So I went and talked to my Girlfriend...

[geoflcl]

You have my condolences, Argentum. There's many that can identify with your current predicament, myself included. We all know what it's like to endure the ineffable pain that one must endure under a broken heart.

Don't fault yourself for this one. From what you described, it doesn't seem like you could have known that you were doing anything wrong. You were just being yourself, being funny, friendly and encouraging, and she just wasn't compatible. Unfortunately, some women simply don't prefer that sort of thing, and that isn't your fault in the slightest. Despite your heavy heart, try (as hard as it may be) to stay adamant. After all, in light of this situation, you're one step closer to finding the one that can truly appreciate your brand of loyalty and concern.

 

[Hells Malice]

just gonna add my 2 cents...

sure, girls like the nice guys, but what they really want (at least at first) is the the guy thats a dick. Its the way of the world. If you can find someone that likes you for being a nice guy, go with it.

That's so untrue it hurts.

There are girls who DO want nice guys. Being an asswipe to snag a relationship and then turning into a nice guy would be a good way of getting dumped, because 'changing' who you are mid-relationship is usually what ruins them. Which means faking who you are, and then changing won't work most of the time.
But anyways, girls who like nice guys WANT nice guys, not wussbags. People seem to miss that.
There are so called 'nice guys' with no self respect, they're clingy, submissive, and relationships tend to end with them on their knees begging.
Then there are real nice guys who simply know how to treat a lady, they have self respect and they don't make any of the trivial mistakes a wussbag would.
Being an asshole just shows a severe lack of social skills.

 

[Rayder]

Here's the thing......it seems most (not all, but most) girls like assholes, even if they SAY they like a sensitive guy, they end up marrying an a-hole. My problem is that I am one of those nice, sensitive guys who wouldn't cheat on or hit her, ever. Girls love to stomp all over the heart of a "nice guy" for reasons we nice guys can only guess at.

My guess is that once you tell them that you love them and shower them with love and kindness, the game is over as far as they are concerned and there is no more challenge to try and keep you as their boyfriend. They actually WANT you to criticize them (just the right way though), they actually WANT you to fight with them (but just a little) and they WANT you to keep them on their toes. When that doesn't happen, they get bored.

I don't know if that is actually true, but it certainly seems so from my perspective. I remember this one girl I lived with for a while. I had to rush off to work and went to grab something out of the fridge. The fridge was filthy and needed cleaning real bad. I yelled at her about it, then went off to work. I felt really bad about hollering at her all that day while at work, but when I got home that night, she had the fridge totally cleaned-out, and I mean REALLY clean. That sucker was sparkling. She was beaming at me when I walked in the door and couldn't wait to show me how well she cleaned the fridge. It made her feel good to do that for me. She was smiling from ear-to-ear as I commented on how good of a job she did. Somehow, that day, I was just the perfect amount of asshole and it paid off. I had a very romantic night that night.

But see, that's the trick, learning to become the perfect asshole. To balance out the nice guy traits and the a-hole ones. This really is a trick too. I always seem to be at one extreme or the other and can never find that magic balance. I'm either too nice and get my heart stomped, or I'm too much of an a-hole and scare them away or piss them off. To this day, I don't understand how I managed such perfect assholism that one day to make her so happy about getting hollered at.

I'll tell ya, the first person to create a true low-maintenance femme-bot that actually mimics a real human, but will always do the bidding of the owner, will become a quadrillionaire overnight, because the greater percentage of women are just freaking bug-nuts. That's the only conclusion I can come to anyway. They're just completely bonkers when it comes to relationships.

 

[bnwchbammer]

Hey, it happens. Just give it time. There's really not much else to say other than what you've heard before.
True, but like I said, I really don't think time will ever truly heal such wounds. Time doesn't heal, it only makes you forget.

QUOTE(TwinRetro @ Dec 13 2010, 06:56 PM) Eh, you get used to it...then you get married.

That's the thing, I won't get used to it... Then I get married. meh.

Sucks to hear, man. I've gone through this feeling a few times. But I know now you're thinking time will never heal wounds, and all, but seriously, man, it will. You should watch (500) Days of Summer. I guess it could be classified as a chick flick, but it's still a good movie, and relatively relevant to your situation.
That's Dr. Bammer's diagnosis. Well, that movie and time... and maybe other things to occupy your time for a while.
That's pretty much what I did.
I beat HL2 and Episode 1 within a week (which I never could do if I wasn't feeling heartbroken) and now I'm feeling a bit better.
You'll be fine.
Now I need some more heartbreak so I have the motivation to beat Episode 2.

 

[Sterling]

@ Geoflcl: Spoken straight from the heart, that makes me feel loads better.

@ Hells Malice: Very true. Changing in the middle of something may be what a Bipolar person would do, but it is a very big no no in a relationship.

@ Rayder: Nice story, I am pretty much the same way. I couldn't find that proper balance even if I was on the brink on a seesaw. Most women I have see are just as you describe: Bug Nuts. xD

@ Doc Bammer: Lol. I will probably ask for more hours at work. I already have enough video games to beat.

