Help me deal with my breakup

[cherryduck]

Hello everyone, I've just come out of a two and a half year relationship, and she was my first love so I'm crushed. Trying to listen to music, it seems every song is about love or breaking up, my phone is filled with pics and videos of her and my computer is filled with more pics and videos, from right when we started going out when she was 15 and I was 16. I can't play Super Mario World anymore because she loved it and always played it, the shelf above my bed is filled with cards and presents from her, everywhere I look there's memories and mementos. And yet, it gets more complicated, because she still wants to be friends and have sex, and I'd love the sex obviously but I don't think I could keep myself emotionally detached, and if she found someone else I know I would be madly jealous. Please help me out of this mess! Or at least give me some comforting or wise words...

 

[Urza]

Play horror-based video games. Replacing one emotion with another is easier than simply trying to get rid of it (fear in this case).

 

[Opium]

Hello everyone, I've just come out of a two and a half year relationship, and she was my first love so I'm crushed. Trying to listen to music, it seems every song is about love or breaking up, my phone is filled with pics and videos of her and my computer is filled with more pics and videos, from right when we started going out when she was 15 and I was 16. I can't play Super Mario World anymore because she loved it and always played it, the shelf above my bed is filled with cards and presents from her, everywhere I look there's memories and mementos. And yet, it gets more complicated, because she still wants to be friends and have sex, and I'd love the sex obviously but I don't think I could keep myself emotionally detached, and if she found someone else I know I would be madly jealous. Please help me out of this mess! Or at least give me some comforting or wise words...

Okay there are two alternatives here:

1. You guys are too young/immature/not ready for a proper relationship. So don't worry yourself too much about it. You have many many years ahead of you to live and explore and perhaps meet to right one for you.
2. She breaks up with you. Still wants to be friends AND have sex with you? Cue the time you should run away if you're looking for a proper relationship.

 

[Deleted member 110780]

I wouldn't consider this a break-up, more of a downgrade(or upgrade for some of you out there XD). If she doesn't want a serious relationship, then that's that. You're both eligible for other people but you still have casual sex/you're friends with benefits. Sex doesn't always have to be emotional, and as you go grow up you'll find that you're not the only one having sex with your friends. It's really common for friends to do this, especially in college, but don't expect it.

You're young and you need more experience out there in the world. Who knows? This may or may not be love. Not even the love you're wanting it to be. There are tons of different kinds of love out there, and it's easy to get confused.

 

[Joujoudoll]

Why is it men give the worse advice?

Don't have casual sex with her, that's just going to cause more pain and suffering...

I think you should take some time away and think about things... If you want to stay in contact, keep it short at first and give yourself time to heal. Get rid of all the things she gave you, or at least put it away somewhere, where you'll forget about it for a while.

I was engaged for 2 years and my ex was cheating on me with other women... I hated him for that, but at the same time, I loved him unconditionally and I was ready to marry him. It's so hard and it took me about 2 1/2 years to get over him. I've only been over him for about a year now.

It's not easy, it takes time, and right now you probably feel like this pain will never go away, but it does.

Each person is different, so it might take you less time or more time, I don't know.

Try to do things that keep your mind occupied.

I hope you will be okay, and you'll be able to heal and get over her eventually.

 

[silverspoon]

.

 

[Dylan]

play some JUS wifi with us tonight. go to general chat in wifi subforum

 

[jalaneme]

Why is it men give the worse advice?

Don't have casual sex with her, that's just going to cause more pain and suffering...

I think you should take some time away and think about things... If you want to stay in contact, keep it short at first and give yourself time to heal. Get rid of all the things she gave you, or at least put it away somewhere, where you'll forget about it for a while.

I was engaged for 2 years and my ex was cheating on me with other women... I hated him for that, but at the same time, I loved him unconditionally and I was ready to marry him. It's so hard and it took me about 2 1/2 years to get over him. I've only been over him for about a year now.

It's not easy, it takes time, and right now you probably feel like this pain will never go away, but it does.

Each person is different, so it might take you less time or more time, I don't know.

Try to do things that keep your mind occupied.

I hope you will be okay, and you'll be able to heal and get over her eventually.

listen to this girl man, she speaks the truth, i know how it feels when it comes to breakups, i've recently come out of a 3 year relationship and it was hard for me to break up with him, even though he was treating me like a real sleaze.

trust me being single ain't that bad, having casual sex after a long term relationship will mess with both of your minds emotionally and will leave very bad memories after, just don't do it.

