As I understand it, this is the first text in the game, so it should give new players an idea of what’s going on, and hardcore fans a good idea of the timeframe.
All things are formed from chemical elements. — Okay, I dig it.
2029 A.D. —This one doesn’t need a comment, but I did anyway.
One element has caused the disappearance of many others. —Earlier, you established that the elements are ‘chemical elements’. Here, they don’t seem like elements. Wikipedia states that there are elemental ‘monsters’ which cause the elements disappearing. Are these them?
The elements’ destruction has begun — There must be a better name for ‘elements’ destruction’ It’s so misleading, and strange sounding. Aren’t they just stolen, and the whole point of the game/series is to retrieve them? Thus Element ‘Hunters’?
60 years later, all elements have ceased to exist —Impossible, the world would disappear. ‘Most’ is more appropriate here. Don’t go spreading bad info in a show/game that was supposed to teach kids science!
The Earth’s population is now 1/10th of what it was. —Do young kids understand fractions? 10% might be more appropriate. Someone with a little brother/sister or cousin please check if they understand fractions or percentages better.
The humans, striving to live, are doing their best so that hope can live on —Striving may be too fancy a word for the audience. How about struggling?
Since the elements’ disappearance, colonies have been made far from the Earth by scientists who continue to search for the missing elements —Aha! Now the elements are missing as they should be. Please change the destruction and so on above so that it’s consistent. 'Since the elements disappeared’ is probably a better phrasing.
And surprisingly they have found them... —No issue here.
Betting on the peoples’ future of inhabiting the Earth once again the Element Hunters were brought into existence. —Missing a comma after ‘again’. I also personally avoid ever having to using the plural possessive of ‘people’, for the reason that it reads funny. Actually the first half of this sentence (before the suggested comma), reads a little strange. How about “Betting on the hope to make a liveable Earth once again,”? You can exchange liveable with inhabitable if you aren’t worried about the dialogue sophistication as much as I am.
Saving the Earth and collecting the elements that were long lost is now up to you. —Suitably melodramatic
. I like it.
Find them and fight for them... — No issues
Our hope lies in you. —Er… Our hope lies
with you. Unless the surgery went wrong.
Our future is in your hands now... — Wrong SVO. “Our future is now in your hands…”
Hope that was helpful.
