Blaze's Top Tens, List #2

[Blaze163]

Lali ho!

Time for another Top Ten. Decided to hit on a subject close to home for me. Something we can all appreciate. Be warned that as always SPOILERS follow for a variety of games due to the nature of the list, but I've kept it to well known ones or at least old ones where possible. Enjoy!

<div align='center'><b><u>Top Ten Gaming Middle Fingers</u></b></div>

<div align='left'>You ever get the feeling that sometimes game developers are having a joke at your expense? Ever see your days of hard work all come to nothing and feel that somewhere there's a game designer laughing at the look on your face? When the gaming world just seems to be giving you the bird? It's not always in a bad way, but these are the times when you can't help but feel a little jaded. This is the Top Ten 'Middle Finger' moments in gaming.</div>

<div align='left'><b><u>10) The level replay, Streets of Rage.</u></b></div>

<div align='left'>You've fought your way through eight minion infested levels, thrown countless poor souls to their doom off the elevator on your way up, beaten fat guys that breathe fire and Wolverine wannabes, and you find yourself in the lair of the evil Mr X. He asks you to join him, and I'm sure most of you said no and punched him to the far side of Venus. But what if you say yes? Well of course in multiplayer if one says yes and the other says no, you simply duke it out and you get the corresponding ending to whoever wins. But in single player, you get dropped down a hole and forced to replay the last three levels all over again. You're low on lives, it's not looking good. And then you realise that you've got to fight Mona and Lisa, the Blaze Fielding clones, all over again. And even if you get all that done and finally beat Mr X, you get the bad ending. Somewhere out there, there's a Mr X lookalike of a game developer laughing at everyone who ever said no in single player mode.</div>

<div align='left'><b><u>9) You'll never catch 'em all, Pokemon Red/Blue.</u></b></div>

<div align='left'>You KNOW what I'm getting at here. When Pokemon hit shelves it became a worldwide phenomenon within minutes. One that's still going strong today. And you all know the tag line. Gotta catch 'em all, right? Well good luck with that. Because some evil genius out there decided to make two near identical copies of the game, with certain pokemon only available in each version. A tradition that continues to this very day. But that's not even the worst of it. Even if you do somehow get hold of the missing pokemon from a friend's game, you STILL can't catch 'em all. Because there's one that you can never get. The pokemon that started more bad rumours on the internet than any other, number 151, Mew. True, in the many years since the game's original release glitches have been unearthed to allow you to finally catch the elusive beast, but back when we found out that no matter how hard you looked, no matter how many trucks on the pier you investigated, no matter how long you surfed up and down the side of Cinnabar gym, he ain't comin', we were naturally a little...irritated. You're wasting your time, and they're laughing at you for it.　</div>
<div align='left'><b><u>
8)The two minute death, Demon's Souls.</u></b></div>

<div align='left'>Now, I went into Demon's Souls expecting it to be harder than a curried breeze block with a geordie accent, but this was just...wow. You've just about got the hang of this blocking and dodging lark, you've taken out a skeleton or two, you're wandering pleasantly through a corridor, and the next thing you know there's a hulking great demon in front of you with a club the size of a small house boat. Right, you think. Game on. Time for a real test of my mettle. No. It's time for you to get clubbed to death in two seconds flat, about two minutes into the game, and there's not a damn thing you can do about it. It's scripted. You're always going to die. Even if you somehow dodge every single attack, which I'm not 100% sure is even possible, you'll STILL get killed. That's just the way it is. Scripted unwinnable battles are fairly common, but to utterly destroy your pretences of skill that quickly was just harsh. This was Demon Souls telling you that it's not messing around. You're it's bitch, and you better get used to it.</div>

<div align='left'>
<b><u>7) Vuvuzelas ahoy, Michael Jackson The Experience DS.</u></b></div>

<div align='left'>Now here's one where if you're getting the bird from the developers, you're getting it for a reason. Only revealed if you're playing the game on some sort of piracy device, this peculiar choice of anti-piracy techniques is just annoying. Instead of hearing Billy Jean or Smooth Criminal, the game will just play a constant loop of vuvuzela sounds. Most games settle for just not starting if piracy is afoot, but this just had to flip us the bird too. Much the same as the Earthbound anti-piracy, in which it'll let you play all the way to the final boss then irreparably corrupt your data, this showed that the developers are wise to piracy and as far as they're concerned, it's on.