 

[laminaatplaat]

I wouldnt go for the half-assed solution, so don't be "just friends" and have casual sex. Maybe the best way to make it obvious enough for her to see is just to tell you that you dont want to see her anymore. Maybe she comes to the conclusion that thats aint what she wanted at all. I can see how this could be a problem when you share the same friendsgroup.

And ofcourse get a box to put all the stuff in and backup the computer files.

Goodluck anyway!

 

[Mikesch]

The way I see it...she gave you a real hard slap in the face when she said "I don't want a relationship with you, but your good enough to get off on." (Only in this circumstance tho

) It's like saying your mind and being are absolutly useless to her, but the cock is all she craves.

Box up every last picture, gift, memento, and computer document you have. I've been there. You'll do a mass sweep, and every now and then something will poke out that you forgot.

Judging by your story this leaves your age around...18 and a half? 19? For most males this is their 'prime years'. Great time to be single. Make dew with that, enjoy being single while you can.

Overall your getting a lot of people saying 'Let it go'. Being friends is healthy, and sometimes hard work...but I'd recommend at least 2-3 months of not seeing her first...give you some heal time you know? She definately shouldn't be your #1 chum to hang out with at the moment

.

And lastly, I recommend getting over this 'Super Mario World' thing. You make it sound like she's the only one in the world who likes this game...when it sold the most SNES games overall.

It's cliche...but...Time heals buddy.

 

[crescentsaber]

but.... I love Super Mario World too.... =(

anyways what most of the ppl said here is basically the way to go, ok lets put them into a few steps - that would make it easier for you hey ? Do this step by step and you'll get over her before you know it.

01. Try not to see her or at least decrease the frequency. Try to hang out with your friends ( they might be scarce after a 2,5 yrs relationship but hey.. meeting new ppl is also an alternative )

02. Get a job. If you have one, get another one. Keep yourself busy. Ok, playing games is another form of getting yourself busy, but you dont' make money that way. Working part time or even casual is the best way to get your mind off things AND get your wallet filled at the same time.

03. No casual sex. Trust me. I've been there, I've done that, and if I'm given a chance to undo that I would love that very much. If you're thinking that by keep having casual sex with her, there might be a chance to get her back in your arms, ditch that thought. I have the exact way of thinking and trust me - doesnt work that way. If you're really, really, really, really REALLY horny, go download porn. You might even know yourself better in terms or preferences (e.g asian brunette blonde etc )

04. Box her stuff and presents, but keep one, LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY, just ONE thing that is very significant for both of you. If you're doing step 1, 2 & 3 correctly, in a few weeks you will find this memento is not as significant as it used to be anymore. When you do, thats the first step of getting over someone !

phew.

hope that helps hey ? Breaking up sucks, but not being able to get over someone sucks even more. It blinds you, yo' , from all the good things ( and all the good chicks ) out there.

Trust me, words from someone who've been cheated on 5 times with 5 different guys by the same girl is absolute.

 

[feds4u]

Holy shit Lad get a hold of yourself.

You are 18, possibly 19. Do you know how many women you will poke before the age of 30?

And you haven't even found the Woman you'll mary. She's still out there somewhere. Or let me guess, you actually thought you'd mary some little bird you met when she was 15. I hope that's not what you were thinking, because if you were, I'm giving you a bitch slap with the power of my mind.

It looks something like this:

Here's my advice. Its going to sting like a slap in the face but its also the best advice you'll receive in this thread.

1. Make a clean break of it. By offering you sex this bitch is just leading you around by the nose. You're a man. Get it? No one should lead like a dog. Sex isn't a scooby snack. Some women like to use it as a reward when they want to control a gulible, weak willed man. By offering you the "friends with benfits package" she's just hoping to keep you around as a safety blanket, or if she needs something. Basically she's unsure she wants to break up with you or she's using you. (Or Both) Neither situation is good. You don't need her pussy, there's plenty more where that came from.

2. Get rid of the crap. You don't have to throw your mementos away, but at least get them out of your site.

2. Lastly be a Man goddamnit. Stop whining about some teenage break up and start living your wonderful and glorious life. The second you put your cock inside another women you'll forget this bitch ever existed. Trust me on that one.