 

[431unknown]

sorry to hear your story bro. I'm with you on the cuts that never heal too. Its been 17 years and I still aint over a break up. there just wasnt no rhyme or reason to why it happend but it did and i strugled thru for a long long time. life goes on tho and it does get better eventual but as you said that cut will never heal.

 

[Sterling]

sorry to hear your story bro. I'm with you on the cuts that never heal too. Its been 17 years and I still aint over a break up. there just wasnt no rhyme or reason to why it happend but it did and i strugled thru for a long long time. life goes on tho and it does get better eventual but as you said that cut will never heal.

Yep, a wound as fine and deep as rejection (especially since we had been going for a bit more than six months now), won't be healing. Time and life goes on. There will be other things, and other people. I can fill the void, and not skip a beat. Hopefully I can be more for the next person I will be with.

 

[Stephapanda]

sure, girls like the nice guys, but what they really want (at least at first) is the the guy thats a dick.

QUOTE(Rayder @ Dec 13 2010, 09:21 PM) Here's the thing......it seems most (not all, but most) girls like assholes, even if they SAY they like a sensitive guy, they end up marrying an a-hole.

As a female, I can confirm this. Most girls want the "alpha-male" type of guy - I'm guilty of this as well. I'm not proud of it, but I dumped my last boyfriend because he was too much of a pushover. I'd much rather have a guy I can't boss around. Some girls really do want a genuinely nice guy, though - my friend is currently engaged to one and will be getting married soon. It all depends on the person.

The reason [most] girls complain about wanting a sensitive guy is because they were hurt by a guy that's a dick. Once they get the "nice guy", they get bored.

 

[MegaAce™]

I'm sorry to hear this.

Did she break up without a reason, or why did she do it?

However, I'm sure you'll find someone who will be happy to have a nice guy like you.

 

[ShadowSoldier]

I'm Exactly In The Same Situation You're Right Now :/
I am sorry to hear that. No one should ever have to go through what I am going through.

If it makes you feel better, you're standing stronger than I did. I went through what you did, but multiple times.. and worse. The road to recovery is the path you are on. And while it may seem like you will never recover, each step you take is one more step to the end of the recovery road.

QUOTE

I screwed up

Nah don't say that. Sometimes it's a young girls mind can't deciding what the hell they want. Movies and magazines and tv and whatnot try to convince people what they should be doing..

But like I said, your on the long road to recovery. It's so long that you can land a fucking plane on it. But eventually you'll reach the end.

Curious as to what her reasoning though, but don't think about it. Don't think of it as your fault. At least you have your friends there to fall back on, one thing you were smart in doing is not abandoning them for her. I'd kill to be in your place right now, lets just say that.

 

[Hells Malice]

sure, girls like the nice guys, but what they really want (at least at first) is the the guy thats a dick.

QUOTE(Rayder @ Dec 13 2010, 09:21 PM) Here's the thing......it seems most (not all, but most) girls like assholes, even if they SAY they like a sensitive guy, they end up marrying an a-hole.

As a female, I can confirm this. Most girls want the "alpha-male" type of guy - I'm guilty of this as well. I'm not proud of it, but I dumped my last boyfriend because he was too much of a pushover. I'd much rather have a guy I can't boss around. Some girls really do want a genuinely nice guy, though - my friend is currently engaged to one and will be getting married soon. It all depends on the person.

The reason [most] girls complain about wanting a sensitive guy is because they were hurt by a guy that's a dick. Once they get the "nice guy", they get bored.

Being an alpha-male doesn't mean you can't be a nice guy.
Like I said, there are nice guys, and there are wusses.
Sounds like you dumped a wuss.

It is very common for me to assert alpha-maleness in damn near everything I do, yet I still wholly consider myself to be a 'nice guy'. I said it before, but being a nice guy means you know how to treat a lady. Being a nice guy does NOT mean that you'd bend over backwards to follow every whim of your partner, like some pseudo master-slave relationship. Being a pushover...being clingy, shit like that, is not what a nice guy does.

 

[Sterling]

I'm sorry to hear this.

Did she break up without a reason, or why did she do it?

However, I'm sure you'll find someone who will be happy to have a nice guy like you.

I really don't know. I'll tell the reason downstairs.

I'm Exactly In The Same Situation You're Right Now :/
I am sorry to hear that. No one should ever have to go through what I am going through.

If it makes you feel better, you're standing stronger than I did. I went through what you did, but multiple times.. and worse. The road to recovery is the path you are on. And while it may seem like you will never recover, each step you take is one more step to the end of the recovery road.

QUOTE

I screwed up

Nah don't say that. Sometimes it's a young girls mind can't deciding what the hell they want. Movies and magazines and tv and whatnot try to convince people what they should be doing..

But like I said, your on the long road to recovery. It's so long that you can land a fucking plane on it. But eventually you'll reach the end.

