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  1. TwinRetro

    OP TwinRetro Former Staff
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    Tempmas Week 3
    [​IMG]


    Rules




    1. The short story must be written by you. Plagiarism will be an instant disqualification.
    2. Your story must have a holiday theme (Once again, Winter Solstice based holidays, no Easter, Halloween, etc...), and it must have video game characters as at least two main characters in your story.
    3. Your story can be funny, sad, wacky, romantic, whatever, and it can take place in any universe, time, or reality.
    4. Absolutely NO sexual content of any kind, Absolutely NO racist content of any kind, and Absolutely NO fanboy/fangirl drama bullcrap. I'm completely serious about the last one.
    5. All short stories must be submitted by Sunday, the 23rd, 11:59 PST. Winners will be announced on the 26th! Even Mods need a holiday.


    Tempmas has been brought to you in part, proudly by:
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  2. loco365

    loco365 GBAtemp Guru
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    Might submit the story I used in English class after some modifications. But when you say "short" story, is there a limit to the number of pages?
     
  3. GamerzHell9137

    GamerzHell9137 GBAtemp Psycho!
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    ''Absolutely NO sexual content of any kind''

    :(
     
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  4. TwinRetro

    OP TwinRetro Former Staff
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    I'm not going to be too hardcore about it, but try to limit it to around 500 words.
     
  5. loco365

    loco365 GBAtemp Guru
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    Ok I'll scratch my plans from earlier...

    The story I wrote is 16x that amount.
     
  6. Nah3DS

    Nah3DS Madre de Dios! Es El POLLO DIABLO!!!
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    Here goes my submission:
    So... I was with Sonic and his friends when suddenly everyone start kissing each other and got pregnant . The end.
     
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  7. Densetsu

    Densetsu Pubic Ninja
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    I initially read that as "snake stretching cock ring" D:
    :creep:
     
  8. Guild McCommunist

    Guild McCommunist (not on boat)
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    "Absolutely NO sexual content of any kind."

    Well fuck this noise I'm outta here.
     
  9. emigre

    emigre i am a free i am not man a number
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    Its like you guys don't want me to enter.
     
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  10. Guild McCommunist

    Guild McCommunist (not on boat)
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    Omit the "no sexual content rule" and you may get submissions that aren't Pokemon/Mario/Zelda/some other shit character fanfics.

    I'm looking to write the Squad Broken Christmas Special.
     
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  11. chavosaur

    chavosaur Austin Trujillo
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    It may be early, but I came up with this out of the blue, so gather round dear Tempers, your about to get glued...

    The Rabbids That Stole Tried to steal Christmas

    “It was a dark, and terribly snowy night. The ice-cold fluff turreted around in the wind, and brought a wet freeze to the air. And in the middle of all this white white snow, were two small bunnies. White, fluffy bunnies. But my dear children beware, for these are no ordinary bunnies. No no, I am afraid these bunnies, are clinically insane. And their plan on this cold, stormy night? To conquer Christmas. “
    The bunnies gave a start, just realizing the cold, and screamed a howling scream, that no man should ever know.
    They beat on their heads, and beat on each other, rolling in the snow, simply pounding one another.
    In the scuffle they rolled, in a deadly tumbleweed, when they rolled rolled rolled, into a bag of Evergreen tree seed.
    The bunnies stopped scuffling, and popped up with a scare, and it seemed at this time, they were finally aware.
    Aware of the danger of spilling tree seed, when you drool more then a fat man filled with gingerbread greed. The bunnies ran back and forth, the seeds on their belly, the drool dripping closer, as they ran towards a Deli.
    The ran through the window, with a mighty Big “CRASH” and they ran straight towards the ovens, and their fur burned to ash.
    So the bunnies, now nude, and no seeds to beware, started plotting, and plotting, on how to give people a scare.
    But they did not realize you see, that a tiny tiny seed, had stuck to their booties, and would soon grow like a weed.
    The bunnies took to the streets, bringing deli utensils with them, planning to replace all the ornaments on every tree, because “No one would miss ‘em.”
    They ran ran ran, as fast as they could, when suddenly, quite suddenly, they stiffened like wood.
    In front of all the trees, were many pet pugs, and the bunnies’ faces went frightful, with big eyes on their ugly mugs.
    The pugs looked mean, and not about to give in, to what the bunnies had planned, no the bunnies could not win.
    So the bunnies put their heads together and spoke in garbles and gooks, about just what to do about these smug little tooks.
    They planned and they planned, and before they could finish their plot, one small little pug raised up from his spot.
    He sniffed at the air, and he smelled bunny meat, and he looked straight ahead, and say a meaty bunny treat.
    The bunnies did scream, and that mangy little mutt, ran straight ahead, and bit both their butts.
    It was at this moment that a miracle occurred you see. For this pugs holiday driven drool, had hit those tree seeds.
    And the bunnies looked at each other, and realized with fright, that they were about to grow to enormous new heights.
    And so on Christmas morning, when your out looking for love and cooties, take a look at the trees. You might see two little bunnies with trees out their booties!
    [​IMG][​IMG]
     
