Is it hard to find (the one) (someone) you love???

[T-hug]

Not to sound patronising, but you are 19 years old! All the time in the world yet to find love.

I met my wife when I was 22 and she was 19. I'm now 39 and we are still together.
She's not a gamer and never has been, in fact, we are complete opposites of each other. Maybe that's why it works..?
She is posh/middle class whereas I am working class. I smoke, she doesn't, I game she doesn't, she drinks and I don't, I'm tall she's not etc. - I could go on all day.

Best advice I can give you is to put yourself out there, like just go out more, even if just walking around your neighbourhood. Get to know people. The more you are out and about in a routine, the more likely you are to find that special someone.

It'll happen eventually, try not to dwell on it just because you want to find someone.

Things like this just have a way of happening when you least expect it!

Good luck and all the best!

 

[eyeliner]

Go get her, son!
Grab her towards you, plant a big one smack right on her lips. Grab her behind and feel her up. They love that.

In movies.

In reality, you'd be liable to a lawsuit.
Human relationships are complicated. Ask her out one day and see if she says "yes". Then go from there. Use your best man cologne.

Pay for the meal, you cheap bastard!

 

[BlazeMasterBM]

Go get her, son!
Grab her towards you, plant a big one smack right on her lips. Grab her behind and feel her up. They love that.

In movies.

In reality, you'd be liable to a lawsuit.
Human relationships are complicated. Ask her out one day and see if she says "yes". Then go from there. Use your best man cologne.

Pay for the meal, you cheap bastard!

you're going to have to pay for a lot of meals. My ex always "forgot" her wallet when we went to Waffle House, when we both knew she just didn't want to pay XD I didn't mind paying tho

 

[Julie_Pilgrim]

i had a girl once jokingly say "we r lesbains"

does that count?

 

[SG854]

Girls want me. They want me bad. But im plain hard to get and they like that.

 

[The Catboy]

Honest opinion, I think too many people just go straight to "love" in relationships and that's the biggest problem. People start out dating someone they vaguely know and start trying to form a romantic relationship from there. My best relationships started growing together as friends learning to understand each other before deciding to try a relationship. Even my last one ended because we valued each other's friendship more than we wanted to continue a less than ideal relationship. Last year I married my best friend and she's still my best friend. We had a close friendship long before getting together and we kind of knew what to expect in a relationship before getting together. I think too many people don't try to have a friendship with their romantic relationship. Maybe that's just me but it seems to have resulted in some of the best relationships that I've had.

 

[CoolMe]

No expectations = no disappointments. Like @Lilith said, try to understand each other (needs/wants/habits..) first, and if it goes well and it develops into a loving relationship, that's cool. Or if it doesn't, you shouldn't take it personally.

 

[AceyBwoi]

What is love?

Baby dont hurt me

Dont hurt me

No more

 

[D34DL1N3R]

Meh. When you're almost 50 and have been through so many long term relationships only to have your entire world come crashing down again and again... you start to not care so much anymore. Wish I had not cared as much a lot sooner. Like over 30 years ago.

 

[SAIYAN48]

Hard for me, my standards are super high.

 

[altorn]

i say fuck it and focus on yourself.

you can find someone to love and someone to love you back, but it depends on your circumstances and who you are WHEN.
don't wait or try to find it. work on developing yourself instead, live your life, improve your skills/talents and love yourself. by the time you've become the best you can be, you'll probably have someone. that relationship could also fail as well, but at least you have YOURSELF to rely on to stand back up and you won't be afraid to fall in love again.

also, finding someone to love and loves you back is one thing, but having those same feelings after many years, that's the better outcome.

 

[BobCh]

There is nothing wrong with you. You just lack confidence in yourself a little. You can try dating apps, for example. My friend met her gf on one of the sites reviewed by datehookup. Some people find it easier to communicate when they are on the other side of the screen. That is the reason why dating apps are so popular nowadays imho.

