Every time, man.

[Rydian]

1. Go to the store.
   
   
2. Come back from the store with delicious foods.
   
   
3. Too worn out to bother eating any of it for a while.
   
   
4. Give cat/dog/hell-iguana it's treats though, because it KNOWS you went to the store and will meow/whine/hail-satan at you until you do.
   
   
5. Log on to find Veho posted a science article.
   
   
6. Add another line to gahars_steals_vehos_skin_proof.txt and potentially gahars_is_not_of_this_world.txt if evidence allows.

 

[Deleted-236924]

7. Fap

 

[Foxi4]

See, this is why you need to share household chores with your better half (if applicable). Once such a deal is set, you merely add:

3B. Wait until your mate processes the bought goods into an edible meal, then proceed to eat it.

...and your life is simple once more.

 

[Deleted-236924]

^ Words to live by.

 

[Foxi4]

^ Words to live by.

Applying my solution also erases point 7. of the list, or at least replaces it with a far superior activity (which will also allow burning some calories!)

Foxi4 - the healthy lifestyle coach.

 

[FAST6191]

Applying my solution also erases point 7. of the list, or at least replaces it with a far superior activity (which will also allow burning some calories!)

Foxi4 - the healthy lifestyle coach.

Sadly we can not all find ones to share life with that are willing to go ten times a day.

As for 4. I work on the principle that until the animal/plant in question can beat me in single combat (being a human I am allowed a submachine gun) or kill me as I sleep (being a human I am allowed to sleep with a sword) then they should be ignored until it is convenient for you.

 

[Foxi4]

Sadly we can not all find ones to share life with that are willing to go ten times a day.

Clearly you're not looking in the right places.

 

[FAST6191]

Clearly you're not looking in the right places.

Permit a tweaking of my previous words

Sadly we can not all find ones to share life with that are willing to go ten times a day and function in all the other requisite areas. It would seem the whore in the bedroom, chef in the kitchen, maid in the scullery, accountant in the study.... concept is an aspirational one and not a checkbox list.

If you are then going to tell me I am still not looking in the right places I am going to have to go conspiracy mode.

Edit I just realised.

It cooks, it cleans, it fixes things, it operates a computer, it (or its friend the elbow) fights my battles, it never speaks back and it pleasures me as often as the rest of the meatbag desires.

Might have to buy it some lotion as thanks as it has gone unappreciated all these years.

 

[Foxi4]

If you are then going to tell me I am still not looking in the right places I am going to have to go conspiracy mode.

Believe it or not but the average Jane Doe is just as horny (if not more in certain parts of the menstrual cycle) as any John Doe, they just feel restricted by cultural constraints or feel otherwise constricted. Road to hell is paved with compliments and flattery, but sinning can be quite fun on this earthly plane of existence. Make your woman feel good about herself, give her a treat every now and then and she will treat you back, if you know what I mean.

 

[FAST6191]

Believe it or not but the average Jane Doe is just as horny (if not more in certain parts of the menstrual cycle) as any John Doe, they just feel restricted by cultural constraints or feel otherwise constricted. Road to hell is paved with compliments and flattery, but sinning can be quite fun on this earthly plane of existance. Make your woman feel good about herself, give her a treat every now and then and she will treat you back, if you know what I mean.

Alas that may well run contrary to the other advice all should live by of "do not stick it in the crazy".

Also you mean make actual effort.

 

[Foxi4]

Alas that may well run contrary to the other advice all should live by of "do not stick it in the crazy".

Also you mean make actual effort.

"The darker the berry, the sweeter the juice", "Mad in the head equals bad in a bed (and that's "bad" in the "good" sense)"

...also yes, I mean make actual effort.

I just realised.

It cooks, it cleans, it fixes things, it operates a computer, it (or its friend the elbow) fights my battles, it never speaks back and it pleasures me as often as the rest of the meatbag desires...

...and it never says it loves you.

//EMOTIONAL_FOXI! ;O;

 

[FAST6191]

"The darker the berry, the sweeter the juice", "Mad in the head equals bad in a bed (and that's "bad" in the "good" sense)"

...also yes, I mean make actual effort.


...and it never says it loves you.

//EMOTIONAL_FOXI! ;O;

Oh no doubt on the first line. However I am but a feeble mortal (at least until that wizard gets back to me) and my feeble mortal mind is unable to distinguish between what might loosely be termed good crazy and what involves me watching up stark naked, discovering four months have passed, that despite my previous efforts to calm the situation the Nepalese mafia is after me again and that I appear to be in Lesotho.

Through much experimentation I have decided that actual effort has no bearing on the resulting relationship and thus can be ignored.

Should my brain turn to mush and feel the need for human emotions well ".. / .-.. --- ...- . / -.-- --- ..-" -- my hand is capable of recreating that. Also if popular media is to be believed then such a thing may be the most common lie ever told and thus I have saved myself the hassle of listening to a lie.

 

[Foxi4]

Oh no doubt on the first line. However I am but a feeble mortal (at least until that wizard gets back to me) and my feeble mortal mind is unable to distinguish between what might loosely be termed good crazy and what involves me watching up stark naked, discovering four months have passed, that despite my previous efforts to calm the situation the Nepalese mafia is after me again and that I appear to be in Lesotho.

Alas, poor FAST6191! I knew him, Horatio! ;O;

 

[Tom Bombadildo]

...and it never says it loves you.

//EMOTIONAL_FOXI! ;O;

>Insert picture of hand with "I love you" here.

 

[FAST6191]

...and it never says it loves you.

//EMOTIONAL_FOXI! ;O;

>Insert picture of hand with "I love you" here.

It should have been said first time around but if it is never too late to say I love you then I figure my oversight earlier is equally able to be forgiven.
Actions speak louder than words and anything that is willing to pick its way down there and fumble with my nether regions and/or knees surely loves me.

That or it is so far gone that attachment prevents it from leaving... the resulting functions are exactly the same though so it seems kind of counterproductive to guess at underlying motives/reasoning.