Not sure where to post this

[flipflops]

this is not a shit post, nor a cry for help. Just wondering when enough is enough? With everything. I work a shit job where they don't appreciate me, but I can come and go as I please. I go home and get bitched at for being late, thinking I am cheating. Go to work at my second job and have to fix what other people screwed up. Get yelled at for not getting it fixed fast enough. Like I said not a shit post. Not a cry for help. It is just, when is enough, enough? My mom recently died and didn't have life insurance, we weren't close, someone had to pay for the funeral and her asshole boyfriend didn't pay a penny and claimed ownership of everything in the house. So I got stuck footing the bill for the funeral. That pissed the wife off. Still currently busting my ass working trying to pay the funeral off. Sometimes I think, you know what, that is a pretty high bridge, maybe my car broke and just took me off the side and plummet to my firey death, but I can't do that because I love my wife and kids. Plus I don't want to die. I really love my life, but sometimes I just want to give up. With this funeral bullshit, having to pay for it, sometimes I don't have money to put food on the table.

Thank you for reading, if you have any words of encouragement, please tell me. And if you are going to be some asshole saying "kill your self on Facebook live and tag me in it so I can watch", go blow yourself.

 

[Deleted User]

Not to be rude, but something like this should be in a blog, not a normal thread.

That being said, try to find something you enjoy and relax with said thing for a while, be it your wife, your kids, anything. Things will get better. There are always lows.

Here's wishing the best.

 

[flipflops]

thanks. Like I said, wasn't sure where to post this. Was going to do EOF but that is all shit/joke post where this is a real one. If a mod wants to move it that is fine with me.

edit* I have tried finding things to take my mind off everything. I have super high expectations of my self and always end up letting my self down. I guess I would consider my self a perfectionist. Tried building models, legos, video games, drinking, drinking excessively, tried finding Jesus, shit even finding Waldo!

 

[Kioku]

Just gonna point something out. I honestly believe no relationship is worth a damn if either one of you is just whining about "cheating" without proof or evidence. Just me.

 

[flipflops]

I can understand where she is coming from. My work schedule is extremely hectic. Go in early, stay late, phone calls and text 24-7 even on vacation. Constantly going back to work because something happened. Bitching about how much I hate that place, yet I bend over backwards for that place. I can see why she would think I am cheating. But, I am not. I mean, I am getting "f'ed" but not by a chick, but by a company.

 

[Kioku]

Just saying. If she can't trust you enough to support your late hours? You need to talk to her. Relationships are built on trust. As for your job situation? Have you looked at other options?

 

[flipflops]

We have been together for 19 years now. Married for 14. She is my best friend, never hid anything from her, well except what I have typed tonight. No problems with the marriage thus far. Hoping none arise.

It's just, have you ever been to your breaking point, and need to exert all your energy to prevent exploding?

 

[Kioku]

Look. I don't know you. I don't know what you're going through. I can't relate. I do know that it's always darkest before the dawn. Keep pushing forward. Keep striving for a better life. One thing I honestly can suggest? Look at the negativity in your life. Is there any way you can fix it? Is there any way you can push yourself to do something more? If not? It might be time for a different path.

--------------------- MERGED ---------------------------

We have been together for 19 years now. Married for 14. She is my best friend, never hid anything from her, well except what I have typed tonight. No problems with the marriage thus far. Hoping none arise.

It's just, have you ever been to your breaking point, and need to exert all your energy to prevent exploding?

Yes. What's sad is that I haven't been anywhere near those years. Just so much pent up frustration and problems.. Like you don't know where to go? The best option I can suggest is talking it out.

 

[flipflops]

As for looking for another job, companies want a 9-5 person. I am all for that, believe me! But there are times where I can not make it to work for said 9, and have to be late. Mainly the kids don't start school until 8:50 and I take them to school. (Yes it is summer and school is out now so getting there for 9 isn't a problem now). I have went on a few interviews and am turned down because I need to have a flexible start time. Doesn't matter that I work late, and weekends, and come back when ever needed.

