Japanese translation attempt. if you know it, how close was I?

Discussion in 'General Off-Topic Chat' started by ichidansan, Jul 24, 2012.

  1. ichidansan
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    Member ichidansan GBAtemp Regular

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    videos deleted
    this is the edited/translated version. to the best of my understanding, with some research and machine translation.



    videos deleted
    This is the untranslated/unedited version. if you can understand japanese, any help would be appreciated. Im still in the middle of the beginners course of it all.
     
  2. bahamut920

    Member bahamut920 GBAtemp Fan

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    As somebody who is a native English speaker, but only understands a few words of Japanese, the dialogue at least seems natural. It doesn't look like an obvious machine translation. I can't comment on accuracy, but the "flow" seems good. The only grammatical mistake I noticed is the line at the very end, "I won't lose Hinata." That should go, "I won't lose, Hinata." The comma is very important in the interpretation of that line; the first line is saying that she won't misplace Hinata, whereas the second states that she won't lose to Hinata.
     
  3. ichidansan
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    Member ichidansan GBAtemp Regular

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    yea, the machine translation was ghastly. and as old as I am, I'm still not the best with grammar/punctuation. so I tend forget commas and such. Thanks for your input. much appreciated.


    this is what the machine gave me.



    Are not I can only imagine I'll like that very much aimed at the seat of the heroine are you recently

    That 's not true example Resona ·


    Ya do not do the same idea some time · · · [F]?

    Well er ·

    The seat of the heroine without debate this remains
    To not give up I will not go
    I win!
     
  4. Minox

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    Hinata never actually says "Well, I don't think I have". That just seems to be added to make sure the first part of that translated dialogue seem right.
     
  5. ichidansan
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    Member ichidansan GBAtemp Regular

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    yea, I added that. It made it make more sense for what sakura says next. as from what I gather, she is saying "you haven't tried to do that yet?" in the sense that sakura has been trying to take the heroine lead. as well as the machine translation says 'thats not true example reason" so the 'well I don't think i have" is hinata wondering the reason and example that makes sakura think she is trying to take the spot of the heroine. at least that is how i rationalized it.
     
  6. Densetsu

    Former Staff Densetsu Pubic Ninja

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    I took a look at the Japanese video first and translated it on my own without looking at yours so as not to be influenced by your choice of words, and also because I wanted to be able to compare our translations:
    Warning: Spoilers inside!

    As for your translation, it looks cool. No two translations of a dialogue are ever the same (unless you're translating really basic sentences; there's only one way to say "this is a pen" in Japanese). Once you have accuracy down, it just comes down to how well you can capture the original feelings and connotations of the source language and still make it sound natural in the target language.

    Feel free to use parts of my own if you want :)

    If you have any questions as to why I chose to render certain sentences as I did, just ask and I'll provide my rationale and point out the grammar in the Japanese text.
     
  7. ichidansan
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    Member ichidansan GBAtemp Regular

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    wow, i really wish i had got a notification on this. this makes much more sense =). I guess I was close enough, especially not knowing but only basic japanese words (colors,few "verb" words and m/d/y) as for when I first started attempting to translate it, i was going to use"I wonder about that," for the どうかしら but I couldn't thing of anything to follow that. and the only reason I was going to use"i wonder..." was because of all the anime subs I've seen use something close to that for どうかしら.

    I might edit in your translation, since it looks/sounds much nicer than mine.

    here is what I managed to come up with on the last translation I had to do


    サクラに勝ったからって 
    安心しちやだめよ   
    Don't think you can be at peace just because you beat Sakura

    本当のヒロイン決定線は
    This will determine who the true heroine is!

    あの・・・わたし・・・ そんなつもりないよ 
    um...I... never intended to do that!

    言ってくれるわね~
    私より席に劇人EXシリースに登場しといて  
    everyone else has apperared in the EX series but me!

    そんなあ・・・ 
    oh such a...

    まあいいわ
    私も無事登場できたわけだし 
    It's ok, I'm not too worried about it.

    正々堂々とヒロインの座を勝けて勝負よ! 
    But It's Only fair that I'm the Heroine of this game!
     
  8. Densetsu

    Former Staff Densetsu Pubic Ninja

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    Yeah, sorry about that. You only get notified if someone actually quotes your post or if someone "mentions" you in a post by putting an "@" before your name like this: @[member='ichidansan']

    Not bad for being in first-semester Japanese ;)

    You're correct in that どうかしら means "I wonder..." But one thing that beginning Japanese students tend to do is translate everything literally. There's nothing wrong with that, but if you're too literal, you end up losing things in translation. Japanese is a context-heavy language with lots of idioms that don't translate well into English, so sometimes you just have to use equivalent expressions that mean the same thing, even if it's not literal.

