How do you feel about the phrase "I'll pray for you"?

Edgarska · Feb 19, 2018

Nerdtendo said:
Which again, is what I am making an effort to do.

Which is great, the original question was how people feel about "I'll pray for you" which I answered, If you're the kind of person who prays for people while also trying to actually help them then that's great, keep doing it. Just don't be surprised if someone who isn't religious doesn't feel thankful for your prayers, which brings me back to my original statement of just not telling people you're praying for them.

If you believe that prayer really works, then it will work whether they know you prayed for them or not, right?

Nerdtendo · Feb 19, 2018

Edgarska said:
Which is great, the original question was how people feel about "I'll pray for you" which I answered, If you're the kind of person who prays for people while also trying to actually help them then that's great, keep doing it. Just don't be surprised if someone who isn't religious doesn't feel thankful for your prayers, which brings me back to my original statement of just not telling people you're praying for them.

If you believe that prayer really works, then it will work whether they know you prayed for them or not, right?

You're absolutely right. I didn't mean to get defensive. My bad (habit).

Chary · Feb 19, 2018

There's no need to even pull religion into this, as for people that don't believe in God, stating "I'll pray for you", is tantamount to hearing "I hope things go well" or "Good luck!". It's just a general well-wishing from one person to another. I'd have the same reaction to either phrase being told to me. As a Christian, I don't think I've told a person that I'd pray for them outright, because I feel like that'll either make them uncomfortable if they're not Christian, or, if they are, and they know me, they'll get the implied sentiment.

RustInPeace · Feb 19, 2018

It means nothing to me, especially when it's kind of become a form of jive talk. "Oh my God this girl is ratchet, Imma pray for her." Things like that.

dimmidice · Feb 19, 2018

Nerdtendo said:
Interesting. I'd like to read the full article for all the details but it's probably hidden pretty deep in the internet. From a Christian viewpoint, a test like that falls under the "putting the Lord your God to the test" which is what is considered a "sin". That would explain why it either had no effect (one was bound to fare differently from the other) or God's hand was against the test.

The issue is religion isn't really compatible with science, Not with the way a lot of religious people practice it. Any result the test would have religion would be able to explain away with some hand waving. Any sort of logical thinking doesn't work with religion because again just a hand wave and it's "explained" away.

Test is beneficial "It's Gods will!" "Must've been good people!"
Test didn't do anything "It's Gods will!"
Test was disadvantageous "it's Gods will" "Must've been bad people!"

I think the study he's referring too is this one. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Studies_on_intercessory_prayer#The_STEP_project . But that would seem to be explained by performance anxiety.

"It seems more probable that those patients who knew they were being prayed for suffered additional stress in consequence: performance anxiety', as the experimenters put it. Dr Charles Bethea, one of the researchers, said, "It may have made them uncertain, wondering am I so sick they had to call in their prayer team?'"

As far as i can tell from reading this any double-blind tests with a large sample size effectively found no real changes either way. Some tests from the page had shown prayer to be slightly beneficial but those either had small sample sizes or weren't double-blind.

Glyptofane · Feb 19, 2018

I'll be praying for all you evil, useless sons of bitches!

Localhorst86 · Feb 19, 2018

I feel indifferent about it. I am not religious at all and in fact left the catholic church years ago (The exact moment I had to pay church tax for the first time, before that I simply didn't care if somewhere, some database said I was "Roman-Catholic") and I am now confessionless. I understand that if a religous person says this phrase, all it usually means is "I hope you'll recover quick" or "Get well soon". It doesn't help me or anyone but at least they are wishing me well and that's really all they can do, the rest ist up to medicine (Not that anyone I know personally would ever say "I'll pray for you" of course, even the most religious people I know would just say "get well soon" [Except for Priests who will usually add "I'll include you in my prayers" or something similar on top of wishing me well]). If that is the context at least.

As other people in this thread have already pointed out, the phrase has to always been seen in a context, it seems to me it is quite often used as a cop-out in uncomfortable discussions where a person would use "I'll pray for you" once they have run out of arguments.

Or as a cop out to not engage in public discourse at all (See the current gun debate. Especially Pro-gun people will say that they pray for people after an incident as a means of not having to deal with the real issue)

pustal · Feb 19, 2018

Nerdtendo said:
This is a debate I've seen floating around the internet and I was wondering you guys' take on it. How do you feel about religious people telling non-religious people that they will pray for them? I've seen some people get annoyed saying, "why don't they actually do something to help?" and others defend the saying by suggesting that, "If they are willing to appease to, what is in their mind, the highest power, then they are doing the most they can. The kindness is real." Now it's no secret that I fall under the "religious" category but I can see both sides of the coin. Personally, I'm challenging myself to offer prayer alongside whatever I can do to help physically, as not to seem like I'm providing empty words. How do you feel when someone says they'll pray for you? Following that question, what steps can people like myself take in order to make sure that you know we're doing everything we can? I KNOW I don't need to say this because everyone maintains themselves excellently and the never get carried away but keep it civil.

