Half Dozen People Petition White House to Round Up Copies of Skyrim

[EnigmaBlade]

A Tennessee man kicked off a White House petition on Thanksgiving urging the President of the United States to ban The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim for "the safety of America's youths."
So far he has five backers, and only 24,994 more digital signatures to go to meet his goal.
Confused? Let me explain. The official website for the White House now includes the ability for anyone 13 or older who lives in the U.S. to start a petition about literally anything and try to garner the President's attention with it. The result has been... interesting?
While there are legitimate petitions about legitimate issues on the site, there are also plenty of out-of-left field, and downright crazy ones. Maybe even some jokes. I'm not sure where this one falls, but I'm hoping it's just a joke. Heck, maybe it's linked to the christian satire article that Luke wrote about earlier today.
Here's the full petition in all of its glory:

WE PETITION THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION TO:
Immediately Ban the Deadly Videogame Known as "SkyRim" for The Safety of America's Youths.
Whereas videogaming has proven to cause social, ethical and health problems in people of all ages,
Whereas sexual perversion and homosexuality are threatening to destroy the Christian foundations on which this nation was built,
Whereas a new video game has just been created that far exceeds any others in the psychological and spiritual damage it does to teens,
We, the American people, today ask you,
1) To enact an immediate ban on the videogame known as "SkyRim" produced by Blizzard Entertainment.
2) To seize and destroy all copies already in public hands and erase its presence on the internet.
3) To prosecute the players of "SkyRim" to the fullest extent of the law.
4) To create a national database of videogame avatars and "screen names" so that teenagers can be better monitored.
Update: Turns out the petition was indeed created by the Christwire folks.

http://kotaku.com/58...w-and-burn-them

 

[Nathan Drake]

Why is this considered news if anybody can make petitions like this now? If I go and make a ridiculous petition about banning a video game, do I get attention too? I'm sure I can get at least five people to back me, too!

 

[Sora de Eclaune]

Blizzard Entertainment? Really?

Also, why are people signing it with joke names? That'll just push the petition into higher recognition!

 

[KingVamp]

This is about as ridiculous as Mario killing and wearing the skin of tanukis...

 

[Densetsu]

What a douche.

It's Skyrim, not SkyRim.

 

[Skelletonike]

Fail... It's Bethesda... Also those fags are completely wrong, I mean, I'm christian and an acolythe aka altar boy and I friggin love Skyrim, I mean I just finished playing Saints Row the Third where the main char is clearly a lunatic mass murderer (with extremely good sense of humor and awesome style) and from my point of view, that game, where you kill people, bribe cops and all that shiz is way worse than a game that's set in a completely diff world... Anyways, people nowadays use religion as an excuse for anything, regarding homosexuality, even the pope has accepted it, I mean.. sure... it's a bit... weird... having sausage fests, but anyways, it's not Skyrim that will make people go all bad... Besides, the game clearly isnt for kids, just be good parents and make sure ur underage kids don't play that game... Seesh... I recall once seeing a protest against ACDC songs saying they worshiped the devil... Damn people see evil everywhere. D=

I love Elder of Scrolls games, and Skyrim is an amazing game, it'll never be banned, I bet Obama also plays Skyrim. >3

 

[Giggtysword344]

I looked at this and I have to say there is no amount of Facepalm i can give someone to describe the stupidity of this. I mean Really? make a national database monitoring teenagers about video games? Prosecuting people who play Skyrim? All i can say is that the people trying to petition this are Idiots.

 

[Densetsu]

I bet Obama also plays Skyrim. >3

I bet even Jesus plays Skyrim. He spends all day killing those unholy draugr.

 

[Thesolcity]

wtf is Christwire?

 

[smile72]

I love it sex and homosexuality are destroying the Christian values this nation was built on, another moron who never knew about separation of church and state.

 

[alphamule]

I thought Obama was supposed to be the messiah so they're the same person? Just kidding! Yeah, 2008 wants it's jokes back.

So thanks to this petition, I now want to go get Skyrim. Nice job, guys! I suggest we have a petition to form death squads for people that try to take away my video game hardware and software. We'll see how far that one gets. Maybe 500 signers just from this site? LOL

wtf is Christwire?

I'd give you a link but I already got in trouble for that 'encyclopedia' link this week. Hehe, I looked "Christwire" up in Google and it's... Hmm probably better to just go look yourself. The site is definitely very weird.

 

[emugirl1994]

Wow, crazy ass over zealous white Christians actually want to petition Skyrim? -____- People are so ignorant these days...

 

[Thesolcity]

Wow, crazy ass over zealous white Christians actually want to petition Skyrim? -____- People are so ignorant these days...

You know they are white how...?

I thought Obama was supposed to be the messiah so they're the same person? Just kidding! Yeah, 2008 wants it's jokes back.

So thanks to this petition, I now want to go get Skyrim. Nice job, guys! I suggest we have a petition to form death squads for people that try to take away my video game hardware and software. We'll see how far that one gets. Maybe 500 signers just from this site? LOL

wtf is Christwire?

I'd give you a link but I already got in trouble for that 'encyclopedia' link this week. Hehe, I looked "Christwire" up in Google and it's... Hmm probably better to just go look yourself. The site is definitely very weird.

Oh, its like Westboro 'cept completely web-based. Carry on, I thought I'd have to do some more apologetics.

Spoiler

lol SkyRimjob.

 

[stanleyopar2000]

is this the same fuck on CristWire that said that My Little Pony: FIM, and Portal 2 are homosexual recruitment tools??...sometimes I wonder why god, fate, karma, keeps these people breathing and alive every morning

 

[smile72]

When a player casts a spell, you will see the hand gesture is that of how homosexuals fling devil DNA juices at each other after a long night of fecal frenzy ass assassinations. This is subliminally teaching your children that they need to go in their rooms, demon whack their sin staff and produce sin milk into their hands and than fling it in the face of the first person they come in contact with after their taint tugging session.

This made me laugh so hard! I'm amazed at these people.

 

[Thesolcity]

When a player casts a spell, you will see the hand gesture is that of how homosexuals fling devil DNA juices at each other after a long night of fecal frenzy ass assassinations. This is subliminally teaching your children that they need to go in their rooms, demon whack their sin staff and produce sin milk into their hands and than fling it in the face of the first person they come in contact with after their taint tugging session.

This made me laugh so hard! I'm amazed at these people.

I just read the Portal 2 article.

 

[Helpful Corn]

signed - Jenny Tills

 

[Deleted User]

I spat my water on my monitor when I saw Blizzard Entertainment.

 

[KingVamp]

Skyrim teaches kids that it is ok to put their rims towards the sky while "role playing".

is this the same fuck that said that My Little Pony: FIM, and Portal 2 are homosexual recruitment tools??...sometimes I wonder why god, fate, karma, keeps these people breathing and alive every morning

That the first time I heard that. So badly hilarious.

When a player casts a spell, you will see the hand gesture is that of how homosexuals fling devil DNA juices at each other after a long night of fecal frenzy ass assassinations. This is subliminally teaching your children that they need to go in their rooms, demon whack their sin staff and produce sin milk into their hands and than fling it in the face of the first person they come in contact with after their taint tugging session.

This made me laugh so hard! I'm amazed at these people.

These are the guys that are tainted. Who thinks like that?

 

[Forstride]

You guys are getting trolled so bad. Normally trolls are subpar and terrible at trolling, but these guys are pros.