Dealing with a narcissist

[Deleted member 568892]

I strongly suspect my father is narcissistic. What personal advice do you have, web pages and books to read and so on?

 

[bazamuffin]

I was married to one. Unfortunately, it manifests in different ways from person to person

 

[mr_switch]

There is a subreddit dedicated to this topic. My advise is to cut off all contacts with narcissist or if you have no choice but to deal with him daily just employ the grey rock method.

r/raisedbynarcissists

 

[Alexander1970]

Hard to say,but.....in the first Place - Be lucky and grateful,you HAVE a Father.

 

[CloudStrife1901]

Deal with it considering you only have 1 father to begin with

 

[JuanMena]

You're 15, right?

I'm thinking you're too young to realize most of things in life yet. I've been there because I too was once young.

I just deliberately deleted my previous comment but wondered about your age, to see if this was a kind if problem between two adults. Unfortunately not, and most of us (adults) will tell you to deal with it, which might be not what you want to hear because of your age.

Maybe you should spend more time outside of your home. You seriously need yo pump up your testosterone a bit. Perhaps you're not resting enough? (sleep problems?)

Also, what Alexander said is super important.

 

[FAST6191]

Personally I try not to deal with such people at the level of familial relationship. The best armour is not to be there when the attack it made and all that. In business then the self serving nature of such people means you will encounter them, sometimes they are good at what they do and sometimes they are an example of politics or the peter principle (everybody rises to the level of their incompetence).
Depending upon your age, income, family status (will cutting them out necessarily cut out others* you would rather be in contact with sort of thing) and more that may be harder to pull off.

*not necessarily because they forbid it but others are in their orbit and dislike you pulling away. Throwing around the word cult is a bit premature at this point but there is a reason most such things are headed by such.

It also depends upon you yourself. What skills you have, what your mindset it like.
For instance I am a cold and clinical bastard that has never felt lonely, and is happy to analyse every single move at all points with an almost perfect memory for conversations and interpersonal interactions. Quite easy then to figure out if someone is self serving to the degree of some kind of clinical narcissism and then whether their actions and responses work for my cost-benefit, even if they either collapse it to their benefit or run away when the going gets tough leaving me to shoulder burdens they should have had.
You may however not have such perks (or be able to gain them -- people think in different ways and trying to change your thinking radically is dubious at best), and even if you did your cost-benefit risk analysis will necessarily be different ($500 might be a cost of doing business for me, crippling for you to lose).
That said if you seek validation through them then don't. If you get it then it will likely still be self serving, if not meaningless, so eh.

Do be sure it is actually the case as well; children rebel against their parents, I would say it is actually an essential aspect of growing up. Leading by example, reinforcing social standing when you do something to damage it... such things can appear as narcissism to those not necessarily familiar with it.

 

[JuanMena]

Personally I try not to deal with such people at the level of familial relationship. The best armour is not to be there when the attack it made and all that. In business then the self serving nature of such people means you will encounter them, sometimes they are good at what they do and sometimes they are an example of politics or the peter principle (everybody rises to the level of their incompetence).
Depending upon your age, income, family status (will cutting them out necessarily cut out others* you would rather be in contact with sort of thing) and more that may be harder to pull off.

*not necessarily because they forbid it but others are in their orbit and dislike you pulling away. Throwing around the word cult is a bit premature at this point but there is a reason most such things are headed by such.

It also depends upon you yourself. What skills you have, what your mindset it like.
For instance I am a cold and clinical bastard that has never felt lonely, and is happy to analyse every single move at all points with an almost perfect memory for conversations and interpersonal interactions. Quite easy then to figure out if someone is self serving to the degree of some kind of clinical narcissism and then whether their actions and responses work for my cost-benefit, even if they either collapse it to their benefit or run away when the going gets tough leaving me to shoulder burdens they should have had.
You may however not have such perks (or be able to gain them -- people think in different ways and trying to change your thinking radically is dubious at best), and even if you did your cost-benefit risk analysis will necessarily be different ($500 might be a cost of doing business for me, crippling for you to lose).
That said if you seek validation through them then don't. If you get it then it will likely still be self serving, if not meaningless, so eh.

Do be sure it is actually the case as well; children rebel against their parents, I would say it is actually an essential aspect of growing up. Leading by example, reinforcing social standing when you do something to damage it... such things can appear as narcissism to those not necessarily familiar with it.

Quite off topic, but you're not a bastard, nor cold.
You're just introvert, which means that you don't require lots to be happy/feel accomplished, which is why is almost impossible for you to serk out the appreciation of others.