  12. Valwin

    Valwin The Neautral Gamer
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    who is the one making this tempmas contest cuz ?
     
  13. TyBlood13

    TyBlood13 As Seen On GBATempTV
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    Well, I'll give it a try... at EarthBound fanfiction!
    As Christmastime came to the small town of Onett, a teenager was awakened by a whirring noise. This boy was Ness. He found that the whirring noise came from his girlfriend, Paula, teleporting to his window. She had a worried look on her face, and in seeing that Ness was awake began to tell her story."They're back! The Starmen! They've kidnapped Santa! There holding him at their new base here in Northern EagleLand! I've already contacted Jeff and Poo, they should be here any moment."
    And then they appeared, the chosen four, were reunited again. After saving the planet from their intergalactic terror Giygas, nobody had seen either Jeff or Poo. That was 3 years ago. Since then, Jeff had made an ultimate weapon for each of them. The Bat of All-Stars for Ness, the Goddess Pan for Paula, the Katana of Emperors for Poo, and one badass bazooka for himself. As they left for the Northern frontier of EagleLand, they caught up on old times.
    The only reason they found the base was that next to a snowed in cave was a sign that read, "This is NOT our new base!- The Starmen" Once they entered, they realized that it looked exactly like the one they conquered in Winters 3 years ago. When they came to the room that the Starman DX was, they saw something they never expected, a giant white Fobby! He screemed, "CAN"T YOU READ! IT SAID 'NOT OUR BASE'! YOU STUPID LITTLE KIDS! YOU KILLED MY GREAT BROTHER, GIYGAS! NOW I HAVE YOUR GREATEST IDOL HOSTAGE, SO WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT! PK STARSTORM OMEGA!" And so the battle started.
    And so they fought, spell after spell, SMASH after SMASH, until our heroes were almost out of energy, and Santa, being ignored, summoned his greatest friends, the Mr. Saturn! They came out of nowhere, holding on to a bird cage with small red birds in it. There had the most advanced technology, yet look like Kirby with a nose mutation and before he shaves. They took out the weekend fobby in one blow, just in time to save Jeff's life. Poo hurried to Santa's chains, and broke them with ease. Santa then spoke to our chosen heroes and said this, "I thank you greatly for your help, you shall each find something you will hold deer on Christmas." When they exited the base 11 small objects connected to a a large one. Santa's reindeer had come to find him so he could do his job on this night. Yelling "HO HO HO!" he flew off.
    When our heroes returned home, each of them finding a copy of the photo album Ness received after the epic defeat of Giygas, but with a new picture. It had Ness, Paula, Jeff, and Poo standing with Santa and his sleigh in the background. And then the White Ship appeared at the port of Toto...
     
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  14. Devin

    Devin "Local Hardware Wizard"
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    I see no limit on how long it can be. Expect my 54 page memoir about the Link who stole Christmas soon.
     
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  15. chavosaur

    chavosaur Austin Trujillo
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  16. Devin

    Devin "Local Hardware Wizard"
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    He probably should update the OP then.
     
  17. Hyro-Sama

    Hyro-Sama I'm from the fucking future.
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    Does kissing count as too sexual?
     
  18. Guild McCommunist

    Guild McCommunist (not on boat)
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    A GEARS OF WAR HOLIDAY MIRACLE BY GUILD MCCOMMUNIST

    It was a cold day in the GRITTY DARK world of Sera. The war of the locusts (which has no relation to the War of the Roses) had come to a stalemate as the COLD DARK GRITTY winter came along. As they sat in their makeshift barracks, Marcus Fenix, a BROODY HARDCORE SOLDIER WITH A DARK MYSTERIOUS PAST and Dominic Santiago who LOST HIS WIFE AND IS NOT A LATIN POP STAR sat around and talked about GUY STUFF.

