Is it hard to find (the one) (someone) you love???

[Luz Noceda]

Hello Temperings

I got a question for ya all

Is it hard to find (the one) (someone) you love??? in my case finding a girlfriend, somebody that likes the most things you like and respects you how you are and not how you look???
I know it is weird to ask it here and not on somekind of dating site... but i lost my sight a little bit on this topic, for me its hard to step into somebody, i find it really hard to even look my mom right it her eyes idk why that is, but i know it is one of the many things that keeps me from getting a girlfriend. people think im angry and weird looking, but thats not what im all about, im just like the most of us, Wanted to have kids, having a job, building a family and just overall enjoying life, You know, Right now i think i never able to get a girlfriend (People think i want to be on my own, winch is kinda true, but partly, i want someone that gives me the life i deserve whenever thats a girlfriend or a pet) <3

 

[EmanueleBGN]

It's harder to find someone who loves you back

 

[Luz Noceda]

It's harder to find someone who loves you back

Thats True

 

[FAST6191]

Statistically speaking. Yes. It is for a lot of people, indeed probably most and even those with a lot of perks towards it.
https://worldpopulationreview.com/state-rankings/divorce-rate-by-state

About 90% of people in Western cultures marry by age 50. In the United States, about 50% of married couples divorce, the sixth-highest divorce rate in the world. Subsequent marriages have an even higher divorce rate: 60% of second marriages end in divorce, and 73% of all third marriages end in divorce.

Though it is also noted marriage rates are falling off a cliff so I might question something there.

To that end you can ask the question. If it is a fantasy along the lines of owning an aircraft carrier would be cool but hardly realistic then does pursuing it with much zeal make sense?

Couple of interesting analysis type things as well, possibly skewing a bit political for some and somewhat America centric (I have been all over, including the Netherlands, and it is not massively different) but you can ignore those aspects if you like



Equally if you are indeed 19 then it is a brutal time for such things; women older than you consider you a toy, women your own age have you and everything up to around 40 to look at and the chances of those higher in age being able to do nice material things for them does rather increase which makes life somewhat hard there even if you are merely aiming for the proverbial girl next door.

 

[Deleted member 560282]

Unrelated but you got a funny nickname there bud-

 

[Luz Noceda]

Unrelated but you got a funny nickname there bud-

Yeah! you really think so?? Aww thank you

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Statistically speaking. Yes. It is for a lot of people, indeed probably most and even those with a lot of perks towards it.
https://worldpopulationreview.com/state-rankings/divorce-rate-by-state

Though it is also noted marriage rates are falling off a cliff so I might question something there.

To that end you can ask the question. If it is a fantasy along the lines of owning an aircraft carrier would be cool but hardly realistic then does pursuing it with much zeal make sense?

Couple of interesting analysis type things as well, possibly skewing a bit political for some and somewhat America centric (I have been all over, including the Netherlands, and it is not massively different) but you can ignore those aspects if you like



Equally if you are indeed 19 then it is a brutal time for such things; women older than you consider you a toy, women your own age have you and everything up to around 40 to look at and the chances of those higher in age being able to do nice material things for them does rather increase which makes life somewhat hard there even if you are merely aiming for the proverbial girl next door.

Sadly Yes indeed im 19 Nothing there is lied over Everything what is there is true Im Indeed 19 and from the netherlands

 

[Deleted member 560282]

Yeah! you really think so?? Aww thank you

You... welcome?

 

[Wolfy]

Spoiler: My ramblings...

The only advice that I think will help, doesn't matter if it's on a dating app( it's gonna suck ), or in real life( which is also gonna suck ), is to just GO for it. Reason being, if you want someone, you're going to have to be in a situation where you'll be able to interact and meet new people.

Will the first person you talk to be the one? No.
Will the second through the next tens to hundred? Probably not.

But you'll at least have the chance to see new people, and maybe there's a few friends, and maybe there are some interests in those attempts. Just always be open to different types of people and what they are into. You never know what's gonna happen so just go with the flow, you don't need to change your interests or behaviors, just take things slow and maneuver as needed, however difficult it will be at the beginning.

