Well starting this year I deleted all my blogs. I wanted to try to make this year a positive experience, starting with my diet. I've pretty much given up junk food, only eating healthy. I want to drop this weight. Some people think I'm fine the way I am, but I happen to disagree. I don't want to look like this anymore, I want to be healthy. We have so many medical problems in our family that I just don't want to fall victim to them. I want to be someone that I can look at in the mirror and not feel like the Goodyear Blimp (Okay I'm not that big, but if I don't change my ways I will be). I've started eating salad (which I despise), fruits, and veggies. I've switched to wheat bread instead of white. I'm going to make this work this time. My aunt is also on a diet. She wants to change her vow renewal to next year so she can get a dress she really likes instead of one that's flattering on her, so I decided to join her.
Pretty much everyone in the family is eating better. My uncle had a heart attack last week so he needs to change his diet too. He's out of the hospital now and is fine so I'm glad that's good. Also I went to the doctor on Wednesday and was prescribed some medication to help me sleep and cope with some of my problems. One of the medications I had been on in the past, the other is new as I could not go back on the old medication due to it's cost. It's Paxil. Paxil is an antidepressant meant to help with OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder), my depression, and my PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder). Apparently my ADHD might be caused by the PTSD. It's supposed to take a few weeks to kick in, but I can tell this will work. There is some good and bad news about this medication. It's supposed to make you gain weight, but for me it does the exact opposite, when I take it I don't feel hungry at all. I have to rely on my stomach growling, and even then I feel full whenever I attempt to eat. I have to force myself to eat something. I guess that's good and bad news. I don't feel the urge to snack by thinking I'm hungry all the time due to depression. Therapy will be the next step. I know I need it to help me and my issues. The last therapist I saw was an idiot. My cousin saw him and so did one of my best friends. We all stopped seeing him, especially my friend, who ended up killing himself. I just want to get help. I want to be able to do things without my past haunting me.
For some odd reason I was looking in the GBATemp Trading Forum (despite being broke) and I saw a thread on selling Beyblades. I remember having mine (I gave almost all of them to my cousin, except for one, which means a lot to me). I saw the person selling them link to a website. I knew of this website. I knew the founder was not very fond of me, but remembered someone who was one of my best friends for years. I wondered if his mom still had cancer and looked him up. Apparently she's cancer free, which is good. This guy and I, we were really good friends and we fell out after my grandmother died from cancer. He was probably sick of hearing me talk so negatively, but he didn't understand what I had gone through in life. Maybe he thought he did, but he didn't. I know I'm a negative person, but it's something that I just can't help, not on my own, and I hope maybe I can get the help I need. The last time I heard from him he called me up and basically told me that he was coming to Vegas, but he wasn't coming to see me. I was so angry and wondered what the point of the call was. I blocked him, deleted him from my phone, and never heard from him again. Maybe it was his way of ending the friendship. He wanted to cut ties with everything from Vegas so badly. I know I was harder to deal with, but I just couldn't help it. I'm just glad his mom is okay. She's an amazing woman. I wish I hadn't been so angry and that we could be friends again, but I think that it's over and I need to accept that. Oh well, I want this to be a good year. I plan on going to college for a teaching degree, I'm great with kids, and everyone has been saying I should be a teacher for years now. I'm going to make this work.
Pretty much everyone in the family is eating better. My uncle had a heart attack last week so he needs to change his diet too. He's out of the hospital now and is fine so I'm glad that's good. Also I went to the doctor on Wednesday and was prescribed some medication to help me sleep and cope with some of my problems. One of the medications I had been on in the past, the other is new as I could not go back on the old medication due to it's cost. It's Paxil. Paxil is an antidepressant meant to help with OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder), my depression, and my PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder). Apparently my ADHD might be caused by the PTSD. It's supposed to take a few weeks to kick in, but I can tell this will work. There is some good and bad news about this medication. It's supposed to make you gain weight, but for me it does the exact opposite, when I take it I don't feel hungry at all. I have to rely on my stomach growling, and even then I feel full whenever I attempt to eat. I have to force myself to eat something. I guess that's good and bad news. I don't feel the urge to snack by thinking I'm hungry all the time due to depression. Therapy will be the next step. I know I need it to help me and my issues. The last therapist I saw was an idiot. My cousin saw him and so did one of my best friends. We all stopped seeing him, especially my friend, who ended up killing himself. I just want to get help. I want to be able to do things without my past haunting me.
For some odd reason I was looking in the GBATemp Trading Forum (despite being broke) and I saw a thread on selling Beyblades. I remember having mine (I gave almost all of them to my cousin, except for one, which means a lot to me). I saw the person selling them link to a website. I knew of this website. I knew the founder was not very fond of me, but remembered someone who was one of my best friends for years. I wondered if his mom still had cancer and looked him up. Apparently she's cancer free, which is good. This guy and I, we were really good friends and we fell out after my grandmother died from cancer. He was probably sick of hearing me talk so negatively, but he didn't understand what I had gone through in life. Maybe he thought he did, but he didn't. I know I'm a negative person, but it's something that I just can't help, not on my own, and I hope maybe I can get the help I need. The last time I heard from him he called me up and basically told me that he was coming to Vegas, but he wasn't coming to see me. I was so angry and wondered what the point of the call was. I blocked him, deleted him from my phone, and never heard from him again. Maybe it was his way of ending the friendship. He wanted to cut ties with everything from Vegas so badly. I know I was harder to deal with, but I just couldn't help it. I'm just glad his mom is okay. She's an amazing woman. I wish I hadn't been so angry and that we could be friends again, but I think that it's over and I need to accept that. Oh well, I want this to be a good year. I plan on going to college for a teaching degree, I'm great with kids, and everyone has been saying I should be a teacher for years now. I'm going to make this work.
