Some drama...

[heavyknight]

I'll start by saying this relates to my mom, and school. It's insignificant, somewhat, but everything has boundaries and limits.
It sounds like it's all about me, but, it really isn't. I just hate being affected because of something so trivial/simple...
I value my friend more and put him above anything, too. Thinking about others, FTW!
But just once, I want to be selfish. Just once, I would like to have something. Some peace, some care, something.

<b>The story with school</b> -

Spoiler

I have an alternative education thing and only need to go to school for a meeting with the teacher/progress update, once a week. However, I'm a lazyass, and have never really done my homework since Kindergarten. I'm now in 12th grade. And I am -not- exaggerating.

There's this thing about me and my friend is, when we exaggerate, it usually isn't actually exaggerated, at least, it later ends up not exaggerated. To be specific, we're...quite the characters. Long story. The reason I'm mentioning this is, for the later parts of some rant.

As well as, I <b>-really-</b> hate school. I never really liked going after a certain grade, and then definitely hated it by 8th grade. Failure of a system, students weren't being focused on, etc. Basically, I often felt sick, and if they had paid some attention to it, maybe they could've found a health problem, but, no. Instead, I was either sent back to class, or given some excuse. I even fell to the floor once and they pulled me back up, I was feeling horrible, yet they weren't being so considerate. As well as, each student is different. Aside the fact they told me to talk to some girl who 'went through what I went through', classes just plain suck. History - I'd be willing to go through it as extra credit, otherwise, don't waste my time by teaching something that'll be forgotten by summer.

<b>The story : 1 week of bad parenting</b> -

Spoiler

It started last Thursday. I didn't want to go to the school appointment because, I was sleeping, and I had nothing done.
My mom looked through my homework papers after I told her to call in and tell them I'd come next week. She said stuff about me, which made me mad...I wasn't able to get back to sleep right away after that...
Then came Friday. Not much happened.
Saturday - I was able to rest, if only an hour.
Sunday - I can't remember all too well, it wasn't great, though.
Monday - 8AM, she mentions school again/nags me about it again. I was too pissed to sleep properly.
Tuesday - Same time, she does it yet again. I told myself if she did it again, I would rip the papers in half. And so I did.
Things also happened on Tuesday, she crossed the line. She said stuff, and then said...

I'm causing <b>-HER-</b> problems/trouble. It's <b>-MY-</b> homework, and I <b>technically</b> only need a few papers, the rest would be typed.
How would <b>-I-</b> be causing <b>-HER-</b> problems?
She's the one who made me rip it in the first place. Now I have to go to school, and find an online alternative. Why? Because I've had it. I'm sick of people looking through my papers and saying stuff about my school.

My oldest brother would randomly ask if I did my homework, at least, back then. And now, my mom's insulting me without even <b>properly <u>reading</u></b> the problems on the papers?!

She's the one who compared a small incision to a major surgery of mine. I mentioned before that I had a surgery for a case of Testicle Torsion, and well, I couldn't even walk 10 steps without being in hell.
As well as, when I was supposed to be resting, a bunch of crap came up, such as school, worst thing to mention, then driving. Why would I care about driving if I could barely even walk? It wasn't even a week after my surgery...

Is some sensitivity too much to ask for? She even mentions the 'tard all casually, and even mentions about him driving me places. She knows I would rather kill him than be next to him....

Sure, sure, she's done a lot, but that was along time ago... now, she's not even showing any interest in me. I'm ungrateful, yes. I'm slowly gaining thoughts of hating her, like how I hate the tard.... eventually, if this goes on, it'll become like the tard, and I want the tard dead, so replace tard with mom... it's an awful thing to say, but there's nothing I can do about it anymore.
It's all about the neglect...

