toxic friendships...

[BG2CNT]

i had this friend, i met her for 3 months, i developed a feeling of love for her, she was on a relationship with a guy she can't communicate with, so i decided to help her because i love her and i wanted to see her happy even if she wasn't going to be with me.

ever since then, she answers my messages every 5 days or so. i thought she was busy but no, she talks to her boyfriend every day :/ i tried asking her about this multiple times and she avoided the question entirely. his boyfriend is also a friend of mine, but he started to grow jealous of the friendship i got with her and also is weirdly very violent with me, so i left him.

i decided to ask her seriously this time, this is how it went.

me: "yeah i had some psychosis thanks to the stress of you being gone for so long and other factors but like you seem to not care because your boyfriend says that he talks to you every day, what's going on? you have tried to avoid this question many times but i can't take it."
that girl: "i'm your friend not your psychosis treatment"

in that moment i decided to ghost her. she left me like 2000 messages saying that she is sorry and that we can still be friends... i don't want to and i honestly don't care. i still got like 200 other people to meet and i even got a chance of a relationship with a girl, why should i waste time with this girl?

should i leave her alone with her boyfriend (which i predict their relationship will end because of the toxic masculinity) or should i forgive her? i don't want to forgive her because i literally had some of the worst times mentally and she was just kind of chilling with her boyfriend, both ignoring me. i don't know why she wants me back if she doesn't even want to talk to me. i don't know why she wants me back if all she wants to talk, to is to her boyfriend which almost killed me in a school fight

 

[kijetesantakalu042]

I'd say leave her to her boyfriend. But that's from what I know from your post. There may be some nuance that I don't know, so do what makes sense.

 

[AncientBoi]

Apparently, you didn't get the hint. js

 

[mightymuffy]

Apparently, you didn't get the hint. js

This. Can I assume english isn't your main language? Coz if it is, well there's only one toxic person in that story, and it isn't her. Or her boyfriend.

 

[AncientBoi]

This. Can I assume english isn't your main language? Coz if it is, well there's only one toxic person in that story, and it isn't her. Or her boyfriend.

in All the Wrong places

 

[kijetesantakalu042]

in All the Wrong places

You're supposed to put the quote after the video. Like:

in All the Wrong places

 

[AncientBoi]

You're supposed to put the quote after the video. Like:

I put it anyway I see fit there dude.

 

[SylverReZ]

Apparently, you didn't get the hint. js

You probably didn't read the entire thread to begin with.

i had this friend, i met her for 3 months, i developed a feeling of love for her, she was on a relationship with a guy she can't communicate with, so i decided to help her because i love her and i wanted to see her happy even if she wasn't going to be with me.

Maybe take the time off you need, if she's struggling to get her stuff right, then it maybe time to move on.

 

[Technicmaster0]

It's perfectly normal for people to communicate with their partners daily and it's also perfectly normal to not communicate with friends for a few days. It's also perfectly normal that people "negelect" their friends a bit when they get a new partner because they want to spend time with them.
What's not normal is to get crazy about friends not replying for a few days. You really should get more chill/ get your priorities right. Give people the space that they need.

 

[BG2CNT]

It's perfectly normal for people to communicate with their partners daily and it's also perfectly normal to not communicate with friends for a few days. It's also perfectly normal that people "negelect" their friends a bit when they get a new partner because they want to spend time with them.
What's not normal is to get crazy about friends not replying for a few days. You really should get more chill/ get your priorities right. Give people the space that they need.

3 months shes doing this... she replies to my messages every 5 days, and she is online for literally 2 seconds then she banishes, her boyfriend brags next day about how he talked to her till 3am.

so like theres no comunication between us. i tried asking her about this too many times, but im just done. i decided to block her, her boyfriend doesnt want me as a friend neither so im finally free from these two guys.

i dont understand her, she wants me back so bad... but if i keep the friendship she'll just ignore me even more.


Edit: i met her 6 months ago

 

[AncientBoi]

I put it the way I saw fit in my answer. No I didn't read his post was my answer. So where's the "EOF" in that?

