In need of advice with dealing with my Mother

[elmoreas]

So here is the deal, my wife and I live in a 3 bedroom house and we just found out she is pregnant. Some issues are going on with her work but her union rep is supposedly going to fix that and my Dad is a lawyer so if he doesn't my dad will, plus her income is for savings we really live off mine. (Hold on this is important backstory for giving me appropriate advice) One bedroom is ours, the 2nd is my office ie how I provide for my family, and the third we want to be the nursery/childs room; BUT my handicapped elderly mother lives with us and it is her room at the moment. She has DCNSD, PKD, Alzhiemers, Tremors, and some other issues. She only gets $872/month from the Govn't (BTW No bashing my mom she worked and paid into the system for 42 years before this all happened) so its not enough for her to live on her own. Around here rent for a 1 bedroom studio in a crappy area is $500/month that leaves her with $372 for a Bus Pass, Food, Rx Copay's, and Basic Utilities.... Just no way.

Anyways my problem is we need the room, but I don't have the heart, and not even sure if I have the right as she was a great mom, to tell her to leave. What do I do. Help, Tips, Advice? Thanks.

Elmoreas


P.S. I thought of having her move out and use her own money as much as she could and then whatever she fell short on, my wife and I would pay. But considering the source of our spare income and the need to start saving for a baby my wife doesn't like that idea... at all.

 

[Chaosruler]

I will kill you if you kick the mom who raised you (and according to you, she did well) to the streets, I'd rather you rent another house/close by house and have to pay more to deal with your mother then kicking her out, she needs your care and she gave you enough, it's more then fair that you'd return it, you can always ask "the girl next door" to maybe rent\sell her house if there's a space problem
P.S: there is a money issue, but it's money against morale

 

[elmoreas]

Yeah no kidding why I am in such soul searching horrific turmoil right now. I don't what to do. It almost feels like being given an ultimatem between your pregnant wife and your mom. Ahhhh. Help.

 

[BobTheJoeBob]

Your stuck between a rock and a hard place here. If you kicked out your mother I would cry. (OK, not really). What you could do, is put the cot in your room. (depending on how big it is) and save up for a new Apartment big enough for you, your wife, your office, your mum and that Nursery room you want. Just a thought.

 

[Hells Malice]

Not really much advice to give. Mostly this is just a matter of "Do you have the balls".
You could always put her in an old folks home, where she'd get cared for.
Instead of getting her to live by herself. Dunno if that'd fly with her though.

Honestly your best bet would probably just be try to talk to her about this situation.

 

[elmoreas]

Well we live in a house in a HOA/Community that we do not want to leave as it is really good here but, I think you are right we may just have to move and look for a 4-5 bedroom house. Or I guess we could finish the loft off into a bedroom. Does anyone know if a 1/2 wall can be finished into a full wall so a overhaning loft can be turned into a real room and a door installed. Cause if so I could move my office in there once it got the proper wires installed and enough wall space and a window put in.

Edit: @ Hells Malice: Problem... She has alzhiemers. She wouldn't understand and if she did she would forget really fast. God bless her no one could have asked for a better mother.

 

[Chaosruler]

Also, take it from me, she lived with people for her whole life (her parents, her husband, and now with you), if you'd leave her alone in her own house (even if you manage to), she'd probably die/be damaged somehow, if she's a great mother she deserves a place at your appartment

 

[emigre]

TBH the loft conversion sounds like your best option. The thought of your mother living by herself with her health is just heartbreaking.

 

[_Chaz_]

Screw Attack to take care of the circles coming at you and missiles to break the glass. Save Super Missiles for damaging hits.




Yeah.

 

[elmoreas]

@Chaz: You confuse me.

Others: TYVM, I think I will call my nephew, he is a carpenter and have him look at it and see what he says about fixing up the loft and hiring and electrician to do the wiring. BTW please do not think I am some bad guy, I would never just kick my mother out and say here you go. If I had to I would sell my soul on ebay to get her what she needed and deserves.

 

[Issac]

Dude, A baby doesn't take up much space at all. He or she could easily fit in your bedroom for a couple of years, and by then maybe you can find a bigger place, or have your mother put in a special home (We have those Alzheimers homes here in sweden atleast... my grandma lives in one, where they get proper care and medicine and stuff from nurses).

But yeah, the baby can live easily in your bedroom. And even when he or she is a few years old, he or she can play in the livingroom or in the kitchen, and just sleep (or also play) in the bedroom..

 

[Hells Malice]

Edit: @ Hells Malice: Problem... She has alzhiemers. She wouldn't understand and if she did she would forget really fast. God bless her no one could have asked for a better mother.

Ah right. Well it might seem cruel, but it might be best anyways to put her in a home. Simply because they can give her constant professional care and all that. She'd probably protest, but it would be for her benefit in the end.

 

[playallday]

Kick your wife in the somach.
























OK, hopefully you didn't rage after that joke.

But for real, is it possible to rent something really close by? That way she could almost live at your place, and sleep at her place.

 

[monkat]

$500/month that leaves her with $372 for a Bus Pass, Food, Rx Copay's, and Basic Utilities.... Just no way.

More than I have

Although medications are expensive.

You could always get a larger place and charge her a small rent so that you can all live there, baby and all.

 

[Canonbeat234]

Sorry, even I know this solution can't be answered. Ask your mother, then come to us.

 

[Xale]

well....what about your office? do you really need a whole room for everything in there? maybe you can put all that stuff in your room. if not, then i agree with Issac, have the baby live in your room for a couple of years while you figure something out

 

[zeromac]

So you want to kick your disabled mother, who suffers from multiple problems, out of your house to make room for your baby.
The person that raised you, you want to kick them out on the street?

 

[mcp2]

Put the cot in your room, it's meant to be there anyway. By the time the child is old enough for their own room your mother, sadly, may have passed away. I'm sure you can live with her for the last years of her life.