<b>Story - An unhealthy week</b>

Spoiler

The same week as the above, I was stuck with fried foods. Wantons, fried. I only had 3 handful of baby carrots, that's it. After that, it was even worse. As a midnight snack, one time was eggs, sausages, and bread/bagels, For 'breakfast', before sleeping, it was the same. Over a span of 3 days, that's 18 sausages, 11 eggs, 12 or so slices of bread, and 3 bagels.
No greens. Before that, it was days of fried Wantons. While it may not sound so bad/or sound like a lot, a little goes a long way.
It doesn't take long for health issues to occur, and I'm often furious when the two tards are around or when my 'mom' mentions school, and with some feelings, my heart already isn't in good shape. Nothing but annoyance. Only today did I get something with lettuce in it.
Because of the rage, I'm unable to practice with my wooden axe. I usually do it to become a little stronger. There's another long story behind that. And ever since Thursday, I haven't been able to do anything. Even today...I really want to, but there are just too many issues, it's not as simple as to go out and do it. Sleep issues lead to body issues, body issues affect overall health, etc, etc.

Wall of text-

Spoiler

Parenting...it annoys me to see such bad parenting, or such disregard to parents. Even complaining here hurts a bit. I want to become a parent one day, and to do things right, unlike my family.
I've been playing games for a long time, ever since Kindergarten. I've learned practically everything from them. What's wrong is, my parents had nothing to do with it.

I gained the better of the morals from heroes of RPGs, who, oddly enough, are all beasts of sorts. While I can't remember everything correctly due to some issues....

It started with Lazarus from Shining Tears. I learned the value of friends and the like, and wanted to protect it all. Deego of Rogue Galaxy, I learned I had to move on, to move forward, and such. Vector from Sonic, I started to appreciate music and even go detailwhore mode about them. And even cheat my own music. I also began to become more open, and more who I 'should' be and who I 'really' am. Quite a lot alike, to add. Sogreth from Brave Story, I'm sure I learned something. I think it was about parenting. Inspired me to want to change a bit, to become tougher in a few ways. Thrown in Rouen and Volg, Shining Wind/Tears respectively, I decided to be more like a leader, to adjust my emotions and keep myself in check. There's much more, but my mind is fuzzy right now. It would also take some time to list everthing.

So you can see why I'm adamant about games being good when someone says crap about them. They were more parent like than my own parents. In the future, I want to be what my son looks up to... I want to be involved with my kids, and keep my relations with them in check, to avoid having them hate me. Because hatred...it's a mix of good and bad...and to have my own kid hate me like how I hate some people, that would break my heart.

I gained so much from so little, yet...my parents had almost nothing to do with it all...

Extended wall with random information -

Spoiler

Back in the 6th grade, it was my final open house, and my dad promised he would come, instead, he stayed home....
Then when the tard stole my stuff and sold it off, he got away with it. My dad wasn't even mad that he took/stole $500 once.
They also keep saying stuff about getting something for my head, because I'm suffering hair loss. Nothing has happened. Still.

Hell, my mom said something about my friend being better than me and then saying something else about him without knowing my name. It was the first time he visited, it was when I was down and out with the surgery. The only person I could truly count on/rely on.

My dad is the reason I have a bad case of arachnophobia. I was tormented in the 2nd grade, because he put spiders in a bag to get me to do stuff like homework...also another reason why I hate school.
He would often yell and crap...over simple stuff.

Back in Jr. High, 8th/8-2, I lost my will to live and stopped wanting to go. I'd rather die than continue anything...and, well, all my mom did was yell. I was able to talk in a normal tone at one point, all calm while she was annoying...
I remember saying, at school, that I wanted to talk. The staff acted like they knew what she did, and that she was busy. NO. She would clean the bathrooms, and then head to the garage to sew things. She had plenty of time for a simple chat. But, no. Neglect, neglect, neglect. After those days, she didn't even think about it. I remember even telling her she cared more about school than she did about me, and she even agreed to it. I couldn't sleep early/had trouble.

In fact, I had trouble sleeping since 6th grade, as time passed, I gained a mild case of insomnia. It was ignored. I sought attention and 'friends' in an MMO. 7th grade, and MapleStory. Troubled teens and MMOs. My parents say I just play games on the computer, and well...now...they don't even know why I play.