    "HEY MARCUS MY WIFE WAS EVERYTHING ERRRRRRGGGGHHHH," Dom shouted as years of using chainsaws as bayonets has rendered his hearing impaired.

    "DON'T WORRY MAN WE'LL CUT THOSE FUCKING SHIT LOCUSTS TO FUCKING PIECES ERRRRRRGGGGGHHH," Marcus shouted in a comforting tone, equally deaf from the years of blaring chainsaws and the bits of flesh lodged deep in his ear canal as a result of chainsawing locusts into pieces.

    Just then, the sirens on the base rang out. There hadn't been action in weeks, and these two two-dimensional characters needed a plot point to draw attention away from their complete blandness.

    Marcus and Dom scrambled to find their guns and squeeze their large muscular bodies into their equally large suits of armor. As they ran out of the base, they heard a horrifying scream. A scream that would send chills down anyone's spine except for Marcus and Dom because they're FUCKING HARDCORE. Soon, the gates bust open to the barrack's walls, and a LARGE FUCKING EVERGREEN PINE TREE STOMPED THROUGH.

    Yeah, this shit had legs, arms, and an angry face. At the end of its large, wooden arms were two large Locust with woody hands shoved through their rectums. They served as mittens for the beast. This felt like an important detail to show the FUCKING TERRIFYING NATURE of a FUCKING EVERGREEN PINE TREE.

    "FUCK YEAH SOME ACTION ERRRRGGGGGGHHHH," Marcus said, revving up his chainsaw bayonet.

    "MY WIFE WAS EVERY ALL I KNOW NOW IS VIOLENCE AND I WILL USE THIS KNOWLEDGE OF VIOLENCE TO KILL THIS MONSTER ERRRRRGGGGGHHHH," Dom shouted passionately.

    The tree stomped through the encampment, tossing soldiers and vehicles aside like a drunk toddler. Marcus and Dom ran into the front lines, taking cover behind chest-high sandbags.

    "DOM WHY ARE WE BEHIND CHEST-HIGH SANDBAGS THIS THING DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A FUCKING GUN," Marcus shouted curiously.

    "MARCUS DON'T DIVERT FROM THE TRAINING, STAY LOW," Dom answered.

    In their haste, Marcus and Dom forget to grab their ammo too. Probably should have mentioned that.

    "DOM, MAN THAT CONVENIENTLY PLACED LIGHT GUN!" Marcus barked. In fact he barked it so hard that a big of blood came up.

    Dom ran across the frontlines as a menacing Locust-gloved hand swept at him. Dom slid behind a chest-high sandbag and dodged the attack. He then sprinted again towards the light gun, aiming it at the angry arboreal foe and squeezing the trigger.

    "FUCKING THING ISN'T WORKING MARCUS," Dom informed his colleague.

    In a snap of brilliance, Marcus found the solution. He ran over to the previously-not-mentioned coil of chain. This new chain was to be used for the boating industry before the war, and was detailed with differently colored lights to prevent boats from colliding with it while docking or undocking. Marcus, with his BRUTE MANLY STRENGTH, dragged the heavy coil of chains over to the light gun.

    "USE THIS SHIT AND SHOW THAT TREE WHOSE BOSS," Marcus ordered. He shoved the chain into the gun, and Dom opened fire, letting loose a Silly String-like barrage of chains and lights. The tree reared upon impact, spinning madly as the chains raveled it from top to bottom.

    Now incapacitated, Marcus and Dom revved up their chainsaw bayonets. The two plunged their blades deep into its wooden legs, as they both screamed in pleasure of the terrified screams of the tree. The tree fell on its bottom, still remaining upright, and still dangerous.

    "HOW CAN WE GET UP THERE AND FINISH THE JOB MARCUS ERRRRGHHHHHH?" Dom questioned.

    "CHOO CHOO MOTHERFUCKER HERE COMES THE MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN COLE TRAIN."