TL: DR I still don't know how I got my girlfriend, was on Tinder for awhile and someone I was just having a good time with as friends, turned into something more later on, and we've been good for the last three years. So explore your options of where to meet people( dating apps, school, etc... ). And hope things go well for you

 

[Sonic Angel Knight]

Well, fast said some things about marriage rates which are some sad news. Though I think the problem maybe from indoctrination practice that some people have. Living in hook up culture where people just do what they want, go with the flow, get into "situation-ships" and stuff like "Palimony" exist. It doesn't really seem conducive to a good relationship, which could lead to good lasting marriage.

Most of the point of marriage was for fostering a family. Now and days, people divorce just cause of not being happy, someone did this or day, or maybe other personal reasons not being satisfied. Then you end up with either single mom or dad, where one parent lose custody of their children making things even more difficult. The traits both parents have should help raise better children. People are better together than apart.

There just lots of things that people do that perhaps they aren't even aware of that sometimes contributes to lowering their success rate of "Finding love" which can be bad if they don't realize it. I'm not part of the culture where they had arranged marriages, but I been told that exist cause the parents made sure the children getting married will be good fit for their spouses. More like a screening process to see if they are compatible.

But the children in the arranged marriage assuming they been taught the proper things for making it work. Guys with taking care of his woman's needs and their emotions, getting a well paying job with stable and good income, leadership with handling problems and other things that they could be unprepared for. Lady supporting the husband with cooking food for healthy diet, making sure he is at peace and other things that helps him stay in good mood. So he is able to go out into the problematic world to bring home the resources which he must compete against others doing the same thing every day in his place of work or others.

To try and not drag this on much longer, basically, some places have a culture that constitute to some bad outlook on things and maybe predicators on the troubles or difficulty of finding love. Here in the Good old U-S of A (That's sarcasm) we have clear problems of "Love." like Fast said with the divorce rates increasing (most of which is initiated by women, due to spouse income levels being not good enough) It is tough. Things could be a lot better but as they are now, is not and is headed down.

 

[CoolMe]

Hello Temperings

I got a question for ya all

Is it hard to find (the one) (someone) you love??? in my case finding a girlfriend, somebody that likes the most things you like and respects you how you are and not how you look???
I know it is weird to ask it here and not on somekind of dating site... but i lost my sight a little bit on this topic, for me its hard to step into somebody, i find it really hard to even look my mom right it her eyes idk why that is, but i know it is one of the many things that keeps me from getting a girlfriend. people think im angry and weird looking, but thats not what im all about, im just like the most of us, Wanted to have kids, having a job, building a family and just overall enjoying life, You know, Right now i think i never able to get a girlfriend (People think i want to be on my own, winch is kinda true, but partly, i want someone that gives me the life i deserve whenever thats a girlfriend or a pet) <3

I would say focus on building your character, traits, moral, be open-minded to ideas, how you behave by yourself and how you treat people. On the course of life, these endeavors will become habits and these habits becomes part your personality (the same goes for you flaws, as one should work on them), you will feel complete by then when you reach mid twenties. You don't to make hasty decisions now when it comes to marriage, it might be a good idea now and could have a lasting effect. Work on the foundation that is YOU, and every aspect of you should be whole and not fragmented. You might have an idea of what you want of a woman to be/possess either by beauty and /or traits (waifu material, wink wink) , and that's natural, and when you see/someone that not necessarily ticks all the boxes, it's your choice if you want to know them better without rushing things, if things fall apart and it's not your fault you have nothing to be ashamed of, you were simply incompatible.. I could go on...

 

[Goku1992A]

@Sonic Angel Knight
I had this convo with my buddies the other day... In the golden ages like late 1800-1930 nobody divorced people worked out their marriages.... But once alimony and child support exisited divorce came on the rise. Many people marry for $$$ than love.

Sex is easy to get but love is hard to find.

 

[BlazeMasterBM]

for some of us it is near impossible. I had a gf once.

 

[Luz Noceda]

for some of us it is near impossible. I had a gf once.

Same dude thats why im seeking of one gf again I miss that feeling you know that someone is there for you, that feeling that someone loves you for once.

 

[BlazeMasterBM]

Same dude thats why im seeking of one gf again I miss that feeling you know that someone is there for you, that feeling that someone loves you for once.

I know what you mean!!!! I really miss it, it almost felt unreal. And now I don't know if I can get that again..

