A poem I wrote

science

science rules
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I don't write poetry, ever. But this just came to me, and I felt like I needed to put it somewhere. So here it is.

QUOTE said:
i see a sign on the bus
move to the back
but i sit at the front
as close as i can
i want to drive
but they don't let me
they know
i have a tendency to make things
crash and burn
if i drive
i know i will fuck it up
i will drive too fast
make a wrong turn
everyone will know
i should not be driving
and they will get off
and leave me alone
and it wouldn't have been worth it
and i will understand why
there are signs that say
move to the back
because i am not good enough to drive
i don't know how
but i want to so bad
sitting at the front
doesn't get me there fast enough

God, rereading it, I am really happy with how this poem turned out. Took me five minutes to write, but it seriously sums up exactly how I am feeling. Let me know if its shit though.
 
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Only one Emoticon:
wtf.gif


I'm not saying it's bad. Trust me, I know nothing about poems. In fact, almost every Literature Test I take I always end up getting a mediocre grade. Fuck. One of the worst tests ever.

Anyways, all I think is that's super random. So what I'm wondering is, you got this idea of a poem from watching the bus driver driving the bus?

Then again:

wtf.gif
 

Edgedancer

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I am actually taking a writing degree and have done a bit on poetry. I liked it. Just curious but is the "bus" a metaphor for life and the use of the word "driving" are the choices we make very day? That's how I saw it at least, and I hope that if this is how your feeling, this is just a phase that passes, because i get like that as well.
In an actual literary sense, you layout was very good. I particularly like the part where you said:
"i have a tendency to make things
crash and burn"
The way you broke it up was great, as it allows you to get an impression of your own choices, though it allows the reader to interpret it in their own way, and then to give them a total 100% statement of what happens really helps it work.
Sorry if I sound a bit dumb or pretentious here but let it be known that I do indeed like it. Could I possibly show it to some of my friends who like reading poetry and see what they think?

EDIT: Just fixed my spelling and sentence structure since I doubted you would think of me as a writing student as it is.
 

redact

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i like it, very enjoyable to read
smile.gif


i assume it's about wanting to show initiative rather than just going with the crowd
 

science

science rules
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Thanks for all the feedback guys. I wont really go into exactly what it means for me. Thats what I love about poetry. It means different things for everyone, and none of the meanings are wrong.

Edgedancer, you can absolutely show this around if you want, just make sure you let me know what they think! Haha.

Posts merged

I will say one thing though. This poem isn't about me wanting to be a bus driver haha
 

Issac

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I had to read it twice. First in zombie mode. I did not get it at all. "ok, so you wanna drive a bus? lol".
Then I took some time to start my brain up. Read it again.
And I must say it's pretty good! I am on the same lines as Edgedancer on this... I think that the sign about moving to the back is like going with the flow, being one of many, being no one. Don't have anything to say, feeling restricted. You want to have control over your own life, though, so you sit at the front to be able to see as much as you can. and it brings you the closest to the driver's seat. the feeling of control is a bit better here. But not at all enough. Though you know, that if you got the chance to take full control over your life, you'd fuck up badly. You would loose all your friends, and everyone that matter. Every passenger on the bus. They would all see "whoa, he's dangerous, let's leave him alone"....

That's what I feel
smile.gif
 

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