Edit: although if people have no obligation to help you, you really can't blame a sympathy.

hobbledehoy899 · Feb 19, 2018

It's as worthless as unconditional love.

FAST6191 · Feb 19, 2018

Relevant

I usually hear it in two contexts
1) I bought something from some religious charity and they use it similar to how some might use "have a nice day".
2) Some religious type declares me the antithesis of morality* and failing to understand religious threats of punishment in the afterlife mean nothing to me.

The former I tend to write off a similar to someone saying "bless you" when someone sneezes. Bit quaint but ultimately harmless, possibly soon to be just another legacy phrase or maybe American import -- "have a nice day" is itself considered an import.
The latter I find hilarious. If shouting out "next time we meet" as someone is making tracks is a threat to be laughed off then this is even more so.

*the contexts for this one vary dramatically between my being in the US and my being in the UK, yet to happen to me in mainland Europe. The former as the US has not quite shed religion yet, the latter is mainly a club for old people and wound into to old notions of class which does make it different.

Deleted User · Feb 19, 2018

its pretty fucking stupid
hey, your family died in a car crash and your in critical condition at the hospital? ok, ill think about you and say that its helping you!

Nerdtendo · Feb 19, 2018

Thanks for the responses everyone. You've helped open my eyes to an issue with myself that I was unaware of. It should be taught more that you can't use prayer as a cop-out or as some sort of degrading statement.

choupette · Feb 19, 2018

I'm an atheist, I give no value to prayers. But if someone, for whom it means something, tells that to me, I just think it's a nice thing to say.

ToonGoomba · Feb 19, 2018

If its a family member, it gives me hope. If it's a friend, its not effective at all because I know they don't really care for me.

linuxares · Feb 19, 2018

For me it's the same as "Our thoughs are with the victims family". I don't want your dirty thoughts about me or my family in a tragedy? What the hell is that suppose to even mean? And prayers? Jees... don't get me started on it. If god wanted me to contact him. I think he would call me or email me atleast, something more probabel than wasting air.

Super.Nova · Feb 19, 2018

Well....
Basically "praying" for someone is a last resort, as in you're out of ways to help and the only one you know which can help is God.
Saying it outright without an attempt is actually very disrespectful and falls very well into the "I don't give a *blank*" answer.

I personally try my very best a couple of times until I'm completely out of ideas before resorting to prayers.
I've even contacted people on the phone when I later discovered solutions to their problems in an attempt to truly help them and make them feel better and remembered.

SG854 · Feb 19, 2018

dimmidice said:
No thanks, you asked a question in your OP. Expect answers. You can't just go and refer everyone to replies you made.
Praying is completely and utterly useless. It does not do anything whatsoever. Telling someone who isn't religious "i'll pray for you" is just condescending and likely to piss them off. It's like saying "i'll think of you" "i'll think of the problems you have while doing absolutely nothing about them but hey please be grateful to me because i'm thinking of you" It makes it about you. Not them.

Are you talking about the case of Natural Disasters or aid in providing food? All of America helps in this. We all pay Taxes and some of that tax money goes to save millions of people from hunger, help in natural disasters like Droughts and Flooding, tackling diseases, some of our money goes to foreign aid, we help fund people to get a college education, help people with disabilities, we provide governmental social programs to help, we provide health care programs to people that need it, we fund health research, food safety, fund infrastructure development and maintenance, and many more. Can people really say that we don't help as a whole? And can people say we don't do anything? So is it condescending that we all actually do something to help people? Is it condescending to say to the person I'll pray for you? That has a sickness that our tax dollars help fund for Health research, and provide medical to them?

TotalInsanity4 · Feb 19, 2018

SG854 said:
Are you talking about the case of Natural Disasters or aid in providing food? All of America helps in this. We all pay Taxes and some of that tax money goes to save millions of people from hunger, help in natural disasters like Droughts and Flooding, tackling diseases, some of our money goes to foreign aid, we help fund people to get a college education, help people with disabilities, we provide governmental social programs to help, we provide health care programs to people that need it, we fund health research, food safety, fund infrastructure development and maintenance, and many more. Can people really say that we don't help as a whole? And can people say we don't do anything? So is it condescending that we all actually do something to help people? Is it condescending to say to the person I'll pray for you? That has a sickness that our tax dollars help fund for Health research, and provide medical to them?

That'd be more true if our tax dollars actually did a lot of that, but in reality most of that is handled by private corporations/nonprofits in the US (which sucks)

AkikoKumagara · Feb 19, 2018

Just seems to be a way to make people feel better while making yourself look like you care. Most people tend to say it while not expressing any real care or empathy from my experience.

dAVID_ · Feb 19, 2018

I think it's another way of saying "I care enough to hope my imaginary friend helps you, but not enough to do anything myself".

How do you feel about the phrase "I'll pray for you"?

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