<b><u>6) It never even happened, Sonic 2006.

</u></b>Much as I'd like to put this entire game on the list as a giant 'up yours' to gamers everywhere from Sega, one must remain professional. So here's my biggest gripe with this entire slap to the face of a game. Not the controls. Not that it has more bugs than an ant farm dealership. Not even the creepy romance betwixt woman and hedgehog. No, my biggest problem with this barrel of sludge is that even if you can somehow force yourself to endure all the innumerable problems and fight your way through to the final boss, with the one shining moment in the entire game being his frankly epic boss music, then you win the day and what do you get? They rewrite time so the entire thing never even happened. You just endured all that for nothing. You watched that kiss FOR NOTHING. And you can never escape that. If only we could rewrite time to stop this entire game from ever happening...but reality is rarely that kind, so we just have to live with the scars.</div>

<div align='left'>
<b><u>5) The death of Aerith/Aeris, Final Fantasy 7.</u></b></div>

<div align='left'>Come on, you KNEW this would make an appearance. But rightly so. You spend hours levelling up your characters, unlocking their Limit Breaks, and if you play your cards right (or have the gift of knowing what's coming) Aerith's abilities can make your entire team completely invincible for some fairly challenging boss battles. And then it hits you, the moment that will live in infamy for all the years of gaming still to come. You hit that city of the Ancients and BAM! Dead girl. And it's not just the loss of her as an in-battle source of immortality (funny how she never thought to cast Great Gospel on herself while she was there all alone, huh?), it's the sudden brutal resolution of the love triangle. Or so you thought. Because even after she dies, Cloud still pines for her, and that gave us the whiny emo bitch Cloud in Advent Children. That is the true legacy of this giant middle finger to all Clerith fans. We have to listen to him whine and doubt himself for over an hour even when he has Tifa basically hitting on him. Up yours, Square Enix.</div>

<div align='left'>
<b><u>4) I told you, man. She ain't here. Super Mario Bros.</u></b></div>

<div align='left'>Again, you knew it was coming, but can you really argue against it? One of the earliest examples of gamers getting flipped off (the earliest probably being E.T on the Atari 2600), this too will live in infamy. You've finally made it through the flame-spitting turtle infested perilous death maze of King Koopa, and what do you get for your troubles? A guy with a 'shroom for a head saying you took a wrong turn at Albuquerque. How much did you hate that guy? Every time you think you've finally found her, nope, wrong castle. Well you seem to be pretty wise as to which castle she's in, buddy. Care to draw me a map? Or lead the way? After all, wrong castle or no I just saved your ass. Show me where she is so I can get out of here. But no. It's onwards ever onwards with no sense of direction. And then when you finally rescue her, she just goes and gets herself kidnapped again anyway. TOTALLY worth the effort.</div>

<div align='left'>
<b><u>3) It's all your fault, Zelda Ocarina of Time. </u></b></div>

<div align='left'>I know what you're thinking. How can the game frequently voted the best of all time and what we're all enjoying again now thanks to the 3DS rerelease possibly have one of these moments in? Well think about it. You're a kid. You've just met a princess and she's charged you with a quest to gather the sacred stones. So you do it without question. You've already got one, right? May as well keep going, not much else to do. So off you go, through lava filled dinosaur lairs and the belly of a giant fish, which most normal people would deem as having crossed the line for a girl you've only just met, and you get the stones. You open the Door of Time and you yank the Master Sword from its pedestal....and then you get frozen for seven years. And while you're standing there like a lemon, frozen in time for seven years, your nemesis just casually wanders into the Sacred Realm you were kind enough to open up for him and goes right on ahead taking over the world. And from then on you get the nagging feeling in your head that you're probably just making things worse. Maybe you should just go back to the forest and leave well enough alone next time.</div>

