Spanking/Belting... Child Abuse or not?

ineap09 · Dec 8, 2010

I agree with a lot of what's been said. Kids need a spanking when they've done something wrong. My parents did it to me, and I consider them to be in the right. Everything does need to be in moderation. Nothing should ever be taken in extremes. People who were beaten excessively are traumatized and do not want their kids to experience the same trauma they did, so they go to the opposite end of the spectrum, and never spank their kids. They don't realize that they are ruining their child's lives because of their own past. This ticks me off. This is where Logic > Emotions. It pains me to think that many who have been traumatized cause others to suffer. I may sound like I have no sympathy towards those who have been traumatized, but you can get over trauma through therapy. Those who are undisciplined will eventually have to learn it in jail, where there will be no love in the punishment(as opposed to be punished by just parents). Neither end of the spectrum is good. Stay just, do not beat out of anger, punish with love. That's basically it.

ineap09 · Dec 8, 2010

TDWP FTW said:
Pliskron said:

I can tell you that if a child knows you'll spank them then you don't have to spank them. All of these spineless parents who want to be best friends with their kids end up having miserable little bastards. I can also tell you that a child with rules and boundaries that are enforced with corporal punishment if necessary are happier.

Click to expand...

That's seriously the biggest horse shit I've ever heard. If a child knows that they could be spanked/belted for something, they're going to be in fear a lot. They aren't going to live happy lives, at least until they move out. Punishment rarely does anything for kids, especially things like taking away video games and whatnot, unless they really can't live without it, and attempt suicide or some extreme crap. After a few times, they just don't care and they find something else to do.

On-topic: I don't find any means of physical punishment helpful at all, as it just makes the child fearful, they develop hermit-like symptoms, etc...Parents don't think of the long lasting effect physical punishment can have on a child, and they just go ahead and beat them. It's not really solving any problems there might be either, which is what punishment is supposed to do. It just puts more and more fear into the child, leading to the point where they think anything they do will earn them a nice belt to the ass.

I've seen it happen tons of times, and it happened to me years ago. I've "recovered" I guess you could say from it, and I don't feel all depressed or hermit-like anymore. But to those kids that have it happen to them, the lasting effect might not go away.

I believe fear is the only reason to not do wrong. If you feared nothing, would you do the fun wrong thing, or the less fun right thing?

Children should know why they are being spanked when they are, otherwise the parent is putting undue fear in the child. That's like punishing a dog for digging a hole they had dug the other day. The dog will be confused and scared because it won't know what the punishment is for.

"It just puts more and more fear into the child, leading to the point where they think anything they do will earn them a nice belt to the ass." I would go as far to say that if the child thinks anything they do will earn them a spanking, the parent is not doing their job right. Therefore, too much fear = parents not doing their job. If there's no fear though, like I mentioned in the second sentence, they would choose whatever is more fun rather than what's right or wrong.

Children will only do right out of fear of punishment. Whether it's fear of a spanking, or the fear that they won't get a cookie with supper, it's always fear that tells them that they need to do the right thing. There's a difference between those two punishments though. The fear of a spanking will make the child not want to take any chances, and will not do the wrong thing if they think there's a chance of a spanking. The fear of not getting a cookie with supper only encourages the child to learn how to manipulate others. The child will be more testing of how much wrong they can do without getting the punishment(this is also true with spankings that don't hurt or barely hurt). This is bad because learning how to manipulate people encourages corruption in the work place when they are older.

You didn't mention what alternative there should be to the physical punishment not being helpful. What would be helpful? I'm guessing that would be to take away their cookie at supper then? Or just strongly said words? In order for strongly said words to stop kids from doing wrong, the kids have to have a fear of the strongly said words which according to you means that they won't live happy lives because they'll be in constant fear of the strongly said words, right? Something has to be done so that the child doesn't do wrong. That something has to be punishment or it won't have any affect. The punishment has to either be pain, the induction of fear(strongly said words?), or the taking away of something they want.

There is actually another thing though. The parent could possibly decide to not punish the child at all, hoping that that the child will learn from the natural consequences of their actions. But all that does it open the child to getting hurt. A lot more hurt than they would've gotten had the parent given them a fear of doing the wrong thing.

Pain is already a factor everyone experiences which tells them what to not touch, such as something really hot. They think, "Ouch! I won't touch that again because it hurts." It only makes sense to use the same concept for teaching children right from wrong. "I won't do the wrong thing again because I'm going to end up hurt."

Am I wrong on any of this? It's kind of long, so sorry about that. I'm just trying to think this through logically.
Also, I haven't discussed this with anyone yet, so this is kind of me figuring out what I believe right here.

Edit: This is all mainly for younger kids. Once they get older, and know right from wrong, then the "CONSEQUENCE should fit the crime," as TwinRetro said.

ShadowSoldier · Dec 8, 2010

Whenever I was spanked/belted, my dad always spoke to me afterwards in a calm voice about WHY it happened. It's not like he came home from work and was like "OY PRICK! COME HERE! YOU DO THIS?! *SMASH SMASH SMASH*"

Infinite Zero · Dec 8, 2010

My dad used to spank me when I was a li'l kid. I can say that I act well enough. My siblings weren't spanked and hit that much anymore, and oh boy. There are freakin' naughty!

