What is the absolute stupidest joke you know?

[Jayro]

Why do they call it a "TV set", when you only get one?

Why do they call them "buildings", when they're already done building them? They should call them "Builts."

~Credit for both jokes: https://gallaghersmash.com/



If you've never seen this man's comedy, he's a fantastic prop comic from the 90's. I watched him on cable TV as a kid.

 

[maryxmary]

Your mom jokes always cracks me up. But when I heard it to my sons who is fighting on my back , I gave them a good beating. lol
my son1: " your mom is fat"
son2 : " your mom is ugly"
me: Both of you stop, Im your mum

 

[Lostbhoy]

My girlfriend once took her bra off while we were arguing.

It was a booby trap!

 

[Esdeath]

*me watching movie reviewer*
"Some may say they don't like the movie because it is too long, I say, I can identify with that"

other than that I always chuckled at the: "I have a medium dick, it talks to ghosts" joke.

I am also really fond of puns, but most won't work in english.

 

[Lostbhoy]

Bill and Ben the Flowerpot Men were in a bar. Bill says to Ben "Flobbadobb"

Ben replies, "your going home... Your pissed"

 

[Lostbhoy]

This is an old Glasgow joke....

Wee drunk Scotsman walking home from the pub spots a man standing by his car which has broken down. Drunk guy asks "What's the problem?"

The driver replies "Piston broke"

Drunk guy retorts "Aah, same as masel"

 

[AmandaRose]

I've just seen an article online asking if Scottish people are as tight as people say we are, but unfortunately it was behind a paywall. I'll never know.

 

[SG854]

Why do they call it a "TV set", when you only get one?

Why do they call them "buildings", when they're already done building them? They should call them "Builts."

~Credit for both jokes: https://gallaghersmash.com/



If you've never seen this man's comedy, he's a fantastic prop comic from the 90's. I watched him on cable TV as a kid.

 

[leon315]

What's gay, white and useless?
Me!

then what's ur job?
if you have a job, then ur making a product or providing a service for society then ur NOT useless;
gay part well........guess ur dad approves it right?

 

[AmandaRose]

A pensioner drove his brand new BMW to 100 mph, looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him. He floored it to 140 , then 150, ... then 155, ... Suddenly he thought,

"I'm too old for this nonsense !"

So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him.

The officer walked up to him, looked at his watch and said,

"Sir, my shift ends in ten minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend with my family. If you can give me a good reason that I've never heard before, why you were speeding... I'll let you go."

The Man looked very seriously at the police man, and replied :-

"Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman, I thought you were bringing her back." !!!

The Cop left saying,

" Have a good day, Sir "...

 

[tabzer]

What part is the hardest to eat of a vegetable.


Trigger warning, no refunds.

Spoiler

the wheelchair

 

[Baoulettes]

Nooo. It was the brick.

reading both in like two minutes did the trick, I will try to keep this one xD

 

[tabzer]

reading both in like two minutes did the trick, I will try to keep this one xD

Works great at campfires, if you can play stupid. Try to act like the second part is a redemption attempt from the first part falling flat.

 

[AmandaRose]

Conversation I had at the U.S embassy whilst trying to get my visa to go on holiday.

Embassy officer: Where are you travelling to miss.

Me: San Jose

Officer: Miss its pronounced as San Hosey. In America the J is pronounced as H.

Me: OK cool

Officer: So how long are you planning to stay in the U.S

Me: From Hanuary to Hune or possibly Huly

Visa Rejected

 

[boot3]

Every modern adult-animated show.

 

[tabzer]

Conversation I had at the U.S embassy whilst trying to get my visa to go on holiday.

Embassy officer: Where are you travelling to miss.

Me: San Jose

Officer: Miss its pronounced as San Hosey. In America the J is pronounced as H.

Me: OK cool

Officer: So how long are you planning to stay in the U.S

Me: From Hanuary to Hune or possibly Huly

Visa Rejected

I thought this was a real story until the punchline.

 

[Deleted member 591971]

my religion does not allow that.