<div align='left'>
<b><u>2) The COD 4 Nuke.</u></b></div>

<div align='left'>One of the most shocking moments in gaming history also belongs on this list in my humble opinion. You've just fought your way through a bullet blizzard to get to the choppa in best Schwarzenegger tradition, and you're home free. You heard some radio chatter back then about the possibility of a nuke going off, but you're the hero of the day. You'll be fine. The hero always survives....right? Nope.You're caught in the blast and as the chopper is sent spinning into the ground, you stagger out into the burning wasteland to breathe your last, and there's not a damn thing you can do about it. It's not the bad ending, you didn't mess up, it's just the end. Get over it. And it leaves you with the knowledge that sometimes life just isn't fair. Sometimes you can give it your best shot for a noble cause and you'll still lose. And all you can do is just lie down and take the abuse 'cause that's never gonna change.
</div>
<div align='left'><b><u>1) Those poor towering behemoths, Shadow of the Colossus.</u></b></div>

<div align='left'>If you thought you were making things worse in Ocarina of Time, this will really make you appreciate the value of the phrase 'look before you leap'. Your girlfriend is dead. That sucks. So off you go in search of mystical McGuffin du jour to revive her. And while I appreciate being faithful to your lady friend, this borders on dangerously obsessive. So you find a writhing mass of talking shadows, Nature's agony aunt, and it tells you to kill sixteen massive beasts in order to revive your fallen love. </div>

<div align='left'>Now, which part of this sounds like a good idea to you? Killing things the size of oil tankers with a sword no bigger than your average penknife? Risking life and limb for a girl that's already dead when you have no proof any of this will help? Listening to a shadow, which if you know anything about the concept of good and evil probably should be taken with a pinch of salt? It even has the courtesy to warn you that things will probably go bad if you go through with this. And as you slay and maim the colossi, which have never done anything to you, you gradually turn into a goth, with the pale skin and haunted eyes to match. And yet you still don't sense this is a bad idea. You think to yourself 'I'll be fine, the hero always gets the girl with a trick shot at the end.' Well no, you don't. You die, just like you were warned you would. You murdered sixteen innocent beasts for no good reason and paid the price for it. Because you know what? Sometimes life isn't all sunshine and gumdrops. Sometimes things go wrong. Sometimes the hero doesn't get the girl. Sometimes he doesn't even win. A slap to the face of gamers everywhere this may have been, but one of the most artistically done in history, and it's your own fault anyway for not at least looking into internet dating.</div>

 

[Terminator02]

trying to get that featured blog again are you?

and i thought that the nuke was near the beginning of CoD4 though... maybe i'm confusing my CoDs

 

[Blaze163]

trying to get that featured blog again are you?

and i thought that the nuke was near the beginning of CoD4 though... maybe i'm confusing my CoDs

Featured Blog would be nice but I'm just airing my thoughts. This is an all new list, I literally just finished it, the final alterations were made in the post preview. So you guys are the first to read it.

And as I recall it was right at the end of the original Modern Warfare, was it not? Been a while since I played but the point holds up regardless of where in the overall story it sits.

 

[Urza]

Because there's one that you can never get.

There were tons of promotional events in the R/B/Y era in which Mew were distributed.

I, and many others, have carts with legitimate 151/151.

 

[Blaze163]

Because there's one that you can never get.

There were tons of promotional events in the R/B/Y era in which Mew were distributed.

I, and many others, have carts with legitimate 151/151.

Events that you could only get to if you lived in a fairly well populated area. If you grew up in the sticks like me, you were screwed. I NEVER got a legit Mew, unless you count the Lavender Town Glitch as legit. And that doesn't change the point that he should never have been hidden like that in the first place.

 

[Scott-105]

Hah, this made me laugh. It was interesting to read.

 

[Urza]

Because there's one that you can never get.

There were tons of promotional events in the R/B/Y era in which Mew were distributed.

I, and many others, have carts with legitimate 151/151.

Events that you could only get to if you lived in a fairly well populated area. If you grew up in the sticks like me, you were screwed. I NEVER got a legit Mew, unless you count the Lavender Town Glitch as legit. And that doesn't change the point that he should never have been hidden like that in the first place.

That was your own personal limitation.

It's not the same as being impossible.

 

[Blaze163]

Because there's one that you can never get.

There were tons of promotional events in the R/B/Y era in which Mew were distributed.