Tonitonichopchop · Dec 8, 2010

I was spanked as a kid. I think that it if used by a smart parent, it helps the child's behavior by showing them they can't always have what they want and will be punished for doing something wrong. My mom spanked me until I was 9, and we're really close and I behave better than a lot of people I know. But I guess in today's politically correct world that doesn't make sense.

GundamXXX · Dec 8, 2010

I will reply but I wont vote

As a parent myself kids DEFINATLY deserve a tap/spank but NEVER belt your kids.

If my kid keeps touching the christmas tree when repeadatly is beign told no then yes I will give his hand a tap when he does it again and I will look at him with a stern look (inside is ofcoutrse melting with his cute puppyeyes that twinkle with deviance) and tell him "Didnt daddy tell you no? Listen to daddy otherwise you will get another tap on the finger k?"

He usually does it again and I will tap him again because hes a smartass that needs to learn to not mess with daddy and stops after that

But a hit/slap/anything worse then that is uncalled for. Its a goddamn kid ffs

But then again when my kid is 17 or 18 and he fucks up bigtime Il challange him to a fistfight and if I loose ill kick him out

RPG_Lover · Dec 8, 2010

If only the attitudes in this thread were shared with society. I was spanked as a kid - either by hand or belt. It was only done when necessary. There's a difference in discipline and abuse. Discipline is a few shots to the rear-end (not full force, but hard enough to get the message across) when needed. Abuse is beating a child mercilessly.

Kids need discipline. "Spare the rod and spoil the child" is very true. Look around just about any store. Kids will be crying for stuff, have a fit, and will get what they want because the parents only want to shut their kid up. Because a lot of parents believed those pseudo-psychological idiots that said "don't spank your kids - it'll harm their personality" we now have a generation of parents that would rather be their kid's friend than be a parent. As such, we'll soon have a generation of people that can't function under societal rules because they never had rules in their homes growing up.

Goli · Dec 8, 2010

It is child abuse.
I think spanking and all that is for incompetent parents who don't know how to deal with the problems EVERY kid has. There are other ways to deal with such things.
I've never had it mainly because I didn't shout or scream or do stupid things like most kids do but I know my parents wouldn't have hit me if I did.

MasterM · Dec 8, 2010

Violence instead of talking?
Honestly, what is there to discuss?

And attitude "my parents did it and it worked so I will do it to my child" is the worst excuse because one doesnt have to find other (infinitely better) ways to cope with that problem so no thinking involved.

I wish some people in that thread rethink their attitude and use common sense.

If ur child doesnt listen to you - its YOUR FAULT, not his/her. Cant capitalize this enough.

thegame07 · Dec 8, 2010

My tone of voice is enough for my niece and friends kids to listen to me! they just need to know when you mean business. I don't mean I scream my head of like I would do an adult, you just need to know how to do it tbh. In extreme cases I would say a spanking would be efficient. I have seen kids spit in their own mums face, How people let their kids get to that stage baffles me. Also for older kids you just have to teach them that their stuff will be confiscated for a few days if they don't cut out the crap.

I was beat up off my dad like an adult all my life! I have forgave him for it as he had a mental illness when I was younger. I used to get smacked with the belt so hard for no reason and I would have marks on me for weeks at a time. I remember one day when I was like 10, My dad was trying to fight me one on one like a proper adult. I think he used to feel guilty afterwards and would buy me whatever I wanted but that doesn't work. I love my mum with all my heart but I can't forgive her for letting him do it, he didn't hit my mum at all, if he did I wouldn't be speaking to him now.

If you bring your kids up right hitting is not required imo.

boktor666 · Dec 8, 2010

Well.. to be honest, I don't think it would hurt to "spank" the kids more often. The news has been flooding over with child abuse and all that crap, but parents forgot about the attitude of the kids.

Kids who aren't being corrected, becuase their parents don't want to, or are too soft, may end up having kids that are complete pricks. Myself, I'm 16 years old, but I know when I'm right or wrong. I was well raised. (Konata style: Good job parents)
But more and more kids, yes, I do see this happening, at my school, are becoming selfish egoistic douches. There is one pattern: They all want to belong to the group, regardless how you act. Even if they break more then 6 rules at school, skipping class very often, getting bad grades, they don't seem to care. The parents should act, to stop this MADNESS, but it isn't happening at all, they keep doing the usual. They all do tend to listen to... Rap music? (probably no factor at all, but in this country, rap music can be a cause, but thats a too long story to tell in this thread, since I'm completley overloading my hands writing this)

*Inhale, deep breath*

Thus... conclusion, the parents should be more strict to raise their lazy bum ass kiddo's, else they will do the same to their own kids, continuing the generation of douches.

Peace out.

Vulpes Abnocto · Dec 8, 2010

I look around here and see hundreds of kids that should have been beaten more.

Midna · Dec 8, 2010

My parents hit me on the bare ass with no trousers or pants on. That still seems a bit weird to me.

