely did everything to make happy and eventually she was not happy anymore. Of course, she regrets so much now but I no longer have anything for her. I also refuse to help complete random strangers. A lot of members of GBAtemp would not count as complete random strangers so to give boundary of what I'm talking about.

Just a hint of perhaps wisdom, at least I pray it is.

You cannot "make" some one else happy. Either they are happy or they are not and if you have to "do" something to make them happy then the issue lies not in you. Women or men like to change the other person or at least see willingness to change for the other. The problem with this is that it takes an exceptional person to change them selves. Very few people are capable of doing this in any sort of time scale that will fit in a typical relationship.

To find true happiness in a relationship of any kind, you have to find the person with faults you can live with, and the reverse must also be true. Once you find that you can learn to accepts your own faults and perhaps over a long period of time improve yourself. No one is perfect and if some one seems perfect to you, you have either fooled yourself or the person is being fake and a liar. If some one is fake and a liar how can you know them at all?

Life hands us many tools, some of them useful and some of them not. If anything I have said to you is of use to you that makes me happy but if its not ignore it as the ramblings of the local village idiot

P.S. Somethings I always tell people about relationships. See how the other person handles the rough times in dealing with other people. If they are vindictive and spiteful ugly people, they will be with you as well because no relationship is ever perfect and eventually you will argue and venom hurts the most from ones you love. (Remember this of your words as well.)

 

[no_chocobo]

Actually, I kind of get what OP is saying. I'm a programmer, I find myself trying to problem solve my way out of every situation in life instead of going with my feelings/emotions. My brain spends so much time thinking in a very procedural and literal sense when I'm working, that its really difficult to turn that off.