They have no idea about anything. I don't just do nothing on the computer. I work on various things, and if you look at my esnips, I even 'do' music. For example, songs like B/W's Emotion song, I wanted it to feel different than the original. I wanted it to have more emotions, and now I'm slightly tearing up inside while listening to it. Even as I type, it plays.
I like to sketch, and I even do flash drawings from time to time. Things related to games are my passion, and there are many things that make me tick, things that make me 'unique'. Hell, my dad didn't even know I practiced with my axe until I was a little late with my training schedule. My mom probably still doesn't know.
To them, I'm apparently unhealthy and stupid.

And that's what pisses me off the most....

Lots of I's and such, seems quite conceited, but, whatever. You have to be selfish at least once in a lifetime...
Sadly, I'm not gaining anything out of this.

Where did they go wrong? What did I do wrong? All I was doing was living life and doing things I love... I wake up only because my friend is there, the only reason I'm living nowadays...

To be honest, it's a weird feeling and a weird thing to say, but my mom has 'shown' me how humans really are.
There are a few types of humans, and 'humans'. Selfish, greedy, dumb... take and take and take...
the real sides to human beings...it's always about themselves, yet when someone near by is 'down', they go and 'care' about them, but after the incident, they go back to, it's all about them...

Then there are -real- humans, who can actually think about others. Even if it's in a bad way, at least it's about someone else.

Those that evolve and change, and those that devolve and stand still. I have no idea where I'm at, but at least this clears things up. It make sense, at least...

And before I go to sleep, I'm not sure if I'm delusional or not.

Part human, part animal, two sides to a coin, three things as a whole...
I'm not a furry, I'm (moderately) furry (hairy, technically), but am not -a- furry. Though, for some reason, it feels like I have some sort of connections to either animals, beasts of sorts, and primarily, reptiles. Another long story is behind it. I don't know what else to say.

I guess I'm just a little nervous waiting for tomorrow. I need be what I'm not...to be able to say things and be firm..and thorough about my mom and everything I feel about school, when I talk to the teacher I meet with.

Slowly, I gain a cold heart... emotions turn to stone. Hatred and happiness, blood-lust and sadness, it's nothing but a mixed bag of emotions now. Hating with a smile, killing with a sad face, you get the point.
Half good, half bad. For the better or for worse, might as well see where this takes me. Whatever happens, happens. Happy enough with a friend that's always there.

 

[Warrior522]

...depressing.

I wish you luck, my friend...

 

[purplesludge]

It seems like you can't understand why you are responsible for some of your own problems and want to blame someone else. If this is the worst that has happened then you need to be more responsible for yourself. I'll probably add more later right now i'm going to get lunch.

 

[Sterling]

It seems like you can't understand why you are responsible for some of your own problems and want to blame someone else. If this is the worst that has happened then you need to be more responsible for yourself. I'll probably add more later right now i'm going to get lunch.

It does seem like that. Although it seems like gone to hell and back. If you read the whole thing (I skipped the random information section), you'll see he has been sick a lot, and sounds like he is sick now. When you live with your parents, and you are older you will start to see the flaws in your parents. I see my parents flaws now. When I was a kid, I didn't see anything like that. They were my parents, and they always seemed like they knew what was best for me. Now I have seen my dad change from someone I could respect to someone who is akin to a kid with a magnifying glass burning the ants just because he can. (Gonna make a blog soon if you can't tell.

) When you get older, most people develop a reasonable sense of empathy. This is why kids rebel from their parents, because they see what they are doing and they know they can do just because. It's like bullying on the internet, it's so easy to troll someone you don't know, but even easier to flaunt your epeen when you do it. In this case however, it's the parental epeen.


All I can say is that I am there with you, and I know just how you feel. Putting blame on someone who may deserve some blame, but they don't deserve some of it. You have to learn to take responsibility for your actions. In real life your boss could be just like your mom, you rip your papers just like you did with your homework, you'd be out of a job. Take it to heart that you won't be living with your mom forever, and when you leave you have a chance to hurt her more than anyway you could ever hurt her while you live with her. I would not condone it, but it seems like you are hell bent on hurting her. When you leave the nest, give her the proverbial middle finger (No gestures) in the best way you know.