 

[Vila_]

lol how did he get banned? I'm curious...

 

[Kirby6417]

lol how did he get banned? I'm curious...

I was wondering this as well.

All I know is, I caution against gamer GF's. Had one once, turned out to be very mentally unstable. I think true gamer girls are incredibly rare -- so rare that I must conclude they don't arise naturally. My gamer gf was a product of introversion caused by parents who blamed her and mistreated her. A very mistrusting individual. At the real depths of a relationship, you gotta believe the other person has your best intentions at heart, and she just couldn't feel that way about me. That led to many arguments and there was tension all the time.

But then, we're all gamers here, aren't we? So shouldn't we get gamer GF's? It seems like traditionally social girls will want traditionally social guys, they won't want me. Isn't that what we think -- especially those of us who grew up as outcasts and as antisocial people? But I also caution against that line of thinking. Instead, you should think of gaming as a hobby, not a personality. You have a full, robust personality and you have very meaningful passions. If you really want traditional love and monogamy, you should start seeing yourself as a person who wants those things. See yourself as a future good father, a husband, a leader, etc. That will help you feel confident, like you deserve to be with those types of girls. Changing my way of thinking certainly helped me... No more gamer GF's lol. I can get a real job, I can pursue passions that make me truly attractive to people, I can be a good father someday. So why shouldn't I be able to find a girl who wants a guy like that?

But then, if you want to find a girl who wants that -- traditional stuff -- you gotta look in places where they are. And use the dating apps very astutely. You can spot a girl with modern values -- it's not hard -- and she'll give you modern love, and you'll be dissatisfied with that.

 

[Kwyjor]

But then, we're all gamers here, aren't we? So shouldn't we get gamer GF's? It seems like traditionally social girls will want traditionally social guys, they won't want me. Isn't that what we think -- especially those of us who grew up as outcasts and as antisocial people? But I also caution against that line of thinking. Instead, you should think of gaming as a hobby, not a personality.

So you think everyone here is a "gamer" who is an "outcast" and "antisocial"..?

I think trying to arbitrarily stuff people into convenient mental boxes is a poor long-term strategy.

 

[Hells Malice]

I was wondering this as well.

All I know is, I caution against gamer GF's. Had one once, turned out to be very mentally unstable. I think true gamer girls are incredibly rare -- so rare that I must conclude they don't arise naturally. My gamer gf was a product of introversion caused by parents who blamed her and mistreated her. A very mistrusting individual. At the real depths of a relationship, you gotta believe the other person has your best intentions at heart, and she just couldn't feel that way about me. That led to many arguments and there was tension all the time.

But then, we're all gamers here, aren't we? So shouldn't we get gamer GF's? It seems like traditionally social girls will want traditionally social guys, they won't want me. Isn't that what we think -- especially those of us who grew up as outcasts and as antisocial people? But I also caution against that line of thinking. Instead, you should think of gaming as a hobby, not a personality. You have a full, robust personality and you have very meaningful passions. If you really want traditional love and monogamy, you should start seeing yourself as a person who wants those things. See yourself as a future good father, a husband, a leader, etc. That will help you feel confident, like you deserve to be with those types of girls. Changing my way of thinking certainly helped me... No more gamer GF's lol. I can get a real job, I can pursue passions that make me truly attractive to people, I can be a good father someday. So why shouldn't I be able to find a girl who wants a guy like that?

But then, if you want to find a girl who wants that -- traditional stuff -- you gotta look in places where they are. And use the dating apps very astutely. You can spot a girl with modern values -- it's not hard -- and she'll give you modern love, and you'll be dissatisfied with that.

That is many words to express

"I had a girlfriend once and now I apply her personality to all women and overgeneralize them for basically no reason other than I guess a coping mechanism for loneliness"

This just reeks of mega cringe "women are goddesses and unlike filthy human males".
Women are just guys except with bobs and vagene. You can find women who act like and enjoy things literally identically to men. Your gender has no bearing on your lifestyle or hobby other than inherent social norms that are rapidly lessening anyway. What a stupid over-analysis of a simple subject. Gaming is a hobby it has nothing to do with fatherhood or attractiveness.

