Is Linux a Machination of Satan?

Discussion in 'The Edge of the Forum' started by hobbledehoy899, Sep 23, 2016.

?

mmm whatcha sys

  1. Linux Mint 18

    36.4%
  2. Mac OS 9

    27.3%
  3. Windows NT 3.1

    54.5%
Multiple votes are allowed.
  1. hobbledehoy899
    OP

    hobbledehoy899 Conniption Master

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    Hello,

    Recently I've been introduced to an operating system known as Linux.

    Lured by its low cost, I replaced Windows 98 on my computer with Linux. Unfortunately the more I use it the more I fear that this "Linux" may be an insidious way for the Dark One to gain a stronger foothold here on Earth. I know this may be a shocking claim, but I have evidence to back it up!

    To begin with, Linux is based off of an older, obsolete OS called "BSD Unix". The child-indoctrinatingly-cute cartoon mascot of this OS is a devil holding a pitchfork. This OS -- and its Linux offspring -- extensively use what are unsettingly called "daemons" (which is how Pagans write "demon" -- they are notoriously poor spellers: magick, vampyre, etc.) which is a program that hides in the background, doing things without the user's notice. If you are using a computer running Linux then you probably have these "demons" on your computer, hardly something a good Christian would want! Furthermore in order to start or stop these "demons" a user must execute a command called "finger". By "fingering" a "demon" one excercises an unholy power, much the same way that the Lord of Flies controls his black minions.

    Linux contains another Satanic holdover from the "BSD Unix" OS mentioned above; to open up certain locked files one has to run a program much like the DOS prompt in Microsoft Windows and type in a secret code: "chmod 666". What other horrors lurk in this thing?

    Consider some of these other Linux commands: "sleep", "mount", "unzip", "strip" and "touch". All highly suggestive in a sexual nature. I know that our Lord cannot approve of these, and I urge them to be renamed to something appropriate to the Christian community. Interestingly "CONTROL-G" (the sixth key from the left of the keyboard) does an abort. To write files a "VI" editor is included. All these are to ensnare the unsuspecting christian who could get tempted by typing "VIVIVI" all day long.

    Fourth, Linux uses a flavor of DOS known as Bash. Bash is an acronym for "Bourne Again Shell". On the surface this would appear to be supportive of the Lord. However, remember that even Satan can quote the bible for his own purposes! While I believe Linux may be born-again, its obvious by the misspelling of "born" that its not born-again in an Christian church. Will the lies ever cease?

    Additionally, one of the main long-haired hippies involved with the GNU Free Software Foundation supports communism, contraception and abortion. He has consistently supported 60's counter-cultural "values", and his web site even advocates government support of contraception. He also wears fake halos, and has quips about his made-up church that relates to his free software. I find such blasphemy to be extremely unsettling.

    One must also remember that the creator of Linux, a college student named Linus Torvalds, comes from Finland. I'm sure all the followers of Christ are aware of the heritical nature of the Finnish: from necrophilia to human sacrifice, Finnish culture is awash in sin. I find little reason to believe anything good and holy could arise from this evil land.

    Finally, let us remember that there is an alternative to using the Satan-powered Linux. I think history has shown us that Microsoft is quite holy. I'm told that its founder, William Gates is a strong supporter of our Lord and I encourage my fellow Christians to buy only his products to help keep the Devil at bay.

    I wish I had more time to expound upon my findings. Please investigate this as you see fit and I'm sure you'll reach the same conclusions that I have.
     
    gnmmarechal, Engert and MissingNO123 like this.


  2. TheVinAnator

    TheVinAnator GBATemp's Greatest Vin

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    NO COFFEI!
    DANG!
     
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  3. Lilith Valentine

    Lilith Valentine GBATemp's Wolfdog™ I drool on my knife

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    Between insane and insecure
    As a Satanist and a Linux user, I say you might be right :ninja:
     
  4. hobbledehoy899
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    hobbledehoy899 Conniption Master

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    WOWZA!
    HEIL.
     
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  5. RevPokemon

    RevPokemon GBATemp's 3rd Favorite Transgirl

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    Also GCC (a key thing in Linux history by the GNU project) evolved from VUCK
     
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  6. Tsukare

    Tsukare Newbie

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    Oh god this makes way too much sense.
    (It's not sad that I read it all right?)
     
    hobbledehoy899 likes this.
  7. hobbledehoy899
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    hobbledehoy899 Conniption Master

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    I had to read it to post it.
     
    Tsukare likes this.
  8. Touko White

    Touko White miqrojamie

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    tl;dr: I can't be assed to tldr this

    anyway, Ubuntu is considering it spies on you
     
  9. hobbledehoy899
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    hobbledehoy899 Conniption Master

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    That's not very groovy.
     
  10. mashers

    mashers Stubborn ape

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    Linux is not based on BSD.
     
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  11. hobbledehoy899
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    hobbledehoy899 Conniption Master

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    I know, I didn't write the OP (and nether did the person I nixed it from.) Also, Dropbox claims to use a proprietary daemon, so there's that.
     
  12. smileyhead

    smileyhead Bow ties are cool.

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  13. hobbledehoy899
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    hobbledehoy899 Conniption Master

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    Exactly what I thought.
     
  14. migles

    migles Mei the sexiest bae

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    my dad works for nintendo.
    this is the kind of good eofing!
    congrats!

    i am tired of thoose spam threads in the eof...
     
  15. FAST6191

    FAST6191 Techromancer

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    hobbledehoy899 and Veho like this.
  16. smileyhead

    smileyhead Bow ties are cool.

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    O_O
    Btw the more you know: there's a fleshlight iPad accessory that attaches to the back, and vibrates. You can literally "root" your iPad using that. ._.
     
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  17. Veho

    Veho The man who cried "Ni".

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    As a (reluctant) Linux user, I can confirm this is true. Why else would I have to sacrifice a goat to Qliphoth every time I want to upgrade anything, to make sure it runs smoothly?
     
  18. FAST6191

    FAST6191 Techromancer

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    Because goats are cheaper than the elephants windows demands and considerably cheaper than whatever it is OSX wants (haven't got the flow chart to hand).
     
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  19. Veho

    Veho The man who cried "Ni".

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    Apple are atheists*, so all they demand for updates is money.

    *Atheists are also a machination of Satan but that's beside the point here.
     
  20. hobbledehoy899
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    hobbledehoy899 Conniption Master

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    I don't know which Linux distro you're using, but I've never had that happen to me on Linux Mint 18.