I, and many others, have carts with legitimate 151/151.

Events that you could only get to if you lived in a fairly well populated area. If you grew up in the sticks like me, you were screwed. I NEVER got a legit Mew, unless you count the Lavender Town Glitch as legit. And that doesn't change the point that he should never have been hidden like that in the first place.

That was your own personal limitation.

It's not the same as being impossible.

A personal limitation that many people suffered and should never have occured in the first place. That was the point I was driving at. I'm sure some people do have Mew from those events, but consider exactly how many people bought the original Red and Blue games. Over 20 million. Now consider how rare those events were, that they only went to large cities, and that they only came around once. How many of those 20 million do you think have a legit Mew? I'd wager pretty heavily that the percentage ain't that high. That was the slap in the face, the fact that for most of us it was indeed impossible. There will always be exceptions to the rule but my logic still applies.

 

[SylvWolf]

I'd just like to mention that it IS possible to defeat Vanguard in the Demon's Souls tutorial level. However, it's pretty tough, as you have very few resources at that point. If you do win, you still die, as it's needed for the story, but you get some bonus items. You get to pay him back later, anyway.

 

[Blaze163]

I'd just like to mention that it IS possible to defeat Vanguard in the Demon's Souls tutorial level. However, it's pretty tough, as you have very few resources at that point. If you do win, you still die, as it's needed for the story, but you get some bonus items. You get to pay him back later, anyway.

I had heard it was possible, but as you say you still die, regardless of the outcome. You still get shafted minutes into the game even if you are the sort of ten thumbed demon of the pad that can beat him.

 

[Urza]

A personal limitation that many people suffered and should never have occured in the first place. That was the point I was driving at. I'm sure some people do have Mew from those events, but consider exactly how many people bought the original Red and Blue games. Over 20 million. Now consider how rare those events were, that they only went to large cities, and that they only came around once. How many of those 20 million do you think have a legit Mew? I'd wager pretty heavily that the percentage ain't that high. That was the slap in the face, the fact that for most of us it was indeed impossible. There will always be exceptions to the rule but my logic still applies.

That could be said about any event-based promotional DLC. Hell, any promotional item given out at an event, digital or not.

Mew was not required to complete the game. It was "extra."

 

[Blaze163]

A personal limitation that many people suffered and should never have occured in the first place. That was the point I was driving at. I'm sure some people do have Mew from those events, but consider exactly how many people bought the original Red and Blue games. Over 20 million. Now consider how rare those events were, that they only went to large cities, and that they only came around once. How many of those 20 million do you think have a legit Mew? I'd wager pretty heavily that the percentage ain't that high. That was the slap in the face, the fact that for most of us it was indeed impossible. There will always be exceptions to the rule but my logic still applies.

That could be said about any event-based promotional DLC. Hell, any promotional item given out at an event, digital or not.

Mew was not required to complete the game. It was "extra."

Doesn't change the fact that for a game with the tag line 'gotta catch 'em all', actually catching them all was impossible for a large percentage of the players. When I heard about Mew as a kid I looked everywhere for him, every single nook and cranny in the entire game, with no joy. That's what I deemed a slap in the face. Yes, you could get him from the events, but as I explained, those were stupidly rare, especially here in the UK. I've only ever seen one advertised, and that was for Ruby/Sapphire years later when I'd grown out of my Pokemania. That initial kick to the teeth if knowing there was a pokemon we flat out couldn't get was what bugged me, as I'm sure it bugged countless other people who looked under that bloody truck.

 

[Hells Malice]

I'd just like to mention that it IS possible to defeat Vanguard in the Demon's Souls tutorial level. However, it's pretty tough, as you have very few resources at that point. If you do win, you still die, as it's needed for the story, but you get some bonus items. You get to pay him back later, anyway.

It's sad when you find the Vanguard again...because he's such a wuss ass. As a mage anyways. Mages drop him in like 5 seconds flat.

 

[junkerde]

i c your theory tis good, i rike ur rists of stuff you know

 

[ShadowSoldier]

Some more for you.

Having to play through the whole game again in Ghosts n' Goblins.

Grabbing some of the pizza in the TMNT game on the NES.