Curious as to what her reasoning though, but don't think about it. Don't think of it as your fault. At least you have your friends there to fall back on, one thing you were smart in doing is not abandoning them for her. I'd kill to be in your place right now, lets just say that.

I appreciate it Shadow Soldier. As to the reason, she told me that every time I spoke, it sounded like I was joking. That is honestly a great observation, because I do have a tendency to joke around. There is a reason behind this. I very much dislike people being angry with me, and I used to be angry all the time. I joke around a lot because I want to hear people laugh. I don't want that negative energy to be around me, because it has serious effects on me. I turn into an absolutely different person... Almost inhuman. I don't ever want my significant other to have to deal with the other me. Let it be known that every single time I said something nice about her, every time I said: "I love you." I meant it. I always have cared for her, and I saw immediately that she didn't even want to give me another chance, so I didn't ask. Like I said, I asked to continue being her friend, and all she said was: "Sorry." C'mon, it's a real bitch thing to dump who you're dating and then have the gall to ask to be "just friends", but she dumped me, and I didn't want to lose her as a friend.

 

[ShadowSoldier]

Well look at it this way,it's blunt but:

If she doesn't even want to be your friend, at least now you can hang out with your real friends all you want without having to worry about her or whatever. If she didn't want to be friends, her decision and her loss.

 

[Sterling]

Well look at it this way,it's blunt but:

If she doesn't even want to be your friend, at least now you can hang out with your real friends all you want without having to worry about her or whatever. If she didn't want to be friends, her decision and her loss.

Exactly. I have already removed her phone numbers, and de-added her on facebook. I will be keeping her mom's number because she may need me or something. Z.Z

 

[ShadowSoldier]

A little tip, if she tries to get back with you, save yourself the hurt and don't do it again. If they failed the first time, there's a reason why, and that reason will be there forever. You'll only make your life so much more harder.

If she wants to get back, say no, and say you'll offer to be her friend, that's it.

 

[Wabsta]

So it's actually a dirty wh*re.
Srsly, first in a relationship with you, and then all of the sudden she doesnt want to be with you anymore? Not even as friends?

You deserve much better

 

[overlord00]

The reason [most] girls complain about wanting a sensitive guy is because they were hurt by a guy that's a dick. Once they get the "nice guy", they get bored.
wow, boom. right on.


QUOTE(Hells Malice @ Dec 14 2010, 10:45 AM) That's so untrue it hurts.

There are girls who DO want nice guys. Being an asswipe to snag a relationship and then turning into a nice guy would be a good way of getting dumped, because 'changing' who you are mid-relationship is usually what ruins them. Which means faking who you are, and then changing won't work most of the time.
But anyways, girls who like nice guys WANT nice guys, not wussbags. People seem to miss that.
There are so called 'nice guys' with no self respect, they're clingy, submissive, and relationships tend to end with them on their knees begging.
Then there are real nice guys who simply know how to treat a lady, they have self respect and they don't make any of the trivial mistakes a wussbag would.
Being an asshole just shows a severe lack of social skills.

not what im saying at all. i thought i put it straight. if you are a dick (from start to end, ie you are a dick, and not a nice guy) you, in most cases, will have a higher rate of picking up girls/women... thats just how it is... please see quote above.

vicious cycle is vicious.
Go out with someone, see how it goes, dump >> go out with an asshole, dump >> nice guy, is too nice, not exciting >> go out with an asshole >> etc...


just how I personally see it. I really have nothing against women, I'm not gay, and enjoy the company of women, but that is just how I see it.

ps: i am a nice guy, who currently has no GF... but thats nobody's fault but my own, and blame no one else for it.
pps: also note i am generalising here... not all girls are like this... and i understand that.

 

[ProtoKun7]

de-added her on facebook

The word is "removed".

That's unfortunate, I guess. I suppose being single all my life means I've never had to risk anything like that though, but rejection would feel pretty bad. In my case, I think anyone I may have ever fancied has probably never felt the same anyway. I stay quiet because I'd hate that feeling.

 

[Sterling]

de-added her on facebook

The word is "removed".

That's unfortunate, I guess. I suppose being single all my life means I've never had to risk anything like that though, but rejection would feel pretty bad. In my case, I think anyone I may have ever fancied has probably never felt the same anyway. I stay quiet because I'd hate that feeling.

Honestly I am not mad at her. Maybe a little miffed that she didn't even want to continue being friends, but not mad. We are both young, and if she can be happier with someone else, the so be it. Of course I am crushed, but at 19, and her 16, we both have our whole lives ahead of us. You can be sure that I won't be dating any Highschoolers though.

 

[ShadowSoldier]

Yeah, it's usually the young and immature ones who think they're mature, that cause the most trouble.

Do whatever helps you cope. When I went through my break up, I pretty much got rid of EVERYTHING that reminded me of her. I'm doing better, not perfect, but better. Just don't even think about it. And enjoy the shit out of the holidays. Spend a few bucks on some beers, go have some fun with your buddies, have a few drinks. Relax and have fun. It's the holidays!