    Augustus "Cole Train" Cole, the famed Blitzball player, runs out of fucking nowhere, sprinting towards the trees bottom at full speed. With one mighty strike, the mighty Cole Train derails the tree, sending it to the ground, now vulnerable to attack. Dom throws Cole a spare gun with a chainsaw bayonet, as the three revved up their chainsaws and went to finish the job.

    As the chainsaws dug deep into the tree's face, visions of Dom's wife flashed before his eyes. All the tender moments that he had with her, all the anger and resentment he had with her death, rushed into Dom's mind. Soon, he found the chainsawing of the tree and its screams of agony to produce an unknown pleasure. He soon found his penis quite erect, and he screamed in orgasmic pleasure, shouting "MY WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIFE" madly.

    Marcus retained his blank look as he chainsawed the tree, gaining no sexual pleasure from the act.

    The Cole Train thought of some slam poetry rap he could write about this incident during his off-duty hours.

    The next day, the group woke up, having passed out behind a nearby chest-high sandbag due to exhaustion. As they peered over the sandbag, they saw a sight they never saw before. The tree they just killed was now bolted upright. The lighted chains glowed in a thoroughly incandescent manner. Corpses of dead Locust impaled with butcher's hooks, decorated with festive hats, hung from its branches. On top of it, a giant flaming torch, as bright and powerful as the sun itself.

    "WHAT IS THIS?" Marcus questioned from a nearby soldier lackey.

    "Sir, please don't yell so loudly, I just got off a 12 hour shift. But with your help, this tree can now be used for Sera Solstice. Perhaps the mythical Nikolai Cumberbund will leave gifts under the tree," the lackey responded.

    Out of nowhere (again), Adam Fenix, Marcus's father, ran towards him, brimming with excitement.

    "Marcus! Marcus! You've done it! When you killed this tree, it seems to have secreted a toxin that kills Locust but is completely harmless to us humans! I've been able to use this to generate a biological weapon which we've deployed against the Locust while you were asleep. Guess what? They're all dead! We won the war!"

    "FATHER YOU ARE MY FATHER AND I WILL LOVE YOU FATHER. THIS IS TRULY A SERA SOLSTICE MIRACLE!" Marcus shouted, with tears running down his metaphorical face as years of battle had left Marcus too HARDCORE to cry.

    Marcus, Dom, Cole, and Adam stared into the sky as the snow fell. They all picked up their loaded rifles and shot madly into the air, screaming like a pack of hyenas, as a dramatic bird's eye zoomout and fade to black led to the credits.

    THE END.

    EDIT: You can omit the erection part if you find it not satisfactory but it really adds a new level of depth to the character.
     
  19. chavosaur

    chavosaur Austin Trujillo
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    ^^^
    I haven't laughed so much in forever...
     
  20. Devin

    Devin "Local Hardware Wizard"
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    THE GANONDORF WHO STOLE CHRISTMAS

    Every Hylian
    Down in Hyrule
    Liked Linkmas a lot.

    But Ganondorf,
    Who lived just North of Hyrule
    Did NOT.

    Ganondorf hated Linkmas! The whole Linkmas season!
    Now, please don't ask why. Not even Navi knows the reason.
    It could be that his head wasn't screwed on just right.
    Or it could be that his steel boots were too tight.
    But I think the most likely reason of all.
    May have been that his heart container was just two sizes too small.

    But,
    Whatever the reason,
    His heart containers or his steel boots,
    He stood there on Linkmas Eve, hating the Hylians,
    Staring down from his Castle with a sour, Ganondorf frown.
    At the conviently placed vases in their town.
    For he knew every Hylian down in Hyrule below
    Was busy now, honoring their Hero.

    "And they are hanging their bottles!" he said with a sneer.
    "Tomorrow is Linkmas! It's practically here!"
    Then he growled, with his fingers nervously drumming,
    "I must find some way to stop Linkmas from coming!"

    For,
    Tomorrow, he knew...

    All the Hylian girls and boys.
    Would wake bright and early. They'd rush for their toys.
    And then! Oh Link! Oh Link! Link! Link! Link!
    That's the one thing he hated. Link, Link, Link, Link.

    Then the Hylians, young and old, would sit down to a Hyrulian feast.
    And they'd feast! And they'd feast!
    And they'd feast!
    Feast!
    Feast!
    Feast!