    I'll give you an example:

    お前、背中が広いやん!
    Omae, senaka ga hiroi yan!
    Literal translation: You've got a wide back!
    What it really means: You've got a huge responsibility!

    If you can imagine the image of the titan Atlas carrying the entire world on his shoulders, this is the connotation the phrase "you have a wide back" is trying to convey. To have a "wide back" in Japanese implies being able to (or having to) shoulder a large (not necessarily physical) burden. I can guarantee that most people wouldn't translate that properly even after years of learning Japanese unless they knew the idiom.

    Off-topic, but useful to know

    This is what I mean about being literal. It's correct, but in English we wouldn't say that. We would say something like "Don't think you can relax just because you beat Sakura," or even better: "Don't think you can rest on your laurels just because you beat Sakura." It's quite alright to take liberties, as long as the translated message is the same as the original language.

    I think this may either be an incomplete sentence, or requires more context in order to render properly. It looks like something should come after the は at the end of the sentence. And I'm almost certain that the 線 (sen) at the end of 決定線 should actually be 戦 (also pronounced sen), or 決定戦.

    そんなつもりない is a very versatile phrase because its meaning changes depending on context.

    A: You hurt her feelings!
    B: I wasn't trying to!
    A: 傷ついたよ!
    B: そんなつもりないよ!

    Guy: You wanna go and hit up a movie?
    Girl: I won't have sex with you.
    Guy: That's not what I meant! D:
    Guy: 映画でも見に行こう?
    Girl: エッチなんかしないよ。
    Guy: そんなつもりない!(´Д`;)

    A: How can you joke at a time like this??
    B: I-I wasn't being funny!
    A: こんな時にあんな冗談を言うか??
    B: そ、そんなつもりないよ

    I'm not sure what this is saying without more context. Is this a character "breaking the 4th wall," so to speak? If so, this would make a whole lot more sense.

    This is actually something you say when you're surprised, usually in a negative way.

    A: I locked myself out of my house.
    B: That sucks...
    A: 鍵締め出された。
    B: そんなあ・・・

    A: Did you hear about that shooting incident at the theater in Colorado? Fourteen people were killed!
    B: No way...
    A: あのコロラド映画館での発射事件のこと聞いた?14人も死亡したよ!
    B: そんなあ・・・

    まあいいわ is best translated into natural English as "(m)eh, whatever." Again, this looks like a "4th wall" comment. It sounds like the speaker is relieved that he/she got to make an appearance in the game.

    This actually means:
    Let's battle fair-and-square for the title of "Heroine!"
     
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  9. ichidansan
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    Member ichidansan GBAtemp Regular

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    @[member='Densetsu']

    This is all extremely helpful. thanks so much! 4th wall explanation in spoiler
    Warning: Spoilers inside!

    as for the "sen" that is what it looked like to me. and the (im not sure what it is) hiragana above the sen was a bit too blurry,as most game text is. but it looked like ka .and using the windows IME system is how I've been doing most of the translation work. but the sen I have is the one closest to what I could find/type out from what the screenshot shows

    [​IMG]

    I accidently posted ^twice.....how do i merge?
     
  10. Densetsu

    Former Staff Densetsu Pubic Ninja

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    No problem! Anything I can do to help a budding translator :)

    Thanks for the explanation, it makes a lot more sense now. It's extremely difficult for even an experienced translator (if not impossible) to translate a single line of Japanese text without context, so when you request help with translating something, it helps to provide as much background information (circumstances, scenario, who's speaking to whom, etc.) as possible.

    So I guess the shortened version would be 劇忍 rather than 劇人 ;)

    I clicked on it but I think you might have linked the wrong picture. It doesn't contain the lines pertaining to 決定線. But in the picture above, the kanji most certainly is 勝(か).

    Do you have a screenshot containing this line?
    Usually if you double-post, the forum will auto-merge them. But sometimes it doesn't happen for some reason. Just "Report" your own post and request a merge the next time that happens (regular members can't merge their own posts).

    Good luck with your translation ^_^

    You can always check out my 日本語-related threads here:
     
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  11. ichidansan
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    Member ichidansan GBAtemp Regular

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    @[member='Densetsu']

    ok this should be the screen you were wanting.

