Help me deal with my breakup

[cherryduck]

Ok, here's what happened last night. She came over, as did my bro and a friend, and we played Guitar Hero 3 and drank to enjoy my birthday. I wanted to chat to her and have a proper chat about everything, bring up some of the points you guys and gals have made, but she just said "we'll talk after your birthday" because she didn't want to ruin my birthday. She was supposed to be going home but her mum wouldn't allow her to travel alone at that time, so she had to stay over, and because my friend was sleeping on the couch she stayed in my bed, but we were both clothed, and on opposite sides of the bed. I asked if I could hug up to her as it would be the last chance I'd have to do so, so she let me but she drew away after a while crying again saying "I can't do it", so I apologized because I knew she was hurting. Then she started crying saying how she loves me and she can't be with anyone else, then...erm...god knows what happened but we ended up having passionate mind blowing sex, easily the best I've ever had.

Then when we woke up this morning it was all awkward again and she was very quiet, and I was too, because I still don't think we're right and I think she might have subconsciously hoped that I would get back with her after shagging. We still need the talk, but I don't know if I should leave it till we've had a couple of weeks or a month apart to talk or if we should talk asap. I wish I hadn't slept with her because it's just made things harder and made it all hurt so much more, but i couldn't help myself and she couldn't help herself. I'm in a right pickle, I feel like I should not be with her but she seems to want me so much she's like a lost little girl, and I really don't think anything will change if we get back together. She swears she can change but this has happened several times, not so dramatic and final but the whole cycle nonetheless, with her promising to change everytime. I feel I should probably make a clean cut but it's really hard to do and I'm still not sure if I want to or if it would be right. I'm gonna bring all this out in "the talk", but again I don't know if I should wait a month or so to think or talk asap.

EDIT

Never mind here's an e-mail from her, I guess that means it really is over:

hiya just want to say last night was amazing so strong umm and intense, just want you to know i love you and will always be ready if you want me as your girlfriend unless you've had sexual contact with someone else a makes me cringe, ill c you around miss you very much hope you have a more than good future im saying this meanin i cant be friends with you its too much x

ps please keep my gifts im keeping yoursx

 

[jalaneme]

lol you slept with her anyway....

And women are self-centered, manipulative, over-emotional bitchfests.

ouch, are you planning to stay single for the rest of your life or something? men ain't saints either you know.

 

[jaxxster]

confusing email....the "waiting to be ur gf when ur ready" bit dont sound like it over....man, shes just playing mind games.

P.s. Looks like shes begging for attention

 

[cherryduck]

Now it really IS over the pain has hit me so bad, I wish everything could be the way it used to be when we first got together before the arguments and the upsets. Oh well, I'm going out on the piss tonight with some friends I plan to get hammered and forget who I am.

 

[Urza]

And women are self-centered, manipulative, over-emotional bitchfests.

ouch, are you planning to stay single for the rest of your life or something?

That would be the optimal plan.

Or maybe I'll find a nice guy to settle down with

 

[Toni Plutonij]

uffff, fuck it..lets face it, you fucked up a bit with that shagging part!!

Actually, at this point where it can't go any worst..Go for it..She said,

just want you to know i love you and will always be ready if you want me as your girlfriend..
If you did tried over and over to fix it, and it didn't work..Why not try this one more time?!

QUOTEShe swears she can change but this has happened several times, not so dramatic and final but the whole cycle nonetheless, with her promising to change everytime.

She promised before, and she's promising it again, actually, I think you'll be always questioning what if I tried..
You came to the bleeding end, from this point there isn't really anything you can lose, you can try it once more, and if it's not going to work..Just cut it, but you might be headin' at something..

 

[cherryduck]

I think it would probably be even more painful if I went for it and it didn't work again, and we've done this over and over, what reason is there for this time to be different?

 

[Toni Plutonij]

Maybe the fact that you broke up, and actually got separated (I don't know have you broke up in the past)..
If you were divided for few days, maybe she got some things together..
Look, you are hurt as hell, and can't stop thinking about her..She said she would get together if you want her..
Friends with sex thing wouldn't work..So you're facing two possibillities..
Either cut every contact with her, or try again..It's just matter of hardness level..
Will you be more hurt if you get back with her, or if you stay away from her?!Think, what would hurt more..
You're 19 years old, you're not kid anymore..Don't let her play with you, but don't do something you'll regret either!!

 

[cherryduck]

I keep changing my mind this is so difficult, I think it would probably be better for me to break off completely, but then I find myself wanting her so badly. I know how pathetic I sound, if I were reading this about someone else I'd probably tell them they need a slap and to not be so self obsessed, and that it obviously wasn't right because this stuff kept happening. Like some friends of mine, they were always falling out and breaking up and everyone could see they weren't right for each other but they kept going for it anyway, now they're finally apart and it really is for the best. It's easy if it's someone else but it's not quiet so easy when it's me actually going through it. And my next post is probably gonna be about how I need her so badly! God I really do need a slap, I feel so childish right now.

