I have killed my own meat before, but never something I've raised. I imagine it would be hard on me at first, but I would get used to it. Most farmers I know try to maintain a sense of detachment from the animals raised for slaughter. Of the farmers I know, if they get attached to one and have to slaughter it themselves for any personal meat (as opposed to loading them onto trucks and shipping them to a slaughterhouse), they always make sure to do so with a strange sense of respect. Sometimes this does not work out, and the farmer's attempt to keep themselves emotionally detached from livestock becomes too tough, even for someone who does this for a living. When you bottle-feed an animal from birth and it recognizes you as its father or mother, it squeals in joy when it sees you, among other signs of affection. Usually these are the ones I see being kept by livestock owners I know, breaking their own code and keeping them "separate" from the rest. They live more or less like pets and die of old age.
