Thing's I learned in 2008-2009 that I will pass along to my soon t

Discussion in 'General Off-Topic Chat' started by alucard77, Feb 22, 2009.

  1. alucard77
    OP

    Member alucard77 GBAtemp Fan

    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2006
    Messages:
    465
    Country:
    United States
    I am about to have a child next week. So I was thinking about my life and what I have seen around me. I use to think I was successful. I graduated college, I got married, I bought a house I could afford with 20% down, I have a stable job where I continuously work hard and get promoted. All the things that I thought was the way to succeed in America.

    But in the last couple of years, I realized I did it all wrong in the good old US of A. So here is what I plan to teach my child off of the wonderful things I have learned here. Maybe he'll be filthy rich.

    If he wants to be an athlete:
    - Do Steroids, they will make you filthy rich. But never tell any one you did them. Once they find out, apologize. But your still filthy rich.
    - Don't do weed. Even if you win 12 gold medals for your country, weed is considered the worst thing ever, and your face would be plastered every where and you will lose money. On the flip side, maybe your marijuana use makes you realize that you actually want to be some creative. Maybe a singer?

    If you want to be a musician or some one creative
    - Pay attention to what is on the radio now, and create the same exact sound. Don't do anything differently. Creativety is not about being different. It is about saying your different and being exactly the same.
    - Make sure to never take voice lessons. You can use that money to buy a sound machine to fix your voice.
    - Make a sex tape. Let everyone see it, you'll be the most famous person ever. They will pay you to show up to events.
    - Pretend like you have a political opinion, even if you have no idea what the hell your talking about. Everyone wants to know what a star flying around in a private jet thinks about how bad global warming is. Then maybe you can become a politician. I mean Ronald Reagan, Sunny Bono, Jessy the Body Ventura, Clint Eastwood and Arnold Schwarzenegger were good enough to lead either our country or our states, why can't you.

    If he is thinking of becoming a politician
    - Learn how communism works. All the money from the US is going to support a communist China, and now our government owns our banks. So read a Karl Marx book.
    - If you see things messed up, promise "Change". Don't let anyone know what you mean. When they put all your faith in you, crush their faith. Screw them, your a powerful person now and rich!
    - If there is anyone to blame for your mistake, blame them. I mean, if the Republicans point fingers at the Democrats, while the Democrats are pointing fingers at the Republicans, then who knows who's to blame. It's ok, no one is to blame.
    - Take as much money from corporations as possible. Then do things that are in the special interest of those corporations. You'll have a great job with them when you decide that politics is not for you. If the corporations that you helped are about to go out of business, and your about to lose your job as a politician, give the corporations a "Stimulous Plan", but don't tell them how to spend their money. (Find out why below).

    If he is highly motivated to be a corporate leader:
    - Become a CEO of a company, by showing cost cutting measure. By this, I mean outsource all American jobs to countries like India. Pay those employees 50% of what an American would get paid. Take the money your investing, and invest it in the company you outsource to. It's a 2 for 1. You save money for the company you work for, and you make money for yourself by investing the money in the company you outsourced to.
    - If the company you are running goes into financial difficulties because the outsourced company doesn't do a good job. Ask the government for a hand out to help revive your business. When you get the hand out, lay off 50% of your work force, give yourself a huge bonus and hire your really rich CEO friends and give them huge bonuses and salaries. (This is why as a politician you didn't want to stipulate where the money goes)
    - When that money goes away, ask for more. If the government refuses, then wait to get fired, you'll get a great parachute to leave.

    If he wants to be like everyone else
    - Be financially irresponsible, it'll pay off. If you think you can't afford it, buy it anyway, I am sure the government will bail you out.
    - Have as many kids as possible, then sell your story to the TV stations. They'll eat it up, and you'll be rich.
    - Make sure to be on disability, the government gives you great things on disability.
    - Play dumb. How are you to know you can't afford a $700,000 mortgage only making $35,000 a year? In the end, you can live in that $700,000 house because you can remortgage it at a price you can afford.
    - Don't pay back your debts. If everyone is in debt together, then no one has to pay it. Maybe the people who graduated college, got married, bought a house they could afford with 20% down, have a stable jobs where they continuously work hard and get promoted can pay off everyones debts through their taxes.

    Good luck boy, I think I have prepared you for success!
     
  2. Bridgy84

    Member Bridgy84 Yub Nub

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2003
    Messages:
    546
    Location:
    Virginia
    Country:
    United States
    Gosh i wish i could say you were wrong about most of that but i mean i really can't. It's a really crazy world we live in. On the flip side congratulations on you new child and it is nice to see someone do things the right way.
     
  3. Reaper

    Member Reaper Tͩ͒ͥ̈́ͧ̓͑̆̂

    Joined:
    Oct 14, 2008
    Messages:
    1,258
    Country:
    United States
    He dun' actually has a child I think.
    Well I'm off to buy a $3million mansion I can't afford
     
  4. alucard77
    OP

    Member alucard77 GBAtemp Fan

    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2006
    Messages:
    465
    Country:
    United States
    Reaper,

    One correction, you can't let people know you can't afford it. You don't understand that you can't afford it. You make money, money can afford $3 Million mansions.