 

[jalaneme]

Oh well, I'm going out on the piss tonight with some friends I plan to get hammered and forget who I am.

i think that's the best thing you can do to get your mind off things, also try to not contact her as much as possible, i know the urge is there but just don't.

 

[Toni Plutonij]

I really don't see anything childish about this..I believe it is very hard, and I see you're in pain..

But, there isn't much you can do, try to think of it as I said, what would hurt most..if you have to deal with her nonsense all the time, or if you end it right now and find yourself another one..
It's not simple, but it should be easy, one or another..and when you choose, go with that, don't think about other posibility, and after some time, you'll be OK..Breakups are always hard..But we CAN'T decide for you!!

 

[cherryduck]

But we CAN'T decide for you!!

Aww what? I thought thats what you were here for? Just kidding, but I do wish someone could take this decision away from me. I can't even decide what to have for dinner or what clothes to wear, when it comes to clothes I just grab whatever's on top of the pile.

 

[Toni Plutonij]

GO to some place with many pretty girls (I mean really many, whole bunch of girls) and

just grab whatever's on top of the pile

If that's what you do best........

 

[jalaneme]

if life was served to you on a plate, it wouldn't be much of a challenge would it? life is a bitch and we have to deal with it unfortunately.

 

[cherryduck]

I'll see how I feel after tonight...probably just very sick lol but going out with mates should help.

 

[Toni Plutonij]

if life was served to you on a plate, it wouldn't be much of a challenge would it? life is a bitch and we have to deal with it unfortunately.

Wow..this is very nicely said!! You made good point!

 

[cherryduck]

Wow that was painful...I've just finished shifting all the pictures and videos of her onto a disc, problem is I had to look at each and every one of them to see which ones were of Helena and which ones were of other things. Cue lots of tears, and that post I said I'd make earlier...I want her back! At least I'm not rash enough to call her whenever I get emotional though, despite everything I still have enough sense to let myself calm down before I do anything stupid.

And here's the latest set of e-mails. My head and my heart are being fucked around so bad:

me:

Oh and don't worry I'm not going near anyone for a long time I don't think I ever will, this pain hurts so much, I just wish everything could be the way it used to be before the arguments and the drama and when your mum used to like me, when everything was simple and happy. You're the best thing that has ever happened to me and I will never forget you, you have shaped me in so many ways and made me the lad I am today, I will always be grateful for that and the fantastic times we had together.

Love you.

her:

so i take it is a no then well i can understand i can be annoying so i respect what you really want, to be honest i don't want space, i want to be your girlfriend now id feel we would get on brilliant but if you'd rather us not then thats fine i wont beg , your the only lad for me and always will be , and if we got together i promise i wouldn't make drama ,i just wished you take me back if i knew you were making it for good that we were ending id have said no to the descion on breaking up, but from now on i will leave you alone im sorry , say bye to your family and brother ,

love youx

her again:

to be honest if you love me and cant get over me why are you refusing to go back out with me ,im willing to changed for you ive asked you out 5 times ,but i know understand that you truly don't want me just don't want to admit iti really loved you ,ive not stopped crying since it ended between as two, im going to ask you out one more time if you say no which i know you will then thats it then, so will you please go back out with me i cant live without you im miserable but i respect what you want , thanks for finishing with me nicely thoe ,

next:

lol this is the only way i cant text you ,you don't have to rush seeing me if you don't want my baby kins that email was just emotions im not going to move on never have a great day text me if you want to wait a month a wait or Sunday don't feel presured love ya x ps the pengiuns are having a birthday your invited tb

next:

im sorry to change my mind but my family says i should respect your space for a month so i will , i need to grow up maybe this space will do good ,i may be a totally new person lol , ill miss you i shouldn't have forced you too see me sooner and thats another thing ill change , take care babes ,i hope you get this xx c u in a months time xxx love you if you do get this, send me a email saying got it plz cus i don't want to stand you up, i may be changing my number so ill tell you when i do , i hope you get into university sorry for being a pain eek.

your best friend hellie belie (Helena)

last:

http://www.thesite.org/sexandrelationships...cceptingitsover , give this a whirl hunx

 

[cherryduck]

Just making this post so the thread goes to the first page.

 

[Bob Evil]

The more an issue is pushed upon people, the less sympathy will be forthcoming ...

 

[cherryduck]

Woah sorry dude! I wasn't trying to push it and I wasn't looking for sympathy, I just wanted some advice and I thought no-one would realise there was an update unless it was on the front page.