 

[Kioku]

Damn. A 9-5 is great, but yeah I can see where problems would arise. I work earlier than that, so I understand. Hm...

 

[flipflops]

And that's the thing! "You will start at 9". But I can't, it is impossible for me to get here for that time. "Well, thank you for coming in today". It is a huge kick in the bean bag.

None of my frustration is being expressed towards my wife, I put that in there because it is just another thing piled on top of the shit pile that is my life.

I have stepped back and took a long hard look at where I went wrong, and honestly don't see it.

The best way I can describe my self is this, you know the dude that you haven't talked to in 6 years but send a text saying you need help putting a roof on your house? That's me, drop everything and help you, but you aren't around when I need someone to talk to. So here I am, on the internet, talking to who knows who.

But I do appreciate someone to talk to.

And the darkest before dawn, I really hope the sun comes up soon. Sick of buying batteries for the flash light.

Anyone who is reading this, I am not going to harm my self. Just looking to vent and get something positive out of this.

--------------------- MERGED ---------------------------

come to europe and bring the family with you, free housing, food, education and government handouts

Good old 'Merica, you can deal heroin, pop out 6 kids and neither one of you have a job and you will get the golden key to the city! Free house, free food, free health care. OD and they will hit you up with the narcan. Then drive you home so you can sell more heroin! GOD BLESS THE USA!

 

[Kioku]

In all honesty, you should say something to her. Even if it's to talk about your stress. Also, see if you can't talk to some on a professional level. Like I said, I don't know your situation. I have a bit of an understanding now, but I'm not in any position to offer any real advice outside of talking. lol

Be sure to take pictures of the sunrise. It's worth it.

--------------------- MERGED ---------------------------

I am here.. Even just to listen. Not very good at advice anymore.. but still..

 

[flipflops]

@Memoir we talk all the time. We went to a marriage councelor. It wasn't my thing (coming from the dude who is telling super total strangers the bullshit going on in his life).

I am off to smash my face into a pillow, and hope for a better day tomorrow. Thank you for listening to me. I will check this and try to respond to whom ever replied to this after my departure this evening.

 

[Quantumcat]

Can your wife get a job, so you don't have to work two jobs? Did your mother have a will? If she didn't, all her stuff should go to next of kin, ie you, since she wasn't married. Maybe go for a job in the public sector. I don't know about your country, but here, the pay is slightly less than equivalent jobs in the private sector but the conditions are very good. You can work the hours you want to (within reason, subject to operational requirements), have flex time, lots of sick leave, etc. I tend to turn up when I feel like it and work my seven and a half hours then go home. If I turn up early I get to go home early. if I want a long lunch break to run errands then I just stay later. If there's a piece of work I have to stay late finishing then I get that time in credit and can leave early another time or have a day off if enough is added up (with permission from supervisor).
And anyway, I think you should talk to your wife. I am sure she would be willing to help you out if she knew how you were feeling.

 

[flipflops]

Yes, my wife has a job. She works for local government. Benefits are good, student loans for her aren't.

As for next of kin, that only applies to items legally in her name. Like vehicles. Proof of ownership is easy. Her and the boyfriend were living together for the last 18 years. So it is impossible to say what was hers or his. We have "common law marriage" here. So next of kin, was me. She had 2 junk cars with titles. Litterally 2 junk cars. Took them to the scrap yard. Yes, it was money to pay for the funeral, but no where what was needed.

On to the job. I do not have the luxury of working late and taking "comp" time. I work late then have to work more. I am compensated for it. If I could work late and save that time, I would only work 3 and a half days a week.

So now onto an update:

Pretty much needed to vent. Went to work Friday, and told people to leave me alone because I really don't care what their issue was and they needed to figure out how to fix it their selves. Then went to the owner and said I need a vacation and I am taking it in 3 weeks, if that doesn't work for you, oh well, fire me. Then at 5pm I said to hell with this place and went home. Felt great! Went to my other job, did what I had to do. Today I called off at both places. I know that isn't the answer, but making time for my family is more important.

I am sure I will still have 2 jobs tomorrow, but I know I had a great time with my family today.