    They would feast on Lon Lon Milk, and the rare Roost beast.
    Which was something Ganondorf could not stand in the least!

    And THEN
    They'd do something he liked least of all!

    Every Hylian down in Hyrule, the tall and the small,
    Would stand close together, with the Triforce ringing.
    They'd stand hand in hand hand. And the Hylians would start singing!

    And they'd sing!
    And they'd sing!
    And they'd sing!
    SING!
    SING!
    SING!

    And the more Ganondorf thought, "I must stop this whole thing".
    "Why, for twenty seven years I've put up with this now!"
    "I must stop this Linkmas from coming!"
    But how?

    But then he got an idea!
    An awful idea.
    Ganondorf
    Got a wonderful, awful idea!

    "I know just what to do!" he said with a laugh in his throat.
    And he made a quick Link hat, and tunic.
    And he chuckled, and clucked "What a great trick!"
    "With this tunic, and this hat, I look just like Link!"

    Off to Hyrule he went.

    All their windows were dark. Quiet snow filled the air.
    All the Hylians were all dreaming sweet dreams without care
    With the thoughts that sweet Linkmas soon would be there.
    When he came to the first house on the square.
    "This is stop number one" he hissed.
    And he climbed to the roof, rage in his fist.

    Then he slid down the chimney. A rather tight pinch.
    But if Link could do it, so could he.
    He got stuck only once or twice, for a moment or two.
    He stuck his head out of the fireplace.
    Where the little Hylians bottles were all in a row.
    "These bottles," he grinned "Are the first to go".

    He slithered and slunk with a smile most unpleasant,
    Around the whole room he broke every vase.
    Yellow ones, blue ones, red ones too.
    He broke them into pieces, so could not be repaired.

    He took the Roost feast, and Lon Lon milk too.
    Gobbled it all up without a second thought.
    Until he got caught.

    He had been caught by a this tiny Hylian daughter.
    Who'd got out of bed for a cup of water.
    She stared at Ganondorf and said "Link, why,"
    "Why are you eating out Linkmas feast? WHY?"

    But you know that Ganondorf was so smart, and so slick.
    He thought up a lie, oh so quick.
    "Why my little Saria" he lied.
    "There was poison in this Roost, and Lon Lon milk"
    "So I ate it all up, and sacrificed myself.
    All for your good health."

    He fooled the child, and patted her head.
    He got her a drink, and sent her to bed.
    And when Saria went to bed with her cup,
    He went to the chimney and shot up.

    He did the same in the other Hylian's houses.
    With all the food, bottles, and vases destroyed.
    He left the town to go hear the noise.
    To hear the sadness of the Hylian's voices.

    "They're just waking up"
    "Their mouths will hand open for a minute or two."
    "And then the Hylians down in Hyrule will all cry boo hoo!"

    "That's a noise I must hear"
    "That I simply must hear"
    So he paused and put his hand to his ear.
    And he did hear a sound over the snow.
    It started low, and then started to grow.

    But the sound wasn't sad!
    The sound sounded merry!
    It couldn't be so
    But it was MERRY! Very!

    He stared down at Hyrule.
    His eyes popped in surprise.
    Then he shook.
    What he saw was a shocking surprise.

    Everyone in Hyrule, the tall and small.
    Were singing! Without any vases at all.

    HE HADN'T STOPPED LINKMAS FROM COMING.
    IT CAME.
    Somehow or another just the same!

    Ganondorf with his steel boots in the ice cold snow.
    Stood puzzled wondering "How could it be so?"
    "It came without Roost beast!"
    "It came without Lon Lon milk!"
    "Without vases whether red, blue, or yellow"

    He though for a while until his head was sore.
    He thought of something he hadn't before!
    "Maybe Linkmas" he thought "doesn't come from the store"
    "Perhaps Linkmas... perhaps... means a little bit more".

    And what happened then?
    Well in Hyrule they say
    That Ganondorf's heart container grew three sizes that day.
    The minute his heart containers didn't feel so right,
    He wizzed down to Hyrule as fast as morning light.
    He used his magic in a way most good.
    And restored everything back to the way that it should.
    Bottles, vases, and the food for the feast!
    And he..

    HE HIMSELF...

    Ganondorf carved the Roost beast!

    Entry probably won't count, but I thought some people might get a kick out of it.
     
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