    But you learn quick, I bet you'll be our next President!

    And my child is due next week. So I am going to have a little one. I wonder if I should show him this when he gets older.
     
  5. Maktub

    Member Maktub GBAtemp Advanced Fan

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2006
    Messages:
    832
    Location:
    Málaga
    Country:
    Spain
    Yeah, whatever. What if he doesn't give a damn about money? Up to a point, money doesmake you happy, only in that it allows you to do what you really want. Many people's dream require little money to be achieved.

    Stop worrying about money- that's the only advice I'd give to my children when we got into economical terms.
     
  6. Vulpes Abnocto

    Former Staff Vulpes Abnocto Drinks, Knows Things

    Joined:
    Jun 24, 2008
    Messages:
    6,600
    Country:
    United States
    god bless the usa.

    [​IMG]


    But in all seriousness, Congratulations alucard77
    My best wishes to your growing family.

    OH! And if you're gonna teach him to be a pirate,
    get him some pirate booties.
     
  7. alucard77
    OP

    Member alucard77 GBAtemp Fan

    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2006
    Messages:
    465
    Country:
    United States
    I did give him that advice, it falls under the:

    - Be financially irresponsible, it'll pay off. If you think you can't afford it, buy it anyway, I am sure the government will bail you out.
     
  8. unz

    Member unz Chaotic Neutral

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2008
    Messages:
    283
    Location:
    Curmudgeon's quarters
    Country:
    Australia
    *looks at the back of the box thread*

    Wow, 100%? Good work, Alucard77! Next stop, clinical depression! [​IMG]
     
  9. NightKry

    Member NightKry GBAtemp Regular

    Joined:
    Jul 19, 2007
    Messages:
    278
    Location:
    Like, here?
    Country:
    Canada
    I think if he actually tried following any of those routes to 'success', he'd be a pretty horrible person >_>

    But anyway, congrats =D
     
  10. alucard77
    OP

    Member alucard77 GBAtemp Fan

    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2006
    Messages:
    465
    Country:
    United States
    I fully agree. But why is that the most "successful" people are also the most horrible people. What ever happened to making an honest living. It's like I would have to teach my child the reverse of morals in this world.
     
  11. eltrut

    Member eltrut GBAtemp Regular

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2008
    Messages:
    130
    Country:
    Australia
    I came here hoping for something insightful and/or interesting and all I got was a caricature of American civilisation.

    Much better than anything i could hope for.

    Respect.

    Also, grats on the child!
     
  12. alucard77
    OP

    Member alucard77 GBAtemp Fan

    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2006
    Messages:
    465
    Country:
    United States
    Thanks,

    Unfortunately, I am not sure if this is a caricature. It would be great to see insightful and/or interesting things about the USA, but in reality, I can watch PBS or educational channels, and I still see nothing good about the USA.
    Maybe except for the fact I can say things like, "I see nothing good about the USA".

    It looks like we have come down to that, the best thing that I can say about the country I live in, is the fact that I have the right to complain about it. Is it just me or should I expect more?

    I saw this special about the stripping of American intelligence. Since we don't reward intelligence here, this special was how the greatest minds of our time are being recruited by people in Dubai. The amount that they pay them, and how the government supports their research is astonishing. So more of the greatest thinkers are being stripped, by what an Arab country. I guess our government wants us to think that all "Arab" nations are in the dark ages for a reason. If we ever discovered they were more educated then us, they may have to invest some money into our own education and making it possible for our kids to be college graduates with out owning $300,000.

    Secondly, I did some research on Foreign Work Visas. The thing I love the most about these Visa's is the fact that they are granted to the low level paying jobs. So if your in IT for instance and make $50K a year, they will grant a work visa to a corporation to hire an Indian worker for 25%-50% less then what your getting paid for. My company for instance will lay you off, and tell you that if you don't train your replacement, they won't give you any severance package.

    Foreign Work Visa are also kept to minimum, to make sure there are US jobs available. (Love how the government lies about that one) However, the most interesting thing is, there have almost been no foreign work visa granted to scientist or researchers. People who will make as much if not more then their counterparts. So while our smartest are paid 10X more overseas, we refuse to let people into our country that can help us, because they are not doing it for cheaper.

    I use to be a Democrat, then I switched to Republican. The thing I learned is this. Neither of them, regardless who they are care about the people. We are just pawns in their game to make money. If there is only thing I would like to see, is the people on this forum to educate themselves on the events of the day. The media won't do it for us, we have to do it for ourselves.

    I know playing games is a good distraction, but I have to say, I am pretty sick of our system, and how everyone turns a blind eye if there is money to be made. I hope that eventually we learn to revolt against this corrupt system.

    I guess that is the hope for the next generation. Unfortunately, I am going to sound like an old fart here, and say that every generation gets worse and worse. I mean, what did the Brittany Spears/Paris Hilton generation really give our world, except for some free porn sites with amateur porn. Here's hoping my Son is not a tool. I really hope I don't ever see a video of him banging some chick on YouPorn or something of the sort. I hope I can expect more.

    But the way things are going, if he is intelligent he most likely won't live in the US.
     

Share This Page