 

[Eternal Myst]

Play Legend of Zelda games and watch a Disney Movie.....a good one at least,and eat Reece's Peanut Butter.

 

[Toni Plutonij]

Fuck, I feel sorry for you..I believe it's hard..

Listen to feds4u, he sounds little harsh, but he's got the point..That girl is leading you into something thats going to be very painful for you! And the fact that she's offering you that friend with benefits thing, means she feels cold about you, but wants to have you as a backup if she ever feels to it..

Do something you like to do to keep your mind off her, and move all of the things that remind you of her..

It'll take time, but you'll menage it..Just don't get back to her because it'll be only bad for you..My best friend was in a relationship for about four years, and the girl left him, after one year of separation she wanted to get back with him (and he just started to live a little and got over her), and he let himself into it, and than she broke up with him after another year of relationship..It just isn't worth it any more..

You're young, take advice from older members here..I'll be cheering for you.

 

[cherryduck]

Thanks for all the advice people, I'm still wondering what the hell to do because now she's sent me this e-mail:

happy birthday to you happy birthday to you happy birthday dear paul happy birthday to you x i love you please be my boyfriend againxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Oh, I forgot to say it's my birthday, it's not been the best of birthdays cos my parents are away so I've got an empty house to go back to after College, no presents and no real "birthday". I am 19 today, but I honestly don't have any friends because I've just been with Helena for these two and a half years. I can usually get on with people alright but actually making friends and being invited to parties, all that stuff just never happens, no matter how well I get on with someone.

Oh and she's coming round tonight to give me my card and she wants to sleep over...what the f*ck is she trying to do to my head!

 

[silverspoon]

.

 

[science]

Don't sleep with her. If she wants to get back together with you, make sure its for the right reasons. You don't want to be in a relationship with a girl who just wants to fuck you, because if thats all she is after, expect her to cheat on you. If you want to get back together with her, just make sure she wants to be with you, not on you.

 

[cherryduck]

So do you reckon I should have her come round tonight? I'm still not sure if I should even take her back, I mean she's damn hot and everything but the reason we split up in the first place was because we had this vicious cycle, where everything would be absolutely fantastic then some major drama would happen and we'd nearly break up, then everything would be fine and then the next drama would come along...and so on so she decided we'd be better off without each other, now she reckons she loves me too much to let me go. Yet I'm worried if I take her back it's just going to go round and round...but at the same time I can't really imagine life without her. God this is all so darn complicated!

 

[Anakir]

As much as you're craving for sex, I wouldn't recommend it. I can't jump to a conclusion based on a fact that I don't know both of you in person. But, I can make an assumption based on what you provided.

You don't need to be a bitch to her or anything for doing this to you, but also, make sure you don't get close either. Keep your distance if she still plans to come over. Don't get too comfortable around her. In my opinion, she's unconsciously playing with you. A breakup happened once, it can happen again, except usually there's a bigger chance of a break up after the first. Unless, you two can get to the point where you're crazy for each other again.

Don't let her boss you around. Do what you want to do.

I have things I got from my ex (pictures, gifts, letters, etc) in boxes. It took me a while to even remove them from my room, but I eventually did it. I still can't forget about her though.. but I would recommend that you don't see her as well. It helps. It might be painful at first, but you can decide. Do you want to take the chance and get back together, or suffer even more after another break up? It's a gamble here.

When me and my ex were on bad terms, I suggested a break not to see each other. After a week, we'll decide if we want to get back together or not. After that week came, I just said I don't want to continue anymore. I don't think its worth going through the pain. Apparently, 2 weeks later.. I found out that she actually wanted to get back together but she didn't say anything because I already jumped to a conclusion of breaking up. I was really hurt too because I knew I could've continued, but I'm glad that I didn't now.

It's a phase, you may hurt now and maybe a for a few more months, but you will get over it.

You've dated once, you can date again. It's not the end.

And by the way, happy birthday.

 

[cherryduck]

We've actually tried the "week off" idea several times. I think maybe me and her need a real good talk tonight, definitely NO sex and I don't think she should sleep over. Keep pitching in with your advice, if you can, its very much appreciated, thanks for all the support guys (and girls) and thanks for the happy birthday shout outs! Wish all of you from GBAtemp could come over and celebrate my birthday with me! I love this forum I can chat about almost anything and know I'll get mature sensible comments, cheers everyone.