Waynes1987 · Dec 8, 2010

This is a tough one this one. I mean It's based on your own understanding as a parent, to find a fitting punishment.

I dont think Giving a kid a smack stops them doing it again, If anything it'll make them hide it better. I know this from personal experience.

Someone said "parents shouldnt try to be best friends with there children" But i disagree, Most 'little shits' out there are little shits because of (but not limited to) issues at home. How is smacking a child like that, with them issues going to help them in the long run, if anything it'll make them feel more alienated.

But then again, If the punishment fits the crime, Who knows. Smacking your kid because "i was smacked as a child" Isnt a valid reason for that style of discipline.
There are after all, more ways of disciplining your child.

The fact you let your emotions (aka anger / etc) get involved with it so much that you pick up a belt or paddle. (or whatever) is actually pretty sick and disgusting. If you think about it like that, your smacking a child because they have annoyed you, and not because what they have done.

Which is why i believe it depends on cercumstance, how a parent is with there child when things are "good". Otherwise it does more bad than good.
But thats just my opinion.

ShadowSoldier · Dec 8, 2010

I'm curious, to the people who say "THERE ARE INFINITELY BETTER WAYS" than to spank a child, list them.

If you speak to them and tell them no or whatever, and you raise your voice and what not, and they're still being little shits, what else can you do? If you don't keep the child in line, they're going to just walk all over you because there's no punishment.

"Oh my parents said not to, oh well, what are they gonna do."

But still, list what these infinitely better ways are.

MrCooper · Dec 8, 2010

Yes it is abuse if you do it every time the child gets in trouble. This should only be done if the child is in some deep shyt.

Uncle FEFL · Dec 8, 2010

Why is there a "No" option and an "I deserved it" option? Spankings/beltings are usually given because the child deserved it because if they didn't, it's actually abuse, in my opinion.

Hey, when a kid is being an asshole more than usual, you have to give them a scare or an actual hand/belt. When done in moderation, it won't fuck a kid up emotionally. Sometimes you need other methods of punishment.

Hell, if I have a son, I plan on getting into a friendly fight with him in his teenage years at least once a year. Toughens them up, and it's bonding!

ShadowSoldier · Dec 8, 2010

Those options are there because it's my Poll and I can do whatever I want, such as spanking a child. I should have the right to do that if he's being a douche bag.

Waynes1987 · Dec 8, 2010

Yeah but what if theres no stability?

The thing worse than spanking a child is it becoming a routine, If It works why do you have to keep doing it?
The parent becomes used to hitting there child, I mean your not supposed to want to beat them......

I agree with Mrcooper if its fitting than a hand, but never a belt. (a belts a weapon meant to cause more pain, The purpose shouldnt be about causing your child pain, it should be more about the shock then anything)
Discipline is about adaptation. I couldnt list possible ways of doing it differently with out a actual setting because most forms of disipline mean taking something away from a child be it a "right" of somesort.

If you want the right to smack your child though, I suggest you never do.

Ace · Dec 8, 2010

I'm 15, and I went through my childhood with only one spanking. It happened more than a decade ago, and I can admit I was acting like a total assface. But the most funny thing is that I must have subconsciously repressed the spanking experience, because I have no recollection of it. Is this a good or a bad thing? I find it good; the one time I did screw up horribly bad, I realized it was something I could easily forget.

Throughout my current teen years, I am obviously more rebellious towards my parents form of punishments, mostly confiscations of iPod, NDS, ALL Internet cut off at 22.30, etc. However, I have never once found myself to be grounded. I remember being twelve years old and asking why my parents wouldn't ground me. Simple answer was given: It's good for you to spend time with your friends. At that time, I went to a school with friends I didn't quite like, and they didn't like me either. It didn't exactly matter, too. Staying indoors and playing some damn games for a few weeks gets boring after 2 days.

This is coming from somebody who was a pain to raise according to my parents, and still came out to be a relatively okay person.

As surprisingly few people have said: The most important thing is to adapt the consequence/punishment/CALLITWHATYOULIKE to the actions caused by the child. I wouldn't go pimp slapping a child just because he's throwing a fit in the mall. I would probably slap his/her hand lightly, to get the point through.

It saddens me A LOT to see Swedish parents completely failing at communicating their parental control, even at a casual level with them. They just lure the kids into some new thing, the kid finds something new to fuzz over, and the process repeats. And trust me, ever since I was like 6 years old, I've wanted to deal a fair punishment to these Swedish kids. But not only them. I'd also get angry with the parents. They need to learn how to do something. And Sweden has some pretty harsh laws for corporal punishment, ever since the 80's.

In finality, I sort of wish my parents were stricter with their punishments when I was younger. It makes any punishment now feel quite crushing. And most times I've made something my dad would feel disappoint over, I'd understand why he would be, without him telling. Even though I was in an environment where I made my own choices, my parents would respond with not an opinion, but an emotion instead. I wouldn't always trust those emotions, naturally, but they often said more than words.

Spanking/Belting... Child Abuse or not?

Is it child abuse for a parent to spank or belt their child?

Yes

No

I deserved it.

My dad was a prick.

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