Didn't boot with a SD card either.
At this point, I'm considering something must've died from a ESD shock or something - not even a reflow brought it back (yes, I went THAT far to save it).
I'll just return it and buy one from a good friend I have who didn't use it for a long time. Here's hope it's a RVL-001 as well, since these (when working) are some of the most robust versions.
Thanks for the help, from all of you!
Yare yare, that's unfortunate. But, here's hoping it all works out for you! Good luck in your Wiiscapades.