 

[Luz Noceda]

@Sonic Angel Knight
I had this convo with my buddies the other day... In the golden ages like late 1800-1930 nobody divorced people worked out their marriages.... But once alimony and child support exisited divorce came on the rise. Many people marry for $$$ than love.

Sex is easy to get but love is hard to find.

Idk why but this is acutlly a good point Thank you guys for the support i really love it

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I know what you mean!!!! I really miss it, it almost felt unreal. And now I don't know if I can get that again..

That is exactly the thing i got now

 

[Goku1992A]

Idk why but this is acutlly a good point Thank you guys for the support i really love it

Well you'll find love I'm sure of it... I'm 30 and a single dad me and my ex broke up last year (in a crazy custody battle) but at the end of the day it's life. Let's just say you do have a gf it isn't guaranteed that your time will be forever but just some advice get out more and get with girls who share the same intrests you have. If you like to game and etc..etc.. find a girl who like to do that too...

Me and my ex had nothing in common that was one of the reasons we didn't work out but trust me 7billion people in the world you will find a gf but focus more on yourself and improve your life.

 

[Sonic Angel Knight]

@Sonic Angel Knight
Sex is easy to get but love is hard to find.

I would argue it's easy for women to get sex. Is still a challenge for most men even the very good ones.

I had this convo with my buddies the other day... In the golden ages like late 1800-1930 nobody divorced people worked out their marriages.... But once alimony and child support existed divorce came on the rise. Many people marry for $$$ than love.

Well I did want to mention stuff like Child support and Alimony, but I didn't want to go too deep into the topic cause I didn't want to sound uppity or righteous. Mostly wanted to point out observations. There is some... let's say low incentive for men to want to marry women. The child support and Alimony is one of the bigger reasons. But another is the hook up culture of guys being able to get sex from some women without marriage.

The nuclear family was the way that had people stick together for the sake of the children, not put themself and their personal feelings first. They didn't complain or divorce as soon as they was feeling the need to. They stick together to raise the children. Single parent houses aren't the worst thing ever, but it helps to stick together to ensure your children has the best chance of successful evolution into adulthood.

 

[Luz Noceda]

Well you'll find love I'm sure of it... I'm 30 and a single dad me and my ex broke up last year (in a crazy custody battle) but at the end of the day it's life. Let's just say you do have a gf it isn't guaranteed that your time will be forever but just some advice get out more and get with girls who share the same intrests you have. If you like to game and etc..etc.. find a girl who like to do that too...

Me and my ex had nothing in common that was one of the reasons we didn't work out but trust me 7billion people in the world you will find a gf but focus more on yourself and improve your life.

I totally understand your point and i know where you talking about But.... How do i gonna go out, from my pov thats awkward you know im not the type that walks to a girl to ask her out (Im shy, i got autism, and im already gonna sweat if a girl is sitting next to me)

 

[Goku1992A]

I would argue it's easy for women to get sex. Is still a challenge for most men even the very good ones.


Well I did want to mention stuff like Child support and Alimony, but I didn't want to go too deep into the topic cause I didn't want to sound uppity or righteous. Mostly wanted to point out observations. There is some... let's say low incentive for men to want to marry women. The child support and Alimony is one of the bigger reasons. But another is the hook up culture of guys being able to get sex from some women without marriage.

The nuclear family was the way that had people stick together for the sake of the children, not put themself and their personal feelings first. They didn't complain or divorce as soon as they was feeling the need to. They stick together to raise the children. Single parent houses aren't the worst thing ever, but it helps to stick together to ensure your children has the best chance of successful evolution into adulthood.

No point of getting married in America right now there is no reason to do so it is a liabiliy. People don't even stay together anymore I was engaged to my ex but she kept on having issues and problems so I broke it off with her and she became bitter and etc..etc.. but then again I got my ex pregant 2 months after knowing her.

It's very rare nowadays for people to stay together because social media and technology is breaking people apart and also humanity.

@Animewaifu7
Don't let your autism/shyness get in yourway but your best chances (idk if you are in college) is finding a girl in your college or university that has the same intrests in you...

I used to be shy when i was younger but I grew out of it.

 

[Stealphie]

This may sound rude but god based on OP's username and pfp and "respects you how you are and not how you look" I am trying really hard not to laugh