    [​IMG]


    and I see you were right about the sen =)

    also as an example of my translation process, the first part of this translation is

    サクラに勝ったからって安心しちやだめよ

    since I can only understand how to say the characters, I have to do a machine translation.
    google gave me this

    "No blood or peace to me because I won the Sakura" (I'm like wtf at this)

    and that is where I went from to get
    "Don't think you can be at peace just because you beat sakura."

    and as you said, it was literal. but coming from what I had to go on, it looks decent.

    Oh, and I forgot to mention, I had already seen your Learning japanese FAQ. main reason I wanted to actually take learning/translating it seriously.
     
  12. ichidansan
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    @Densetsu or anyone else who can help/comment/critique/grammar correct.
    Ok, Im sorta stuck on this. I think I have the generalization of it,but a few lines I'm a bit unsure of.


    Tsunade:

    悪いな・・・ 
    (Sorry)

    いつも損な役回りを押し付けて 
    (I always seem to put you in this kinds of situation)

    Jiraiya:
    何だ急に!? 
    (What's this all of a sudden?) or (what brought this up?)

    Tsunade:
    火影になるべきは 本来お前だったと 
    (You're the one that was, originally, Suppose to become Hokage.)

    Jiraiya:
    ワシはそんなかラじゃない・・・
    (I'm not cut out for that...)
    自由気ままが性にあつている
    (I like to be Free and uninhibited.)

    Tsunade:
    そうだな・・・
    (Yea,)
    色々あって ついな・・・
    (I figured as much.) or (I thought so.)

    Jiraiya:
    ワシらの役目は 次の世代のために 
    (My role is to set an example for the next generation,and help them out.)

    ガラにもなく
    (This isn't like you.)
    そんなにしんみりするなって-の 
    (Don't be so down in the dumps.) or (Don't be so down on yourself.)

    Tsunade:
    ふふ・・・そうんだつたな 
    (Haha,) 
    私のガラじゃない
    (I guess I wasn't one to be like this.)

    Jiraiya:
    そうだそうだ・・・
    (Thats right.)

    よしそのてほんとなるほかげの実力を 
    (Alright!)
    ひとつ見せてもたらうとするかのオ
    (Show me the ability of the Hokage that you've become!)/(Show me your strength as a Hokage)/(Lets see what kind of Hokage you've become)


    -----

    I am having a lot of trouble with this part here. (different mission/characters)

    orochimaru

    こんな所で会うなんて  
    奇遇ね

    Anko

    とんだ厄日だわ・・・ 今日はおとなしく 
    帰って おしるこで飲んでようかしら

    orochimaru

    あら・・・せっかくの再会なのに 
    何もせずな行ってしまうつもり

    Anko

    冗談よ・・・あんたを見逃したら
    せっかくのおしるこが 不味くなるわ

    orochimaru
    くくく・・・楽しめそうね
     
  13. Densetsu

    Former Staff Densetsu Pubic Ninja

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    @[member='ichidansan']

    Sorry for the late reply. For some reason the "@" thing didn't work so I never got the notification. I put my reply in green text in the spoilers below.

     
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  14. Gahars

    Member Gahars Bakayaro Banzai

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    I can't speak for how well it holds up to the original text, but the English works at least.
     
  15. ichidansan
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    [member='Densetsu']

    lol. Yea, I noticed that it didn't link to you, so I figured you'd see it when you could.

    Glad to know I did an ok job with the Tsunade-Jiraiya part. but I came up with something really different for the anko-orochimaru.

    Anko-Orochimaru
    Warning: Spoilers inside!

    Naruto-Anko. Glad to say I really didn't need much help on this one, most of it was by ear.
    Warning: Spoilers inside!
    Again, Im still having to use google to translate a bit of the text so thats probably why im so far off the mark of your TL.

    Jiraiya-Orochimaru
    Warning: Spoilers inside!

    Thanks for all the help. I'm soon to be at another attempt, so If I can't figure out a part, I'll post here in hopes you don't mind helping. =)
     
  16. ichidansan
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    Member ichidansan GBAtemp Regular

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    Yea, since I'm still in the learning process, it's a bit tough tom be completely accurate. I keep having to reference to the anime and manga translations to make
    sense of how the writer makes the characters dialog flow, and how they use it in the context that they do. Especially when google translate throws me a curve
    of nonsense for parts I don't understand. glad to at least know that my English works XD.
     
  17. ichidansan
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    [member='Densetsu']


    I've pretty much gotten used to translating, as I can read and hear what's said a bit better now. but this one is just way to confusing.

    I cant tell if oil was being sold or if it was spilled on paperwork that has to be redone.

    Warning: Spoilers inside!

    I can get the gist of it, but need confirmation =p

    Warning: Spoilers inside!
     

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