I have in my mind two certain staff members, one if the is Narcissist, and the other is Egocentric.

At OP: What Fast is saying, is that it might as well be a problem comming from your own growing up nature. It is why I suggested you're not sleeping well. People tends to be a bit neurotic with the lack of proper rest.

 

[FAST6191]

Quite off topic, but you're not a bastard, nor cold.
You're just introvert, which means that you don't require lots to be happy/feel accomplished, which is why is almost impossible for you to serk out the appreciation of others.

I have in my mind two certain staff members, one if the is Narcissist, and the other is Egocentric.

At OP: What Fast is saying, is that it might as well be a problem comming from your own growing up nature. It is why I suggested you're not sleeping well. People tends to be a bit neurotic with the lack of proper rest.

I would maintain what I said is correct. Empathy lacking in almost all cases and what is there is usually more of an emulation. Bastard tends to follow from that as well. More than adequately describes me.
As far as introversion. Not really. I doubt I would rank as any kind of extrovert but social situations are fine and can do that for weeks on end.

 

[JuanMena]

Bastard tends to follow from that as well.

Is bastard a psychological term?
Contrary to what I presume might be common thought, you're not antisocial.
Of course I'm not gonna play the Internet Detective here, but you've manifested introvert tendencies before.
Not trying to convince you, I think we're all smart enough to know what's our psychological behavior here.

 

[zxr750j]

@Mike_Hunt : Knowing your father is a narcissist makes your life hopefully somewhat easier, it can explain a lot of his (negative?) behavior. Give him a compliment if you need something, and if you encounter problems in daily life (aggressiveness, lack of support of attention): go seek help! This might not be the best place to get good advice. Mostly men with technical tendencies, so autism or people leaning to it might be well represented. Though I find most people here are very nice, even the bastards.

 

[Dr_Faustus]

Being narcissistic is not that bad honestly. You can find far worse qualities in people and have a worse time with them for it. That said environment helps create the personality in people. You take the good with the bad and just be glad you do not have a physically abusive parent or verbally abusive that you could deal with most of your young life.

Also do not get me started if your parents are heavily religious, then that's just abuse with the excuse of god on the backhand.

 

[subcon959]

No offence, but a 15 year old struggling with a parent isn't exactly out of the ordinary.

 

[VinsCool]

Just take advantage of it.
Shower your dad with compliments and make him feel he is the best, you can then ask for whatever you want and you will get it.

Or.

Don't listen to my advice, and don't bother with any of this, there is pretty much no point focusing on a simple personality trait.

 

[Deleted member 568892]

Hard to say,but.....in the first Place - Be lucky and grateful,you HAVE a Father.

I wish I didn't

 

[Marc_LFD]

My family bloodline is full of people like this and they tend to bring out the worst in me, so I've decided to ignore and block them. Of course, in real life you can't block people (and that's ultimately a good thing) so I just spend as little time with them, or none as possible.

I have three sisters and right now I only talk to one of them, that's how bad it is. The less I see/talk to them, the better. It also affects my health 'cause I'm usually in a good mood though when I come in contact with them depression kind of kicks in.

 

[subcon959]

My family bloodline is full of people like this and they tend to bring out the worst in me, so I've decided to ignore and block them. Of course, in real life you can't block people (and that's ultimately a good thing) so I just spend as little time with them, or none as possible.

I have three sisters and right now I only talk to one of them, that's how bad it is. The less I see/talk to them, the better. It also affects my health 'cause I'm usually in a good mood though when I come in contact with them depression kind of kicks in.

You just made this about you so maybe you're a narcissist? J/K

 

[Deleted member 42501]

You deal with a narcissist by leaving them. Anything else is pointless, ineffective and a exercise in futility.

Realize the truth now or later because it will eventually become self evident.

 

[Yulian_guardsman]

You deal with a narcissist by leaving them. Anything else is pointless, ineffective and a exercise in futility.

Realize the truth now or later because it will eventually become self evident.

The Truth

 

[SG854]

I hate my Dad. I wanted to go see BTS but he didn't let me. Because I didn't do my chores blah blah. It's only stupid chores not that big of a deal. I can do them later. I think my Dad is a narcissist. All he cares about is himself and his rules. Always looking in the mirror thinking he's hot and tries to impress that women across the street. Ew gross. He doesn't care how I feel, this is a once in a lifetime chance to see BTS. Chores I can do later and problem solved. But BTS is only one chance. He's too strict and uptight I hate him. I hate dealing with a Narcissist..