and we had a short 5 minute chat. The outcome of this conversation only confirmed the worse fear that I have lost so much sleep over. She broke my heart. Not the happiest moment of my life... In fact it is probably the worse moment so far in my life. Rejection will always cut deeper than any knife could ever, no matter how many times it happens, the blade will never dull. Shit, it was at the back of my mind the whole time. I sat in her drive way for 10 minutes contemplating how I would start the conversation. How everything I could say would play out. The one line I had not contemplated out of fear was the final outcome: "I don't think this relationship will work out..." Even when I asked if she could be my friend still, her reply was: "Sorry." This was all justified though. Everything I said to her sounded like a joke. I always thought I was being a great Boyfriend. Making her laugh and feel better was one of my top priorities. She laughed, and she left me in the dark. Never once voicing her displeasure. I am not mad, not sad, only crushed. I feel no emotion right now. I sit here in the dark listening to electronica, thinking how I can be better for the next person that means more than life comes along. Time will never heal such a deep and fine wound, I will never forget, and I can only forgive. Because life goes on, I have my friends, I have the internet, and though they may not seem important to my family, I have video games. Video games can remove me from my sad reality right now. They will continue to be a comfort until I find someone or something to fill the void. I have to write here for posterity, that never once was I joking when I told her I loved her. I can see now she had been considering this for a few days. It wasn't even worth asking for another chance. It's done, I screwed up. Let live and I will learn. I can be better I will be better. I won't let the next person down.