 

[AdenTheThird]

3 months shes doing this... she replies to my messages every 5 days, and she is online for literally 2 seconds then she banishes, her boyfriend brags next day about how he talked to her till 3am.

so like theres no comunication between us. i tried asking her about this too many times, but im just done. i decided to block her, her boyfriend doesnt want me as a friend neither so im finally free from these two guys.

i dont understand her, she wants me back so bad... but if i keep the friendship she'll just ignore me even more.


Edit: i met her 6 months ago

It sounds like you're trying to rekindle something that can't be revived. Regardless of how tumultuous her relationship with her boyfriend might be, her messaging patterns have laid clear where your priorities lie. If I were you, I'd cut your losses. It'll be difficult, but it's far easier than giving yourself false hope over and over again.

 

[Dust2dust]

True friendship between a straight guy and a straight girl is practically impossible. Even if they pretend to be just friends, there's always an underlying love interest from one or the other (not both, or that would turn into a romance). And that usually doesn't end well, as demonstrated in this thread.

 

[tmnr1992]

It's normal to not reply to your friends right away. If your goal is that she leaves the other guy for you, think about this: assuming that you succeeded, she would've ended her current relationship for someone else that was messaging and convincing her while still in said relationship, who's to say she won't do the same thing to you?

 

[Xdqwerty]

An advantage of barely having friends at all is that you won't have to deal with this stuff

 

[Crystal_tofu]

i had this friend, i met her for 3 months, i developed a feeling of love for her, she was on a relationship with a guy she can't communicate with, so i decided to help her because i love her and i wanted to see her happy even if she wasn't going to be with me.

ever since then, she answers my messages every 5 days or so. i thought she was busy but no, she talks to her boyfriend every day :/ i tried asking her about this multiple times and she avoided the question entirely. his boyfriend is also a friend of mine, but he started to grow jealous of the friendship i got with her and also is weirdly very violent with me, so i left him.

i decided to ask her seriously this time, this is how it went.

me: "yeah i had some psychosis thanks to the stress of you being gone for so long and other factors but like you seem to not care because your boyfriend says that he talks to you every day, what's going on? you have tried to avoid this question many times but i can't take it."
that girl: "i'm your friend not your psychosis treatment"

in that moment i decided to ghost her. she left me like 2000 messages saying that she is sorry and that we can still be friends... i don't want to and i honestly don't care. i still got like 200 other people to meet and i even got a chance of a relationship with a girl, why should i waste time with this girl?

should i leave her alone with her boyfriend (which i predict their relationship will end because of the toxic masculinity) or should i forgive her? i don't want to forgive her because i literally had some of the worst times mentally and she was just kind of chilling with her boyfriend, both ignoring me. i don't know why she wants me back if she doesn't even want to talk to me. i don't know why she wants me back if all she wants to talk, to is to her boyfriend which almost killed me in a school fight

Before i give my two cents, feel free to correct me on anything along with anyone else.

I wanna start by saying in a literal sense, she's right about not being your psychosis treatment, but that's not something that should be said as it doesn't exactly bring anything remotely substantial with what your dealing with which is one reason why what she said was wrong.

It's fine for people to prioritize their partners as I've always seen partners as a soon to be permanent family member if they end up staying together for long enough as romantic relationship bond is meant to be alot deeper than friendship, however i don't think it's right that her boyfriend tried to wedge between you two because if he really had an issue with you having a crush on her he should've requested you to respect her and his boundaries and left it at that.

with both of them ignoring you, I feel like at that point there's no need to invite you to hang out if they just do that as it defeats the purpose of having a friend group, in my honest opinion you should not go back to either because the fact that she wants you back after pushing you away is nothing short of odd as i've personally have had friends who want me around just for the sole purpose of wanting more people around them.

It's unfortunately very common these days and it's best to be careful who you choose as your friends as you never know what someone's about, I suggest when making friends start slow by setting boundaries and take things step by step to prevent yourself from getting hurt as sometimes being too vulnerable and open when just meeting someone you want to have as a friend can lead to alot of hurt, you can never be too safe.

 

[ZeroT21]

Some people value friendship, some don't. People can also change over time. Being friends with someone does not mean you'll get all the trust you deserve. To me friends are just people you merely happen to meet more than once, something to shove in my short term memory. Basically friends are are people you can get along with for some time