Your fundamental lack of understanding people and relationships is staggering, I could go on and on but there's probably no point.

 

[stanleyopar2000]

i say fuck it and focus on yourself.

you can find someone to love and someone to love you back, but it depends on your circumstances and who you are WHEN.
don't wait or try to find it. work on developing yourself instead, live your life, improve your skills/talents and love yourself. by the time you've become the best you can be, you'll probably have someone. that relationship could also fail as well, but at least you have YOURSELF to rely on to stand back up and you won't be afraid to fall in love again.

also, finding someone to love and loves you back is one thing, but having those same feelings after many years, that's the better outcome.

This. Love YOURSELF first!

 

[Kirby6417]

So you think everyone here is a "gamer" who is an "outcast" and "antisocial"..?

I think trying to arbitrarily stuff people into convenient mental boxes is a poor long-term strategy.

I think you’re not understanding me. I’m talking about people like myself who have self-identified with those labels. I assume there are others here like that. I’m not labeling other people.

That is many words to express

"I had a girlfriend once and now I apply her personality to all women and overgeneralize them for basically no reason other than I guess a coping mechanism for loneliness"

This just reeks of mega cringe "women are goddesses and unlike filthy human males".
Women are just guys except with bobs and vagene. You can find women who act like and enjoy things literally identically to men. Your gender has no bearing on your lifestyle or hobby other than inherent social norms that are rapidly lessening anyway. What a stupid over-analysis of a simple subject. Gaming is a hobby it has nothing to do with fatherhood or attractiveness.

Your fundamental lack of understanding people and relationships is staggering, I could go on and on but there's probably no point.

What a negative way of talking to people Read your own last sentence. You don’t even know me and you’d say something so grievous about my fundamental human understanding? You should probably ease up on how you judge people.

Anyway, I don’t know how you got that out of my post. You seem very uncomfortable observing (a) which social traits tend to come with a heavy interest in gaming (and anime for that matter), and (b) that girls are fairly extreme minority among serious gaming enthusiasts.

I was just sharing my observations on the topic and reflecting on which people I would keep my mind open to meeting, because I realize I did a disservice to myself in the past by trying to meet only girls of a specific niche who didn’t necessarily want what I wanted. It was a pretty personal post.

Anyway, I’m sorry my post got you so upset, but your hostility kind of bummed me out. Maybe you should try to interpret people more charitably. Your words do affect people.

 

[Kwyjor]

I think you’re not understanding me. I’m talking about people like myself who have self-identified with those labels. I assume there are others here like that. I’m not labeling other people.

You made a post that is wide open to some very unfortunate interpretations, sir, and you can expect to be "bummed out" a lot more often in the future with talk like that.

You can spot a girl with modern values -- it's not hard -- and she'll give you modern love, and you'll be dissatisfied with that.

How the blazes can you say you are "not labeling other people"!?

Also, typically "pretty personal posts" are not written in the second person.

 

[Kirby6417]

You made a post that is wide open to some very unfortunate interpretations, sir, and you can expect to be "bummed out" a lot more often in the future with talk like that.

How the blazes can you say you are "not labeling other people"!?

Also, typically "pretty personal posts" are not written in the second person.

What’s this fixation on labeling? Mine was a pretty benign statement — people with certain values create certain relationships. It’s frankly not even an analytical statement, but it’s worth keeping in mind if you (like myself) have picked the wrong type of person in the past. I guess you can call it labeling or putting people in boxes, but literally everybody does it —we have to make character judgments somehow. Might as well be honest with ourselves that we do it so we can do it more honestly.

Anyway, you didn’t like my post because it rubbed you the wrong way, that’s fine.