Choose Your Own Adventure!

[Gahars]

You awake, clutching at your head in pain. Though your surroundings are blurry at first, they quickly come into focus. You realize you've been teleported into the most dangerous land imaginable: Siberia.

But fear not! For you see, there are 11 items set out before you (and a question mark, but ignore that, it's not an open question). Instinctually, somehow, you understand what each item does. You are also aware that you may choose only two; the rest will be tossed onto the street, never to be recovered again.

Choose wisely.

So, what will it be, GBAtemp?

 

[Foxi4]

I choose the Hussar Wings and the Tracksuit of Ultimate Cozyness - I am ready to face the harshness of Siberia!

 

[FAST6191]

Infinite Kvass? Does anybody really two items if one of those is the option?

That said I would also take the wings.

 

[Foxi4]

I just realized that there's a discrepancy in the rules you outlined.

You see, in the "Sewers & Capitalist Swine" Core Handbook: Third Edition it's clearly stated that Slavs of the Polish variety have a passive skill called "Jazz Hands of Nicking", allowing them to always, regardless of any circumstances, obtain an additional, randomly-selected item when collecting loot or bartering.

Should I roll my D20 now? Well... not "my" D20 - it used to be your D20, but you weren't looking so it's mine now. In any case, I think I should roll, unless this is a plot-related event, in which case I may suspend my disbelief and just roll with the story... I do like Salo though...

 

[Gahars]

I just realized that there's a discrepancy in the rules you outlined.

You see, in the "Sewers & Capitalist Swine" Core Handbook: Third Edition it's clearly stated that Slavs of the Polish variety have a passive skill called "Jazz Hands of Nicking", allowing them to always, regardless of any circumstances, obtain an additional, randomly-selected item when collecting loot or bartering.

Should I roll my D20 now? Well... not "my" D20 - it used to be your D20, but you weren't looking so it's mine now. In any case, I think I should roll, unless this is a plot-related event, in which case I may suspend my disbelief and just roll with the story... I do like Salo though...

Leave it to Foxi to have a slavish attention to detail.

 

[Tom Bombadildo]

Can I get 2 rubber fists? I want 2 rubber fists. For...reasons.

 

[Foxi4]

Can I get 2 rubber fists? I want 2 rubber fists. For...reasons.

I'm sure that the kinds of stiffies you'll be dealing with in Siberia will require something other than manhandling.

 

[Flame]

I want the one where I'm the hero and get all the woman I want.

 

[FAST6191]

I want the one where I'm the hero and get all the woman I want.

This is choose your own adventure. Hand puppets are two doors down on the left.

 

[Tom Bombadildo]

This is choose your own adventure. Hand puppets are two doors down on the left.

 

[Flame]

This is choose your own adventure. Hand puppets are two doors down on the left.

 

[FAST6191]

image

Like you would not have your own rendition of the Taming of the Size Changing Python. The story of how Miss Pamela and her five lovely daughters were overworked by the size changing python, the real controller of the kingdom, and then laid up with the cramps is an all time tearjerker. How then Mr Manus Gauche, previously thought of as a clumsy lout following an unspoken incident when the kingdom was but 15 years old, comes back to try to save the day. Hate to spoil the ending but the part where Manus Gauche is doing a surprisingly good job but still losing and Miss Pamela makes a surprise return... just unbridled joy at seeing that, the flashback to the training montage just icing on the cake really.


I hear tell there is a new story being put on this year as well, it is called "Flick, the giant bean and the trip to the land of pleasure".

 

[Gahars]

Ukraine: A horrifying, disturbing situation... and now, apparently, a Choose Your Own Adventure of its very own.

Spoiler

Choose wisely, and choose carefully, my friends.

 

[Foxi4]

I expected this to turn into a full-blown Slavquest D-20 adventure with Gahars as the Dungeon (Frozen Wasteland?) Master... You disappoint me, Gahars - where are our character sheets?

 

[Gahars]

I expected this to turn into a full-blown Slavquest D-20 adventure with Gahars as the Dungeon (Frozen Wasteland?) Master... You disappoint me, Gahars - where are our character sheets?

Is too much effort, is too little drinking.

 

[Foxi4]

Is too much effort, is too little drinking.

...In Latvia, I would get much character sheet.

...just no potato... and soon death by malnutrition... such is life. Tear will salt potato... but there is no potato, only hallucinations from malnutrition.

 

[Gahars]

...In Latvia, I would get much character sheet.

...just no potato... and soon death by malnutrition... such is life. Tear will salt potato... but there is no potato, only hallucinations from malnutrition.

In Latvia, we have a saying: "Potato, potato."

Do not pronounce differently. We just like potato.

 

[Foxi4]

In Latvia, we have a saying: "Potato, potato."

Do not pronounce differently. We just like potato.

Do not sing loud, or Politburo hear!

...then again, when Politburo hear, there is only death...

...and in death, over is toil.

Maybe song not so bad.

 

[BORTZ]

I choose to sit and wait until the question mark becomes usable.